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The Even Worse Joke Thread

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Posts

  • PolaritiePolaritie Sleepy Registered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    No else has ever been named Twain :rotate:

    Mark Twain was just a pen name anyways

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  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Polaritie wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    No else has ever been named Twain :rotate:

    Mark Twain was just a pen name anyways
    According to wikipedia so is Shania :rotate:

    H3Knuckles
  • AistanAistan Registered User regular
    Thustly, all evidence points to no one ever being named Twain, therefore the point stands.

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  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    Shania Twain got her stage name from her time working on the Mississippi paddle steamers as the navigators checked the depth of the river

    H3KnucklesSirToastysarukunSporkAndrewSlacker71ElvenshaeMild ConfusionJoolander3clipse
  • PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Realtor Santa ClaritaRegistered User regular
    Ah yes, we are at four and shania.

  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    So I was up all night trying to figure out where the sun went, then it dawned on me.

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  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    You can change the properties of a violin if you fiddle with it a bit.

    Goose!Mild ConfusionsarukunH3KnucklesRhesus PositiveElvenshae
  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    I would like to make a pun about philosophy, but I Kant.

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  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    My grandfather loved estate sales. He once found a Stradivarius, and later that year he found a Monet.

    Too bad Monet made lousy violins and Stradivarius couldn’t paint a barn.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
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  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    edited May 21
    So my husband and I are out smoking on the deck and an old priest walks past us down on the ground floor on the sidewalk. I note this seeming oddity and wait until the elderly man of the cloth is out of earshot before mumbling to my husband "well there's the old one, we just need a young one and we got us an exorcism. I was waiting for the Rabbi and the Imam to come walking up... I wonder if he's on the way to the bar to meet em?"

    My husband was chastising me for saying such things when we got back inside and I was like "look that guy is old enough to be one of the first priests he's FOR SURE heard em all."

    Metzger Meister on
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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades 地獄のようにかわいい あなたは嫉妬深いかRegistered User regular
    edited May 22
    What is the last part of the human body to die?

    The pupils. They dilate.

    joshofalltrades on
    ジェイムズ・ブラウンの好きな色は何ですか?
    青!
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  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to "be positive," but it's hard without him.

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  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    I, for one, like Roman numerals.

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  • tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks San DiegoRegistered User regular
    Smoking kills you.
    Eating bacon kills you.
    But smoking bacon cures it.

    kimeToxMichaelLCjoshofalltradesMild ConfusionMetzger MeisterknitdanH3Knucklesvalhalla130ironsizideBedlamJacques L'HommeMcFodderElvenshaeJoolandersarukunProlegomenaAbsalonOld world monkeyLucedesAndy JoeHappy Little Machine
  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    Why don't ants get sick?
    They have tiny anty bodies.

    I hate people in fancy suits that knock on your door and say you need to be saved or you'll burn.
    Stupid firefighters.

    I just gave my wife her 43rd birthday card.
    She said one would have been enough.

    I thought my wife was kidding when she told me she’d leave me if I didn’t stop singing I’m a Believer.
    But then I saw her face.

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  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    People are shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

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  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    People are shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

    Electricity jokes are always current :D

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  • PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Realtor Santa ClaritaRegistered User regular
    I was blown away when I learned how much energy is in a lightning bolt.

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  • McFodderMcFodder 'SploringRegistered User regular
    People are shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

    Electricity jokes are always current :D

    Unless they aren't direct, in which case they can alternate.

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    H3KnucklesMild ConfusionElvenshaeAngelHedgieAndy Joe
  • Jacques L'HommeJacques L'Homme BAH! He was a rank amateur compared to, DR. COLOSSUS!Registered User regular
    McFodder wrote: »
    People are shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

    Electricity jokes are always current :D

    Unless they aren't direct, in which case they can alternate.
    Gotta love this electricity joke blitz.

  • McFodderMcFodder 'SploringRegistered User regular
    McFodder wrote: »
    People are shocked when they find out I’m not a very good electrician.

    Electricity jokes are always current :D

    Unless they aren't direct, in which case they can alternate.
    Gotta love this electricity joke blitz.

    May as well enjoy it, resistance is a drag.

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    H3KnucklesJacques L'Homme
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Trying to keep up with the thread just to see what all the buzz is about.

  • Capt HowdyCapt Howdy Registered User regular
    Everyone is just going with the current flow. What a shocker.

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  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Since I started this current flow, I will be forced to pull the plug if someone doesn’t amp it up in the next cycle or two.

    PwH4Ipj.jpg
    H3Knuckles
  • honoverehonovere Registered User regular
    All these jokes are pretty farad, man. Watt more could you want? Although I'm not sure we reached full potential of our capacity yet.

  • KupiKupi Registered User regular
    ohm y god just shut up all of you

    My favorite musical instrument is the air-raid siren.
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  • chrishallett83chrishallett83 Hi! Registered User regular
    I keep alternating between thinking these jokes are positive and negative...

    ElvenshaeH3Knuckles
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    I think Kupi has reached max capacitance for electricity based humor.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
    H3Knuckles
  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    Kupi wrote: »
    ohm y god just shut up all of you

    Wire you being so short? Don’t like watts happening? I OHMidt that current affairs can go to faraday.

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  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Kupi wrote: »
    ohm y god just shut up all of you

    Wire you being so short? Don’t like watts happening? I OHMidt that current affairs can go to faraday.

    Maybe just one MHO?

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    Kupi wrote: »
    ohm y god just shut up all of you

    Wire you being so short? Don’t like watts happening? I OHMidt that current affairs can go to faraday.

    Maybe just one MHO?

    Ohm... I'd rather not.

    Mugsley wrote:
    So now I need to get it trimmed and adjusted, and all in.

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  • PerrsunPerrsun Registered User regular
    Boogie woogie woogie.

    Tonkka
  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Help me out, I keep trying to make protein shakes but they turn out to be margaritas.

    PwH4Ipj.jpg
    ElvenshaeH3KnucklessarukunTonkka
  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Use frozen fruit in place of ice. Add more banana and/or yogurt.

    YaYa wrote: »
    FUCK YEAH LET'S FIGHT THE MOON
  • Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister Registered User regular
    And more tequila

  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    Help me out, I keep trying to make protein shakes but they turn out to be margaritas.

    I don’t see the problem.

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  • tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks San DiegoRegistered User regular
    How much space will be freed up if Britain leaves the EU?

    1 GB

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  • TaminTamin Registered User regular
    saw this on a t-shirt a couple of days ago

    To do is to be - Nietzsche
    To be is to do - Kant
    do be do be do - Sinatra

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  • Mild ConfusionMild Confusion Smash All Things Registered User regular
    I’m always sad after boiling water, it is mist.

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  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    Everyone seems to love "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys, but IIIIIIIIII can't stand it.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

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