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The Even Worse Joke Thread

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Posts

  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    It's a little known historical fact that FDR was actually a flat-earther.

    Everyone always gets his most famous quote wrong
    it's actually, " the only thing we have to fear is... sphere itself!"

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    DisruptedCapitalistkime
  • LucedesLucedes i'm not real, and i deny Registered User regular
    A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in a long line for tickets, but eventually gets them.
    He waits in a long line to rent a limo, but luckily enough, he manages to rent one.
    He heads to the florist's shop before prom, and despite the long line there, too, he gets flowers.
    All of his perseverance pays off when he gets to prom night well-prepared, and he and his girlfriend have a magical evening.
    They dance for a long time, and eventually she gets thirsty, so she asks him to get her some punch.
    He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

    SporkAndrewPolaritieBionicPenguinElvenshaeToxDisruptedCapitalistKetarStraightziironsizideEl SkiddavidsdurionsdjmitchellaThe Escape Goatvalhalla130sarukunHeadCreepskimeSlacker71Undead ScottsmanHefflinghonovere
  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    Lucedes wrote: »
    A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in a long line for tickets, but eventually gets them.
    He waits in a long line to rent a limo, but luckily enough, he manages to rent one.
    He heads to the florist's shop before prom, and despite the long line there, too, he gets flowers.
    All of his perseverance pays off when he gets to prom night well-prepared, and he and his girlfriend have a magical evening.
    They dance for a long time, and eventually she gets thirsty, so she asks him to get her some punch.
    He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

    He didn't even go to get a tux?

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  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Tox wrote: »
    Lucedes wrote: »
    A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in a long line for tickets, but eventually gets them.
    He waits in a long line to rent a limo, but luckily enough, he manages to rent one.
    He heads to the florist's shop before prom, and despite the long line there, too, he gets flowers.
    All of his perseverance pays off when he gets to prom night well-prepared, and he and his girlfriend have a magical evening.
    They dance for a long time, and eventually she gets thirsty, so she asks him to get her some punch.
    He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

    He didn't even go to get a tux?

    The trick is to wear a tux every day of high school.

    PwH4Ipj.jpg
    StraightziToxThe Escape GoatkimeLucedesTynnan
  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular


    Just ... just watch it

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  • PerrsunPerrsun Registered User regular
    I don't have a better place to put this observation but here it is.

    I went on vacation for a bit over a week and didn't check the forums. When I come back I see:
    PC Gaming thread - 865 new posts
    Bad Joke Thread - 6 new posts.

  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Theres a lot of games coming out :|

    PerrsunElvenshaedarunia106ToxTynnansarukun
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    I love Penn and Teller Fool Us. Such a great show. I love how incredibly positive and affirming the duo is to all the magicians that appear on their stage instead of tearing them down like other reality shows. Some of those tricks are amazing.

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  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Perrsun wrote: »
    I don't have a better place to put this observation but here it is.

    I went on vacation for a bit over a week and didn't check the forums. When I come back I see:
    PC Gaming thread - 865 new posts
    Bad Joke Thread - 6 new posts.

    Sounds like someone needs a Bad Joke of the Day calendar.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
    JedocLaOsMichaelLCElvenshaePerrsunLegacySlacker71BedlamTynnan
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    Fortunately for all of you, I'm at work. So I went to the 817s, pulled down a book called "Dad Jokes," and opened it to a random page. Here is the bad joke the fates have for us today:

    An old man with a walker hobbled slowly into an ice cream shop and carefully climbed up on a stool at the counter, where he ordered a hot fudge sundae.

    The server asked, "Crushed nuts?"

    "No, thank god," replied the old man. "Just bad knees."

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    see317HeadCreepsMichaelLCThe Escape GoatElvenshaePerrsundarunia106kimedjmitchellatzeentchlingdestroyah87SirToastydavidsdurionsBionicPenguinSlacker71LucedesToxknitdanvalhalla130IvarTynnanDisruptedCapitalistJansonchrishallett83SporkAndrewAngelHedgieMcFodderKetarsarukunjungleroomxAnialosJoolanderaStoryAboutYouHefflingsponoAngrySquirrelNitsua
  • PerrsunPerrsun Registered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    Perrsun wrote: »
    I don't have a better place to put this observation but here it is.

    I went on vacation for a bit over a week and didn't check the forums. When I come back I see:
    PC Gaming thread - 865 new posts
    Bad Joke Thread - 6 new posts.

    Sounds like someone needs a Bad Joke of the Day calendar.

    Secret Satan is right around the corner.

  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Why does the Norway Navy have bar codes on the sides of their ships?

    So when they come back to port they can...Scandinavian.

    PwH4Ipj.jpg
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  • djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular
    What is a werewolf’s favorite sauce?

    Bechamel, because it starts with a rooooouuuuuuxxxx...

    UrielJedocElvenshaeIvarHeadCreepsMetzger MeisterCurly_BraceBlitzAce1981SirToastychrishallett83Rhesus PositiveProlegomenaPerrsunPolaritieSlacker71darunia106knitdanGoose!sarukunDisruptedCapitalistThe Escape GoatironsizideJoolanderDrezkimeUndead ScottsmanHefflinghonovere
  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    God damn that one is good

    ElvenshaeRhesus PositivePolaritiesarukunDisruptedCapitalistThe Escape Goat
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited October 22
    MichaelLC on
    "Never believe management about anything anywhere." -Aistan
    ElvenshaePolaritieMcFodderfacetiousToxGoose!sarukunjungleroomxJoolanderHeadCreepskime
  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    Sometimes, the internet proves why it’s worth it.

    omgbfz5lzi1s.png
    Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
    The Disappearance of Inigo Sharpe: Tomas à Dunsanin
  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    edited October 23
    What do you call a loud dog in the navy?

    A subwoofer
    Alternatively, what is the opposite of a top dog?

    Uriel on
    ElvenshaedjmitchellaThe Escape GoatPolaritieTox
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    Today's random joke from a random joke book I found on a return cart:

    I just watched a documentary about how they put WWI ships together.

    It was riveting.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    ElvenshaeDisruptedCapitalistRhesus PositiveThe Escape GoatjoshofalltradesPerrsundjmitchellaironsizideSmrtnikPolaritieknitdanToxJoolanderIvarfacetiousSlacker71HeadCreepssarukunkimeKruiteUndead Scottsman
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    Uriel wrote: »
    What do you call a loud dog in the navy?

    A subwoofer
    Alternatively, what is the opposite of a top dog?

    God pot.

    Elvenshae
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    I don't know if I should be telling you this, but I didn't even read that NDA I signed.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    Rhesus PositiveknitdanDisruptedCapitalistjoshofalltradeschrishallett83Slacker71McFoddersarukunkimePaperLuigi44The Escape Goat
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    My college was talking about how she needs to extrapolate some data for a project

    I said that I haven't minded extrapolating data in the past, so I assumed that I'd be fine with it going forwards

    Author's note: based on a real interaction just now. It did not get a reaction

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  • knitdanknitdan Oh no Too much hornyRegistered User regular
    My grandfather would have loved that joke.

    He had a tendency to slip a joke into a conversation and just keep going and then 30 seconds later you’d be like...hang on, did he just tell a joke?

    Sly old bastard never broke.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    I tend to follow up my bullshit with a big goofy grin, because I'm very bad at hiding how unreasonably pleased I am with myself

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  • knitdanknitdan Oh no Too much hornyRegistered User regular
    Yeah I’ll pause and look expectantly at the other person like

    Do you get it

    Do you get it

    For gods sake do you get it

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    The best is when you drop a subtle one into a group conversation and make eye contact with the one person who caught it just as they realize the terrible thing you've done.

    Oh, yes. We're down here together now, you and I.

    Triple bonus points if it's during a meeting.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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  • FlarneFlarne Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    The best is when you drop a subtle one into a group conversation and make eye contact with the one person who caught it just as they realize the terrible thing you've done.

    Oh, yes. We're down here together now, you and I.

    Triple bonus points if it's during a meeting.

    One of our clients has another consultant who just sits in all meetings and doesn’t really do or say anything. All my colleagues find him pointless but I know his real value: he gets all my subtle jokes and I enjoy watching him try really hard to keep it together.

    aStoryAboutYouRhesus PositivefacetiousElvenshaedestroyah87pimentochrishallett83JoolanderdavidsdurionsJedocToxchromdomSlacker71MichaelLCdjmitchellaknitdanironsizideMcFoddersarukunAnialoskimeKruiteGoose!HefflingPolaritieDis'SporkAndrewThe Escape Goat
  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    My personal best was, as a temp, getting to sit in with a bunch of old school techbro managers in a department meeting where one of the directors (who re-specc'd from medical) was telling us about some departmental survey they were doing soon to help evaluate the org for agile compatibility.

    I innocently offered, "will they be bringing in outside consultants?"
    this is a reference to Office Space, which all the techbro managers had probably seen more times than they could count, but the director clearly hadn't

    Getting to watch a room full of professionals all immediately and simultaneously get a pop culture reference that they're basically conditioned to find hilarious, right in front of their boss who totally missed said reference, and have to therefore not react.

    Man it was so good.

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  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Me trying to make new friends:

    IuGuiE5.jpg

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  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Where do I post this information? I’m flipping out here:

    PwH4Ipj.jpg
    tzeentchling
  • PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Realtor Santa ClaritaRegistered User regular
    idgi

    joshofalltradesLegacyDiplominatorkime
  • KupiKupi Registered User regular
    edited October 26
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    idgi

    It's not a joke in and of itself. MY NEW FIGHTING TECHNIQUE IS UNSTOPPABLE was a frenetic, practically stream-of-consciousness webcomic rendered almost entirely in clipart in which various karate men attempted to one-up each other with endless asinine "techniques", including transforming into Karate Snoopy, which everyone agreed was unfair because you automatically won if you did so.

    The experience of the comic defies accurate description in mere words; I can easily see it adapting well to television. It's just so obscure I never would have thought it would happen.

    Kupi on
    My favorite musical instrument is the air-raid siren.
    davidsdurions
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I made a grocery list so I wouldn't forget what groceries to buy.

    Now I just need a list list, because I forgot where I put my grocery list :(

    AngelHedgiePolaritie
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    I made a grocery list so I wouldn't forget what groceries to buy.

    Now I just need a list list, because I forgot where I put my grocery list :(

    Be careful, once you start down the path of recursive lists, there is no way out.
    You'll be looking for your list list list, and start thinking about putting together a list list list list before you know it.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
    BedlamElvenshaeKetarsarukunSlacker71Nitsua
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist rugged, weathered Registered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    I made a grocery list so I wouldn't forget what groceries to buy.

    Now I just need a list list, because I forgot where I put my grocery list :(

    Be careful, once you start down the path of recursive lists, there is no way out.
    You'll be looking for your list list list, and start thinking about putting together a list list list list before you know it.

    Homestuckjoke.gif

    steam_sig.png
    see317
  • HefflingHeffling No Pic EverRegistered User regular
    Do undead cowboys have bone spurs?

    If a movement doesn't have someone that can sit down opposite those in a position of power and strike a deal, how can that movement achieve success?
    JedocjoshofalltradesElvenshaePerrsunsarukunKruiteAnialosThe Escape GoatNitsua
  • chrishallett83chrishallett83 Amazon: shorturl.at/giJSV Steam: shorturl.at/ftCLSRegistered User regular
    A woman starts chatting to a man on the subway "Hello, my name is Margaret."

    The man replies "Mine's not."

    ElvenshaetzeentchlingjungleroomxLegacykime
  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Took me a few passes at different pronunciations and accents, but I got there eventually.

    PwH4Ipj.jpg
    Diplominator
  • valhalla130valhalla130 13 Dark Shield Perceives the GodsRegistered User regular
    I still don't understand

    Urieldestroyah87joshofalltradesknitdanfacetiousThe GeekBionicPenguinSmrtnikElvenshaehonovereSlacker71kimeThe Escape Goat
  • IvarIvar Registered User regular
    A woman starts chatting to a man on the subway "Hello, my name is Margaret."

    The man replies "Mine's not."

    what

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