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The Even Worse Joke Thread

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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Found on Imgur:
    You can't seduce a gelatinous cube. It's a platonic solid.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    honovere wrote: »
    Colin was on some podcast ages ago where he was talking about how he was explicitly trying to get with a English speaking Asian woman because "white tigers" were his thing and that whole exchange was at least weird.
    Yo, what the fuck?

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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    How do you kill a vampire cow?

    With a stake

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Time for dad jokes

    1.
    brohllvojhky.jpg

    2.
    tmp-name-2-15095-1556566025-0_dblbig.jpg

    3.
    42b568afe5f48019380613bb16b2b932.jpg

    4.
    patrick-barron-bluebarronphoto-my-fathers-entire-life-has-been-building-62742030.png

    5.
    5d47587ae838a.jpeg

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    There have been a lot of inventions in human history, but the wheel is what really got things rolling.

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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    There have been a lot of inventions in human history, but the wheel is what really got things rolling.

    I don't think so. Way before the wheel, you could roll things up and down a plane. If one were so inclined.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Yeah ZestRegistered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    There have been a lot of inventions in human history, but the wheel is what really got things rolling.

    I don't think so. Way before the wheel, you could roll things up and down a plane. If one were so inclined.

    What's your angle here?

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    destroyah87destroyah87 They/Them Preferred: She/Her - Please UseRegistered User regular
    Pinfeldorf wrote: »
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    There have been a lot of inventions in human history, but the wheel is what really got things rolling.

    I don't think so. Way before the wheel, you could roll things up and down a plane. If one were so inclined.

    What's your angle here?

    no tangents please.

    steam_sig.png
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    edited December 2019
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gQLDdSy2cU

    A game where you play as Jesus is coming.

    I hear it’s the first true cross platform release.

    joshofalltrades on
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    davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    Awesome for that pun action.

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    TallahasseerielTallahasseeriel Registered User regular
    What is van helsing's favorite element of a good movie?

    Well defined stakes.

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    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    edited December 2019
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2gQLDdSy2cU

    A game where you play as Jesus is coming.

    I hear it’s the first true cross platform release.

    I heard about this game, apparently you have to play for an eternity before you can save, and once you do you win.

    Tox on
    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I had a what I believe to be a prophetic dream about events occurring next year.

    In other words: I had a 2020 vision.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    In Germany they have the digits Zero, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight.

    There is Nien Nine.

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    tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks OaklandRegistered User regular
    That's because it's in Brooklyn.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    My wife asked me if I was listening to her. What a weird way to start a conversation!

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    BREAKING NEWS! A fight broke out at the origami championships, we'll have more details as it unfolds.

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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    BREAKING NEWS! A fight broke out at the origami championships, we'll have more details as it unfolds.

    Hey I got an invitation to that thing! But I didn’t know what to make of it.

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    SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    BREAKING NEWS! A fight broke out at the origami championships, we'll have more details as it unfolds.

    I'm surprised it actually came to blows. That community is usually just a bunch of paper tigers.

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    SirToasty wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    BREAKING NEWS! A fight broke out at the origami championships, we'll have more details as it unfolds.

    I'm surprised it actually came to blows. That community is usually just a bunch of paper tigers.

    Even if they do come to blows, they normally fold really quickly once it gets physical.

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    edited December 2019
    Worst part about an incident like that is all the paperwork you have to fill out afterward.

    sarukun on
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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    sarukun wrote: »
    Worst part about an incident like that is all the paperwork you have to fill out afterward.

    On the plus side, you'll never find a group of people better accustomed to pushing paper.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Today I found out there are a bunch of small people living on the subway.

    Turns out they have Metro Gnomes.

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    ProlegomenaProlegomena Frictionless Spinning The VoidRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    Today I found out there are a bunch of small people living on the subway.

    Turns out they have Metro Gnomes.

    I guess that's how they keep the trains running on time.

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    PolaritiePolaritie Sleepy Registered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    In Germany they have the digits Zero, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight.

    There is Nien Nine.

    Nein.

    Steam: Polaritie
    3DS: 0473-8507-2652
    Switch: SW-5185-4991-5118
    PSN: AbEntropy
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a big problem. Every single morning, I poop at precisely 7:00 AM."

    The doctor scratches his head and says, "Well, I don't see the problem. Most people would kill to be that regular."

    "Well," the man says, "I wake up at 7:30."

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    honoverehonovere Registered User regular
    sarukun wrote: »
    honovere wrote: »
    Colin was on some podcast ages ago where he was talking about how he was explicitly trying to get with a English speaking Asian woman because "white tigers" were his thing and that whole exchange was at least weird.
    Yo, what the fuck?

    I'm not going to relisten, to confirm every detail, but the podcast description already mentions white tiger

    https://omny.fm/shows/this-feels-terrible/colin-hanks

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Polaritie wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    In Germany they have the digits Zero, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight.

    There is Nien Nine.

    Nein.
    Einn?

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    DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    Polaritie wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    In Germany they have the digits Zero, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight.

    There is Nien Nine.

    Nein.
    https://youtu.be/1ZeciX-3wfs

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    Polaritie wrote: »
    Bedlam wrote: »
    In Germany they have the digits Zero, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight.

    There is Nien Nine.

    Nein.
    Einn?

    https://youtu.be/3YG8GNenGcM

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    honoverehonovere Registered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    In Germany they have the digits Zero, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight.

    There is Nien Nine.

    It works better like this I think:

    In Germany they have the digits Zero, One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, and Eight.

    - do they not have a nine?

    Nein!

    (Nein for no can't be used in a sentence, it's only an exclamation, in a sentence as above it would be kein/keine)

    And that was German pedantry

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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    ... but you repeat yourself.

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    Metzger MeisterMetzger Meister It Gets Worse before it gets any better.Registered User regular
    It's German humor, it's no laughing matter!

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    All these nien jokes,

    Well I think thats a neuf!

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    TayaTaya Registered User regular
    Two cats are having a swimming race.
    One is called "One Two Three" the other is called "Un Deux Trois." Which cat wins the race?

    "One Two Three" because un deux trois cat sank.

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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    0Ic58i0.jpg

    Better put another one on there, Bruce!

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    tupfo4oi97az.jpg

    Magritte's Accounting Period was considered by many critics to be derivative of his earlier work

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited December 2019
    Bedlam wrote: »
    0Ic58i0.jpg

    Better put another one on there, Bruce!

    It took me a minute to get this because I feared it was a joke abou Caitlyn Jenner. Relieved it was not.

    MichaelLC on
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    djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular
    (context, for those who haven't had it; Dubble Bubble gum comes with little bits of paper with jokes on, starring a kid called "Pud". They are famously not funny, but generally not funny in a sort of "oh, ugh, that's just not a very good joke" way. This one is not quite the same)

    glMIISG.jpg

    Now, given this doesn't seem to be a dream, my question is why is there no exclamation point at the end of his speech bubble? Is he, in fact, sighing in relief, rather than screaming in terror?

    (second question: in the first picture, where did the slice he's holding come from?)

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    see317see317 Registered User regular
    (context, for those who haven't had it; Dubble Bubble gum comes with little bits of paper with jokes on, starring a kid called "Pud". They are famously not funny, but generally not funny in a sort of "oh, ugh, that's just not a very good joke" way. This one is not quite the same)

    glMIISG.jpg

    Now, given this doesn't seem to be a dream, my question is why is there no exclamation point at the end of his speech bubble? Is he, in fact, sighing in relief, rather than screaming in terror?

    (second question: in the first picture, where did the slice he's holding come from?)

    I'm guessing the joke is that Pud was a sentient piece of pizza waking from a dream wherein it was a horribly deformed human child tearing into the flesh of its family and is relieved to discover that it was just a dream.
    That answers the second question as well, since it was just a dream. In the dream, Pud was devouring not only its own family (represented by the entire pie as a single family unit), but other families as well.

This discussion has been closed.