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The Even Worse Joke Thread

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    Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    I just had a laugh out loud moment at a S19 Simpsons episode:

    Marge (squeezing sauce packets into bottles): This is how I save money on ketchup and mustard.

    Lisa: Do you do it with relish?

    Marge: No, I'm kind of embarrassed about it.

    [Muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
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    Mc zanyMc zany Registered User regular
    edited January 2020
    This summer
    Let's see what's spicy

    Star Trek: Picante

    Mc zany on
    parabolus.co.uk/
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    So, a small backlog today.

    Weekend, 1/25-1/26
    I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

    Monday, 1/27
    I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    And today's illustrates the perils of math:
    I got thrown out of math class for one too many infractions.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    HefflingHeffling No Pic EverRegistered User regular
    Legacy wrote: »
    El Skid wrote: »
    AngelHedgie wrote: »
    And today's entry is simple and painful:
    Whiteboards are remarkable.

    I've had a few whiteboards that have become quite unremarkable. People need to be careful not to use permanent marker on those things!

    Permanent marker is nothing to a whiteboard. Just write over it in dry erase marker and itll wipe right off.

    And that makes whiteboards even more remarkable.

    Where I work they installed a set of whiteboards in one of the conference rooms. During a meeting, I sketched out how we would need to process an order. After the meeting, when I went to erase the boards, I discovered that one had been installed in reverse. That board, to this day, still has the remains of an order we shipped a decade ago, because only the front of a dry erase board is erasable.

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    AngelHedgie wrote: »
    So, a small backlog today.

    Weekend, 1/25-1/26
    I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

    Oh, I love hanging out with stairs, they’re always down to go somewhere.

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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    sarukun wrote: »
    AngelHedgie wrote: »
    So, a small backlog today.

    Weekend, 1/25-1/26
    I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something.

    Oh, I love hanging out with stairs, they’re always down to go somewhere.

    Yeah, no matter what you have in mind they're willing to take you up on it

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    facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    edited January 2020
    What's the most boring airport in America?
    Dulles

    facetious on
    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Robert Khoo wrote: »
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    What's the worst airport in America?
    Sioux City, IA.
    It's SUX.

    omgbfz5lzi1s.png
    Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
    Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
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    WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    What is Rush's favorite Airport
    Toronto Ontario
    It's code is YYZ
    The song is literally named after it, I guess this is more of an anecdote

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
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    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    That was... that was extremely bad

    Well done

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today we get cooking advice:
    When making butter there is little margarine for error.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    Oh god it's only going to get worse after January

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    djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular

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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    normally i'm not a stickler for punctuation, but that joke would work so much better as "venn?"

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    El SkidEl Skid The frozen white northRegistered User regular
    Houk the Namebringer wrote: »
    normally i'm not a stickler for punctuation, but that joke would work so much better as "venn?"

    Or you can go the other way with it...

    Me: I'm going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles

    Dracula: It is called a Venn diagram.

    Me: Probably tomm...dammit Dracula!

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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today we get a reminder that we should always seek out the finer things in life:
    "Your finest Scotch, please."

    "Yes, sir," the guy at Staples says as he hands me a 12 year old roll of tape.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    HefflingHeffling No Pic EverRegistered User regular
    Frustrated she couldn't find her glasses, my wife once asked me, "Why are my glasses always in the last place I look?"

    Keeping a straight face, I responded, "Because you'd feel silly if you kept looking."

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    The Escape GoatThe Escape Goat incorrigible ruminant they/themRegistered User regular
    edited January 2020
    A barbarian was complaining how they kept getting mobbed by lots of small monsters. I sent them on a quest to Cleaveland.

    The Escape Goat on
    9uiytxaqj2j0.jpg
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    ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    nqp39kdjmvvy.jpg

    Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    And we end the month with a complaint about dairy products:
    Someone threw cheese at me. Real mature!

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    AngelHedgie wrote: »
    And we end the month with a complaint about dairy products:
    Someone threw cheese at me. Real mature!

    Well at least they were cultured.

    BLM - ACAB
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    destroyah87destroyah87 They/Them Preferred: She/Her - Please UseRegistered User regular
    But who's gonna clear up the resulting de-Brie?

    steam_sig.png
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    ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    You should fire back with overwhelming, soul-crushing firepower.

    What I'm saying is, you should definitely have arty handy.

    omgbfz5lzi1s.png
    Steam: Elvenshae // PSN: Elvenshae // WotC: Elvenshae
    Wilds of Aladrion: [https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/43159014/#Comment_43159014]Ellandryn[/url]
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    PolaritiePolaritie Sleepy Registered User regular
    Elvenshae wrote: »
    You should fire back with overwhelming, soul-crushing firepower.

    What I'm saying is, you should definitely have arty handy.

    The American solution, then?

    Steam: Polaritie
    3DS: 0473-8507-2652
    Switch: SW-5185-4991-5118
    PSN: AbEntropy
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    It's the weekend, so here's the entry:
    Two antennas met, fell in love, and eventually got married. The wedding ceremony wasn't much but the reception was excellent.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    [ZE8v781.jpg

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    Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    fuck that's a good joke

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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    40bejpjqtr6p.png

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular
    We have this set of cookie cutters:

    YDVolNO.jpg

    The kids weren't quite as careful about decorating them, though:

    PAtARaf.jpg

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    HefflingHeffling No Pic EverRegistered User regular
    I've managed to stop women from eating tide pods, but I can't deter gents.

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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    So, I was out of the office for a few days - here's the backlog:

    Monday, February 3rd:
    6:30 is the best time on a clock...hands down.

    Tuesday February 4th:
    Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    And today's is a warning:
    It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    The Escape GoatThe Escape Goat incorrigible ruminant they/themRegistered User regular
    I somehow keep getting into conversations that are just ouroboros puns.

    At least they always come full circle.

    9uiytxaqj2j0.jpg
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    We have a report today:
    A courtroom artist was arrested for an unknown reason...details are sketchy.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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    joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    What country has the strongest people?
    The Brits. They can walk around town carrying 1,000 pounds like it's nothing.

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    davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    I’ve been enjoying this thread of replies quite a lot.

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    RingoRingo He/Him a distinct lack of substanceRegistered User regular
    There are so many great puns, jokes, and attempts at relevant math in those replies, and then I scrolled through "That's like, six cheeseburgers" and I lost it

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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    JedocJedoc In the scuppers with the staggers and jagsRegistered User regular
    A gram of uranium is so many ducks, there are at least twenty.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
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    AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited February 2020
    So, another catchup post.

    Friday, February 7th:
    Don't trust atoms. They make up everything.

    Weekend, February 8th/9th:
    Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible.

    Well, tell him I can't see him right now.

    AngelHedgie on
    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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Penny Arcade Forums› Social Entropy++