The Even Worse Joke Thread

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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    edited February 10
    So, another catchup post.

    Friday, February 7th:
    Don't trust atoms. They make up everything.

    Weekend, February 8th/9th:
    Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible.

    Well, tell him I can't see him right now.

    AngelHedgie on
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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today's entry is competitive:
    I'm taking part in a stair climbing competition. Guess I better step up my game.

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  • honoverehonovere Registered User regular
    They could try and cheat. Game the step up.

    ElvenshaeLucedes
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    This morning, I thought of a great joke about my vacuum cleaner but after thinking about it all day I'll spare you. I

    destroyah87Elvenshae
  • destroyah87destroyah87 Registered User regular
    Drez wrote: »
    This morning, I thought of a great joke about my vacuum cleaner but after thinking about it all day I'll spare you. I

    I could never tell a joke about a vacuum cleaner, I'd be too worried about it sucking.

    steam_sig.png
    RingoElvenshae
  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    My vaccuum cleaner is the worst

    It just blows

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    I’ve invented a true vacuum cleaner

    The problem is, it’s going to take trillions of years to clean all the vacuum and by the time it’s finished it will be time to start over.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
    HefflingElvenshaeGnome-Interruptus
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    Wtf

    I definitely wrote “it sucked” as the last sentence in my terrible joke.

    Wtf?!

    LegacySirToastydestroyah87RingoJedocdavidsdurionschromdomRhesus PositivekimesarukunElvenshaeThe Escape GoatSlacker71
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today's entry discusses the dangers of work:
    My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture. I have a hunch, it might be me.

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  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    Drez wrote: »
    Wtf

    I definitely wrote “it sucked” as the last sentence in my terrible joke.

    Wtf?!

    Nature abhors a vacuum joke.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    RingoTamerBilldestroyah87chromdomRhesus PositivePlatyJayKaosMcFodderkimesarukunElvenshaedurandal4532JoolanderGnome-Interruptus
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Drez wrote: »
    Wtf

    I definitely wrote “it sucked” as the last sentence in my terrible joke.

    Wtf?!
    Sabotaged by BIG VACUUM!?



    Elvenshae
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    Drez wrote: »
    Wtf

    I definitely wrote “it sucked” as the last sentence in my terrible joke.

    Wtf?!
    Sabotaged by BIG VACUUM!?

    Just let it die, son.

    "Never believe management about anything anywhere." -Aistan
    Rhesus PositivePerrsunPlatyRingoJedockimejoshofalltradesElvenshaeHeadCreepsThe Escape GoatSlacker71
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    so a punk, a rabbi, and a tailor walk into a restaurant and they no i cant do this anymore its meaningless all of this is meaningless one day we stop one day everyone stops one day everything stops existence is a cruel joke perpetrated by a cruel and malevolent deity
    the aristocats

    Lucedes
  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    so a punk, a rabbi, and a tailor walk into a restaurant and they no i cant do this anymore its meaningless all of this is meaningless one day we stop one day everyone stops one day everything stops existence is a cruel joke perpetrated by a cruel and malevolent deity
    the aristocats
    :question:

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
    DepressperadoRhesus PositiveElvenshaeHeadCreepsSlacker71Lucedes
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    Drez wrote: »
    Wtf

    I definitely wrote “it sucked” as the last sentence in my terrible joke.

    Wtf?!

    Nature abhors a vacuum joke.

    Nature sucks.

  • Ark EvensongArk Evensong The NetherlandsRegistered User regular
    Once upon a time in the first half of the twenty-naughts I had a blog of personal ramblings,
    taglined: Vacuum cleaners suck because they blow

  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    a vacuum cleaner ate my dick

    that's not a pun or joke or anything, I am just very irresponsible with vacuums

  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    a vacuum cleaner ate my dick

    that's not a pun or joke or anything, I am just very irresponsible with vacuums

    There are a number of vacuum models with shallow inlets that are...infamous, let's just say.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
    Elvenshae
  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    It's a recurring plot point in Scary Movie!

    It's a misdirect tho, the real mystery of Scary Movie is why you think it had a plot

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
    Elvenshaevalhalla130Depressperado
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist rugged, weathered Registered User regular
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    They even got the theory right! Nice

    DisruptedCapitalistElvenshae
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    a vacuum cleaner ate my dick

    that's not a pun or joke or anything, I am just very irresponsible with vacuums

    There are a number of vacuum models with shallow inlets that are...infamous, let's just say.

    As a photographer, I should reach out to one of these vacuum models.

  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today, a story of triumph:
    I was addicted to the hokey pokey...but thankfully I turned myself around.

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  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist rugged, weathered Registered User regular
    They even got the theory right! Nice

    Refresh my memory-- you can tell the key by looking at a half-note below the last sharp? (And D major would be a half note above the last sharp?)

    joshofalltrades
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    I wish I had any idea of what those words mean.

    Have zero knowledge of music outside of that singing nanny.

    "Never believe management about anything anywhere." -Aistan
  • GrisloGrislo Registered User regular
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    I wish I had any idea of what those words mean.

    Have zero knowledge of music outside of that singing nanny.



    I mean, if you've already experienced the absolute apex of human musicality, you don't really need to know more.

    This post was sponsored by Goop.

    'Get your fucking finger on the wookie'
    MichaelLCchrishallett83RingosarukunSlacker71
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    edited February 12
    They even got the theory right! Nice

    Refresh my memory-- you can tell the key by looking at a half-note below the last sharp? (And D major would be a half note above the last sharp?)

    Yeah each sharp adds a semitone under the first note of the scale, so the key of D adds C#.

    Then you get to the relative minor by going three semitones down from the first note of the major scale, so

    D -> C# -> C -> B

    B minor is relative to D major.

    For those who aren’t music theory dorks, B minor and D major are the same scales, but they start on different notes (B and D, respectively).

    joshofalltrades on
    DisruptedCapitalist
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    KtPnliF.jpg

    I'll get the knots ready :twisted:



    ElvenshaeGoose!knitdankimeSlacker71Lucedes
  • jungleroomxjungleroomx El Hopaness Rom Tic Registered User regular
    Raytracing is the way and the light.

    Make. Time.
    ElvenshaeRhesus PositiveDisruptedCapitalist
  • chrishallett83chrishallett83 A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Raytracing is the way and the light.

    The introduction of ambient occlusion effects in video games was pretty shady.

    ElvenshaeDisruptedCapitalistBedlamjungleroomx
  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    edited February 12
    They even got the theory right! Nice

    Refresh my memory-- you can tell the key by looking at a half-note below the last sharp? (And D major would be a half note above the last sharp?)

    That's for major keys, yes. Go down a whole step from the last sharp for minor. B is a whole step below the last sharp (C#).

    For flats, the second to last one is the major key. The minor key is a major 3rd above the last flat or a minor third below the second to last flat. Unless there is only one flat in which case there is no second to last flat. I don't like either of the above methods because they don't teach you anything about the relationship between the keys. It's a shortcut.

    A major key and it's relative natural minor both have the same key signature and consequently, the same scale. Better ways to figure out relative keys is counting to a different scale degree (6th of a major scale gives you the relative minor and 3rd of a minor scale gives you the relative major), or using the circle of 5ths (3 towards the sharp side tells you the relative minor and 3 to the flat side tells you the relative major). These methods help with understanding the circle of 5ths and scales. Much more useful.

    SirToasty on
    DisruptedCapitalist
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular

    RingoMcFodderSlacker71Lucedes
  • The Escape GoatThe Escape Goat but not a real green dress, that's cruel Registered User regular
    What do you say when Hennessy's twitter starts posting memes?

    Silence, brandy.

    tony danza cuts in line
  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    When is Friday the 14th more scary than Friday the 13th?
    In February

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
    PolaritieMetzger Meister
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    vPlCH0p.png



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  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    I would like to apologize, Home Depot guy. As someone who has worked retail, I should know better.

    Me browsing the table of discounted house numbers, picking up an '9': "Say, do you have any sixes?"
    Home Depot Guy: "Hmm,, let me check..."
    Me flipping the 9 upside down: "Oh, never mind."
    HDG: "Ahhh!"

    Poor guy did the got me! look and everything.

    "Never believe management about anything anywhere." -Aistan
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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    So, a quick catch up from yesterday:
    On the other hand, you have different fingers.

    And today's:
    Skunks love Valentine's Day because they are very scent-imental.

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  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    vPlCH0p.png

    zappsigsm.jpg
    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
    BedlamBionicPenguinRhesus Positive
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Lawyers recount their "best" pickup lines:
    Are you looking to tender some performance? Cause I’m ready, willing, and sufficient to satisfy.
    Hey girl, are you a bar review class? Because I would pay $3500 for you to talk to me for a short amount of time.
    Are your shareholders liable for your corporate debts? Because I’d like to pierce your veil.
    Are you intro to property law? Because I bet you can make me cry and waste countless hours of my life.
    Girl, I can sustain an objection for almost four hours.
    Westlaw and chill?
    Are you the country residence from Jacob & Youngs v. Kent? Cuz I’m tryna put a pipe in you.
    You must be a long arm statute cause you could grab me anywhere.
    Are you equity, cause I’ll make you come with clean hands.
    Oh baby, I’ll give you so much due process, standing will be the only issue.
    Are you the Court of Appeals because I’m tryna get overturned.
    I’m not in Big Law, but I got a big… Ego and Major Depression, please tell me I’m pretty.
    Is your name Lexis? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
    Are you confidential files? Because I’d like to examine you in camera.
    Girl, are you a burden shifting test? Cause what’s that butt for?
    Hi, are you my legal fees? Because you’re way too high and clearly taking advantage of me.
    Damn boy, is your ass Informal Rulemaking under the Administrative Procedure Act? Because I just had to Notice and Comment.
    Are you petitioning for cert? Because you’re appealing to me.
    If you’re Tompkins, I’m the Erie railroad cause I’m crushing on you.
    Something something dictum. Sleep with me.
    Are you a porter for Long Island Railroad? Cause you make my head spin.
    In my advisory opinion, after you see my dicta, you won’t have standing.
    Baby, if you were a contract, you’d be the fine print.

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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    This weekend's pun goes out to @Arch and @BugBoy -
    I hate insect puns, they really bug me.

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