The Even Worse Joke Thread

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  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today's entry extols the virtue of learning by doing:
    Learning how to collect trash wasn't that hard. I just picked it up as I went along.

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  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
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    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today's entry is about fashion:
    A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today's entry is colorful:
    Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm okay, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside.

    This weekend is adventurous:
    Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."

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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    My wife told the kids they were going to bed because

    And I interjected with no hesitation with

    “THESE PARENTS ARE TIIIIIIRED” in my best Alicia Keys

    Nobody laughed

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  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
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  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    Poopception.

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    The Disappearance of Inigo Sharpe: Tomas à Dunsanin
    BedlamDrez
  • tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks San DiegoRegistered User regular
    I'm giving up writing in Word for the next forty days and only using spreadsheets instead.

    It's going to be Excel Lent.

    sarukunJedocRingohonovereRhesus PositivePerrsunchromdomElvenshaeToxBionicPenguinkimeDrezPolaritieKruiteHefflingvalhalla130Gnome-InterruptusH3Knuckles
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited February 29
    No one:

    People with leap day birthdays: HA HA IM FOUR TODAY! :rotate:

    When your house is full and you roll six deep:

    7pJTWoc.jpg

    Bedlam on


    DrezironsizidetzeentchlingsarukunButtersH3Knuckles
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    There was a question on House of Games recently about when helium was discovered

    I mentioned that it was a real high note in that scientist's career

    JedocchromdomElvenshaeToxRingokimeDreztzeentchlingPolaritieHefflingvalhalla130sarukunH3KnucklesCurly_Brace
  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    There was a question on House of Games recently about when helium was discovered

    I mentioned that it was a real high note in that scientist's career

    Curse the man who invented helium! Curse Pierre Jules César Janssen!

  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    Something something Coronovirus something lyme disease

    Wishlists! General | Gaming | Comics | Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
    H3Knuckles
  • ChicoBlueChicoBlue Registered User regular
    Skimming through a joke book from the 1800s.

    How is a walking hen like a conspiracy?
    It is a foul proceeding...

    Why is twice eleven like twice ten? Because twice eleven is twenty-two, and twice ten is twenty too.

    A farmer in the neighbourhood of Doncaster was lately met by his landlord, who accosted him thus: --
    'John, I intend to raise your rent;' to which John replied, 'Sir, I'm very much obliged to you, for I cannot raise it myself.'

    The rest are racist or sexist.

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  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    The italics really sell the joke. It's like stage directions for "lean in, waggle eyebrows, talk louder and slower."

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  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited March 2
    ChicoBlue wrote: »
    Why is twice eleven like twice ten? Because twice eleven is twenty-two, and twice ten is twenty too.
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    Bedlam on


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  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    Top secret, bottom secret feels very much like a Naked Gun joke and I love it

    tzeentchlingSporkAndrewVirgil_Leads_YouBionicPenguinDisruptedCapitalistJoolandervagrant_windsDrezThe GeekLaOsironsizideToxElvenshaeMr Fuzzbuttvalhalla130sponoKruiteHefflingHeadCreepsButtersH3KnucklesThe Hanged Manfacetious
  • Indie WinterIndie Winter die Krähe Rudi Hurzlmeier (German, b. 1952)Registered User regular
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    indie_winter on PS4 | 3034-4093-8537 on Switch
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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    I went to the doctor today and they came back and told me I was healthy but I would need to stop masturbating. I asked why and they said because it was extremely distracting.

    destroyah87ElvenshaetzeentchlingPolaritiechromdomJedocknitdanvalhalla130sarukunToxsponoOut Of ContextHefflingButterskimeLucedesH3Knuckles
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    London police recently arrested a man selling "eternal youth" pills.

    Sadly he's been booked on the same charges before in 1679, 1784, 1856, and 1990.

    "Never believe management about anything anywhere." -Aistan
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  • ElaroElaro Mister No Fun AllowedRegistered User regular
    == BEGIN JOKE ==
    Two drunkards are discussing over a bad phone line:

    "Yes, I may have the coronavirus, I'll have to live in quarantine."

    The other replies:

    "Why yes, I'd love to live at the canteen!"
    == END JOKE ==
    I apologize for the bad joke.

    My ongoing quest to ask Larlar if he's a good source of Malarlarkey: ONGOING
    Ringo
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    So, some of you have probably noted that I missed all of last week's entries. This is because I was out with the flu. So, we have catch up:

    Monday, March 2nd
    If Satan ever lost his hair, there would be hell toupee.

    Tuesday, March 3rd
    A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to the hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, the nurse said "No change yet."

    Wednesday, March 4th
    My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is steadily improving.

    Thursday, March 5th
    I wanted to tell you a joke about leeches, but they all suck.

    Friday, March 6th
    Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time-consuming.

    Weekend, March 7th/8th
    It's a lengthy article on Japanese sword fighters, but I can samurais it for you.

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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    And today's entry illustrates the importance of pet disipline:
    My dog Minton ate all my shuttlecocks. Bad Minton!

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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    We remember historic inventions today:
    To the guy who invented zero: thanks for nothing!

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    BedlamRingoElvenshaekimesarukunH3Knuckles
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    We remember historic inventions today:
    To the guy who invented zero: thanks for nothing!

    De nada.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    RingoElvenshaechromdomSporkAndrewsarukunMetzger MeisterRhesus PositiveTamerBillH3KnucklesAngrySquirrelJoolanderLaOs
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I just found out I have the Corona.

    Now Im hoping for a twist of Lyme.



    Elvenshaechromdomsarukun
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    New twist on an old chestnut:
    What do you call Harvey Weinstein going to prison for 23 years?
    A good start.

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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Today's entry knows when to hang it up:
    I quit gymnastics because I was fed up of hanging around the bars.

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    KruiteRingoH3Knuckles
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    My wife got a dad joke on her supermarket receipt:

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  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
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  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited March 18
    What’s the difference between Covid 19 and Romeo & Juliet?
    One is the corona virus and the other is a Verona crisis

    The Geek on
    zappsigsm.jpg
    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
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  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
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  • sarukunsarukun Mr. Bulldopps Get SchwiftyRegistered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    What’s the difference between Covid 19 and Romeo & Juliet?
    One is the corona virus and the other is a Verona crisis

    Fuck I keep coming back to this, it is so, so good.

    DisruptedCapitalistElvenshaeRingoTaminMcFodder
  • TaminTamin Registered User regular
    I have passed it along to my family. Most of them got a kick out of it.

    Elvenshae
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I just got word from the League of Dads.

    In support of Coronavirus Lockdown we are only telling inside jokes!



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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    While under self-quarantine today I was bored so I struck up a conversation with a spider. She’s pretty nice! Turns out she’s a web designer.

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  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Bedlam wrote: »
    I just got word from the League of Dads.

    In support of Coronavirus Lockdown we are only telling inside jokes!

    This is the best and I have already inflicted it on others.

    zappsigsm.jpg
    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
    Ringo
  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    While under self-quarantine today I was bored so I struck up a conversation with a spider. She’s pretty nice! Turns out she’s a web designer.

    Spider in my house used to work in programming, but got tired of hunting bugs all the time.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
    H3Knuckles
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    Why won’t fish ever take any personal responsibility?

    Because it’s always salmon else’s fault.

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