The Even Worse Joke Thread

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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
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  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    thanks?

  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    So I made this joke in the MegaGame thread but I think it deserves to be in here. I got assigned the Heir role, and I said:

    I don't really know what I'm doing, so I suppose I'll have to Heir on the side of caution.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

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  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    I saw someone on Twitter mention that if there are any babies conceived in quarantine, they will nearly all be firstborn children.

    Presumably because parents stuck at home with their kids will realize they absolutely do not want any more.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    knitdan wrote: »
    I saw someone on Twitter mention that if there are any babies conceived in quarantine, they will nearly all be firstborn children.

    Presumably because parents stuck at home with their kids will realize they absolutely do not want any more.

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  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    Thats the one

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    edited March 26
    MHQAX7t.jpg

    Bedlam on


    chromdomH3Knucklesdarunia106SporkAndrewRingoJedocToxElvenshaeEl SkiddjmitchellaBionicPenguinPolaritietzeentchlingBlitzAce1981Rhesus PositiveAndy JoeTayavagrant_windskime
  • El SkidEl Skid The frozen white northRegistered User regular
    knitdan wrote: »
    Thats the one

    I think you're all underestimating humanity and our general ability to forget long term suffering in favour of momentary satisfaction, honestly.

    There are so many babies conceived of parents like 9 months after the birth of their previous child when the parents are in what amounts to hell with zero sleep and poopy diapers ever hour or so.

    I guess what I'm saying is the joke's on you... baby boom is go and it'll be a big mixed bag!

    mrpaku wrote: »
    my name is precisionk and i'm ten tanks

    wrath God fear traitor evil
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    34su9m4htqc5.jpeg

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  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    edited March 26
    No, there's no man in town half as distanced.
    A perfect 6-foot-circle gaaaap!
    You can ask his friends Tom, Dick, and Stanleeeeey
    And they'll say he stays home, plays some games, takes a naaaaaaap!

    Elvenshae on
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  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    I bet you Gaston would be the one to eat the bat and travel. :|



    RingoH3KnucklesElvenshaekime
  • AistanAistan Tiny Bat Registered User regular
    What did everyone call Lando before he became a great pilot?
    Crasho

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  • TaminTamin Registered User regular
    aw, I almost got it
    I went with the last name and took the 'ris' in Calrissian to be 'rise', then swapped that to 'land', so callandian

    as usual, I took the very long route when a much easier one was staring me in the face

  • sarukunsarukun Mr. Bulldopps Get SchwiftyRegistered User regular
    Aistan wrote: »
    What did everyone call Lando before he became a great pilot?
    Crasho

    People are staring at me on the train you fuckin’ dick.

    Rhesus PositiveRingoElvenshaeEl SkidPolaritiekimefacetious
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    What is Waluigi's favorite type of grain?
    quinoaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

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    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
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  • The Cow KingThe Cow King scuz me ur under dog arrest Registered User regular
    My first job I had 700 people under me.

    Mowing lawns at the cemetery

    icGJy2C.png
    Lindsay LohanH3KnucklesPolaritiekimeMcFodderMichaelLCElvenshaeknitdanToxGoose!
  • TaminTamin Registered User regular
    700 working stiffs, eh?

    how many of them did you catch sleeping on the job?

    Ringo
  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    at least you know they're observing the right social distance

    ElvenshaeRadiusRingoH3KnucklesTamerBill
  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    So, my son's school is doing "Share a joke!" as part of their PTO Facebook group Virtual Spirit Week.

    Here's a couple of gems.

    What do you call a fake noodle?
    An im-pasta!

    What kind of candy is never on time?
    Choco-LATE!

    Why did the bird go to the hospital?
    It needed some TWEET-ment!

    What do you call a nosy pepper?
    Jalapeno business!

    omgbfz5lzi1s.png
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  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    How the hell do those kids pronounce jalapeño

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
  • tzeentchlingtzeentchling Doctor of Rocks San DiegoRegistered User regular
    "hall-up-in-yo"

    destroyah87BionicPenguinElvenshaeToxH3KnucklesRhesus PositiveJoolander
  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    Oh

    I was looking for some version of “none of your” and got super confused

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
    chromdomhonovereRingoH3KnucklesRhesus PositivedjmitchellaJoolander
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    knitdan wrote: »
    Oh

    I was looking for some version of “none of your” and got super confused
    What kind of cheese dosent belong to you?
    NACHO CHEESE!



    McFodderElvenshaetzeentchlingToxRingoH3KnucklesPolaritiekimeGoose!Legacy
  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    Whenever folks joke about how old coke used to have "real cocaine" in it, I always say, "Wait 'til you hear about the original Müenster cheese, had rye in it!"
    There are some historians and religion studies folks who think the Munster rebellion of 1534 may have been caused in part by ergot poisoning from bad batches of rye

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  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    I do love some rye humour

    ElvenshaeMichaelLCjoshofalltradesToxH3Knuckles
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    I do love some rye humour

    You're in the wrong thread, then. All the jokes in here are just corny.

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    ElvenshaeRingoH3Knuckles
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Please watch this all the way through to the end.

    zappsigsm.jpg
    Amazon wish list | Please check out my wife's blog and jewelry store.
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  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    Please watch this all the way through to the end.


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  • PlatyPlaty Registered User regular
    @AngelHedgie we demand jokes from the calendar

    LaOsElvenshaeJedocsee317ToxRingo
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Platy wrote: »
    AngelHedgie we demand jokes from the calendar

    The calendar is currently sitting at a desk I haven't been at since mid March, sadly.

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  • BionicPenguinBionicPenguin Registered User regular
    Curse you, COVID-19! *Shakes fist*

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  • The Cow KingThe Cow King scuz me ur under dog arrest Registered User regular
    I think we might have the same one

    Today's is

    I fear moving stairs is escalating.

    icGJy2C.png
    H3KnucklesRingo
  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    edited April 2
    For reasons I can't fathom, I woke up with this joke in my head:

    If I ever buy myself an automobile, I'm going to name the tool to unlock it Romano.
    Car key Romano
    I have never even seen that movie nor can I remember the last time I even thought about it.

    facetious on
    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
    Ringo
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    Platy wrote: »
    AngelHedgie we demand jokes from the calendar

    The calendar is currently sitting at a desk I haven't been at since mid March, sadly.
    THE CALENDAR IS ESSENTIAL! :mad:



    ElvenshaeMichaelLCRingo
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited April 3
    What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
    A can't opener.

    MichaelLC on
    "Never believe management about anything anywhere." -Aistan
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  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    Opener? I barely even know her!

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  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    My household has been watching a lot of Screen Rant's "Pitch Meetings" in quarantine, which has led to many a quip using "super easy, barely an inconvenience" or "I'm gonna need you to get all the way off my back about that"

    Tonight we were discussing Kiera Knightley's outfits in the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise and I got to land the knockout blow with Kiera Knightley says corsets are "TIGHT"

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
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  • ProlegomenaProlegomena Frictionless Spinning The VoidRegistered User regular
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

    A can openen't

    ToxBedlamchromdom
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    srVXsUb.jpg

    NAi7uVC.jpg

    This one is just Robert Irwin with a turtle but I wanted y'all to see it anyway:

    DV8aLAR.jpg



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