The Even Worse Joke Thread

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  • KupiKupi Registered User regular
    Planks are good exercise for when you're bored.

    My favorite musical instrument is the air-raid siren.
    DisruptedCapitalistElvenshaesarukuntzeentchlingRingo
  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    Veni, veni, veni.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
    H3KnucklesDisruptedCapitalistRhesus PositiveTynnan
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist koyaanisqatsi Registered User regular
    facetious wrote: »
    Veni, veni, veni.

    Elvenshaetzeentchlingironsizide
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Do you think Matthew McConaughey gets really psyched up when that one part comes up when he’s listening to OutKast’s Hey Ya?

    BLM - ACAB
    H3KnucklesfacetiousGoose!Ringosarukunmatthias00
  • expendableexpendable Silly Goose Registered User regular
    What do call a school that teaches ungulates how to navigate and process memories?
    a hippocampus!

    Djiem wrote: »
    Lokiamis wrote: »
    So the servers suddenly decide to cramp up during the last six percent.
    Man, the Director will really go out of his way to be a dick to L4D players.
    Steam
    H3KnucklesRingoSporkAndrew
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    VB14wk7.jpg



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  • SmrtnikSmrtnik job boli zub Registered User regular
    Can't stand ya

    steam_sig.png
    DisruptedCapitalistBedlamGoose!ironsizide
  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    My D&D group were just talking about Nvidia buying Arm

    I mentioned that this might affect Arm's pirating hardware, the Arm-80

    The groans came in two waves

    destroyah87PolaritieDisruptedCapitalistRingovalhalla130TaminElvenshaesarukunH3KnucklesworksintheoryIvarChallShadowhope
  • KupiKupi Registered User regular
    Unmute:

    My favorite musical instrument is the air-raid siren.
    ElvenshaeBionicPenguintzeentchlingH3KnucklesironsizidekimeShadowhopedarunia106
  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    Why don’t you see a lot of piracy in colder climates?
    Because then the pirates would all be saying Brrrrr instead of Arrrrr

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
    H3KnucklesElvenshaeRhesus PositiveJacques L'Homme
  • JedocJedoc Bringing the past to life so we can beat it to death with a shovelRegistered User regular
    I don't want to brag, but I'm not sure I really understand the Dunning-Kruger effect.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    RingoToxtzeentchlingSporkAndrewH3KnucklesDisruptedCapitalistTynnansarukunRhesus PositivekimedavidsdurionsShadowhopematthias00darunia106
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist koyaanisqatsi Registered User regular
    What did the janitor say when she jumped out of the closet?
    Supplies!!

    H3KnucklestzeentchlingRingoRhesus Positiveknitdan
  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    What did the janitor say when she jumped out of the closet?
    Supplies!!

    joshofalltradessarukunDisruptedCapitalistironsizide
  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    edited October 5
    ouxz8guq6vz8.jpg
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    7kxc1rwfcz6v.jpg

    Tox on
    BattleTech KS Thread! | Mech Trade List | Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
    tzeentchlingsarukunElvenshae
  • The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    What did Scorpion say to his friend when he got dumped?
    GET OVER HER!

    BLM - ACAB
    DisruptedCapitalistJedocRhesus PositiveexpendableElvenshaeRingoH3Knuckleskimefacetiousspool32AngrySquirrel
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist koyaanisqatsi Registered User regular
    I was about to tell this joke, but then it seems like Wikipedia beat me to it:

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time_flies_like_an_arrow;_fruit_flies_like_a_banana

    I few parodies of other wiki articles in there too.

    ElvenshaeH3Knuckleskime
  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    So, I'm right now taking whatever absurdist humor I can find in my life, because the past few days have been miserable and filled with the details of unwinding someone's life. And I had one of those moments when I went to the cemetery to purchase the plot for my mother in law. As I was looking at one of the sites, I looked over, and there was a giant memorial stone centered around what was clearly a family plot - this stone was about as tall as I am (6'3"), dwarfing all the other headstones in the area. And on it, in letters that were a good foot and a half tall was carved the family name, for all and sundry to see - the family name being "Meek".

    Yes, it was basically a giant carved piece of stone, with "MEEK" front and center in giant letters.

    My only thought upon seeing it was "ah, this is irony, carved in stone for generations to come."

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
    RingoH3Knucklesironsizidetzeentchlingsee317Elvenshaevalhalla130SporkAndrewsarukunToxRhesus PositivefacetiousJedocStraightziMcFodderdjmitchellaspool32darunia106Jacques L'Homme
  • ToxTox I kill threads Punch DimensionRegistered User regular
    So, I'm right now taking whatever absurdist humor I can find in my life, because the past few days have been miserable and filled with the details of unwinding someone's life. And I had one of those moments when I went to the cemetery to purchase the plot for my mother in law. As I was looking at one of the sites, I looked over, and there was a giant memorial stone centered around what was clearly a family plot - this stone was about as tall as I am (6'3"), dwarfing all the other headstones in the area. And on it, in letters that were a good foot and a half tall was carved the family name, for all and sundry to see - the family name being "Meek".

    Yes, it was basically a giant carved piece of stone, with "MEEK" front and center in giant letters.

    My only thought upon seeing it was "ah, this is irony, carved in stone for generations to come."

    I hear that family has a hell of an inheritance.

    BattleTech KS Thread! | Mech Trade List | Twitter! | Dilige, et quod vis fac
    ProlegomenaRhesus PositiveSporkAndrewH3KnucklesfacetiousJedocPolaritieElvenshaeexpendableStraightziMichaelLCchromdomtzeentchlingRingojoshofalltradesMcFodderdjmitchellaSpecial KdavidsdurionsPeewispool32darunia106
  • djmitchelladjmitchella Registered User regular
    (original credit to SimBen in the 'Trump has covid' thread, it's too good not to repost here)
    SimBen wrote: »
    If you're blue and you don't know where to go to why don't you go where fashion sits
    vbmjull41w7s.png

    Ringodestroyah87TynnanH3KnucklestzeentchlingElvenshaeironsizidespool32
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    if you always prepare to be disappointed in me, I will never let you down.



  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    Which famous TV and film director helps out in a garden?
    Joss Weedin'

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
    H3KnucklesRingotzeentchlingEl SkidkimedjmitchellaElvenshaespool32
  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    Who's your best bud when you need to relax after a long day on set?
    facetious wrote: »
    Joss Weedin'

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
    H3KnucklesEl SkidkimeElvenshae
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist koyaanisqatsi Registered User regular
    I still remember the last words that my Granddad said to me. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

    RingokimeH3KnucklessarukunElvenshaeRhesus Positive
  • chromdomchromdom Who? Where?Registered User regular
    Drez wrote: »

    Being quoted out of context is honestly what I live for.
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  • facetiousfacetious a wit so dry it shits sandRegistered User regular
    So are they.

    "I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde
    Real strong, facetious.

    Steam: Chagrin LoL: Bonhomie
    sarukunElvenshaeRingo
  • PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Realtor Santa ClaritaRegistered User regular
    I am subjecting all of you to this, because of how bad it is. If you don't get it, read it again.

    8514a31.png

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  • ChallChall Registered User regular
    don't get t.

    ElvenshaeDisruptedCapitalistGoose!Ringovalhalla130kimedarunia106
  • PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Realtor Santa ClaritaRegistered User regular
    Look Agan.

    ElvenshaeDisruptedCapitalistPolaritieGoose!Ringoironsizidespool32kimedarunia106
  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    FUCK

    PinfeldorfDisruptedCapitalistToxGoose!RingoMichaelLCironsizidekimedarunia106
  • WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    Boo

    Steam! Battlenet:Wisemantobes#1508
    Ringo
  • FlarneFlarne Registered User regular
    I had to look that up and I'm not ashamed, since it depends on knowing how to convert insane units of measure.

    Rhesus PositiveRingo
  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    saw this joke pop up on my Twitter feed, shamelessly stealing it

    Eucalyptus are the only plants named for what they would say if you pruned them

    DisruptedCapitalistdestroyah87expendableRhesus PositiveSirToastyjoshofalltradesElvenshaeRingoProlegomenaTynnandavidsdurionsvalhalla130djmitchellasarukunH3Knucklesdarunia106Jacques L'Homme
  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    Flarne wrote: »
    I had to look that up and I'm not ashamed, since it depends on knowing how to convert insane units of measure.

    As soon as I started to write this post to ask you to explain the joke my brain finally kicked in with a, "What is the ONE goddamned thing everyone knows about Sherlock Holmes? "He investigates mys-oh. Ohhhh" "Also Data says it on Star Trek" "Good catch, brain"

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
    Rhesus Positive
  • BedlamBedlam Registered User regular
    CczjV2B.jpg



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  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    I can’t recall if it’s the line “the game’s afoot” or “elementary, my dear Watson” or both that never appears in a Conan Doyle-authored Sherlock Holmes work.

    IIRC they come entirely from one of the TV or film adaptations and yet they are indelibly linked to the property now.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    edited October 17
    it's the elementary one. which is technically true because he never said that exact phrase, but he did describe a case to Watson as elementary

    holmes did say the game is afoot, but he was also quoting Shakespeare (natch) so he probably shouldn't get credit for that either

    Houk the Namebringer on
    H3KnucklesRhesus PositiveElvenshaeironsizidejoshofalltrades
  • RingoRingo HE KEEPS REPEATING THE LINE I'M GONNA CRY BLEASE LET HIM LIVE YOU MADE ME WATCH SO MUCH KISSING IN THIS FILM LET INIGO LIVERegistered User regular
    See, I went from "There's a mystery afoot!" to remembering the game line. And I don't know if anyone has ever said that

    Sterica wrote: »
    I know my last visit to my grandpa on his deathbed was to find out how the whole Nazi werewolf thing turned out.
    Edcrab's Exigency RPG
  • davidsdurionsdavidsdurions Your Trusty Meatshield Panhandle NebraskaRegistered User regular
    I stared at it for a long time trying to decipher what language “cluedo” translated from since I’d never heard the word in any language I was familiar with.

    Oh well, some gags just don’t work for some people.

    I’m already sick of hearing Sherlock lines in my head over and over now.

    PwH4Ipj.jpg
    MichaelLCElvenshaeRingo
  • SirToastySirToasty Registered User regular
    Cluedo is apparently the name of the game in the UK. The name is based on Ludo which is a variant of Pachisi (Parcheesi, Sorry!, etc.) in the UK.

    H3Knuckles
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