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Guy on dating site is married :(
spils8
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
I got talking to this guy on a dating site a few months back. I found it a little weird after 2 weeks he hadn't given his phone number or asked for mine. One particular day I gave mine and said he could text me as I had to go for the day.
I never got a text and when I came back he just said he had run into some crazy girls on the site before so didn't want to give out his number right away, and we continued to chat through the site.
After 6 weeks I was tired of it. He kept telling me he wanted to tell me something but wasn't ready yet. He kept saying we connected so well. We had skyped each other so we could see each other and had conversations on skype for hours.
After I still didn't know his last name, his number or anything about him I told him I was kind of over us talking and not meeting and I didn't want to waste time anymore. He then just came out with it. He said he was married, he found out she had been talking to some other man and she said nothing happened with them, but she missed the spark. He said he found the calls to some random number on the phone records, so he decided to get on this dating site to just see what was out there.
I told him I really didn't appreciate being lied to but if he ever was single in the future he could reach out again and if I was single maybe we could see what we could have. He said he wanted to continuing talking as friends, was leaving her, and he really wanted to pursue us because he thought we had something that really had potential.
We kept talking as friends but it didn't really work out too well. I noticed he was still always on the dating site and basically said to him I feel like he is still looking and chatting up other women and it isn't right, especially as he basically told me he was falling for me.
Recently I decided to just stop talking to him because it was the best for me. I know that everything about this would have probably ended badly, and he hasn't actually even been online since I decided to not respond to him anymore, and I still miss talking to him after everything. I don't know what is wrong with me. I fantasize about him all the time but we have never met. I still miss talking to him but he lied from the start. I am wondering how to move forward because I can't stop thinking about him. I feel stupid too because we never met.
I never got a text and when I came back he just said he had run into some crazy girls on the site before so didn't want to give out his number right away, and we continued to chat through the site.
After 6 weeks I was tired of it. He kept telling me he wanted to tell me something but wasn't ready yet. He kept saying we connected so well. We had skyped each other so we could see each other and had conversations on skype for hours.
After I still didn't know his last name, his number or anything about him I told him I was kind of over us talking and not meeting and I didn't want to waste time anymore. He then just came out with it. He said he was married, he found out she had been talking to some other man and she said nothing happened with them, but she missed the spark. He said he found the calls to some random number on the phone records, so he decided to get on this dating site to just see what was out there.
I told him I really didn't appreciate being lied to but if he ever was single in the future he could reach out again and if I was single maybe we could see what we could have. He said he wanted to continuing talking as friends, was leaving her, and he really wanted to pursue us because he thought we had something that really had potential.
We kept talking as friends but it didn't really work out too well. I noticed he was still always on the dating site and basically said to him I feel like he is still looking and chatting up other women and it isn't right, especially as he basically told me he was falling for me.
Recently I decided to just stop talking to him because it was the best for me. I know that everything about this would have probably ended badly, and he hasn't actually even been online since I decided to not respond to him anymore, and I still miss talking to him after everything. I don't know what is wrong with me. I fantasize about him all the time but we have never met. I still miss talking to him but he lied from the start. I am wondering how to move forward because I can't stop thinking about him. I feel stupid too because we never met.
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It's up to you.
You very obviously did the right thing, and you know it. You dodged a bullet there in not becoming so unhappy person's revenge fuck/parachute relationship. Perhaps luckily for you it seems like he backed out of what he was planning to do, and you didn't get sucked into the destruction of another couple's relationship.
My default advice for this kind of situation is delete all texts/voicemails/contacts from your phone, and go to the park and enjoy an ice cream in the sunshine. Have two scoops!
You 100% did the right thing. This was a guy who didn't care about your feelings and needs, just what he could get out of you by being as dishonest as he could for as long as possible. Even if he hadn't have been married, a relationship with a guy with this much of a problem being real with you would never be fulfilling.
Edit: Also agreed about the blocking thing. Even if you think you could be "Friends" with him, he's done far too much that is decidedly unfriendly to you. Block, block, block and cast all contact directly into the sun.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
You did nothing bad here that you need to forgive yourself for as far as I can tell. Maybe, I dunno, "learn a lesson" about paying attention to red flags in the future or something if you really must find something to reproach yourself for. It's clear that your self esteem has taken a bit of a hit - "is this my fault, how could I have done this differently, perhaps I am not good enough, what did I do wrong" etc.
It's not your fault, you didn't do anything wrong, you are a good person, the only thing you could have done differently was to trust your instinct that something wasn't right a little sooner.
2 scoops and sprinkles. Smile when you think of yourself not having to deal with his bullshit again.
Do you really need to know why this man is acting like he is?
You know that you don't like it and isn't that what really matters
He said he's married, you aren't cool with that, you ended it. That right there is all you need to know. If you are uncomfortable with your decision you might want to take some time to really think about why, but otherwise it sounds like you don't actually want any advice, so I'm closing this.