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What to do if someone's outstayed their welcome?
treehouseparty
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
My grandmother is in her nineties. My mom sold her house and moved in to help care for her a few years ago and for the past year or so I've lived here too. It's a spacious, beautiful old house in a nice neighborhood, the three of us get along well, and life here is generally very pleasant. About once a month, my grandma will throw a small lunch party with several old friends she's made over the years, one of whom suffers from some form of dementia and has a live-in nurse who accompanies her. I am usually at work or something when these gatherings are happening so I have seen this person maybe once before for about 10 seconds.
Anyway, the nurse calls my mom in hysterics. The patient apparently convinced her family to relieve her of her duties and they showed up with her nursing agency; kind of hustled her out the door with zero warning and dropped her off at a motel and threatened to basically ruin her chances of getting hired again if she didn't go along with it. She'd been living at that lady's house for over four years, so granted this is a pretty messed-up situation. My mom agrees to go pick her up and she tells us her sob story though drunken tears. She basically doesn't have much more with her than the clothes on her back, she's now essentially homeless and unemployed, so what can we do but offer her a place to stay while she figures out the next step... except this was all more than a week ago now and she's still in our living room and only getting more comfortable with each passing day.
Oh yeah, she also forgot to mention she's also just about completely broke for some reason so... I guess paying rent here or anywhere else is out of the question. Even though she's been living rent-free all this time and making about as much in a month than I make in a year; apparently somehow she was completely unprepared for something like this happening. She has enough money to rent herself a car but she hasn't left the house much. I don't see her making urgent phone calls to current or future employers, or to closer friends or relatives who might be compelled to let her stay there for a while instead. She cooks here and there, but mostly she's been reading magazines and watching TV all day today. Also she's one of those people who never stops talking, so that's fun.
Am I wrong for feeling put off by all this? I know its not technically my house or my decision so I've been trying to keep my mouth shut about it but I basically feel like she's cramping our style and can't wait for her to leave. What do you guys think? Anything like this ever happen to you?
Anyway, the nurse calls my mom in hysterics. The patient apparently convinced her family to relieve her of her duties and they showed up with her nursing agency; kind of hustled her out the door with zero warning and dropped her off at a motel and threatened to basically ruin her chances of getting hired again if she didn't go along with it. She'd been living at that lady's house for over four years, so granted this is a pretty messed-up situation. My mom agrees to go pick her up and she tells us her sob story though drunken tears. She basically doesn't have much more with her than the clothes on her back, she's now essentially homeless and unemployed, so what can we do but offer her a place to stay while she figures out the next step... except this was all more than a week ago now and she's still in our living room and only getting more comfortable with each passing day.
Oh yeah, she also forgot to mention she's also just about completely broke for some reason so... I guess paying rent here or anywhere else is out of the question. Even though she's been living rent-free all this time and making about as much in a month than I make in a year; apparently somehow she was completely unprepared for something like this happening. She has enough money to rent herself a car but she hasn't left the house much. I don't see her making urgent phone calls to current or future employers, or to closer friends or relatives who might be compelled to let her stay there for a while instead. She cooks here and there, but mostly she's been reading magazines and watching TV all day today. Also she's one of those people who never stops talking, so that's fun.
Am I wrong for feeling put off by all this? I know its not technically my house or my decision so I've been trying to keep my mouth shut about it but I basically feel like she's cramping our style and can't wait for her to leave. What do you guys think? Anything like this ever happen to you?
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This may be cynical of me but I have a feeling she'll be just fine.
She should be busting her ass trying to find a job. Online, papers, phone calls, driving around to local places, etc.
I'd imagine she was let go from her last job for a reason. The unexpectedness of it was likely more because she didn't expect to get caught than anything else.
If she's so low on money, even after a rent free 4+ years, chances are she has a bad habit of some type. Gambling, drinking, drugs, etc.
That or she's flat out lying and mooching off your grandmother as long as she can to get out of paying rent.
Also make sure she's not alone too much with your grandma; don't let her sign over anything to the nurse. Also lock up your valuables.
It seems odd that if this person was working for a nursing agency that they'd just dump her on the side of the road with nothing.
The agency probably can't/won't say anything, but I second the idea of reaching out to the family of your grandmother's friend. The company dropping her rather than just reassigning her if there were issues with the family does raise some red flags.
I know what happened with her last job was unexpected, but living on the couch isn't really a solution. Give her a firm week, offer to help buy a bus ticket or drop her off somewhere if she wants and wash your hands of the entire situation. Even the most expensive bus ticket is cheaper than ending out with her claiming residence and you having to go through an eviction process.
Edit: If a family says someone is stealing from grandma, there is no investigation that happens, the company fires the person. Families are often kind of assholes, so I'm not immediately willing to believe she is some horrible monster. You can go on any job website for any city in the country and find home-care postings for jobs that require no experience and pay as little as legally allowed. It doesn't mean that the people applying for those jobs are wicked schemers. It means they're desperate to not be homeless.
Edit2: Worked in a very nice assisted living/retirement home and saw the amount of family scheming and crooked behavior that would try to get caretakers fired. Fortunately we paid well and had very specific investigatory processes.... most places do not. I can't count the number of times families would make some shit up about how we were stealing and beating their mom/dad/grandpa/grandma so they could try to claim incompetence and either sue the facility or make the parent move out because it would be cheaper to just put them in the basement and stop wasting money on really good care.
(to be clear, the money was the residents normally, this was in California and we had a lot of people who sold huge homes in the Bay Area for millions of dollars and their children just couldn't wait to get their hands on that sweet sweet inheritance)
So she might be a fine person, but might also be desperate now. In any case you've done more than your share as a stranger.
I would certainly be wary that this is the case. I have known people with very few options who while not bad people, made some bad decisions. Definitely look out for yourself before you worry too much about her.
In some locations it can be as simple as intent to stay. Acting sooner than later is a really good idea.