Strewth, fellow cobbers! It's election season, it is! Bloomin' onion oath, the election's tomorrow, and I haven't even shined me dress blue wifebeater! Now I don't have none of them fancy know-smarts, being a venerable and wise tradie, but I can tell you about the main runners in the coming election season, by crikey.
Malcolm Turnbull is leader of the Liberals, the current mob in government. Their main policy so far as I can tell is destroying everything in the name of fiscal responsibility, and then spending billions on some new submarines and a plebiscite on gay marriage in the name of fiscal responsibility. A bunch of right-centre chundertossers.
Bill Shorten is the leader of the Labor party, a bloke so bland I genuinely had to Bing me up a Google of "labor leader" to remember his bloody name, oi. They're the better of the two main parties, but gor lummy this was their election to lose and they took that challenge like Skippy taking a hop around the bush and saving some baby from a dingo, too roight.
Richard Di Natale is the leader of the Greens, some pooftah mob of tree-hugging hippies who wouldn't know a hard day's work in the red Australian earth if it came up and kicked 'em in the bum, I tell you what.
Now, who are you voting for, you lot? Because I know where my
first preference is going!
Crack open a Fosters and smear some Vegemite on your willy, mates, it's time to vote!