i don't think i'm doing so well

Indie Winter

hey guys?

shit sucks

in the world, and in life, and in general

and maybe sometime you feel alone and sad and that everything is bad

I do

so, this is a place where we can talk about the bad stuff that is in our heads that won't go away

who knows, maybe sharing might help

worth a try at least, right

Noisymunk

Between The World and Me is the next book for our little book club and I started it yesterday, which means I read a couple pages and then have to get up and pace around the house nervously wiping my eyes before I go back to devouring this wonderful person's words.

Brolo

yeah this past week has just been a non-stop stream of depressing news

like I'm afraid to check the little news ticker on my phone or go on twitter or really engage at all with local/international news

my fiance and I have been talking about this stuff more lately, and just talking with her has helped a lot

Goatmon

Since my insurance stopped paying for my adderall XR back in february, it's been hell getting any work done.

My music projects pretty much dried up overnight, too.

Indie Winter

anyway it's my thread so I guess I'll do mine

28 years I've been working on being a better person. and it's hard, between borderline aspergers (as determined by an actual expert on the subject), ADHD that's been undiagnosed for most of my life, losing my dad at 13, being fat and going through surgery to fix that and being alone and very bad at making connections and having no romantic prospects for as long as I've been alive

it's hard to not feel like a loser, like all the effort I put into just being alive could've gotten someone better to the moon but here I am, struggling to get out of bed with nothing significant to show for it

I've often wondered if I'm suffering from some sort of sociopathy because it seemed like I can't really feel emotions; I don't even know if I love my family. it's like, maybe there's some emotional process going on inside me, but I can't consciously detect it. or maybe I've just gotten so good at faking emotions so I can fit into society that I ended up fooling myself in the process

in many ways I'm fortunate, the circumstances of my life afford me many privileges other people don't have. in a way that makes it worse: if I was born a little less lucky I might not have had the support I need to survive- does that mean I even deserve to? has anything I did manage to achieve, all the effort I put into reaching this point, does it even have to do with anything on my part or is it just fortuitous happenstance propelling me forward

28 years and I'm still only putting in the effort so that something good might come along in the future. jam tomorrow! only tomorrow has never, ever, ever come for me, only more of rolling this boulder that is the bundle of my issues up a hill. and there's only so much a man can sustain himself on hope and hope alone.

Garlic Bread

I was doing really well for a while, like the last half of last year. Then my work changed health insurance and I literally went from the best insurance I ever had to the worst. I was taking two meds (Viibryd and Provigil) that cost me about $40 a month in co-pays. With the new insurance I have to pay out of pocket until I hit my deductible ($1500), but still needed prior authorization on the Provigil so I've been off that since January

I stopped taking my Viibryd a week ago because I ran out and am tired of (and can't afford to) paying $160 a month for it (and that's after a discount card for it)

I need to find a new job with good insurance