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[Movies] Nobody Fucks Like Gaston

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    Rorshach KringleRorshach Kringle that crustache life Registered User regular
    Macro9 wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    Just a few tweaks of this post and you're right into Lord of illusions territory

    not nearly enough chain wallets in that movie

    the chain wallet is PARAMOUNT

    6vjsgrerts6r.png

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    TrippyJingTrippyJing Moses supposes his toeses are roses. But Moses supposes erroneously.Registered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote: »
    TrippyJing wrote: »
    If an Asian actor was cast as the Ancient One, I'd hope they lose the mystical wise old angle and just make them teach magic like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society.

    THEY'RE CALLED THE *ANCIENT ONE*

    I think they knew they couldn't rewrite that shit if they tried

    at least they went with a woman!

    Look, they're not savages. They even have wifi, for goodness' sake.

    b1ehrMM.gif
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    Macro9Macro9 Registered User regular
    Macro9 wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    Just a few tweaks of this post and you're right into Lord of illusions territory

    not nearly enough chain wallets in that movie

    the chain wallet is PARAMOUNT

    You smell that? Smells like a sequel up in here.

    58pwo4vxupcr.png
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    Rorshach KringleRorshach Kringle that crustache life Registered User regular
    edited August 2016
    Macro9 wrote: »
    Macro9 wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    Just a few tweaks of this post and you're right into Lord of illusions territory

    not nearly enough chain wallets in that movie

    the chain wallet is PARAMOUNT

    You smell that? Smells like a sequel up in here.

    i'm calling clive barker with two phones

    Rorshach Kringle on
    6vjsgrerts6r.png

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    Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    I'm watching Lone Wolf McQuade with @Lost Salient and this is fucking incredible

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    Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Macro9 wrote: »
    Macro9 wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    Just a few tweaks of this post and you're right into Lord of illusions territory

    not nearly enough chain wallets in that movie

    the chain wallet is PARAMOUNT

    You smell that? Smells like a sequel up in here.

    i'm calling clive barker with two phones

    That would explain why you keep getting his voicemail.

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    Rorshach KringleRorshach Kringle that crustache life Registered User regular
    Macro9 wrote: »
    Macro9 wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    Just a few tweaks of this post and you're right into Lord of illusions territory

    not nearly enough chain wallets in that movie

    the chain wallet is PARAMOUNT

    You smell that? Smells like a sequel up in here.

    i'm calling clive barker with two phones

    That would explain why you keep getting his voicemail.

    yes

    and that is the only reason a call from me to clive barker would

    6vjsgrerts6r.png

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    The GeekThe Geek Oh-Two Crew, Omeganaut Registered User, ClubPA regular
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    I assume we're casting Bruce Campbell in this role then?

    BLM - ACAB
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    Rorshach KringleRorshach Kringle that crustache life Registered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    I assume we're casting Bruce Campbell in this role then?

    nah bruce is slightly too old

    my shortlist:

    chris klein
    kevin dillon
    zach effron

    6vjsgrerts6r.png

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    Donovan PuppyfuckerDonovan Puppyfucker A dagger in the dark is worth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered User regular
    Vivixenne wrote: »
    I don't think it's fair to call the Great Wall case one of "whitewashing"

    it's more fair to maybe consider why a Chinese film feels like it needs a white guy front and centre to make the movie internationally appealing

    mainland Chinese know and understand that we are not "globally" mainstream in the media; that remains with white people

    I can turn on the TV in China and see lots of white faces and white TV shows that are subtitled or dubbed; it's much rarer to find it the other way around

    people are now saying "the movie would still have been good if it was all Chinese people!" well, maybe, but then you probably wouldn't have seen it

    you can blame that on Hollywood going "pffft that movie's too niche, it'll never sell" AND on individuals not wanting to watch the movie because they don't see themselves in it, or don't see if they'll relate to it

    so instead of doing a historical Chinese film with an all-Chinese cast (which they've done repeatedly over the years, with only a handful hitting mainstream cinemas internationally), they're doing a fantastical Chinese film with a white lead

    let's be perfectly frank here; it'll sell

    how many people saw Hero in cinemas during its release? how many cinemas actually had a release long enough for you to go see it in theatres?

    so it's not just a problem with whitewashing; it's Hollywood marketing decisions coupled with long-known, evidenced individual consumer patterns

    and that sounds like the argument made for movies like Gods of Egypt and crap like that, but in this case, they DID cast a white guy to get it promoted... in the US *and* in China, because can you imagine how excited Chinese audiences are to see an internationally recognised white guy join THEIR movie?

    I saw Hero in Cinemas when it was released! Where's my prize?

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    ProhassProhass Registered User regular
    Was that the jet Li one? I think that's the only movie I've ever fallen asleep in at the cinemas

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    wanderingwandering Russia state-affiliated media Registered User regular
    what if they did a movie about a modern japanese american who gets thrust back into samurai times, connecticut yankee style

    that way you get to make a samurai movie where the main character is an outsider and an audience POV character without white washing

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    DaMoonRulzDaMoonRulz Mare ImbriumRegistered User regular
    wandering wrote: »
    what if they did a movie about a modern japanese american who gets thrust back into samurai times, connecticut yankee style

    that way you get to make a samurai movie where the main character is an outsider and an audience POV character without white washing

    A Teenager in Tokugawa's Court

    Nobunaga's Lack of Ambition (starring a Millennial)

    Ed, Edd, and Edo (an animated feature starring two friends that have been sent back in time)

    3basnids3lf9.jpg




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    -Tal-Tal Registered User regular
    She would take a selfie and Ken watanabe Sr Sr Sr would be like smh

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    Undead ScottsmanUndead Scottsman Registered User regular
    Ken Watanbe is the best part of Godzilla 14, and I also liked just about every other part of that movie!
    Imagine if Brian Cranston survived and all the boring human parts were replaced with the two of them sciencing it up.

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    RoyceSraphimRoyceSraphim Registered User regular
    wandering wrote: »
    what if they did a movie about a modern japanese american who gets thrust back into samurai times, connecticut yankee style

    that way you get to make a samurai movie where the main character is an outsider and an audience POV character without white washing

    There's an anime about that involving a single JDF cruiser returning to WW2. First episode has them sail past the Yamamoto.

    Then there's another about that General/Admiral who was shot down rushing back in time to before the war starts and doing some crazy things, including recruiting Einstein.

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    FishmanFishman Put your goddamned hand in the goddamned Box of Pain. Registered User regular
    ChicoBLue wrote: »
    Yes, but will he have a fishman dick?

    :winky:

    X-Com LP Thread I, II, III, IV, V
    That's unbelievably cool. Your new name is cool guy. Let's have sex.
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    Johnny ChopsockyJohnny Chopsocky Scootaloo! We have to cook! Grillin' HaysenburgersRegistered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    I assume we're casting Bruce Campbell in this role then?

    nah bruce is slightly too old

    my shortlist:

    chris klein
    kevin dillon
    zach effron

    Steve Buscemi
    Either Busey. Hell, have it be a team using both Buseys.

    ygPIJ.gif
    Steam ID XBL: JohnnyChopsocky PSN:Stud_Beefpile WiiU:JohnnyChopsocky
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    SorceSorce Not ThereRegistered User regular
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.
    ANCIENT ONE: MINDFREAK
    wandering wrote: »
    what if they did a movie about a modern japanese american who gets thrust back into samurai times, connecticut yankee style

    that way you get to make a samurai movie where the main character is an outsider and an audience POV character without white washing

    There's an anime about that involving a single JDF cruiser returning to WW2. First episode has them sail past the Yamamoto.

    Then there's another about that General/Admiral who was shot down rushing back in time to before the war starts and doing some crazy things, including recruiting Einstein.
    There's also GATE.

    Because all medieval stories need more .50cal machine guns.

    sig.gif
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    SorceSorce Not ThereRegistered User regular
    edited August 2016
    But in actual movie stuff, I watched The Legend of Tarzan.

    While much, much better then the episode of the TV series I saw earlier that morning, it wasn't really that good. I mean, everyone put in solid performances, but the script was pretty boilerplate and nothing really tried to raise above it. You could tell where the movie was going to end the second it started.
    Like, Tarzan was clearly unhappy being back in civilization, even though he felt he needed to be there because that's where his parents were from. It was showing on his marriage to Jane as well, because they apparently had already lost a child "due to stress". So Tarzan gets an invite from the Belgians to go to the Congo to see all the awesomeness they've done for his former home, so the two of them go.

    As far as the characters, Jane wasn't really a helpless damsel (getting captured wasn't even her fault), which I was surprised at given the age of the story. She continually tried to escape, and actually managed it along with a friend until she got caught again because she was trying not to get killed by apes. And the bad guys didn't care about not killing the apes and took her back. Samuel L. Jackson was amusing as the 'buddy sidekick in over his head', but he had his own B-plot as well so he got to do his own thing.

    As far as Tarzan, we get some backstory as far as his origin, and also why he fled so damn fast from Africa back in the day and up until this point had refused to return. The only real big moment left I suppose was whether or not they were going to pull the "Tarzan Yell". And they did. Twice. Neither sounded like the classic version (the second more than the first, though) but they were more... realistic? The yells were more guttural, angry, and unrefined, like an animal that was warning his enemies. They of course never showed Skarsgaard doing the yell, but instead opted to show the villains reacting to it. Which made them figuratively shit their pants.


    There was one joke/insult that left me cold though.
    Jane made an insinuation that the villain's Priest loved him a bit too much as a child, which doesn't seem like that'd be a comment made in the 1880s. It also went right over the villain's head.

    Sorce on
    sig.gif
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    FawstFawst The road to awe.Registered User regular
    Oof, that's ... just not funny.

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    edited August 2016
    Fawst wrote: »
    NBC Nightly News is gonna have a story about that Great Wall movie with Matt Damon. It'll be interesting to see what the take is, because it's hard for me to agree with whitewashing when it seems to be a fully Chinese production. If I'm wrong, that changes things, but everything I've read is pointing in that direction.

    That said, the idea is fucking stupid. Same reason I didn't bother with The Last Samurai (is White).

    For the billionth time, Tom Cruise is not the last samurai in that movie, he doesn't fucking save or fix shit except what is wrong with him personally, and the only reason
    he is alive and everyone else is dead at the end is because the samurai all commit suicide and, I reiterate, he is not a samurai.

    The romance in the movie is kind of weird and underwritten, and the marketing didn't really sell the actual movie they made, but it is not what you are assuming it is.

    Edit: Spoilers are spoilers, and I'm a moron.

    sarukun on
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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Prohass wrote: »
    The Last Samurai is definitely part of the "white outsider looking in to the mysterious and exotic other" trope, but its also a pretty ok movie and not too egregious with it

    I honestly thought of it as "here's the price of your precious industrialization. The death of good men and honor."

    This is a good reading.

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    TubeTube Registered User admin
    I'll tak industrialisation over samurai any day of the week. Samurai never did shit for me.

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Tube wrote: »
    I'll tak industrialisation over samurai any day of the week. Samurai never did shit for me.

    Cool helmets, though.

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    TrippyJingTrippyJing Moses supposes his toeses are roses. But Moses supposes erroneously.Registered User regular
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    Mr. GMr. G Registered User regular

    y'all ready for The Halloween Of Leto

    6F32U1X.png
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    FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    edited August 2016
    glad to see ruth negga working

    FAQ on
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    Rorshach KringleRorshach Kringle that crustache life Registered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    I assume we're casting Bruce Campbell in this role then?

    nah bruce is slightly too old

    my shortlist:

    chris klein
    kevin dillon
    zach effron

    Steve Buscemi
    Either Busey. Hell, have it be a team using both Buseys.

    all too old

    6vjsgrerts6r.png

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    AtomicTofuAtomicTofu She's a straight-up supervillain, yo Registered User regular


    I'd be down for this as the next Mechagodzilla

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    FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    I assume we're casting Bruce Campbell in this role then?

    nah bruce is slightly too old

    my shortlist:

    chris klein
    kevin dillon
    zach effron

    Steve Buscemi
    Either Busey. Hell, have it be a team using both Buseys.

    all too old

    my good self

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    StiltsStilts Registered User regular
    AtomicTofu wrote: »


    I'd be down for this as the next Mechagodzilla

    Yes

    Metal Gearzilla

    IKknkhU.gif
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    ZonugalZonugal (He/Him) The Holiday Armadillo I'm Santa's representative for all the southern states. And Mexico!Registered User regular
    The Geek wrote: »
    just once i want to see the wise old magic teacher be played as a douchey as hell vegas stage magician

    an ancient sage with a chain wallet, frosted tips, and leather pants that were too gaudy for rey misterio jr.

    I assume we're casting Bruce Campbell in this role then?

    nah bruce is slightly too old

    my shortlist:

    chris klein
    kevin dillon
    zach effron

    Steve Buscemi
    Either Busey. Hell, have it be a team using both Buseys.

    all too old

    I nominate Lucas Lee for the role.

    Ross-Geller-Prime-Sig-A.jpg
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    Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Chris Klein is fucking perfect for that role. Discussion should have ended there.

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    StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    I've known a few douchebag stage magicians in my time

    Kevin Dillon seems about right, although all I know about him is that he was in Entourage

    Chris Klein seems like that sort of hypnotist who definitely is interested in erotic hypnosis (so, pretty much perfect, if my research forays into the erotic hypnosis community are to be believed)

    Zac Efron might be a bit too handsome, but I see where you're coming from

    Will Arnett would be a shockingly good choice, if a bit too on the nose after Arrested Development

    And I'll also add in Ian Bohen, as a suggestion

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    FawstFawst The road to awe.Registered User regular
    sarukun wrote: »
    Fawst wrote: »
    NBC Nightly News is gonna have a story about that Great Wall movie with Matt Damon. It'll be interesting to see what the take is, because it's hard for me to agree with whitewashing when it seems to be a fully Chinese production. If I'm wrong, that changes things, but everything I've read is pointing in that direction.

    That said, the idea is fucking stupid. Same reason I didn't bother with The Last Samurai (is White).

    For the billionth time, Tom Cruise is not the last samurai in that movie, he doesn't fucking save or fix shit except what is wrong with him personally, and the only reason
    he is alive and everyone else is dead at the end is because the samurai all commit suicide and, I reiterate, he is not a samurai.

    The romance in the movie is kind of weird and underwritten, and the marketing didn't really sell the actual movie they made, but it is not what you are assuming it is.

    Edit: Spoilers are spoilers, and I'm a moron.

    I have absolutely...
    az4e6pgqa3s4.jpg

    ...positively...
    eighb7xb222r.jpg

    ...no idea how...
    v3isou6fndld.jpg

    ...I could have made that mistake.
    It's the marketing, just like you mentioned.

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    sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    You're not the first one and you won't be the last.

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    Rorshach KringleRorshach Kringle that crustache life Registered User regular
    Straightzi wrote: »
    I've known a few douchebag stage magicians in my time

    Kevin Dillon seems about right, although all I know about him is that he was in Entourage

    Chris Klein seems like that sort of hypnotist who definitely is interested in erotic hypnosis (so, pretty much perfect, if my research forays into the erotic hypnosis community are to be believed)

    Zac Efron might be a bit too handsome, but I see where you're coming from

    Will Arnett would be a shockingly good choice, if a bit too on the nose after Arrested Development

    And I'll also add in Ian Bohen, as a suggestion

    kevin dillon was picked solely because he is the douchiest member of entourage

    and also was cool in the blob remake

    6vjsgrerts6r.png

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    ChincymcchillaChincymcchilla Registered User regular
    Early reviews are out for suicide squad

    Looks like it is about on par with batman v superman on rotten tomatoes

    I have a podcast about Power Rangers:Teenagers With Attitude | TWA Facebook Group
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    FAQFAQ Registered User regular
    oof

This discussion has been closed.