[Cards Against Humanity] TRV wins and wrecks it for everyone else.

Elvenshae

Good luck, you terrible examples of humanity, you.

chamberlain

I love this kind of early game enthusiasm. Now to calm @TheRoadVirus down long enough to do some judging.

Do not fuck with me! I am literally Not knowing what to believe anymore about butter right now. (Cythraul)
Do not fuck with me! I am literally Whipping it out right now. (Gizzy)
Do not fuck with me! I am literally That thing with the spoon right now. (Megafrost)
Do not fuck with me! I am literally The Dial-A-Slice Apple Divider from Williams-Sonoma right now. (Anialos)
Do not fuck with me! I am literally Concealing a boner right now. (Zombie Hero)
Do not fuck with me! I am literally breastfeeding a ten year old right now. (MrTLicious )
Do not fuck with me! I am literally Going potty right now. (Elvenshae)

Erin The Red

Breastfeeding a ten year old. Anyone willing to breastfeed something with teeth doesn't have time for your shit.

chamberlain

@MrTLicious wins the opening round so quickly that we don't have time to think about that episode of Dr Phil that was about his winning card.

Round 2: I do not know with which weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with _____.

@Anialos @Cythraul @Elvenshae @Gizzy @Megafrost @TheRoadVirus @Zombie Hero

Who doesn't enjoy misquoting Einstein?

chamberlain

Call of Duty really got off track this time. @MrTLicious still bought it, but only for the multiplayer.

I do not know with which weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with The combined fat from all the Kardashian family liposuctions. (Megafrost )
I do not know with which weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with Centaurs. (Cythraul)
I do not know with which weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with Vigorous jazz hands. (Elvenshae)
I do not know with which weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with Nun chunks. (Anialos)
I do not know with which weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with At least three ducks. (Zombie Hero)
I do not know with which weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with Several Michael Keatons. (TheRoadVirus)
I do not know with which weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with The World of Warcraft. (Gizzy)

MrTLicious

Weapons of ass fat suction? (Kardashians)

chamberlain

Ew.

chamberlain

And @Megafrost wins World War IV thanks to his habit of creeping outside hollywood cosmetic surgery offices.

Round 3: A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without _____.

@Anialos @Cythraul @Elvenshae @Gizzy @MrTLicious @TheRoadVirus @Zombie Hero

Tell us about how awesome your Valentine's Day celebrations were.

chamberlain

@Megafrost did nothing on Valentine's Day and it was still better than most of these options:

A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without An overly-enthusiastic prostate exam. (Anialos)
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without An asshole that tastes like vanilla ice cream. (Cythraul)
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without A banana. You know, for scale. (Zombie Hero)
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without LeBron James' vast, enveloping hands. (MrTLicious)
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without Jiggle physics. (Elvenshae)
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without A tribe of warrior women. (Gizzy)
A romantic, candlelit dinner would be incomplete without Choking. (TheRoadVirus )

Megafrost

Choking. You get free hugs!

chamberlain

@TheRoadVirus is saying that Heimlich was a bit of a perv.



Checks out.

Round 4: Before _____, all we had was _____.

@Anialos @Cythraul @Elvenshae @Gizzy @Megafrost @MrTLicious @Zombie Hero

'I was wearing an onion on my belt because it was the style at the time...'

Erin The Red

Back in nineteen dickety two!

chamberlain

@Cythraul needs to stop reminiscing and start living in the now by getting me his cards.

chamberlain

@TheRoadVirus is The Rambler in The Dependables.

Before YouTube Comments, all we had was Leaving an awkward voicemail. (Zombie Hero)
Before Twincest, all we had was A kiss on the lips. (Megafrost)
Before A passionate Latino lover, all we had was Insufficient serotonin. (Elvenshae)
Before 40 acres and a mule, all we had was The violation of our most basic human rights. (Anialos )
Before Mom's new boyfriend, all we had was Dancing with a broom. (Cythraul)
Before Meaningless sex, all we had was A sad handjob. (Gizzy)
Before George Clooney's musk, all we had was Bono. Just... Bono. (MrTLicious)

Erin The Red

Fuck. That 40 acres one is... uh... yup.
It's the 'winner' in this case.

chamberlain

@Anialos studies the parts of history that no one else does. Like we don't have enough to feel guilty about.

Round 5:On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and _____.

@Cythraul @Elvenshae @Gizzy @Megafrost @MrTLicious @TheRoadVirus @Zombie Hero

Happy times are here again, right?

chamberlain

Wake up @Zombie Hero ! I need your card!

Erin The Red

WISE FWOM YO GWAVE

chamberlain

Some of these would be good presents. Some of them would not. @Anialos gets to choose.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and A subscription to Men's Fitness. (MrTLicious)
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and The all-new Nissan Pathfinder with 0.9% APR financing! (TheRoadVirus)
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and Another goddamn vampire movie. (Cythraul )
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and Tacos. (Zombie Hero)
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and AIDS. (Megafrost)
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and Interspecies marriage. (Gizzy)
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: three French hens, two turtle doves, and The clitoris. (Elvenshae)

Anialos

Only two of them can be sung anywhere close to correctly, and between those two one is simply abhor able, and thus must win. My true love gave me another goddamn vampire movie.

chamberlain

Bonus point to @Cythraul if he gets us a video of him singing the line.

Next black card has three blanks so I will be giving out an additional white card. Give me a moment.

chamberlain

Apologies for the delay, apparently the forum's spam filter had an issue with sending out more than two messages in 30 seconds filled with CaH levels of profanity. Are you ready @Cythraul ? This should be good:

Round 6: I went from _____ to _____, all thanks to _____.

@Anialos @Elvenshae @Gizzy @Megafrost @MrTLicious @TheRoadVirus @Zombie Hero

Make me proud.

chamberlain

Some of these sound like lines out of bad country songs. Are you ready for a hoedown @Cythraul ?

I went from A box to The J15 Patriot Assault Box, all thanks to Charging up all the way. (TheRoadVirus)
I went from Road head to The sticky icky, all thanks to Bacon-flavored lube. (Anialos)
I went from Suicidal thoughts to Police brutality, all thanks to The Jews. (Elvenshae)
I went from Praising our savior Lord Jesus Christ to Insisting that Jesus is technically a zombie, all thanks to Those creamy atheist thighs. (Gizzy )
I went from Sperm whales to An outbreak of smallbox, all thanks to Anal fissures like you wouldn't believe. (Megafrost)
I went from Punching a tree to gather wood to Clearing a bloody path through Walmart with a scimitar, all thanks to Joffrey Baratheon, the loathsome little shit. (Zombie Hero)
I went from Getting shot out of a cannon to Swooping, all thanks to Susan, that bitch. (MrTLicious)

Cythraul

Holy shit you guys, you're not making this easy!

Erin The Red

Strong round. STRONG

Cythraul

I went from Praising our savior Lord Jesus Christ to Insisting that Jesus is technically a zombie, all thanks to Those creamy atheist thighs.

I had to read these out to my wife to get her opinion. She was no help, but she did have a great laugh. Amazing round guys.

Gizzy

I feel better about using my blank card!

chamberlain

Ah, the lesser known cantos of the Divine comedy describing, in lurid detail, the fields of creamy atheist thighs that fill the gaps between the first and second circles. Well done @Gizzy .

Round 7: It's not delivery. It's _____.

@Anialos @Cythraul @Elvenshae @Megafrost @MrTLicious @TheRoadVirus @Zombie Hero

Dinner time!

chamberlain

@Gizzy has proven that you really can order anything on the internet:

It's not delivery. It's A falcon with a cap on its head. (TheRoadVirus )
It's not delivery. It's Getting eaten alive by Guy Fieri. (Elvenshae)
It's not delivery. It's Putting an entire peanut butter and jelly sandwich into the VCR. (Cythraul)
It's not delivery. It's 8 oz. of sweet Mexican black-tar heroin. (MrTLicious)
It's not delivery. It's Agent Orange. (Anialos)
It's not delivery. It's Puppies! (Megafrost)
It's not delivery. It's Erectile dysfunction. (Zombie Hero)

LostNinja

Can I go ahead and Reserve up for the next game.

Gizzy

It's a falcon!

chamberlain

At least we know that Amazon has a backup plan in case delivery by drone never catches on, though who knows if even a falcon will deliver what @TheRoadVirus orders.

Round 8: Daddy, why is Mommy crying?

@Anialos @Cythraul @Elvenshae @Gizzy @Megafrost @MrTLicious @Zombie Hero

Time delve into that one Christmas that no one likes to talk about.

chamberlain

Nothing gets a Monday going better than a good cry, right @Elvenshae ?

chamberlain

Some day @TheRoadVirus will be telling this story whilst reclined on a couch:

Daddy, why is Mommy crying? Feeding Rosie O'Donnell. (Gizzy)
Daddy, why is Mommy crying? Being raped to sleep by dickwolves. (Zombie Hero)
Daddy, why is Mommy crying? The penny whistle solo from "My Heart Will Go On." (Anialos)
Daddy, why is Mommy crying? Africa. (MrTLicious)
Daddy, why is Mommy crying? A toxic family environment. (Elvenshae )
Daddy, why is Mommy crying? Free ice cream, yo. (Megafrost)
Daddy, why is Mommy crying? Yoga pants. (Cythraul)

Erin The Red

Mommy says no beer and toxic family environment make daddy something something

chamberlain

Go crazy?

see317

chamberlain wrote: »

Go crazy?

Don't mind if I do!
signup

chamberlain

Thank you for finishing that. The wait was killing me. @Elvenshae wins by over sharing!

Round 9: The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to _____ is a basic human right.

@Anialos @Cythraul @Gizzy @Megafrost @MrTLicious @TheRoadVirus @Zombie Hero

Admit it, we are all moving there eventually.

chamberlain

I have a right to @Megafrost getting me his card!

chamberlain

On his visa application @Elvenshae emphasized the following:

The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to That ass is a basic human right. (Gizzy)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to The tiniest shred of evidence that God is real is a basic human right. (Megafrost)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to Shutting the fuck up is a basic human right. (MrTLicious)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to Barbecuing what's left of the fetus is a basic human right. (Zombie Hero)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to Hot cheese is a basic human right. (TheRoadVirus)
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to Asian girls with names like "Christina" or "Elizabeth" is a basic human right. (Anialos )
The socialist governments of Scandinavia have declared that access to Quiche is a basic human right. (Cythraul)