The new forums will be named Coin Return (based on the most recent vote)! You can check on the status and timeline of the transition to the new forums here.
The Guiding Principles and New Rules document is now in effect.
Tips for moving forward [Girl thread]
pacbowl
Los AngelesRegistered User regular
Los AngelesRegistered User regular
Due to the nature of my job I get sent all over the LA area doing on-site computer work for various clients. I'm always meeting new people, but have never really tried to get with any of the cute women I seem to run into from time to time due to professional courtesy.
Except one.
About a year ago I went to do some computer work for a client who is pretty attractive. As always I made some small talk, did the job and left. A few months later they had me do more work at some other locations, and this woman was there. Again, we made small talk but nothing out of the ordinary. I gave her my personal cell number and told her to call if she had any other problems (I only do that for certain people). Over the next few months she did call a few times, but for nothing too troublesome or demanding.
During our small talk she was always saying things like "You do such a good job I'm gonna bring in some cookies for you". I figured it was friendly banter so I just rolled with it. Then one day she asked if I wanted to go out for coffee sometime. I politely refused, but thanked her and said it wasn't necessary. In the following few weeks I got a few texts from her again asking me out for coffee. It got to the point where I figured what the hell, she's cute so I asked her instead of coffee, would she like to join me for dinner. She accepted and since then we've gone out a few times over the past few weeks.
Here's the thing. It feels weird because she's a client. I'm not afraid of getting in trouble with my employer, it's way past that point, but I don't know if she's just being nice to get free support. I've developed some feelings for her and think this is something I'd like to persue, but don't want to screw it up. I'm not sure if she's stringing me along for free computer support, or if she's actually interested. When we go out we don't talk about work, except for normal conversation like what we've been doing lately. She doesn't probe me for support at the dinner table or anything.
I'm sure she knows I'm interested, but neither of us has made any physical advances towards the other and I'm afraid if it takes too long it'll end up in that "just friends" category, if it's not already. I'm thinking of just going for an outright kiss next time we go out to see what happens. I figure if she refuses, then she's in it for the support. If not, hey, the ice is broken. However, I don't want to come off as creepy either. Anyone have any slick suggestions on how to proceed?
Except one.
About a year ago I went to do some computer work for a client who is pretty attractive. As always I made some small talk, did the job and left. A few months later they had me do more work at some other locations, and this woman was there. Again, we made small talk but nothing out of the ordinary. I gave her my personal cell number and told her to call if she had any other problems (I only do that for certain people). Over the next few months she did call a few times, but for nothing too troublesome or demanding.
During our small talk she was always saying things like "You do such a good job I'm gonna bring in some cookies for you". I figured it was friendly banter so I just rolled with it. Then one day she asked if I wanted to go out for coffee sometime. I politely refused, but thanked her and said it wasn't necessary. In the following few weeks I got a few texts from her again asking me out for coffee. It got to the point where I figured what the hell, she's cute so I asked her instead of coffee, would she like to join me for dinner. She accepted and since then we've gone out a few times over the past few weeks.
Here's the thing. It feels weird because she's a client. I'm not afraid of getting in trouble with my employer, it's way past that point, but I don't know if she's just being nice to get free support. I've developed some feelings for her and think this is something I'd like to persue, but don't want to screw it up. I'm not sure if she's stringing me along for free computer support, or if she's actually interested. When we go out we don't talk about work, except for normal conversation like what we've been doing lately. She doesn't probe me for support at the dinner table or anything.
I'm sure she knows I'm interested, but neither of us has made any physical advances towards the other and I'm afraid if it takes too long it'll end up in that "just friends" category, if it's not already. I'm thinking of just going for an outright kiss next time we go out to see what happens. I figure if she refuses, then she's in it for the support. If not, hey, the ice is broken. However, I don't want to come off as creepy either. Anyone have any slick suggestions on how to proceed?
pacbowl on
0
Posts
No, no. I'm not trying to get out of the situation. That's easy. I'm looking more for how to tell if she's interested or not without being a jackass.
Be direct.
Twitter | Facebook | Tumblr | Last.fm | Pandora | LibraryThing | formspring | Blue Moon over Seattle (MCFC)
That is, if she doesn't run away first after hearing that terrible line.
Look, you don't need to give a speech about it. Just ask her if she is single. That is all you have to do to give the message that you are interested.
PSN: SirGrinchX
Oculus Rift: Sir_Grinch
Ask do you have a boyfriend?. if the answer is no, just tell her: Look, I am not trying to bother you, but, I like you, and I would like to continue seeing you.
Go from there. :P
And if she rebuffs you, you get to tell her that the problem is on her end
dream a little dream or you could live a little dream
sleep forever if you wish to be a dreamer
nope, it is for helping pacbowl with his problem. If you would like to post yours feel free to make a new thread
lol meta modding...
pacbowl: I'll reiterate the above statements - during conversation, ask her if she is single: she will know your intentions immediately - depending on how she reacts you should then have some idea of how she feels about you.
stout's Amazon Wishlist | my lastFM
Has she ever mentioned you doing work for her while you were out on these dates? Cos they're full-on dates if you're catching dinner together. If she's not saying anything about you doing work for her on these dates, then she's going out with you because she likes you.
If she's talking about how it would be so nice if you could swing by and do X and Y for her, then she's in it for the support.
Are you the only person who offers support for the company? If not, if you two get more serious, perhaps make a point of having another guy go out if there's a call in the future, if you two develop into a more serious relationship. The sticking point with dating clients is similar to dating inside a company -- it can exacerbate any office politics and create awkward situations, which aren't fun to deal with. For instance, if you two were to have a falling out in a month or two, that might ruin relationships with your company. Which is why if you two do become more involved, it would probably be best if you had another guy handle the support calls.
I've done the straight forward, sit down and talk thing but that generally scares them away and it never seems to work out right. I've also done the beat-around-the-bush thing and that never works out either. I know she likes to spend time with me, or else she wouldn't, and ideally I'd like to find out if she's interested in more before I go out on a limb but maybe that's what I have to do. I'm just trying to find the best way to approach it.
She's never mentioned doing any work for her "on the side" or anything, but that's one thing I'm afraid it will lead to. Not that I'm against helping her, but I don't want it as the basis for our relationship.
As for how to progress? I uh... don't personally know
stout's Amazon Wishlist | my lastFM
P.S.
You can even compose a poem or a monologue
Apparently you missed the part where SHE ASKED YOU OUT! She is interested, there is no conspiracy to hide intentions, she went out with you again after that, and has some sort of plans to see you again. When you kiss her, she is going to say, "What took you so long."
Dude... you are way way over analyzing this situation (I do the same thing).
* She asked you out for coffee
* She sent you TEXTS for coffee (is it just me or is this you only do to someone you really like? Doesn't seem professional)
* You asked her out for dinner and she gladly went
* You asked her if she was single, and she said yes
Why are you afraid that she just wants something out of you? Believe it or not, you are a person and you have things to offer beyond your professional skills. You seem to be making excuses not to do this, when it should be the other way around (except in your case you don't need excuses because she's basically spelled it out for you). DO IT!
I see it this way too. Just kiss her or something. I think that was your best idea so far.
― Marcus Aurelius
Path of Exile: themightypuck
The next time (the VERY next time if you've already been on several dates) you go out, tell her after the date:
"Hey, I thought it might be nice if you came over for coffee." An overthinking and intelligent person (aka nerd) might feel awkward about this approach because it seems so transparent, and possibly creepy. Like your trying to trick her into your house or something. I assure you that this is normal- and she'll only find it creepy if she isn't in to you. She is into you, though, it seems like.
The biggest danger for you at this point is to not do anything. She won't wait around for ever. It's fairly common for people to start getting physical after a handful of dates. If you want that, you should try to steer things that way, and you don't have to be clever or subtle about it. Just invite her over and ask to kiss her. If she isn't into it just yet, she probably won't hold it against you that you are actually into her.
To the sober mind, romantic and flirtatious behavior seem awkward when really thought about. Just don't think that much about it.
Cheers, and good luck.