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I think I might be Trans
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Registered User regular
Debated even putting this up but here it goes.
I've been having an identity crisis for a while now and it's been ongoing for several months. I am a guy but I've been thinking more and more that this is wrong. I keep questioning myself, my gender, everything. I don't feel and I keep having thoughts that I may be a girl. I've been stressing for a while about this. Tried to self diagnose and everything points to me being being trans.
The thing is I'm scared as heck. Scared of the gate-keeping, scared of not looking right or normal if I transition, scared of being isolated and alone, scared of being persecuted/discriminated against. I am not even sure where to go from here, who to see, or what to do.
Also mix this constant questioning in and being in a new place by myself and it's leading down the road of having some serious bouts of depression
Please can anyone help?
I've been having an identity crisis for a while now and it's been ongoing for several months. I am a guy but I've been thinking more and more that this is wrong. I keep questioning myself, my gender, everything. I don't feel and I keep having thoughts that I may be a girl. I've been stressing for a while about this. Tried to self diagnose and everything points to me being being trans.
The thing is I'm scared as heck. Scared of the gate-keeping, scared of not looking right or normal if I transition, scared of being isolated and alone, scared of being persecuted/discriminated against. I am not even sure where to go from here, who to see, or what to do.
Also mix this constant questioning in and being in a new place by myself and it's leading down the road of having some serious bouts of depression
Please can anyone help?
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I can suggest the LGBT thread in SE++, there are many trans people (mostly in north America - myself included, one that I know of in Australia), who frequent that thread and can answer any questions you have.
If you're not willing to post there on your main account, then feel free to ask questions here, but a lot of our answers will depend on where you are and if we have anyone from that area (I'm from the Montreal area, so that's where my advice of who to go to and who to talk to is going to be relevant.
If you're pretty sure this is the path you're on, the odds are you're going to have to steel yourself and start navigating it before you get to a place you're happy in again.
Unless I'm allowed to by @tube or the admins then I can't post there with this account and I'm to scared to use my real one there for now.
Currently I am in Dallas TX and I'm not finding anything as far as resources where I can even talk to someone.
Questions and I have a ton.
Where do I even start? Talk to a therapist? Being in Texas I'm pretty sure they will gatekeep me. I hear about informed consent but not sure what that even is or if it's an option. I hear about DIY but also hear that is super dangerous.
Then there is that I'm a little older so I'm not sure what effect if any hormones will have.
@Atomika is a trans woman who lives in Dallas, TX and can probably answer a lot of your questions!
I'd love it if you took a look at my art and my PATREON!
Ok well hopefully she'll drop by and says it's ok to PM her.
For me, it started best with understanding there is no diagnosing trans. Its not a condition. No reputable or ethical medical or mental professional will treat it that way either. Gender dysphoria is just a symptom that comes along with it.
As for your first step, I would say this is it. And it was a huge one! Seriously. Reaching out is extremely difficult and important. You should be proud to have gotten this far.
Hopefully Atomika can help you out more directly. You can usually find lists of therapists specializing in trans issues, but you are right that they might end up gate keeping. Same with support groups. I know if at least one or two big organizations that have local chapters, but I can't say how well they are run having never been there.
It gets better.
I can't speak to any of the "trans experience" because it's not my area of expertise, but the one contribution I can make to your conversation is this: I can tell you that I know a few trans people and between them and their trans friends I have seen some really gruff looking dudes turn into 100% passable women. I'm talking muscled up bearded lumberjack type dudes who tried to compensate for their physical confusion by hitting the gym and being as hairy and masculine as possible physically changing into women that look 100% naturally female. Some have had to resort to surgery, but a lot of them have not.
Everyone's experience is different, and there are no guarantees, and it will be a long and arduous road, but medical science is doing some serious work these days and HRT is a helluva drug.
Your body is a vessel. You sail into the harsh wind, never shirking. Your friends refill your hope, when all feels lost.
It's harder than you could ever imagine. Harder than almost any tangible burden.
It's so hard.
Exploring the human condition, like a living question, you sail past the 'edges'. But were they really that defined, in the beginning? Made up? At times, two bodies can become one.
Existing is an odd thing.
You take all the luck you can muster, find people to catch you when you fall, and take hold of your wheel of fate.
It's so 硬い。You feel yourself breaking, your psyche yielding to the load.
But you press on, certain that you will find, you must find, the greatest gift there could be in this life - your self, your eyes, (the only ones you could ever have); forged of diamond will-stones, sunken, somewhere in this swarthy, and boundless metaphysical ocean. Was it fed by your river of tears?
And this world, freed of your burden... is just so... so bright, so full of love & wonder... it's blinding. :heartbeat:
Whether you decide that this is something that you need or not, help sorting out your thoughts via a professional healthcare provider is a good idea.
I don't know much about transitioning, but I know these forums have some phenomenal people on them who do. Best of luck.
I have to be honest this is something that I have been suppressing for a very long time to the point of overcompensating and a lot of self hating/abuse.
It's reached a point now where these feelings are too strong to ignor and I'm tired of fighting with myself.
Also seconding (thirding? fourthing?) the SE++ thread in general and Atomika in particular. Good luck, we're all pulling for you!
First of all, you're not alone. Even if you're just questioning, or are trans and never transition, or do transition: you are not alone.
As for where to go from here, it depends on where you're at. The traditional route is going to a therapist (such as Renee Baker, who is in the Dallas area) who specializes in gender issues, and then work through your feelings and past before committing to anything. The pros to this are you can take things slowly and think through things before making a decision, but the cons are that it does slow things down and sometimes even with the most open-minded therapist you have to play the game a little simply because it's hard for cis people to really understand (or at least from my experience).
You can also do informed consent, which has the advantages of speed and minimal gatekeeping, but also doesn't necessarily help if you have other issues to work through (or if you're just overall depressed). Basically how it works is you go to a clinic, you have a few screens for medical and psychological issues that might make them pause things, but for the most part it's you acknowledging the risks and them giving you the scrip.
As for whether age limits the effects of HRT, it does but only to a certain bit. As a general rule of thumb it's better to start early and have it replace your birth designated puberty. But transitioning when older doesn't necessarily sentence you to a life of not looking right, and a lot of transitioning can come down to your own comfort and confidence, as well as other presentation things that have nothing to do with medical transition. And not everyone needs or wants a medical transition, or a social transition, and that's okay.
If you are struggling with things, I'd recommend either seeing a therapist even if it's just one session, or attending a support group. It might help relieve concerns or doubts you have, and help you build a support network. Being trans can be hard, but it's also freeing. Having people you can go to, or rely on, though, is important so you want to try to build that up early.
whatever decision you make, as long as its your decision, is the right one
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