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[5E OOC] Before the Darkness - "Who Watches the Poopmen"

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Posts

  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    Alright, we need a new player because I'll never be able to look at Scott again after that.

  • The Hanged ManThe Hanged Man Once I ate a pizza so big, they gave me a prize. Then I threw up and they took it back.Registered User regular
    Not my fault you left the Poopmen in the thread title for like a year

    Whole subforum already thinks this is the Scat Game, might as well lean into that.

    So... do you think Wizards use Mage Hand to wipe?

    TWITTER: @DesertLeviathan, PSN: LeviathanAscends
    3DS: 1590-4800-2407, SWITCH: SW-3925-2368-8101
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  • iguanacusiguanacus Desert PlanetRegistered User regular
    That or maybe Unseen Servant?

    The Hanged Man
  • The Hanged ManThe Hanged Man Once I ate a pizza so big, they gave me a prize. Then I threw up and they took it back.Registered User regular
    Haha, yes! That's the perfect height of stupid decadence! Doing a ten minute ritual to manifest a little invisible dude, squatting a dump into his cupped hands, and making him wander off into the woods to bury it somewhere before expiring. That's your whole reality, Unseen Servant. Enjoy it while it lasts!

    TWITTER: @DesertLeviathan, PSN: LeviathanAscends
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    override367
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    I'm glad I sat down and read that entire list

    I will, however, put an addendum on the Kobolds: they tend to have a lot of hands per tribe and not enough to do, so they no doubt employ pooper-scoopers in large numbers

    also a fair percentage of those steaks somehow end up in a gnome's breakfast coffee

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Not my fault you left the Poopmen in the thread title for like a year
    Whole subforum already thinks this is the Scat Game, might as well lean into that.
    So... do you think Wizards use Mage Hand to wipe?

    I'd think they would use prestidigitation instead.
    There's no need to dirty your mage hand with cleaning yourself when you can just magic any remaining mess away. Cast it again to make sure you smell of lilac, and you're good to go.

    If you're really spoiled, you can make sure the seat in your keep is warm before you sit down with prestidigitation too.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    see317 wrote: »
    Not my fault you left the Poopmen in the thread title for like a year
    Whole subforum already thinks this is the Scat Game, might as well lean into that.
    So... do you think Wizards use Mage Hand to wipe?

    I'd think they would use prestidigitation instead.
    There's no need to dirty your mage hand with cleaning yourself when you can just magic any remaining mess away. Cast it again to make sure you smell of lilac, and you're good to go.

    If you're really spoiled, you can make sure the seat in your keep is warm before you sit down with prestidigitation too.

    a smart wizard brings several apprentices along when he poops so that he doesn't have to wait several rounds

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    you know, scott is no simple Poopman

    he's a Poopsage

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    so, uh, Thanksgiving is this week

    I take it we're not meeting, but I'll be thinking about y'all on that day of thanks

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    Doobh wrote: »
    so, uh, Thanksgiving is this week

    I take it we're not meeting, but I'll be thinking about y'all on that day of thanks

    Friggin' Americans, always thanking people a month and a half late.

  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    so what if our thanksgiving is a little constipated

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    we will never escape the specter of being the poop thread

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • iguanacusiguanacus Desert PlanetRegistered User regular
    Gotta make sure you eat you're salad and greens or it's gonna be a rough Friday morning

  • The Hanged ManThe Hanged Man Once I ate a pizza so big, they gave me a prize. Then I threw up and they took it back.Registered User regular
    YOU DON'T TELL ME HOW TO POOP DOUG I AM THE GODDAMN POOPSAGE

    (shoves a whole uncooked frozen thanksgiving turkey in his mouth and pulls out nothing but gleaming white bones)

    TWITTER: @DesertLeviathan, PSN: LeviathanAscends
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  • iguanacusiguanacus Desert PlanetRegistered User regular
    Didn't your landlord have enough trouble with your apartment being flooded from rain? Now you want to add clogged toilet to his woes?

  • The Hanged ManThe Hanged Man Once I ate a pizza so big, they gave me a prize. Then I threw up and they took it back.Registered User regular
    It was actually a toilet-related flood in the first place. But it wasn't my fault!

    TWITTER: @DesertLeviathan, PSN: LeviathanAscends
    3DS: 1590-4800-2407, SWITCH: SW-3925-2368-8101
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  • iguanacusiguanacus Desert PlanetRegistered User regular
    So the CDC has issued a temp ban on all romaine lettuce so I guess I gotta load up on the broccoli Thursday

  • iguanacusiguanacus Desert PlanetRegistered User regular
    Happy Thanksgiving to you all, even if some of you do it too early in the year

    Doobh
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    happy hanksgiving everyone

    I consider all of you good friends, and wish you the best today

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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    iguanacus
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    hope y'all had a good weekend

    I am eager to play something with y'all on Thursday

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    Okay gang here's my sitch.

    1. I'm mental illness'd and it sucks.
    2. I'm running a couple games IRL
    3. My relationship is on fire, like a dumpster.
    4. I just settled in to the store I'll be running at my new job.

    Rather than muss with success, and because everything sucks rn, I'm gonna take the reins again and wrap up our campaign in three parts, starting back up at the beginning of january, after the holiday madness is over.

    1. Infiltrate the Magus Academy to access their interplanar portal and confront whoever sicced those mercs on you
    2. ????
    3. Battle the Illithilich with divine power and strike him from existence
    4. Celebrate!

    After that, I have a new 5e campaign seed I've been playing with, which centers on the party following in the footsteps of their masters/creators/parents, who never spoke about their past in front of you, and have now disappeared with only a single word left behind.

    LEGACY

    Any questions comments concerns are welcome.

  • The Hanged ManThe Hanged Man Once I ate a pizza so big, they gave me a prize. Then I threw up and they took it back.Registered User regular
    Hell yes. You have my axe.

    TWITTER: @DesertLeviathan, PSN: LeviathanAscends
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    Rainfall
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    I'm already getting my character portrait commissioned for the next campaign

    so, uh, yeah, I'm excited about all of this news

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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    iguanacusRainfall
  • The Hanged ManThe Hanged Man Once I ate a pizza so big, they gave me a prize. Then I threw up and they took it back.Registered User regular
    Everybody good to play tonight?

    TWITTER: @DesertLeviathan, PSN: LeviathanAscends
    3DS: 1590-4800-2407, SWITCH: SW-3925-2368-8101
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  • MeldingMelding Registered User regular
    my head has been kind of garbage lately, but i think i have it under control enough to say words outloud while sitting

  • iguanacusiguanacus Desert PlanetRegistered User regular
    Operation Fool the Imps after Meeting With Some Furbolgs is a go

  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    hello hi yes

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • The Hanged ManThe Hanged Man Once I ate a pizza so big, they gave me a prize. Then I threw up and they took it back.Registered User regular
    Session 3: The Knight's Dilemma
    All right, it's been like a month, I can't recall the exact order stuff happened.

    The important bits - the Knight Rufus was revealed to be a Half-Orc and a Revenant. He died with an unfulfilled oath, and was cursed to return and pursue it. Leopold has been assisting him, as they were companions when Rufus was still alive.

    Rufus is infected with the fungus. But because of a combination of his paladin powers and his undead condition, it seems unable to colonize him fully. He can't seem to purge it completely, but he has not felt the influence of whatever entity was controlling all those goblins.

    A shitload of Owlbears were also infected with the fungus. Several attacked during the night. An especially large one hung back from the fight and watched. The team was able to dispatch all the regular sized ones, at which point the big one spoke up that he was very impressed, and would be keeping an eye on the team until later, "until you grow stronger."

    Session 4: Treachery in the Crimson Marsh
    The party detoured into the Conclave Incarnadine territory, where they narrowly avoided having their cart searched at an imperial checkpoint, with a fungal infested owlbear corpse in it, mostly because I forgot to have the soldiers check.

    In one of the small settlements that cluster the Conclave, they found a Gnome Druid named Zilfizz who was an elder of his community and offered to help them out. When they showed him the owlbear corpse, he grew agitated, suggesting that they may have been infected with the fungus, and he suggested that they assist him in gathering materials for a medicine further in the swamp. He also destroyed the owlbear corpse, and the cart containing it, with a Moonbeam spell.

    Once deep in the swamp, he showed the party a type of fern and beetle that they needed to gather for his medicine, and also the type of fancy eatin' lizard everyone seemed to have assumed they were looking for, the Horned Stink-Lizard. Then, hoping the party was distracted by this search, he transformed into a crocodile and left, but not without being observed by Halcone. The party pursued him, and about halfway back to the gnome settlement they were ambushed by him - now in Englarged crocodile form, along with three Imperial soldiers. They killed the Imperials, and beat Zilfizz unconscious, then revived him for interrogation.

    He revealed that they had never been at risk of infection, and the whole thing was a ploy to get them away from his village and give him time to get the troops. The Conclave's treaty with the Empire apparently required him to report suspicious activity, and the bugbear carcass he had been shown qualified as the right sort of suspicious due to reminding him of one of the Imperial Blood-Saints whose minions had been observed operating to the west - an entity who, according to rumor, had been a Fungus-obsessed Druid, one of only a handful of Druids known in Imperial history, who earned the trust of the Emperor and was granted immortality.

    The party took his Shoes of Water Walking, but left him his enchanted ring for cooperating, and left him tied up in the swamp so he'd have a better cover story when he had to explain himself to the Imperials. The party also left with four fronds of fern and seven green horned beetles (an eighth was transformed into a Goodberry to revive Zilfizz), which have no medical properties whatsoever, but do look nice. The party also obtained six Horned Stink-Lizards, and set off to recover their donkey.

    TWITTER: @DesertLeviathan, PSN: LeviathanAscends
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  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    you forgot to mention the atomic wedgie

    I guess there wouldn't be atomics in D&D so it's probably more like an arcane wedgie

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  • MeldingMelding Registered User regular
    Tensor's Floating Wedgie

    Doobh
  • MeldingMelding Registered User regular
    so we on for tonight or am i watching the kieghlies

  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    yeah, what's up

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • iguanacusiguanacus Desert PlanetRegistered User regular
    Good question

  • The Hanged ManThe Hanged Man Once I ate a pizza so big, they gave me a prize. Then I threw up and they took it back.Registered User regular
    Ah shit, I forgot to post here. I've got a cold that kept me up all night coughing, and even though I slept all day and feel mostly better, it actually hurts to talk. Sorry for the late notice.

    TWITTER: @DesertLeviathan, PSN: LeviathanAscends
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  • iguanacusiguanacus Desert PlanetRegistered User regular
    No worries bro, drink some tea w/ honey and feel better.

    DoobhMelding
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    take care of yourself, Scoot

    I can take care of my partner and play Stellaris instead, tonight

    so it's all good

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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    Melding
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    hey everyone

    remember that you are good (especially you) and deserve nice things

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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    The Hanged Maniguanacus
  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    so what's the plan for thursday night

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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  • The Hanged ManThe Hanged Man Once I ate a pizza so big, they gave me a prize. Then I threw up and they took it back.Registered User regular
    Today... we FIGHT

    I should be good at the standard time

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  • DoobhDoobh She/Her, Ace Pan/Bisexual 8-) I want to cut to the feelingRegistered User regular
    but you're good ALL the time, Scott

    I am streamer, destroyer of worlds. [M, Tu, W, F: 2-6 pm EST] and [Saturday: 3-8 pm EST]
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