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Can [Fat Acceptance] Be Positive?

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    OrganichuOrganichu poops peesRegistered User, Moderator mod
    xposting this thing that happened to me, since some of you other fat bros might relate
    my coworker's divorce went through today and she got mopey alone-drunk so i figured i'd bring her some homemade brownies. drive over there around 1 in the morning with the roads mostly empty. i park across the street from her house since her side is going the wrong way, and i go hang out. an hour later, cops knock on the door- do one of you own that car across the street? a woman called the cops. turns out she was that one car on the road ahead of me and 'it seemed like i was following her'. she was quite a ways ahead of me so by the time i got there her car was already parked, lights off etc- i ended up parking one house down from hers, by chance. the cops said she said 'i wouldn't have thought much of it but then he got out and he's a really big guy, sort of weird looking'. i offer to move my car to this side of the street, they say sure if you don't mind. they leave.

    i'm 6'1" on a good day. i'm not a 'really big guy' unless you mean i'm fat. it's true that i'm fat. i was carrying a tray of brownies. i was wearing wingtips and business casual shirt and slacks. sorry if i'm ugly? i'm not sure how else i'm weird.

    i was totally sympathetic for the first 3/4 of the convo with the cops- older woman, maybe already nervous driving late at night? whatever, people get spooked. until i found out 'plus the guy was fat and ugly so it's like, he probably wanted to hurt me'.

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    NSDFRandNSDFRand FloridaRegistered User regular
    edited June 2017
    That is a very shitty situation. I really have a hard time not understanding the sentiment that is prevalent online about how your looks can completely change the context of how people see your actions. Because of stories like this and my own experience with similar situations and witnessing similar situations.

    NSDFRand on
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    DisrupterDisrupter Registered User regular
    spool32 wrote: »
    Nyysjan wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Jars wrote: »
    the difference between what we have now and what people had in the 1930s is undernutrition versus malnutrition. poorer people can still get plenty of calories, but those calories leave them malnourished

    though I think that people overemphasize the cost of healthy food. lots of fruits and vegetables are dirt cheap, you can get a pound of green beans for like 85 cents. but you have to prepare them and deal with people complaining that they don't like vegetables

    Okay, better way to put it.

    For dinner, you can get the family a $10 cheap meal from Taco Bell and feed everyone, a $25 full dinner with all the good stuff, or a 4-pack of Chef Boyardee cans for $3, for roughly the same calories.

    Well, you can feed 4 ppl a healthy meal for $10 if you're willing to put in the work and you have the facilities & ingredients available.

    Investing the time between when you get home at 6 and the kids go to bed at 9:30, with homework and bathing and etc somewhere in between, can be a challenge to do regularly. Doing it with only fresh or frozen food is harder still.

    So those who don't are just lazy?
    If.
    Look, i don't want to pile on you, but this statement comes of as pretty dismissive of any situation people might have, including lack of cooking skills, knowledge and/or time available.
    It's straight up there with the "weight loss is easy" talk we've had earlier.

    No it definitely is not the same. Learning to cook edible food is 100% a question of whether, given facilities and availability of food i.e. not in a food desert, you are willing to Put In the Work to acquire a basic, low challenge skill. Cooking a chicken breast and tossing a salad actually is an easy skill to learn. It is absolutely easier than whatever job you did to earn the money to buy the chicken.

    This is not to say it's trivial to acquire the skill if you're starting from scratch, or that making time as e.g. a single parent is easy. You can see that from my other comments! But, again considering the caveats I listed, it is entirely a question of whether someone is willing to invest the time in this activity rather than some other one.

    Do you have kids spool? Because yeah you can cook that chicken and toss that salad

    And then spend two hours saying "sit down and eat! No! You didn't even try it how can you know it's gross?"

    For every day ever.

    So then try to help with homework or get ahead in kindergarten when your battling with a 3 year old all night to eat.

    Life is never as easy as folks want to make it seem

    616610-1.png
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    Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User regular
    Disrupter wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Nyysjan wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Jars wrote: »
    the difference between what we have now and what people had in the 1930s is undernutrition versus malnutrition. poorer people can still get plenty of calories, but those calories leave them malnourished

    though I think that people overemphasize the cost of healthy food. lots of fruits and vegetables are dirt cheap, you can get a pound of green beans for like 85 cents. but you have to prepare them and deal with people complaining that they don't like vegetables

    Okay, better way to put it.

    For dinner, you can get the family a $10 cheap meal from Taco Bell and feed everyone, a $25 full dinner with all the good stuff, or a 4-pack of Chef Boyardee cans for $3, for roughly the same calories.

    Well, you can feed 4 ppl a healthy meal for $10 if you're willing to put in the work and you have the facilities & ingredients available.

    Investing the time between when you get home at 6 and the kids go to bed at 9:30, with homework and bathing and etc somewhere in between, can be a challenge to do regularly. Doing it with only fresh or frozen food is harder still.

    So those who don't are just lazy?
    If.
    Look, i don't want to pile on you, but this statement comes of as pretty dismissive of any situation people might have, including lack of cooking skills, knowledge and/or time available.
    It's straight up there with the "weight loss is easy" talk we've had earlier.

    No it definitely is not the same. Learning to cook edible food is 100% a question of whether, given facilities and availability of food i.e. not in a food desert, you are willing to Put In the Work to acquire a basic, low challenge skill. Cooking a chicken breast and tossing a salad actually is an easy skill to learn. It is absolutely easier than whatever job you did to earn the money to buy the chicken.

    This is not to say it's trivial to acquire the skill if you're starting from scratch, or that making time as e.g. a single parent is easy. You can see that from my other comments! But, again considering the caveats I listed, it is entirely a question of whether someone is willing to invest the time in this activity rather than some other one.

    Do you have kids spool? Because yeah you can cook that chicken and toss that salad

    And then spend two hours saying "sit down and eat! No! You didn't even try it how can you know it's gross?"

    For every day ever.

    So then try to help with homework or get ahead in kindergarten when your battling with a 3 year old all night to eat.

    Life is never as easy as folks want to make it seem
    Not only does he have kids, two of them post on the forums ever since they turned 18. :) The spool clan have many stories to tell...

    One of the tricks to get kids invested in their food is to give them supervised control of food prep. Let them set up the menus and assist with cooking. Everything is a time investment to be sure, and it's a tricky problem.

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
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    DisrupterDisrupter Registered User regular
    edited June 2017
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    Disrupter wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Nyysjan wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Jars wrote: »
    the difference between what we have now and what people had in the 1930s is undernutrition versus malnutrition. poorer people can still get plenty of calories, but those calories leave them malnourished

    though I think that people overemphasize the cost of healthy food. lots of fruits and vegetables are dirt cheap, you can get a pound of green beans for like 85 cents. but you have to prepare them and deal with people complaining that they don't like vegetables

    Okay, better way to put it.

    For dinner, you can get the family a $10 cheap meal from Taco Bell and feed everyone, a $25 full dinner with all the good stuff, or a 4-pack of Chef Boyardee cans for $3, for roughly the same calories.

    Well, you can feed 4 ppl a healthy meal for $10 if you're willing to put in the work and you have the facilities & ingredients available.

    Investing the time between when you get home at 6 and the kids go to bed at 9:30, with homework and bathing and etc somewhere in between, can be a challenge to do regularly. Doing it with only fresh or frozen food is harder still.

    So those who don't are just lazy?
    If.
    Look, i don't want to pile on you, but this statement comes of as pretty dismissive of any situation people might have, including lack of cooking skills, knowledge and/or time available.
    It's straight up there with the "weight loss is easy" talk we've had earlier.

    No it definitely is not the same. Learning to cook edible food is 100% a question of whether, given facilities and availability of food i.e. not in a food desert, you are willing to Put In the Work to acquire a basic, low challenge skill. Cooking a chicken breast and tossing a salad actually is an easy skill to learn. It is absolutely easier than whatever job you did to earn the money to buy the chicken.

    This is not to say it's trivial to acquire the skill if you're starting from scratch, or that making time as e.g. a single parent is easy. You can see that from my other comments! But, again considering the caveats I listed, it is entirely a question of whether someone is willing to invest the time in this activity rather than some other one.

    Do you have kids spool? Because yeah you can cook that chicken and toss that salad

    And then spend two hours saying "sit down and eat! No! You didn't even try it how can you know it's gross?"

    For every day ever.

    So then try to help with homework or get ahead in kindergarten when your battling with a 3 year old all night to eat.

    Life is never as easy as folks want to make it seem
    Not only does he have kids, two of them post on the forums ever since they turned 18. :) The spool clan have many stories to tell...

    One of the tricks to get kids invested in their food is to give them supervised control of food prep. Let them set up the menus and assist with cooking. Everything is a time investment to be sure, and it's a tricky problem.

    That's fair. Im not sure why I made my point by asking if he has kids. The implication on my end was unfair but my point still standsish. An optimal plan is great but not everything works in every situation.

    and for some families it's not just a matter of time investment. It's time period. There's only so much

    Disrupter on
    616610-1.png
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    Blameless ClericBlameless Cleric An angel made of sapphires each more flawlessly cut than the last Registered User regular
    edited June 2017
    Disrupter wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Nyysjan wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Jars wrote: »
    the difference between what we have now and what people had in the 1930s is undernutrition versus malnutrition. poorer people can still get plenty of calories, but those calories leave them malnourished

    though I think that people overemphasize the cost of healthy food. lots of fruits and vegetables are dirt cheap, you can get a pound of green beans for like 85 cents. but you have to prepare them and deal with people complaining that they don't like vegetables

    Okay, better way to put it.

    For dinner, you can get the family a $10 cheap meal from Taco Bell and feed everyone, a $25 full dinner with all the good stuff, or a 4-pack of Chef Boyardee cans for $3, for roughly the same calories.

    Well, you can feed 4 ppl a healthy meal for $10 if you're willing to put in the work and you have the facilities & ingredients available.

    Investing the time between when you get home at 6 and the kids go to bed at 9:30, with homework and bathing and etc somewhere in between, can be a challenge to do regularly. Doing it with only fresh or frozen food is harder still.

    So those who don't are just lazy?
    If.
    Look, i don't want to pile on you, but this statement comes of as pretty dismissive of any situation people might have, including lack of cooking skills, knowledge and/or time available.
    It's straight up there with the "weight loss is easy" talk we've had earlier.

    No it definitely is not the same. Learning to cook edible food is 100% a question of whether, given facilities and availability of food i.e. not in a food desert, you are willing to Put In the Work to acquire a basic, low challenge skill. Cooking a chicken breast and tossing a salad actually is an easy skill to learn. It is absolutely easier than whatever job you did to earn the money to buy the chicken.

    This is not to say it's trivial to acquire the skill if you're starting from scratch, or that making time as e.g. a single parent is easy. You can see that from my other comments! But, again considering the caveats I listed, it is entirely a question of whether someone is willing to invest the time in this activity rather than some other one.

    Do you have kids spool? Because yeah you can cook that chicken and toss that salad

    And then spend two hours saying "sit down and eat! No! You didn't even try it how can you know it's gross?"

    For every day ever.

    So then try to help with homework or get ahead in kindergarten when your battling with a 3 year old all night to eat.

    Life is never as easy as folks want to make it seem

    hello yes he does I am one of them, eldest of three

    also since my mom has a chronic illness that limits her ability to do stuff he has been pretty much the sole cook in the house since I was uhh 9, so, for about 12 years, also he works full time so is out of the house for like 10-12 hours of the day, also he does like a lot of the chores tbh (lookin at you @Squeakel DO YOUR DISHES); of course, he's lucky enough to be able-bodied and young and to work a job that isn't physically demanding (though that hasn't always been the case).

    there were definitely years in there where we were so poor that most meals were frozen fishsticks or hotdogs in macaroni or frozen chicken nuggets and peas, especially when I was very young, but dad learned to cook and got super thrifty and creative (and also we have been lucky enough to live right by good grocery stores all my life) so even when we were near to losing our house a couple of times later on in my life, the chicken and salad kept coming

    re: picky kid stuff, I was a huge brat about food as a kid and my dad making us cooking together a big spending-time-together thing helped that a LOT and now I eat most things (and also now that I've moved out I can like, cook for myself, and eat better than like a solid 2/3 of my friends). Fuckin' love veggies.

    Blameless Cleric on
    Orphane wrote: »

    one flower ring to rule them all and in the sunlightness bind them

    I'd love it if you took a look at my art and my PATREON!
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    QuidQuid Definitely not a banana Registered User regular
    edited June 2017
    And how often did he tell your mother she could cook like him too if she just put in the work? I assume never since he generally comes off as a polite guy to people he knows personally and that statement would be spectacularly rude.

    There are a lot of people with similar mitigating circumstances. Some of them involved in this thread. Implying the real reason someone doesn't have the time or ability to cook is because they just can't be bothered is insulting.

    Quid on
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    HappylilElfHappylilElf Registered User regular
    edited June 2017
    HappylilElf was warned for this.
    Quid wrote: »
    And how often did he tell your mother she could cook like him too if she just put in the work? I assume never since he generally comes off as a polite guy to people he knows personally and that statement would be spectacularly rude.

    There are a lot of people with similar mitigating circumstances. Some of them involved in this thread. Implying the real reason someone doesn't have the time or ability to cook is because they just can't be bothered is insulting.

    this is a super classy post you should feel good about writing

    So It Goes on
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    So It GoesSo It Goes We keep moving...Registered User regular
    Okay we're done here. Geth, close the thread.

This discussion has been closed.