I Suffer From Anxiety, And I Want To Overcome It

Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
edited October 2017 in Help / Advice Forum
The other day I took a few minutes to research the possibility of moving out. I began browsing nearby apartments, their rates and so on...

But the moment I began to visualize the idea of living on my own, I started to sweat profusely, and my hands started shanking. "What are you doing, you fucking idiot?", my inner voice taunted. "You don't have the guts to actually do this."

This inner voice has popped up in the past: when I'm searching for a new job, when I'm planning to get back into creative writing, when I'm planning to talk to a girl at my current job...even when I'm vacationing, I always find myself tossing and turning the night before, as the thought of sleeping somewhere that isn't my bed begins to stress me out.

I think I have a fear of breaking out of routine, or making even the smallest lifestyle changes. I've talked here before about the possibility that I suffer from anxiety, but considering the pattern of which specific things cause me the most stress, I can't help but wonder if there's a more specific kind of fear that I'm suffering from. It could also factor into why the thought of my eventual death also keeps me up constantly...perhaps the idea of having a career locked in or a place or even a wife is all telling me that my mortal clock is ticking, and I thus constantly try to stall the advancement of my life as much as possible.

I honestly, truly hate this. It's a crippling hesitation that's held me back for years and I don't feel like I'm making any progress. I'm not completely chained to it...I started to get serious about losing weight, which means changing my eating habits and exercising daily, and the positive results have put me in a much more positive mood.

You would think I could use that as an example not to hesitate in other areas, but it hasn't helped. I'm so afraid at the idea of moving to a new place, even though I love the idea of living independently. But I always start second-guessing and placing barriers in front of myself: can I afford it? What if I move into a bad neighborhood? What if I miss my home, my family, my dogs? These same barriers also get in the way when I ponder about focusing on a new career (what if I hate the job, or I'm unqualified), or meeting a girl (what if she thinks I'm a dork...or even worse, a dick?), or when I wanted to try cooking (what if I ruin the meal and go hungry for the day?).

And this is why as much as I enjoy video games and other media, I also know it's a personal escape: I don't want to stress about this shit, let me just watch more SBF LPs and grind more in this RPG....also let me compulsively buy more games and figures and other shit I can barely fit in my room, because it's fun and relaxes me.

On and on and on this keeps happening. I want it to stop...I NEED it to stop.

I just don't know how.

Professor Snugglesworth on
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  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    edited August 2017
    Escapism and anxiety in regards to big life decisions can be components of depression. You should speak to a doctor of or psychiatrist/psychologist, none of us are really trained for that.

    The only thing I can say is we all struggle with big life decisions and breaking out of our routines and comfort zones. It's scary. Especially without a proper safety net like family. Little changes help, but most importantly you have to really want to do them.

    I think talking to someone about your second-guessing will help you deal with it better.

    bowen on
    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
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  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    That sounds like a textbook case of anxiety to me. A good therapist could really help you to get launched.

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  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    I have talked it over with friends and family, and the ones who offer advice besides "see a therapist" tend to give me a "put your balls on" dismissive response.

    Problem for me is that seeing a therapist is yet another thing I have to push myself to do. I worry about what might get unearthed from such visits, if I'll even benefit from them at all or just feel worse, etc. More barriers, more excuses.

    On a more legitimate note, I'm still seeing doctors about my back issues, which I feel are finally improving. Once I can finally put that behind me (pardon the pun), giving the therapist a shot will be my next goal.

    It's still going to be a blow to my pride. No offense to anyone who does see them, I just feel personally embarrassed that it's come down to this.

  • firewaterwordfirewaterword Satchitananda Pais Vasco to San FranciscoRegistered User regular
    edited August 2017
    There is absolutely nothing shameful or embarrassing about seeking professional help for your mental health, and anyone who says otherwise doesn't have your best interests at heart.

    firewaterword on
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  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    I've seen a therapist. Nothing to be scared of. It's just a friendly chat. They aren't Dr Freud and won't be looking to trawl painfully through you past (unless you want to), but just helping you to deal with your anxiety.

    Being anxious about getting treatment for anxiety is so ironic...

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  • Fuzzy Cumulonimbus CloudFuzzy Cumulonimbus Cloud my moons are good moons Registered User regular
    I have nearly identical terrors and understand where you are coming from. If I don't manage it well, I become very close to agoraphobic. Agoraphobia is often linked to fear of change and fear of death so it sounds like you have anxiety with some additional phobias. There are a few approaches you can do in your spare time to desensitize yourself a bit. One cognitive trick is to carry your specific anxiety to its illogical conclusion.

    1) I am afraid I will move into a bad neighborhood. It could be quite terrible if that happened. I would have lots of problems with a bad neighborhood.

    Then ask yourself: but would it be catastrophic?

    No. It wouldn't. That might help alleviate some of the anxiety regarding catastrophic thinking. Another question to ask is "So what?". It can really help diffuse an anxiety.

    The second cognitive trick is to break up your fearful task into pieces. Instead of worrying about all houses and all possibilities, pick one little task for your search to complete.

    For example: Today I will pick five houses I like and write them down.

    That's it for today. Be mindful about how it didn't stress you out too much.

    Next day: If I lived here, i would need this much money to budget well.

    That's it for today!

    Also a therapist can help you a whole bunch.

  • bowenbowen How you doin'? Registered User regular
    "manning up" or any form of that phrase needs to die in a fucking fire as far as I'm concerned.

    not a doctor, not a lawyer, examples I use may not be fully researched so don't take out of context plz, don't @ me
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  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator mod
    edited August 2017
    I was nervous about starting therapy. One day I realized that a lot of them have normal ass websites and you can just email them like normal people. I emailed a few with my general issues and the active ones responded. I eventually found my therapist through the recommendation of one I messaged initially.

    I do my sessions online so I dont have to rearrange my life to attend, which makes it much easier for me to do since we only have one car. A therapist in your area may offer the same, its worth asking!

    It seems you already understand that therapy is fine and you know that you are personally embarrassed/nervous/avoiding it. I felt the same way for years and years.

    What helped me, personally, is realizing that, you pay the therapist. You need someone to listen to you, and sometimes that's work. Well, its a therapists job. They are paid to listen to you and help you with your problems, and it made me feel so relieved to not be burdening someone who I loved to give me advice. When I was in the position of really needing that advice to turn things around for me, family/friends were possibly the least equipped to give it.

    Generally I think the reason people give shit advice is because 1) they may just genuinely suck at it 2) its exhausting. "Just do it" and "man up" is shitty advice, but it can also be translated to "I dont understand anxiety and I just dont know how to tell you to do something that I take for granted". Therapy is a great alternative when the people in your life are not able to handle seeing your issue through to a positive conclusion.

    With therapy I can lean on my family for what they are great at, which is support, but throw my problems at my therapist, so we can work on them and find tangible things to do. A good therapist will even help you communicate your needs to the people who support you better, so they can try help you move forward.

    Iruka on
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  • ZekZek Registered User regular
    edited August 2017
    I have talked it over with friends and family, and the ones who offer advice besides "see a therapist" tend to give me a "put your balls on" dismissive response.

    Problem for me is that seeing a therapist is yet another thing I have to push myself to do. I worry about what might get unearthed from such visits, if I'll even benefit from them at all or just feel worse, etc. More barriers, more excuses.

    On a more legitimate note, I'm still seeing doctors about my back issues, which I feel are finally improving. Once I can finally put that behind me (pardon the pun), giving the therapist a shot will be my next goal.

    It's still going to be a blow to my pride. No offense to anyone who does see them, I just feel personally embarrassed that it's come down to this.

    You're putting forward two contradictory ideas here: it might be too effective and that's embarrassing, or it might be useless. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Also I don't think seeing a doctor about back pain interferes with going to therapy. It sounds more like you're procrastinating, no offense - it's hard now and it will still be equally hard when your schedule clears up.

    Think of it this way: you've seen first-hand that our culture makes it really difficult to express vulnerability and have heartfelt conversations about things like this. That's why therapists exist, they provide a safe space and are trained to help people through complex life situations like this. Going to a therapist doesn't mean you're mentally ill, it's a service intended specifically to resolve complex life situations like this one. A lot of people seek out therapy to resolve a specific problem, they resolve it, and then they don't need therapy anymore.

    Zek on
  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    Iruka wrote: »
    I was nervous about starting therapy. One day I realized that a lot of them have normal ass websites and you can just email them like normal people. I emailed a few with my general issues and the active ones responded. I eventually found my therapist through the recommendation of one I messaged initially.

    I do my sessions online so I dont have to rearrange my life to attend, which makes it much easier for me to do since we only have one car. A therapist in your area may offer the same, its worth asking!

    It seems you already understand that therapy is fine and you know that you are personally embarrassed/nervous/avoiding it. I felt the same way for years and years.

    What helped me, personally, is realizing that, you pay the therapist. You need someone to listen to you, and sometimes that's work. Well, its a therapists job. They are paid to listen to you and help you with your problems, and it made me feel so relieved to not be burdening someone who I loved to give me advice. When I was in the position of really needing that advice to turn things around for me, family/friends were possibly the least equipped to give it.

    Generally I think the reason people give shit advice is because 1) they may just genuinely suck at it 2) its exhausting. "Just do it" and "man up" is shitty advice, but it can also be translated to "I dont understand anxiety and I just dont know how to tell you to do something that I take for granted". Therapy is a great alternative when the people in your life are not able to handle seeing your issue through to a positive conclusion.

    With therapy I can lean on my family for what they are great at, which is support, but throw my problems at my therapist, so we can work on them and find tangible things to do. A good therapist will even help you communicate your needs to the people who support you better, so they can try help you move forward.

    That sounds like a great idea: I wasn't aware it was possible to have a preliminary dialog before meeting them proper.

    In what I'm certain is yet another "excuse", I worry about choosing the right therapist on the grounds that I don't like them, or their methods. Admittedly I only have movies and TV to go by, but I'm not sure whether each therapist has their own individual method to treating people or if they all follow a textbook guide. Either way, getting to briefly know them through e-mail or other online communications could go a long way to make me feel comfortable enough to see them in person.

    I don't suppose there's a way to search for therapists that do online sessions? Right now I just have a list provided by my insurance (which ultimately I'll have to use, since I need to see someone covered by my plan), so I'm unsure if there's a way to filter it.
    Zek wrote: »
    I have talked it over with friends and family, and the ones who offer advice besides "see a therapist" tend to give me a "put your balls on" dismissive response.

    Problem for me is that seeing a therapist is yet another thing I have to push myself to do. I worry about what might get unearthed from such visits, if I'll even benefit from them at all or just feel worse, etc. More barriers, more excuses.

    On a more legitimate note, I'm still seeing doctors about my back issues, which I feel are finally improving. Once I can finally put that behind me (pardon the pun), giving the therapist a shot will be my next goal.

    It's still going to be a blow to my pride. No offense to anyone who does see them, I just feel personally embarrassed that it's come down to this.

    You're putting forward two contradictory ideas here: it might be too effective and that's embarrassing, or it might be useless. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Also I don't think seeing a doctor about back pain interferes with going to therapy. It sounds more like you're procrastinating, no offense - it's hard now and it will still be equally hard when your schedule clears up.

    Think of it this way: you've seen first-hand that our culture makes it really difficult to express vulnerability and have heartfelt conversations about things like this. That's why therapists exist, they provide a safe space and are trained to help people through complex life situations like this. Going to a therapist doesn't mean you're mentally ill, it's a service intended specifically to resolve complex life situations like this one. A lot of people seek out therapy to resolve a specific problem, they resolve it, and then they don't need therapy anymore.

    As likely as it might be that I'm throwing yet another barrier, I feel this one is legitimate; I have to schedule the visits for my back treatment using my saved time, because none of the doctors do weekends.

    So yes, getting this year-long bullshit with my back sorted out is priority one, but I'm also serious about giving therapy a shot. Despite my reservations, I'm hoping to finally start real soon, because I truly want to control this anxiety.

  • IrukaIruka Registered User, Moderator mod
    Therapists are not all the same and it's unlikely to be like what you see on movies and TV. You just talk, so it really depends on you. Some like to do exercises but in my limited experience it just depends on them, and how responsive and active you are in therapy.

    Note that not all therapists take insurance, and some operate on sliding scales based on needs. I pay 80 dollars a session and only do one a month sometimes, but if I made less they'd be a bit cheaper, and it doesn't operate through my insurance whatsoever. I dont know where your at but the system I used:

    - Google the names that your insurance gives you and see if they have websites for either themselves, or an email listed on their practice's webpage.

    - Look for a list of what they generally handle, some will specialize in anxiety.

    - I looked for anyone who listed LGBT friendly/Sex positive. I'm not in therapy for anything particularly related to my gender or sex, but was an easy marker of them being aligned with my general moral spectrum. Some of these therapists are also more familiar with sliding scales and helping people with no benefits and limited budgets. Search for them locally, they might not be in network but they may still be affordable.

    -Draft up the shortest summary of what you are looking for that you can, so that there's not some long email to read. Just "Hi, I'm looking to try therapy for the first time. I have issues with anxiety and trouble leaving the house that I'd like to work through. My availability is limited to X." and then ask about anything else they list (sliding scale and such)


    I live in Austin which makes some of this easier for me, but hopefully wherever you are you can find the services you need! Good luck.

  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    All therapists are different. If you go to one and don't click, you have the consumer right to choose another. It's not awkward at all - they understand.

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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Also, if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program, get their number and use it. This is a benefit that people don't know about, and they can provide you with a therapist to speak with over the phone, give you referrals, even arrange some sessions with a local therapist at no cost to you.

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  • PaladinPaladin Registered User regular
    In addition to getting professional help, try subdividing these big goals into accomplishable mini tasks. Every post of yours is thinking twelve steps ahead in all possible directions.

    Your goals:

    Move out
    New job
    Therapist

    Forget thinking about the endgame for a bit and plan the next step.
    I began browsing nearby apartments, their rates and so on...

    For instance, forget the "and so on." Find the rates of 10 or so places and average them up. Don't worry about losing a great opportunity; you're going to take longer to do this than a savvy apartment hunter, you're just getting the range of prices and the field will look totally different when you get back to it.

    Stop. Don't think of anything else. Do you feel Ok? Do you need a break? When you feel up to it, continue.

    What's the next thing? Price -> payment. Ask yourself easy questions first. How much do I make a month? What's leftover after bills?

    Stop. Don't think of anything else. Do you feel Ok? Do you need a break? When you feel up to it, continue.

    Jot this down on a notepad or Google doc so if your train of thought gets interrupted you have something to calmly go back to.

    This is pretty identical to what Fuzzy said, but repetition is the name of the game. If you acclimate yourself to small successes, you have a foundation to acclimate yourself to bigger and better functionality.

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  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    edited September 2017
    I thought having nearly two weeks off work (courtesy of Irma) would have left me mentally and physically relaxed when I would go back. Especially since my spirits felt really high during that period, almost a smile on my face every day as I had zero worries and lots of good experiences.

    Instead it's barely been two days and I find myself tired and stressed, even though work itself has been incredibly lax (many of the courtrooms are empty as we're still in the readjustment period). I don't know why, but I feel frustrated, flustered and even dreading some sort of invisible force: just a few minutes ago I found myself chattering my teeth. Yesterday I even had cold sweats. Even my appetite drifts between starving and gassy.

    I'm trying to tell myself that maybe it's just my body getting used to a daily morning schedule again, but I don't think that's true. I think I'm having one of my periods where I start panicking and worrying whether I'll be doing this job for the rest of my life (the benefits are great, but the pay is mediocre and the work itself is boring). It pushed me to make a thread in the hopes I can finally find a clear purpose career-wise, but that might be what's pushing me over the edge right now.

    I get that I probably can't put off seeing someone. I just don't know why I'm so restless lately.

    Professor Snugglesworth on
  • DidgeridooDidgeridoo Registered User regular
    Hey so uh, your feelings of general restlessness and anxiety sound very similar to what I was going through before my general practitioner got me on some anti anxiety medication.

    I'm not a doctor obviously. But it sounds like you are hesitant to visit a therapist. As a first step maybe you could talk to your GP?

    In my case low dosage anti anxiety meds stopped those periods of panic/extreme restlessness. If you don't want to do therapy or want to try both therapy and medication, it may be worth looking into.

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  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    edited September 2017
    Didgeridoo wrote: »
    Hey so uh, your feelings of general restlessness and anxiety sound very similar to what I was going through before my general practitioner got me on some anti anxiety medication.

    I'm not a doctor obviously. But it sounds like you are hesitant to visit a therapist. As a first step maybe you could talk to your GP?

    In my case low dosage anti anxiety meds stopped those periods of panic/extreme restlessness. If you don't want to do therapy or want to try both therapy and medication, it may be worth looking into.

    I couldn't tell you how "severe" my condition is. It could just be that I'm a whiny baby and that things aren't as bad as I'm making them out to be. If possible I'd like to avoid taking anything, simply because I'm paranoid of my mental capacities suffering in a negative way, at least to the point that it wouldn't justify the positive gains. I want to feel "better", but I don't want to drastically change either.

    I was researching and messaging a few therapists covered by my insurance before the hurricane put a delay to that. A few messaged me back immediately, but I was immediately hesitant with the wording to some of their replies. One lady in particular turned out to have a deactivated Twitter account, as her last messages where her arguing about the negative replies she kept getting since she was a big supporter of...you-know-who.

    Is there like a therapist review site or something?

    Professor Snugglesworth on
  • DjeetDjeet Registered User regular
    If you're seeking therapy I think the most important thing would be to just start seeing someone. Getting stuff off your chest feels awesome even if you don't get any practical advice (and an issue I see with trying to do this through online forums is that you're going to get observations from a bunch of random visitors instead of having a single consistent ear/voice for you). After a visit or 2 you might think it's not a good fit and look for someone else; whoever you see may be able to suggest someone, because any decent therapist will understand if you're not comfortable with him/her.


    There are lots of online therapist options (sessions are on the phone). I've a friend who uses talkspace. She started that for individual therapy, but now it supplements her in person marriage counseling.

  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    Is there like a therapist review site or something?

    https://therapists.psychologytoday.com

    Not really a review site, but a great place to find local therapists and their philosophy.

  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    I have talked it over with friends and family, and the ones who offer advice besides "see a therapist" tend to give me a "put your balls on" dismissive response.

    Problem for me is that seeing a therapist is yet another thing I have to push myself to do. I worry about what might get unearthed from such visits, if I'll even benefit from them at all or just feel worse, etc. More barriers, more excuses.

    On a more legitimate note, I'm still seeing doctors about my back issues, which I feel are finally improving. Once I can finally put that behind me (pardon the pun), giving the therapist a shot will be my next goal.

    It's still going to be a blow to my pride. No offense to anyone who does see them, I just feel personally embarrassed that it's come down to this.

    OK so

    there's no need to be embarrassed about seeing a therapist. You have a broken leg, you go see the leg doctor. You have a broken brain, you go see the brain doctor. Shift your perspective to that straightforward minset and it may help you getting over the embarrassment.

    All that other stuff is legit worry but waiting until your back is sorted is not.

    Hey @Blameless Cleric what as the name of that site that does legit therapy over Skype for $35/week?

    Don't wait until you're back is fixed to get on skype and get help.

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  • Blameless ClericBlameless Cleric An angel made of sapphires each more flawlessly cut than the last Registered User regular
    edited September 2017
    spool32 wrote: »
    I have talked it over with friends and family, and the ones who offer advice besides "see a therapist" tend to give me a "put your balls on" dismissive response.

    Problem for me is that seeing a therapist is yet another thing I have to push myself to do. I worry about what might get unearthed from such visits, if I'll even benefit from them at all or just feel worse, etc. More barriers, more excuses.

    On a more legitimate note, I'm still seeing doctors about my back issues, which I feel are finally improving. Once I can finally put that behind me (pardon the pun), giving the therapist a shot will be my next goal.

    It's still going to be a blow to my pride. No offense to anyone who does see them, I just feel personally embarrassed that it's come down to this.

    OK so

    there's no need to be embarrassed about seeing a therapist. You have a broken leg, you go see the leg doctor. You have a broken brain, you go see the brain doctor. Shift your perspective to that straightforward minset and it may help you getting over the embarrassment.

    All that other stuff is legit worry but waiting until your back is sorted is not.

    Hey "Blameless Cleric" what as the name of that site that does legit therapy over Skype for $35/week?

    Don't wait until your back is fixed to get on skype and get help.

    It's called betterhelp.com, I think :)

    My little brother is using it and so far likes it, Snuggs, and it's not just a weekly appointment, it's also someone you can text whenever you feel you need to! You don't have to leave your house, they're all fully qualified therapists with lots of experience, and it is super inexpensive

    Blameless Cleric on
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  • SwashbucklerXXSwashbucklerXX Swashbucklin' Canuck Registered User regular
    edited September 2017
    Because knowledge is power (and lessens anxiety!), here are a couple of examples of therapy types used for mood disorders (anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, etc.) that I've found very helpful as an anxiety-sufferer.

    1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: A very logic-driven, practical form of therapy that you can learn and practice in individual or group therapy and then continue yourself. CBT helps you to interrupt the spiral of anxious/negative thought processes through various means, and then take positive action. It is excellent for people (like me!) who are initially wary of "touchy feely" therapy or talking about their mothers or whatever else you've incorrectly learned from TV therapists. I find CBT to be very useful in reducing those daily anxiety triggers like worrying about trying a minor new thing or getting way too pissed at yourself for making a minor mistake.

    2. Emotion-Focused Therapy: This might sound like you'll be talking to Phoebe from Friends, but it's actually a very modern method has a base in solid neuroscience. EFT helps you to better identify the emotions you're feeling when you're anxious/depressed and to deal with them in a healthy manner. Us mood disorder peeps have a tendency to be way too hard on ourselves, and EFT really helped me out during a time when I was digging myself into a hole of negativity and then blaming myself for it. It can also include some combination physical/talk therapies that have been developed by modern neuroscientists studying the mind-body connection.

    If a therapist lists a specialty in CBT and/or EFT, chances are they are well-versed in mood disorders and a good starting choice for somebody experiencing the problems you're having. Do not be afraid to ask a potential therapist what their specialties are and how they keep up-to-date on modern research! They should be more than happy to talk about those topics.

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  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    edited September 2017
    spool32 wrote: »
    I have talked it over with friends and family, and the ones who offer advice besides "see a therapist" tend to give me a "put your balls on" dismissive response.

    Problem for me is that seeing a therapist is yet another thing I have to push myself to do. I worry about what might get unearthed from such visits, if I'll even benefit from them at all or just feel worse, etc. More barriers, more excuses.

    On a more legitimate note, I'm still seeing doctors about my back issues, which I feel are finally improving. Once I can finally put that behind me (pardon the pun), giving the therapist a shot will be my next goal.

    It's still going to be a blow to my pride. No offense to anyone who does see them, I just feel personally embarrassed that it's come down to this.

    OK so

    there's no need to be embarrassed about seeing a therapist. You have a broken leg, you go see the leg doctor. You have a broken brain, you go see the brain doctor. Shift your perspective to that straightforward minset and it may help you getting over the embarrassment.

    All that other stuff is legit worry but waiting until your back is sorted is not.

    Hey "Blameless Cleric" what as the name of that site that does legit therapy over Skype for $35/week?

    Don't wait until your back is fixed to get on skype and get help.

    It's called betterhelp.com, I think :)

    My little brother is using it and so far likes it, Snuggs, and it's not just a weekly appointment, it's also someone you can text whenever you feel you need to! You don't have to leave your house, they're all fully qualified therapists with lots of experience, and it is super inexpensive

    Man, that would have come in handy when I had a whole week off with the house to myself.

    I'll take a look at that site, but I also wanted to ask if anyone knows if Sam-E or Saint John's Work actually works.

    It's another thing that's been suggested to me, and I'm pretty tempted to go get some soon. It honestly sounds a bit like snake oil though.

    Professor Snugglesworth on
    Blameless Cleric
  • DjeetDjeet Registered User regular
    I'm not a mental health professional, but I think you will benefit much more from having someone to talk to than trying some chemicals and seeing if it works.

    There are probably benefits to such supplements (or not, it's not something I know anything about), but you've been reaching out to discussion forums. Maybe you should be discussing one on one with a professional?

    There's no shame in seeking therapy. I avoided it for a decade or more based on my upbringing (parents thought it was all bullshit) and my mom was a psychiatrist (not the same thing as psychotherapy), but damn if it didn't help me to leave stupid shit behind and find practical tactics. Once I finally decided to go it changed my whole perspective on it.

    EncMoridin889
  • KetarKetar Ready to feel better about your own miserable lives?Registered User regular
    spool32 wrote: »
    I have talked it over with friends and family, and the ones who offer advice besides "see a therapist" tend to give me a "put your balls on" dismissive response.

    Problem for me is that seeing a therapist is yet another thing I have to push myself to do. I worry about what might get unearthed from such visits, if I'll even benefit from them at all or just feel worse, etc. More barriers, more excuses.

    On a more legitimate note, I'm still seeing doctors about my back issues, which I feel are finally improving. Once I can finally put that behind me (pardon the pun), giving the therapist a shot will be my next goal.

    It's still going to be a blow to my pride. No offense to anyone who does see them, I just feel personally embarrassed that it's come down to this.

    OK so

    there's no need to be embarrassed about seeing a therapist. You have a broken leg, you go see the leg doctor. You have a broken brain, you go see the brain doctor. Shift your perspective to that straightforward minset and it may help you getting over the embarrassment.

    All that other stuff is legit worry but waiting until your back is sorted is not.

    Hey "Blameless Cleric" what as the name of that site that does legit therapy over Skype for $35/week?

    Don't wait until your back is fixed to get on skype and get help.

    It's called betterhelp.com, I think :)

    My little brother is using it and so far likes it, Snuggs, and it's not just a weekly appointment, it's also someone you can text whenever you feel you need to! You don't have to leave your house, they're all fully qualified therapists with lots of experience, and it is super inexpensive

    Man, that would have come in handy when I had a whole week off with the house to myself.

    I'll take a look at that site, but I also wanted to ask if anyone knows if Sam-E or Saint John's Work actually works.

    It's another thing that's been suggested to me, and I'm pretty tempted to go get some soon. It honestly sounds a bit like snake oil though.

    There is no strong evidence to support using either of those. That isn't to say they're not helpful - some people have seen positive results from taking either or both. Neither is a real substitute for seeking professional help though.

  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion The Land of Flowers (and Dragons)Registered User regular
    edited September 2017
    It seems like you are making every effort to do everything but getting the help you need or take action to improve your life (looking across these threads).

    I'm not saying this to be judgmental or cruel, but observing a strong pattern of avoidance in actually taking agency to do something to solve your problems. Seeing a therapist is an action which will help you. Ordering a supplement off the internet is something that you can tell yourself "look I tired" without really doing anything of value and then have nothing change. This isn't to knock supplements, but you aren't going to be able to take a spoonful of something and have your problems miraculously solve themselves.

    Call your GP today, ask for a referral to a therapist they trust, and then go to the therapist. Everything else is just another excuse to avoid trying to solve your problems.

    Or, you know, don't. Keep spinning your wheels and wondering why nothing gets better. It's your life, live it how you like.

    Enc on
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  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    edited September 2017
    I want to stress that I wasn't inquiring about the supplements as a means to get out of seeing someone. I was just looking for a more "immediate" solution (albeit temporary) as I'm still unsure whether I'll find someone this week that I feel comfortable enough talking to my problems about.

    I've got the house to myself this weekend, so this seems like the perfect opportunity to give the Skype session a try. I'm curious how the weekly billing works, though: is it $35 a week for unlimited sessions? Can it be done with multiple online therapists or you have to commit to one during that period?

    As for the other thread you're bringing up, I'm full aware that's me avoding a commitment, but that may or may not have to do with the issue I'm facing in this thread. It's my hope that if I can tackle my anxiety issues, it can clear up my hangups to stop hesitating in the other matter.

    I'm also currently waiting in my PCP's office to discuss the next step to my back treatment. I plan to bring up my anxiety issues as well and see who/what he recommends.

    Professor Snugglesworth on
  • EncEnc A Fool with Compassion The Land of Flowers (and Dragons)Registered User regular
    The immediate solution is to call your GP and ask for a referral to a therapist they trust.

  • KetarKetar Ready to feel better about your own miserable lives?Registered User regular
    Enc wrote: »
    The immediate solution is to call your GP and ask for a referral to a therapist they trust.

    He's at their office right now - or at least was an hour ago - and said he was going to ask for a recommendation.

    spool32
  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    Ketar wrote: »
    Enc wrote: »
    The immediate solution is to call your GP and ask for a referral to a therapist they trust.

    He's at their office right now - or at least was an hour ago - and said he was going to ask for a recommendation.

    Still am.

    I'll never understand the point of making doctor appointments when I still have to wait 2-3 hours.

    eelektrik
  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    edited September 2017
    Unfortunately in regards to psychiatrists, he said I would have to contact my insurance about it (which I already did, I have a list...just prefer not cold calling people, would rather e-mail them first).

    I really meant it when I said I’m swamped a bit with all these appointments. Now I have to get a blood work appointment just to get approval for a CAT scan, which will then follow up with a neurologist. I also need to see another ENT, have two more appointments with my dermatologist, followed by my dentist....

    If nothing else I am certainly taking advantage of my state job’s health insurance and numerous time off. I’m going to see if I can talk to someone via the Skype method this weekend (although my PCP didn’t seem convinced about it....”you get what you pay for” was his response).

    Professor Snugglesworth on
  • HeraldSHeraldS Registered User regular
    Hey, either you make your mental health a priority or you don't. Just know that things will stay the same if you pick option b, no matter the excuse.

    DarkewolfeschussStormwatcher
  • pookapooka Registered User regular
    any supplements you take are going to take longer to be effective than good talk therapy; having been down both routes, SJW and SAMe average 4-6 weeks+ to build up in your system (if you notice improvement at all.)

    having said that, in a hypothetical in which i had to give one up and suffered no withdrawal or wait for effectiveness, i would still choose a therapist over meds. i find both methods beneficial in managing my anxiety, depression, and ADHD; i am still kinda early on in tweaking the chemical portion of my treatment addressing all those issues, but the therapy has consistently been a helpful tool, regardless.

    for examples: checking in with someone keeps me honest and aware so i don't just wallow when i backslide, but pick myself up again. i'm at a point where --mostly thanks to my therapist's suggestions and homework-- i don't worry about being anxious... which is a nonsense phrase to people who aren't familiar with anxiety, but the feeling of freedom that gives lets me breathe.

    the longer you procrastinate, the more of your life you put on hold. i avoided seeing a psychiatrist for years because i was (and am still) leery of controlled drugs, but talking to a professional counselor really requires little commitment. it gets easier, and it's worth the effort.

    if you want something you can put to use immediately, try meditating. positive affirmations if you need mantras or to counter trauma, but i prefer focusing on white noise or breathing.

    lfchwLd.jpg
  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    I’m going to have a bit of free time this week at work, so I’m going to make it an ongoing priority to look up the feedback for each therapist that has responded and/or is available.

    In the meantime, I’m pretty curious about the exercises and meditation comments people posted here. Are there any online guides where I could try practicing it? Meditation’s been recommended to me quite a few times, so I wouldn’t mind trying it out.

  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    Feedback isn't super useful for therapists. They aren't restaurants. Easiest to just phone some and see if you like them.

    KetarDarkewolfeschussNightDragonbowen
  • NewblarNewblar Registered User regular
    edited September 2017
    In the meantime, I’m pretty curious about the exercises and meditation comments people posted here. Are there any online guides where I could try practicing it? Meditation’s been recommended to me quite a few times, so I wouldn’t mind trying it out.

    I was using a mediation app called Stop, Breathe and Think. It's guided meditation with a few different types to choose from. I just pick from the list but it will provide recommendations based on how you're feeling. They're maybe kind of short for people experienced with mediation but it's an easy start point for a new person.

    For anxiety or stress I've had physical activity recommended as the most effective thing you can do. For me, upper body strength training has worked the best while for some coworkers it's cardio. I've seen you in one of the health threads so maybe you're exercising already but if not it's an option you can try out cost free without delay. If you have injuries swimming works for many people (although less convenient unless you own a pool). It personally didn't work so well for me when injured though.


    Newblar on
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
  • CalicaCalica Registered User regular
    Didgeridoo wrote: »
    Hey so uh, your feelings of general restlessness and anxiety sound very similar to what I was going through before my general practitioner got me on some anti anxiety medication.

    I'm not a doctor obviously. But it sounds like you are hesitant to visit a therapist. As a first step maybe you could talk to your GP?

    In my case low dosage anti anxiety meds stopped those periods of panic/extreme restlessness. If you don't want to do therapy or want to try both therapy and medication, it may be worth looking into.

    I couldn't tell you how "severe" my condition is. It could just be that I'm a whiny baby and that things aren't as bad as I'm making them out to be. If possible I'd like to avoid taking anything, simply because I'm paranoid of my mental capacities suffering in a negative way, at least to the point that it wouldn't justify the positive gains. I want to feel "better", but I don't want to drastically change either.

    I know this is a couple weeks old and you might have already seen a therapist (if so, great!), but this right here? This is anxiety talking.

    See, anxiety is like a box. It's cramped and boring in the box, but it's also warm and safe. There are things outside the box that maybe you would like to have, but opening the box is really scary because there are a lot of unknowns out there!

    There are people whose job it is to help you out of your box, but, I mean, your box isn't that bad. It's cozy and it's not on fire or anything, and surely there are other people whose boxes are much worse than yours, so you shouldn't waste a therapist's time with your stupid box, right?

    It's bullshit.

    The pernicious, infuriating thing about anxiety is that the same thing that makes it a problem in the first place also makes it incredibly hard to ask for help. For me, it took my doctor telling me, in so many words, "Look, I'm going to do the mom thing and write you a prescription, and you are going to take it and then come back in six weeks and we'll go from there." And because it was such a relief to have someone tell me what to do, I did what she said, and it helped. She also told me that anxiety is literally the inability to make decisions, and reframing it like that really helped me: I'm not pathetic or broken or hopeless; it's just that my brain is stuck in a loop at the moment. It becomes a quantifiable problem with concrete solutions, instead of just this nebulous thing that keeps me from functioning.

    It is perfectly acceptable to tell your doctor or therapist, "I think I might need help but I'm having trouble asking for it," or something along those lines. They will know what that means. They handle stuff like this all the time.

    You'll know within one or two appointments whether you "click" with a therapist or not, so it's not like there are huge sunk costs to worry about. Medications take a little longer to take effect; but we're still talking weeks, not months.

    The first time you leave the box is the hardest, because after that you can tell your anxiety, look, I left the box and I didn't die, so STFU.

    PM me if you want. I don't know if I can be helpful, but if nothing else I can commiserate :smile:

    Jedoc wrote: »
    The GOP cares about babies until they're born, soldiers until they're in need of care, and families until they interfere with stockholder dividends.
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  • firewaterwordfirewaterword Satchitananda Pais Vasco to San FranciscoRegistered User regular
    edited October 2017
    In the meantime, I’m pretty curious about the exercises and meditation comments people posted here. Are there any online guides where I could try practicing it? Meditation’s been recommended to me quite a few times, so I wouldn’t mind trying it out.

    Check out Insight Timer. Lots of fantastic (and free!) guided meditations. I primarily use it for yoga nidra and vipassana meditation, but there's a TON of other ones on there that aren't necessarily "spiritual" or what have you.

    firewaterword on
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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Check to see if your employer has an Employee Assistance Program. Part of these systems is to provide over the phone counseling (that is kept private), and they can even possibly refer you to a local therapist for a few sessions paid for by the program.

    XBL: Nox Aeternum / PSN: NoxAeternum / NN:NoxAeternum / Steam: noxaeternum
  • Professor SnugglesworthProfessor Snugglesworth Registered User regular
    I finally bit the bullet and saw a therapist last week.

    Not much to say really, as the first day was the assessment period, telling her the things that currently bother me and what I want to improve on.

    She rated my anxiety as “severe”, so hooray on that I guess. I plan to see her again, hopefully this week, because I assume part of anxiety included impatience: I want to get better now and fast. I know it’s a process, but if I can gain even a little more positive thinking it would help tremendously.

    Take now for example: I made a bit of a fuck-up at work. I don’t think I’ll suffer from it long term, honest mistakes and all that, but at this moment all I want to do is scream and punch and scream some more while punching a wall. I’m sweating and I’m nervous and I’m full of hate at both myself and the situation.

    Coincidentally, she also referred me to an app called Thought Diary that she wants me to use every time I have a “dark thought”. So far there are three entries, for what it’s worth.

    Either way I’m glad I’m finally tackling this.

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