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My girlfriends mom found out and I need help
jour03
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
I was texting my girlfriend and I started messing with her and her mom took her phone at the wrong time. I said she is sweet and spicy meaning kind but can get mean (not to me) but her mom didn't understand and said "I do not appreciate the way you are speaking to her. She will NOT be talking to you anytime soon!" Then I tried to apologize and explain but she said no use and she will be telling the father.
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I don't think there's anything you can really do, going by the tone and description of the event, you're both minors who live at home and there's really no help beyond apologizing and asking your girlfriend to try to explain it to them as well. They accept the apology/explanation or don't.
Do you have any sort of relationship with her parents? Have you talked on the phone with them before? Have you been introduced?
Now, told to end a relationship, 95% of teenagers will disobey. I would caution against the trouble her parents can cause her, and especially you (and if you take their daughter to your place potentially your parents) if they pick this as their hill to die on. It's not smart or rational, but... Well, as a dad, we are not the most rational when it comes to our kids.
I would say then the misunderstanding is irrelevant. You never had nor were you ever going to have her parents understanding or approval. We can have all sorts of opinions on the right or wrong of it, but Hevach has it. It's their house, she's not an adult and her parents have every right to set whatever rules they want. Fair or not.
I would caution against pressing the issue with her or her parents, there really isn't any way of winning and there are a lot of ways this can make her life (and possibly your life) very difficult. Teenage emotions and hormones and all will make this all feel very complicated, but it isn't really.
It's not worth it, you're only 17, you'll be a completely different person in a few years and there are always, always, always other people out there worth dating.
edit: in my case pushing the issue only made it worse. While the parent couldn't outright stop her from seeing me because the grandparents liked me, the parent made it very difficult by restricting where she could go and how many times we were allowed to see each other (for example if we had a class together that was it, we were only allowed to see each other, but if we didn't we could see each other one day a week on Sundays). And all it did was cause issues. And not only was it not that long of a "relationship", but having looked back on it it was very toxic and not helped by the pressure of the parent which affected not only her school day but mine as well. And after a lot of the issues I broke up with her and ended up a long time later dating someone for a much longer time in a much healthier relationship.
It sounds like the bullshit I'm sure your parents are telling you and that you don't want to hear anymore, but right now just worry more about finishing high school and work on what you're going to do after.
So, quick take, her parents are way down the wrong side of rational and reasonable on this if this is their rule. It's not fair, and I say this as a dad who would probably make such a rule and need my wife to stop me, but it's also not a fight you'll win if her parents are unified on this.
Don't place your values on others, man.
How much are you really dating, then? Part of dating is having pretty open communication and understanding about what's going on. It doesn't mean you need to get matching t-shirts and announce every thing to the world, but it does mean that if someone's living under their parents' roof and the parent says "you're not dating until you move out," then, well, you're not really dating. Your girlfriend is sneaking around. That doesn't mean she's not trying, but it means that you basically have no recourse. There is no "dating police."
wait what
stop
jour03, dispatch.0 is almost certainly right on this one. You both live at home. For her, that means no dating till she isn't anymore, and her parents aren't open to discussion on the matter. I think you'll need to find a way to be happy with the time you get at school.
"You can't date until you move out" = "You can't get any experience with relationships while I'm still present and available to supervise and intervene if necessary." It's head-in-the-sand parenting.
edit: but yeah, there's nothing jour03 can or should try to do about it. Their house; their rules.
I agree with you, but it's not our place to tell people how to raise their kid.
Edit: Not going to get into a prolonged argument about this, but this isn't the hot-takes thread and debating it, nor informing the OP about our opinions on teenaged dating customs, aren't going to either help the OP (because him telling the Girlfriend's parents that he knows better than them will not help), nor the OP (as he clearly already has that opinion).
What if jour manages to convince them to change their minds using that reasoning, and it ends up working to the benefit of everyone? Is that still telling people how to raise their kids, and therefore wrong?
His girlfriend might be able to have it, and maybe even win it if she can win one parent separately first, but bringing a boy home isn't the starting point for that argument.