So I'd like to ask for transition advice. A lot is in the air or uncertain right now and I'm not at all sure how to proceed.
-I am on hormones, but I feel like it's not a huge dose? No idea what a normal dose is. I wanna be on more. Doctor is OK bumping it up on the caveat I exercise a ton more. I generally hate exercising because I feel people watching and judging me while I do so. Maybe some sort of stationary bike at home...? would that be enough?
-I really want to get hair removal done but it's expensive and I have no cash to spare... I need a job. But, like, not having it done yet really saps my mood and makes my depression worse. Which in turn saps my energy for the job search.
-I am going to (hopefully) do speech threapy come this spring, and I think what will help a lot. My voice is one of the things I feel the most dysphoria about. And it's cheap so double yay!
-Soooo like I feel like I should get my government documents changed ASAP but like... I'm not sure if I should wait until stuff like hair removal is at least ongoing. After I make those document changes I'll be 24/7 and no going back. Kiiiiinda scary. Horray for anxiety.
-Fuckin make-up... one of those things I wanna get into but the massive lump of anxiety (and a lack of spare funds) makes it super hard.
I guess I just feel like I wish I had some trans ladies close by I could rely on for advice and such. There is a trans support group in the area but... to be totally honest I am super worried some people who've made serious dramam in the past would maybe be there and make it a terrible experience.
...sorry all I just sorta needed to rant about all that's worrying me.
I'm with you on pretty much everything you said. Ok, spoilering this cause I went pretty long and I'm actually pretty drunk right now.
Of anything that I've done so far next to starting hormones, hair removal has been by far the best. Expensive for sure which sucks, wish that was something that was covered like I hear it is next province over. So far for permanent I've only started laser on my face. Not cheap but I'm glad I'm responding well to it, I used to have shadow as soon as I shaved, and now a few darker stubborn patches but it's helped so much. Having dark hair was such a blessing even though I was super frustrated that it never looked like I shaved. Now hair everywhere else, I'm jut hoping I'm lucky in that hrt will thin things out. Recently tried an epilator in my battle, and it varies between ha ha this tickles and omg stop stop it now!
The documents thing is such a huge question of when to do it. Especially since I want to do both the name and gender change at the same time. And it looks like I need a letter for the gender change, so I'm not sure about the timing on that. At this point I hope to go fulltime around the 6 month hrt mark. Basically waiting for work contract to be renewed wanting to do it before my birthday in March. Work is such a scary one to think of making the change, and I will definitely be visible as a trans person, so it feels like such a big commitment there. But I figure if it goes bad for some reason I would rather know sooner than later. And I guess I'm speaking from a point of privilege with that since I do have supportive family and feel there's a good safety net for me with federal protections for trans people.
And make-up, omfg is that ever such a stressful thing for me. It should be all means be something I should be able to practice and know I will be kinda sucky at first and get better at. I either get it pretty wrong, or it's an uncanny valley type of thing. At least it's pretty cheap to start learning with inexpensive drug store make-up. I know a person that does make-up teaching sessions, 1 on 1 type of thing, so at some point I'l have to hit her up for some teaching.
Support groups always feel hit and miss. There's one local to me that, well it took me a while to start feeling comfortable there. That meant I might not go for a month, then finally feel like I should attend and finally go back. It's gotten better, I'm actually kind of amazed how quickly I stopped feeling like an outsider. What kept me away is we would have 1 or 2 individuals that would kinda turn it into either a meeting all about them, or into a personal therapy session. And it has had a session where some pretty bad misgendering occurred, which was such a bad experience for everyone there. But it's had more positives than negatives, and usually tries to get a mix of social nights in with discussion nights. I don't know what your local group is like, but I think it can be worth it to give it a chance or three, it might end up a net positive, but if it really sucks then don't feel any obligation to go. I am more than happy to chat if you need, I might not have any answers, but don't be afraid to hit me up.
An aside, that is a huge change in attitude for me, had this account for 7 years now and I think I've had more posts in the last couple weeks than I did in the first 7 years.
And as for dosage, I think the big thing is less what the actual dosage is, so much as getting your levels checked. Everyone will react to dosages differently. I think the standard is about 30-45 days after changing dosage before your levels will stabilize. While it took 7 months before getting hrt, my dr was willing to double my initial dose after 6 weeks. Her main concern wasn't weight so much as keeping an eye on blood pressure. If that is a concern, a home monitor can be worth it. At the Dr office I tend to read high since I am super nervous, especially before getting on hrt when I really didn't know if this would be the visit I finally got a prescription. At home I'm in a normal range. I'm definitely overweight, and should be exercising as well. I'm looking right now at an exercise bike and wondering why I never use it. I mean, even if it's not for health reasons, it should help me work on getting a nice butt, so I shouldn't be so lazy. But if the concern for an increased dose is the risk of increased blood pressure, home monitoring could be a way to help with an increased dose.
And seriously, hit me up anytime you need to talk. I'm still figuring it all out too, but I think I speak for all of us here when I say we all have your back.
Wow did I go on and on.
Also, tomorrow our D&D group resumes and finally get to come out to all of them. Part of me really just wants to show up all femme and see if anyone says anything. Any way I do it, I'm super excited, and I part of our group is a lesbian couple who I am out to, so I know they will have my back.
And again, we all got your back, and anytime you need to talk with someone also figuring it all out don't be afraid to hit me up.
Didn’t even have to watch the video to know what it was. A couple of weekends ago when I can out to my dad, watching tv later that evening that commercial kept coming on. Didn’t quite manage to not cry since it captured that fear and nervousness I was feeling so well. Seriously 2 hours of crying every commercial break.
Also apparently overly confident drunk tweets lead to chatting with random cool people until after 4am. So that was cool but where is my coffee delivery service.
So I'd like to ask for transition advice. A lot is in the air or uncertain right now and I'm not at all sure how to proceed.
-I am on hormones, but I feel like it's not a huge dose? No idea what a normal dose is. I wanna be on more. Doctor is OK bumping it up on the caveat I exercise a ton more. I generally hate exercising because I feel people watching and judging me while I do so. Maybe some sort of stationary bike at home...? would that be enough?
[unlurk]A stationary bike is good if you make sure to use the resistance settings and change up the pace. I guess it depends a bit on what the doctor means by a ton. Also, if you have a little floorspace, you can easily do circuit and high intensity interval training at home. I personally use Beachbody on Demand because of the variety of programs (everything from dance cardio to weight training), and I really like several of the trainers; but there are several streaming workout services out there. FitnessBlender on YouTube has a lot of good stuff that you could try. So basically there are a number of ways to get good, intense workouts at home in the comfort and privacy of your largest floor-space room. You may also find a good cycling “class” program streaming, too, which could help amp up the stationary bike training, as well, if you feel like you’d be more into the stationary bike after all.
[relurk]
-I am on hormones, but I feel like it's not a huge dose? No idea what a normal dose is. I wanna be on more. Doctor is OK bumping it up on the caveat I exercise a ton more. I generally hate exercising because I feel people watching and judging me while I do so. Maybe some sort of stationary bike at home...? would that be enough?
The dosage depends on your delivery method. Pills require many times a higher dosage because they have to go through your liver and you lose a lot that way. Patches and injections bypass that nonsense. I know someone on like 6mg of E daily and my patches are only 0.4 mg a week.
Exercise is probably due to blood pressure concerns, as estradiol increases the risk of clotting. You should, of course, ask your doctor for the reason because everyone is different.
And then yesterday Mispy and I hung out with two of his sisters and their partners and his nan and I ended up doing my nails with one of them because hooray matching colours.
Came out to my gaming group this afternoon and it all went great. Had a fun D&D session and everyone was really good about using she pronouns. A couple of slips as I expected when everything is new, but everyone would immediately correct themselves. So it's been a really good day.
+31
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KalTorakOne way or another, they all end up inthe Undercity.Registered Userregular
I went to a pretty great wedding today. One groom was NYC Jewish, the other was Texan African American, both nerdy lawyers. There were short readings from the Bible and from Goodrich v. Dept. of Public Health. The reception was Texas barbecue and NY jewish deli. They did the horah and got lifted in chairs. Their groomspeople entered the ceremony to soundtracks from Final Fantasy and Zelda, they went up the aisle together to the award ceremony music at the end of Star Wars. At the end of the ceremony, they jumped over a broom and landed on cloth-wrapped glasses.
It was the most tradition-filled non-traditional wedding I've ever heard of. Not sure how they held it together, I was almost-crying the whole time.
I went to a pretty great wedding today. One groom was NYC Jewish, the other was Texan African American, both nerdy lawyers. There were short readings from the Bible and from Goodrich v. Dept. of Public Health. The reception was Texas barbecue and NY jewish deli. They did the horah and got lifted in chairs. Their groomspeople entered the ceremony to soundtracks from Final Fantasy and Zelda, they went up the aisle together to the award ceremony music at the end of Star Wars. At the end of the ceremony, they jumped over a broom and landed on cloth-wrapped glasses.
It was the most tradition-filled non-traditional wedding I've ever heard of. Not sure how they held it together, I was almost-crying the whole time.
Oh my god, this is amazing. I'm jealous of you getting to be there!!
It really doesn't seem like it would be hard to take that out of the gender question and just have a followup if cis/trans/prefer not to answer.
Or keep the male/female/non-binary/trans/etc with checkboxes so you could select multiple answers.
What they did just like looks like someone doesn't know what the hell any gender stuff means so they shrugged and made that without asking anybody.
It really doesn't seem like it would be hard to take that out of the gender question and just have a followup if cis/trans/prefer not to answer.
Or keep the male/female/non-binary/trans/etc with checkboxes so you could select multiple answers.
What they did just like looks like someone doesn't know what the hell any gender stuff means so they shrugged and made that without asking anybody.
Trans/Cis needs to be a separate question, imo, because unlike gender, that is a binary, as the terms are logical inverses of one-another, and making trans a modifier by itself just reinforces the misconception that cis is the "default" state.
I'm so super sick of being reminded I'm trans nonstop that I generally just shy away when a survey, no matter how relevant the question is, asks me if I am.
Not that I hate being trans, but I much rather just... I dunno, talk as a bisexual/asexual person more often.
Miss me? Find me on:
Twitch (I stream most days of the week) Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
I guess my thing is that I want to be visibly trans for folks (esp queer folks) who need to see that in their lives and I also want to be invisible to corporations
When a form or survey asks me my gender, I ask it:
- is it to my advantage to surrender this information?
- do you have an actual need to know?
- do I have reason to believe you will act positively towards me if you know?
- do I have reason to think you would even do anything with this info other than file it, or sell it, or do something trivial like automate using Ms/Mr/Mx on a future dispatch?
When a form or survey asks me my gender, I ask it:
- is it to my advantage to surrender this information?
- do you have an actual need to know?
- do I have reason to believe you will act positively towards me if you know?
- do I have reason to think you would even do anything with this info other than file it, or sell it, or do something trivial like automate using Ms/Mr/Mx on a future dispatch?
Not much makes it past all these questions.
This sort of thinking is a good idea for any and all survey questions, really.
Well I've decided to give online dating a try. After a few suggestions from various friends I set up a profile on OkCupid. As someone who is polyamorous (or at least pretty sure they are) and bi/pan and trans I'm not quite sure how many good matches I'm going to get. Honestly though I'm pretty happy just meeting new friends on there.
I do like that OkCupid can, if you wanted to, hide your profile from straight people. I did that and while I feel a little mixed about it I figure it's probably going to cut out a lot of ignorant jerks who wouldn't want to date me anyways.
It's been 10 years since I stopped looking for people to date through OKCupid so I have no idea how much has changed, but I found answering their surveys whenever I was bored really helped me find compatible people. I'm sure I answered thousands of them in total, but just tried not to overthink the question too much. I got plenty of friendly nerds for matches and some good dates out of it, as well as a friend and girlfriend.
Switching from straight to bi muddied it a bit because guys are way more ready to get gross and/or spam copy-pasted messages to anyone they want to put their dicks in but I found ignoring them easy-enough.
I wish you luck. Be brave! Message cute people and ask them out!
I especially hate my birth control. It makes me feel bloated and disgusting half the month, and then i'm spotting the other half. I'm on the depo shot and the one side effect that everybody was concerned about for me (the weight gain) hasnt happened. But the fatigue, dizziness, spotting, breakthrough bleeding, and the complete loss of libido of any sort definitely has. Can't get pregnant if you don't want to even think about sex.
I get dizzy spells at least once a month. I've had a light period for about the last two weeks. Not enough to justify a tampon or a moon cup or even a panty liner, but it's there. every time I use the bathroom. I get hit with a wave of exhaustion that rivals the first trimester of being pregnant. And i"m frankly just plain fucking miserable.
So I've done a lot of thinking and decided i want to come off the hormones. We'll just go back to using condoms (gross) and having a somewhat heavy and frustrating period only once a month. Oh joy. But hey, at least i might get rid of some of the side effects. and I might even feel like being amorous with my husband again.
And now we come to my hesitation on posting.
I can stop the hormones. I can just go back to being a 'natural' woman with crazy facial hair and monthly periods. I was taking these extra things as an almost vanity thing. Many of you are taking them because they will help you be who you are. and here I am being all "but I don't like how they make me feel" and it feels to me like the very clear example of some serious cis privilege. Some of you are fighting tooth and nail and going through hell just to be able to get to where I am deciding that I hate and it makes me feel awkward.
There was originally going to be a lot more to this post a few days ago, but I took some time to think about things and i'm a bit better with my decision.
For what it's worth, my partner switched from standard hormonal BC to a nexplanon implant and they LOVE the difference it's made - a lot of the bad things you're talking about were also their common complaints, and all of them went away with the implant. As an added bonus, they get periods like...1-3 times per year at most.
Well I've decided to give online dating a try. After a few suggestions from various friends I set up a profile on OkCupid. As someone who is polyamorous (or at least pretty sure they are) and bi/pan and trans I'm not quite sure how many good matches I'm going to get. Honestly though I'm pretty happy just meeting new friends on there.
I do like that OkCupid can, if you wanted to, hide your profile from straight people. I did that and while I feel a little mixed about it I figure it's probably going to cut out a lot of ignorant jerks who wouldn't want to date me anyways.
I'd say the upside of less harassment is probably 10:1 if not better than possibly missing out on a cool straight person.
The conference I’m at had a presentation on a very recent research study investigating the link between playing video games and mental health outcomes. The presenter showed us a bunch of the survey they used and the gender question was just m/f/nb/other. That is, for a research study that is opt-in to begin with, the best choice of answers I think?
Also the results of the study were super affirming: most video games are GREAT for mental health except like mobas which kinda suck mostly.
+14
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Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
Posts
-I am on hormones, but I feel like it's not a huge dose? No idea what a normal dose is. I wanna be on more. Doctor is OK bumping it up on the caveat I exercise a ton more. I generally hate exercising because I feel people watching and judging me while I do so. Maybe some sort of stationary bike at home...? would that be enough?
-I really want to get hair removal done but it's expensive and I have no cash to spare... I need a job. But, like, not having it done yet really saps my mood and makes my depression worse. Which in turn saps my energy for the job search.
-I am going to (hopefully) do speech threapy come this spring, and I think what will help a lot. My voice is one of the things I feel the most dysphoria about. And it's cheap so double yay!
-Soooo like I feel like I should get my government documents changed ASAP but like... I'm not sure if I should wait until stuff like hair removal is at least ongoing. After I make those document changes I'll be 24/7 and no going back. Kiiiiinda scary. Horray for anxiety.
-Fuckin make-up... one of those things I wanna get into but the massive lump of anxiety (and a lack of spare funds) makes it super hard.
I guess I just feel like I wish I had some trans ladies close by I could rely on for advice and such. There is a trans support group in the area but... to be totally honest I am super worried some people who've made serious dramam in the past would maybe be there and make it a terrible experience.
...sorry all I just sorta needed to rant about all that's worrying me.
I wanted to call it an "easy win" but then there's the whole, ya know, using it which LOLIDFK yo
The documents thing is such a huge question of when to do it. Especially since I want to do both the name and gender change at the same time. And it looks like I need a letter for the gender change, so I'm not sure about the timing on that. At this point I hope to go fulltime around the 6 month hrt mark. Basically waiting for work contract to be renewed wanting to do it before my birthday in March. Work is such a scary one to think of making the change, and I will definitely be visible as a trans person, so it feels like such a big commitment there. But I figure if it goes bad for some reason I would rather know sooner than later. And I guess I'm speaking from a point of privilege with that since I do have supportive family and feel there's a good safety net for me with federal protections for trans people.
And make-up, omfg is that ever such a stressful thing for me. It should be all means be something I should be able to practice and know I will be kinda sucky at first and get better at. I either get it pretty wrong, or it's an uncanny valley type of thing. At least it's pretty cheap to start learning with inexpensive drug store make-up. I know a person that does make-up teaching sessions, 1 on 1 type of thing, so at some point I'l have to hit her up for some teaching.
Support groups always feel hit and miss. There's one local to me that, well it took me a while to start feeling comfortable there. That meant I might not go for a month, then finally feel like I should attend and finally go back. It's gotten better, I'm actually kind of amazed how quickly I stopped feeling like an outsider. What kept me away is we would have 1 or 2 individuals that would kinda turn it into either a meeting all about them, or into a personal therapy session. And it has had a session where some pretty bad misgendering occurred, which was such a bad experience for everyone there. But it's had more positives than negatives, and usually tries to get a mix of social nights in with discussion nights. I don't know what your local group is like, but I think it can be worth it to give it a chance or three, it might end up a net positive, but if it really sucks then don't feel any obligation to go. I am more than happy to chat if you need, I might not have any answers, but don't be afraid to hit me up.
An aside, that is a huge change in attitude for me, had this account for 7 years now and I think I've had more posts in the last couple weeks than I did in the first 7 years.
And as for dosage, I think the big thing is less what the actual dosage is, so much as getting your levels checked. Everyone will react to dosages differently. I think the standard is about 30-45 days after changing dosage before your levels will stabilize. While it took 7 months before getting hrt, my dr was willing to double my initial dose after 6 weeks. Her main concern wasn't weight so much as keeping an eye on blood pressure. If that is a concern, a home monitor can be worth it. At the Dr office I tend to read high since I am super nervous, especially before getting on hrt when I really didn't know if this would be the visit I finally got a prescription. At home I'm in a normal range. I'm definitely overweight, and should be exercising as well. I'm looking right now at an exercise bike and wondering why I never use it. I mean, even if it's not for health reasons, it should help me work on getting a nice butt, so I shouldn't be so lazy. But if the concern for an increased dose is the risk of increased blood pressure, home monitoring could be a way to help with an increased dose.
And seriously, hit me up anytime you need to talk. I'm still figuring it all out too, but I think I speak for all of us here when I say we all have your back.
Wow did I go on and on.
Also, tomorrow our D&D group resumes and finally get to come out to all of them. Part of me really just wants to show up all femme and see if anyone says anything. Any way I do it, I'm super excited, and I part of our group is a lesbian couple who I am out to, so I know they will have my back.
And again, we all got your back, and anytime you need to talk with someone also figuring it all out don't be afraid to hit me up.
Didn’t even have to watch the video to know what it was. A couple of weekends ago when I can out to my dad, watching tv later that evening that commercial kept coming on. Didn’t quite manage to not cry since it captured that fear and nervousness I was feeling so well. Seriously 2 hours of crying every commercial break.
Also apparently overly confident drunk tweets lead to chatting with random cool people until after 4am. So that was cool but where is my coffee delivery service.
Hope everyone is having a good weekend.
[unlurk]A stationary bike is good if you make sure to use the resistance settings and change up the pace. I guess it depends a bit on what the doctor means by a ton. Also, if you have a little floorspace, you can easily do circuit and high intensity interval training at home. I personally use Beachbody on Demand because of the variety of programs (everything from dance cardio to weight training), and I really like several of the trainers; but there are several streaming workout services out there. FitnessBlender on YouTube has a lot of good stuff that you could try. So basically there are a number of ways to get good, intense workouts at home in the comfort and privacy of your largest floor-space room. You may also find a good cycling “class” program streaming, too, which could help amp up the stationary bike training, as well, if you feel like you’d be more into the stationary bike after all.
[relurk]
wish list
Steam wishlist
Etsy wishlist
Exercise is probably due to blood pressure concerns, as estradiol increases the risk of clotting. You should, of course, ask your doctor for the reason because everyone is different.
And then yesterday Mispy and I hung out with two of his sisters and their partners and his nan and I ended up doing my nails with one of them because hooray matching colours.
Hey what the fuck?
Tumblr | Twitter PSN: misterdapper Av by Satellite_09
It was the most tradition-filled non-traditional wedding I've ever heard of. Not sure how they held it together, I was almost-crying the whole time.
Something does seems wrong with that, but I'm honestly not quite sure what. It's it that 'transgender' is a separate option?
Looks like someone Googled 'other genders' and just copy-pasted the first two results.
Yea, transgender isn't a gender, it's a modifier. You can be transgender or cisgender but neither of those are your actual gender.
It's so god damn stupid that this is even a thing.
Most trans folk are within the binary, and I'd think that should be obvious.
I feel like there'd be a lot less confusion if not for assholes on social media going "ONLY TWO GENDERS" all the fucking time.
Thank you. That's what I thought but wasn't sure. The fourth option is kind of a mess too, tbh.
Oh my god, this is amazing. I'm jealous of you getting to be there!!
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
It’s certainly a good way to pretend trans people don’t exist. After all if presented with that list I’d just answer female.
Assuming I didn’t just abandon the whole thing in disgust
Tumblr | Twitter PSN: misterdapper Av by Satellite_09
Or keep the male/female/non-binary/trans/etc with checkboxes so you could select multiple answers.
What they did just like looks like someone doesn't know what the hell any gender stuff means so they shrugged and made that without asking anybody.
Trans/Cis needs to be a separate question, imo, because unlike gender, that is a binary, as the terms are logical inverses of one-another, and making trans a modifier by itself just reinforces the misconception that cis is the "default" state.
How much do you like marshmallows?
Not that I hate being trans, but I much rather just... I dunno, talk as a bisexual/asexual person more often.
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
So much
I can't really do both but it'd be the ideal
ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
- is it to my advantage to surrender this information?
- do you have an actual need to know?
- do I have reason to believe you will act positively towards me if you know?
- do I have reason to think you would even do anything with this info other than file it, or sell it, or do something trivial like automate using Ms/Mr/Mx on a future dispatch?
Not much makes it past all these questions.
This sort of thinking is a good idea for any and all survey questions, really.
I do like that OkCupid can, if you wanted to, hide your profile from straight people. I did that and while I feel a little mixed about it I figure it's probably going to cut out a lot of ignorant jerks who wouldn't want to date me anyways.
Switching from straight to bi muddied it a bit because guys are way more ready to get gross and/or spam copy-pasted messages to anyone they want to put their dicks in but I found ignoring them easy-enough.
I wish you luck. Be brave! Message cute people and ask them out!
For what it's worth, my partner switched from standard hormonal BC to a nexplanon implant and they LOVE the difference it's made - a lot of the bad things you're talking about were also their common complaints, and all of them went away with the implant. As an added bonus, they get periods like...1-3 times per year at most.
A list of things, should you be of the gifting persuasion
I'd say the upside of less harassment is probably 10:1 if not better than possibly missing out on a cool straight person.
Also the results of the study were super affirming: most video games are GREAT for mental health except like mobas which kinda suck mostly.
For certain outcomes they were in the negatives yes. For some outcomes they were above average in the good.
But overall they were mostly pretty bad for you. (RPGs, adventure games, but especially RPGs had astoundingly high results in most positive outcomes).
Anyway I mostly wanted to mention the gender question because I was quite pleased when she showed the survey. Don’t want to start a big tangent here.
Also now I can legitimately call a day off playing them as a mental health day.