and it kinda feels dangerous to frame it in terms of "well at least that means he acknowledges she's a woman" for murky reasons I can't put into words exactly
like it's sort of slightly kind of trying to justify the disrespect a little bit when no effort should be spent to justify it
I understand the urge to find a bright side but I think it's dangerous here
My guess is that @lonelyahava may have meant something closer to "it sounds like you're starting to lose the male privilege you received when everybody (wrongly) assumed you were a dude, and it's hard to say if there's a positive in that or not?"
lonelyahavaCall me Ahava ~~She/Her~~Move to New ZealandRegistered Userregular
Partially what Creagan said too!
For some reason I'm really really bad at using words in this thread. I'm always afraid of stepping on people or upsetting somebody by using the wrong word or term or phrase.
I should really go back to just lurking, so I don't inadvertently praise the patriarchy again.
He looked absolutely confused. He isn't on our team anymore so I haven't told him. And I wasn't gonna do it right there because a shithead tried to out me.
Oh also he keeps like aggressively misgendering me? Some people will say "Erin said x" or "she told us the best way to do this ticket" and he will say "CHRIS said it" or "HE told you" like in the middle of them talking. I just remembered that.
Man, you know what? Fuck that guy. I told the team I would be tolerant of some acclimation time but that's not acclimation. That's just being a shit head.
I cut this guy too much slack huh
This guys sounds pretty hostile. Honestly I'd be worried he might escalate things eventually to physical violence by the sounds of it. Just sayin'. I wouldn't trust him.
Also, get HR to nuke him from orbit. He lost the the right to any goodwill the second he went full douchenozzle. Take care of yourself and be safe!
Yeah, that's setting off alarm bells for me too.
Be safe!
There's no plan, there's no race to be run
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
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Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
For some reason I'm really really bad at using words in this thread. I'm always afraid of stepping on people or upsetting somebody by using the wrong word or term or phrase.
I should really go back to just lurking, so I don't inadvertently praise the patriarchy again.
Nope! You're in the room now! You can't hide in a corner!
mysticjuicer[he/him] I'm a muscle wizardand I cast P U N C HRegistered Userregular
edited October 2017
hi all, I'm a bi, and this thread rules
started painting my nails recently and I want aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the colours, but mostly I'm hunting for (1) the exact kind of red and blue that Travis McElroy has in the MBMBaM tv show, and (2) E V E R D A R K E R S H A D E S O F B L A C K
Hey all. I'm Raphael, and I'm a Canadian gay male who identifies with the bear subculture, married to another man, feel like I have too much privilege and wish I could share it with everyone who feels like they're struggling, or use it somehow like a superpower to shut down stupid geese who abuse theirs. This is why I come to this thread; to inform and educate myself and assist in smashing the patriarchy however I can, because we all deserve the same rights.
PSN: TheArcadeBear
Steam: TheArcadeBear
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Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
LGBTQIA group meets at work in 2 days! Eeeeeeeeeeeeee
He looked absolutely confused. He isn't on our team anymore so I haven't told him. And I wasn't gonna do it right there because a shithead tried to out me.
Oh also he keeps like aggressively misgendering me? Some people will say "Erin said x" or "she told us the best way to do this ticket" and he will say "CHRIS said it" or "HE told you" like in the middle of them talking. I just remembered that.
Man, you know what? Fuck that guy. I told the team I would be tolerant of some acclimation time but that's not acclimation. That's just being a shit head.
I cut this guy too much slack huh
This guy definitely posts condescending "TRIGGERED" reaction images on Facebook and aggressive "only two genders, sorry not sorry" memes.
If a coworker literally denying your identity and telling people you're a liar right in front of you isn't a hostile work environment, I don't know what is. He has forfeited all slack for everything ever.
I work in IT as well and I always thought that tech people were progressive/open and accepting. Turns out that I couldn't have been more wrong.
He looked absolutely confused. He isn't on our team anymore so I haven't told him. And I wasn't gonna do it right there because a shithead tried to out me.
Oh also he keeps like aggressively misgendering me? Some people will say "Erin said x" or "she told us the best way to do this ticket" and he will say "CHRIS said it" or "HE told you" like in the middle of them talking. I just remembered that.
Man, you know what? Fuck that guy. I told the team I would be tolerant of some acclimation time but that's not acclimation. That's just being a shit head.
I cut this guy too much slack huh
This guy definitely posts condescending "TRIGGERED" reaction images on Facebook and aggressive "only two genders, sorry not sorry" memes.
If a coworker literally denying your identity and telling people you're a liar right in front of you isn't a hostile work environment, I don't know what is. He has forfeited all slack for everything ever.
I work in IT as well and I always thought that tech people were progressive/open and accepting. Turns out that I couldn't have been more wrong.
I think the biggest culture shock of getting a job working in (tabletop) gaming was finding out how colossally shitty a lot of those people can be. I remember thinking to myself "hold the phone, don't you fuckers love Star Trek? Were none of you paying attention??"
Turns out people's shittiness transcends hobby, profession, and logical progressions of facts.
He looked absolutely confused. He isn't on our team anymore so I haven't told him. And I wasn't gonna do it right there because a shithead tried to out me.
Oh also he keeps like aggressively misgendering me? Some people will say "Erin said x" or "she told us the best way to do this ticket" and he will say "CHRIS said it" or "HE told you" like in the middle of them talking. I just remembered that.
Man, you know what? Fuck that guy. I told the team I would be tolerant of some acclimation time but that's not acclimation. That's just being a shit head.
I cut this guy too much slack huh
This guy definitely posts condescending "TRIGGERED" reaction images on Facebook and aggressive "only two genders, sorry not sorry" memes.
If a coworker literally denying your identity and telling people you're a liar right in front of you isn't a hostile work environment, I don't know what is. He has forfeited all slack for everything ever.
I work in IT as well and I always thought that tech people were progressive/open and accepting. Turns out that I couldn't have been more wrong.
In my experience, IT attracts a more liberally-minded personality in general, but mostly pulls from a fairly narrow demographic of people, which means a lot of social blindness and privilege to contend with. Also in my admittedly anecdotal experience, a lot of entitlement complexes.
He looked absolutely confused. He isn't on our team anymore so I haven't told him. And I wasn't gonna do it right there because a shithead tried to out me.
Oh also he keeps like aggressively misgendering me? Some people will say "Erin said x" or "she told us the best way to do this ticket" and he will say "CHRIS said it" or "HE told you" like in the middle of them talking. I just remembered that.
Man, you know what? Fuck that guy. I told the team I would be tolerant of some acclimation time but that's not acclimation. That's just being a shit head.
I cut this guy too much slack huh
This guy definitely posts condescending "TRIGGERED" reaction images on Facebook and aggressive "only two genders, sorry not sorry" memes.
If a coworker literally denying your identity and telling people you're a liar right in front of you isn't a hostile work environment, I don't know what is. He has forfeited all slack for everything ever.
I work in IT as well and I always thought that tech people were progressive/open and accepting. Turns out that I couldn't have been more wrong.
In my experience, IT attracts a more liberally-minded personality in general, but mostly pulls from a fairly narrow demographic of people, which means a lot of social blindness and privilege to contend with. Also in my admittedly anecdotal experience, a lot of entitlement complexes.
I have no experience with IT, but I've been working in Silicon Valley for a while now. Engineers here, at least can get super libertarian. A lot of 'I worked hard why should my money be taxed' kind of stuff.
They do tend to lean socially liberal, but they can often end up in real insular bubbles of other tech bros. Without hands-on experience with other cultures and lifestyles, they can fall right down the asshole spiral and end up being the fucking worst.
There's no plan, there's no race to be run
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
He looked absolutely confused. He isn't on our team anymore so I haven't told him. And I wasn't gonna do it right there because a shithead tried to out me.
Oh also he keeps like aggressively misgendering me? Some people will say "Erin said x" or "she told us the best way to do this ticket" and he will say "CHRIS said it" or "HE told you" like in the middle of them talking. I just remembered that.
Man, you know what? Fuck that guy. I told the team I would be tolerant of some acclimation time but that's not acclimation. That's just being a shit head.
I cut this guy too much slack huh
This guy definitely posts condescending "TRIGGERED" reaction images on Facebook and aggressive "only two genders, sorry not sorry" memes.
If a coworker literally denying your identity and telling people you're a liar right in front of you isn't a hostile work environment, I don't know what is. He has forfeited all slack for everything ever.
I work in IT as well and I always thought that tech people were progressive/open and accepting. Turns out that I couldn't have been more wrong.
“It was, of course, nothing more than sexism, the especially virulent type espoused by male techies who sincerely believe that they are too smart to be sexists.”
He looked absolutely confused. He isn't on our team anymore so I haven't told him. And I wasn't gonna do it right there because a shithead tried to out me.
Oh also he keeps like aggressively misgendering me? Some people will say "Erin said x" or "she told us the best way to do this ticket" and he will say "CHRIS said it" or "HE told you" like in the middle of them talking. I just remembered that.
Man, you know what? Fuck that guy. I told the team I would be tolerant of some acclimation time but that's not acclimation. That's just being a shit head.
I cut this guy too much slack huh
This guy definitely posts condescending "TRIGGERED" reaction images on Facebook and aggressive "only two genders, sorry not sorry" memes.
If a coworker literally denying your identity and telling people you're a liar right in front of you isn't a hostile work environment, I don't know what is. He has forfeited all slack for everything ever.
I work in IT as well and I always thought that tech people were progressive/open and accepting. Turns out that I couldn't have been more wrong.
I think the biggest culture shock of getting a job working in (tabletop) gaming was finding out how colossally shitty a lot of those people can be. I remember thinking to myself "hold the phone, don't you fuckers love Star Trek? Were none of you paying attention??"
Turns out people's shittiness transcends hobby, profession, and logical progressions of facts.
I mean, Star Trek has always had kind of a fuck-awful record in terms of putting its money where its mouth is with regard to gender and sexuality, so...
and it kinda feels dangerous to frame it in terms of "well at least that means he acknowledges she's a woman" for murky reasons I can't put into words exactly
like it's sort of slightly kind of trying to justify the disrespect a little bit when no effort should be spent to justify it
I understand the urge to find a bright side but I think it's dangerous here
My guess is that @lonelyahava may have meant something closer to "it sounds like you're starting to lose the male privilege you received when everybody (wrongly) assumed you were a dude, and it's hard to say if there's a positive in that or not?"
Maybe?
The term is 'passing privilege'
Miss me? Find me on:
Twitch (I stream most days of the week) Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
and it kinda feels dangerous to frame it in terms of "well at least that means he acknowledges she's a woman" for murky reasons I can't put into words exactly
like it's sort of slightly kind of trying to justify the disrespect a little bit when no effort should be spent to justify it
I understand the urge to find a bright side but I think it's dangerous here
My guess is that @lonelyahava may have meant something closer to "it sounds like you're starting to lose the male privilege you received when everybody (wrongly) assumed you were a dude, and it's hard to say if there's a positive in that or not?"
Maybe?
The term is 'passing privilege'
Thank you for clarifying! Just to make sure I understand the terminology, is that referring to passing as the sex you were assigned at birth, or the sex you present post-transition? (Or are both those things wrong and I just completely failed to understand this.)
Because with disability stuff, "passing" usually means you appear able. And so I always get thrown off when seeing that word applied to other situations.
and it kinda feels dangerous to frame it in terms of "well at least that means he acknowledges she's a woman" for murky reasons I can't put into words exactly
like it's sort of slightly kind of trying to justify the disrespect a little bit when no effort should be spent to justify it
I understand the urge to find a bright side but I think it's dangerous here
My guess is that @lonelyahava may have meant something closer to "it sounds like you're starting to lose the male privilege you received when everybody (wrongly) assumed you were a dude, and it's hard to say if there's a positive in that or not?"
Maybe?
The term is 'passing privilege'
Thank you for clarifying! Just to make sure I understand the terminology, is that referring to passing as the sex you were assigned at birth, or the sex you present post-transition? (Or are both those things wrong and I just completely failed to understand this.)
Because with disability stuff, "passing" usually means you appear able. And so I always get thrown off when seeing that word applied to other situations.
As i understand it, passing privilege means you look like a cishet person, basically.
For some reason I'm really really bad at using words in this thread. I'm always afraid of stepping on people or upsetting somebody by using the wrong word or term or phrase.
I should really go back to just lurking, so I don't inadvertently praise the patriarchy again.
I totally sympathize with you, here, @lonelyahava. I come across as very confident and certain of myself now, but that's only because I spent years and years learning from my social fumbles. I first started posting here in 2007, and I was a gibbering mess in those days. To anyone who hasn't seen me from way back then, you cannot imagine how cringeworthy so much of my early time here really was.
In the end, the only way forward is through. And any mistake you can learn something from is a mistake that makes you better equipped than you were before.
Goatmon on
Switch Friend Code: SW-6680-6709-4204
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Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
and it kinda feels dangerous to frame it in terms of "well at least that means he acknowledges she's a woman" for murky reasons I can't put into words exactly
like it's sort of slightly kind of trying to justify the disrespect a little bit when no effort should be spent to justify it
I understand the urge to find a bright side but I think it's dangerous here
My guess is that @lonelyahava may have meant something closer to "it sounds like you're starting to lose the male privilege you received when everybody (wrongly) assumed you were a dude, and it's hard to say if there's a positive in that or not?"
Maybe?
The term is 'passing privilege'
Thank you for clarifying! Just to make sure I understand the terminology, is that referring to passing as the sex you were assigned at birth, or the sex you present post-transition? (Or are both those things wrong and I just completely failed to understand this.)
Because with disability stuff, "passing" usually means you appear able. And so I always get thrown off when seeing that word applied to other situations.
As i understand it, passing privilege means you look like a cishet person, basically.
Can apply both to closeted and out people.
it's passing as the most socially advantageous group in general, just to be double clear
the person supposedly benefiting social constructs aren't actually privileged, since institutional oppression attacks on many, many fronts
Miss me? Find me on:
Twitch (I stream most days of the week) Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
THIS FUCKIN ALTRIGHT SHITLORD IN MY SPEECH CLASS JUST CALLED CNN THE CUCK NEWS NETWORK I AM ABOUT TO GODDAMN LOSE IT
despite not giving a shit about cnn
I dunno, I don't think not giving a shit about CNN and giving a shit about being in the presence of an objectively shitty and evil person aren't mutually exclusive. The former is the culmination of personality, life experience, and tastes in journalism, the latter just means you have a pulse.
Posts
I didn't mean to try and make it a great thing.
Just this odd mental shift in the co-worker struck me.
There's no positives to be had from the situation. None.
Other than Erin raining down hellfire.
But it's shit that it's even necessary.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
My guess is that @lonelyahava may have meant something closer to "it sounds like you're starting to lose the male privilege you received when everybody (wrongly) assumed you were a dude, and it's hard to say if there's a positive in that or not?"
Maybe?
Search the forums for "quiltbag" and you'll find a thread I made with that as part of the title, along with me being a terrible self hating queer.
It was a different (more hateful) time
For some reason I'm really really bad at using words in this thread. I'm always afraid of stepping on people or upsetting somebody by using the wrong word or term or phrase.
I should really go back to just lurking, so I don't inadvertently praise the patriarchy again.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Yeah, that's setting off alarm bells for me too.
Be safe!
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Nope! You're in the room now! You can't hide in a corner!
*Hug*
two years apparently
That went on much longer than I thought then.
I am a baby when it comes to goodbyes. At least...I am now
started painting my nails recently and I want aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaall the colours, but mostly I'm hunting for (1) the exact kind of red and blue that Travis McElroy has in the MBMBaM tv show, and (2) E V E R D A R K E R S H A D E S O F B L A C K
Now I'm just hungry
And I don't even like BLTs
Hi I'm Ellie and I am a person
I think
Hey all. I'm Raphael, and I'm a Canadian gay male who identifies with the bear subculture, married to another man, feel like I have too much privilege and wish I could share it with everyone who feels like they're struggling, or use it somehow like a superpower to shut down stupid geese who abuse theirs. This is why I come to this thread; to inform and educate myself and assist in smashing the patriarchy however I can, because we all deserve the same rights.
Steam: TheArcadeBear
Add Guacamole and you have an even more delicious and inclusive sandwich!
....shit now I'm hungry
I don't like bacon and uncooked tomatoes trigger my gag reflex
The worst part is I love tomatoes
I work in IT as well and I always thought that tech people were progressive/open and accepting. Turns out that I couldn't have been more wrong.
I think the biggest culture shock of getting a job working in (tabletop) gaming was finding out how colossally shitty a lot of those people can be. I remember thinking to myself "hold the phone, don't you fuckers love Star Trek? Were none of you paying attention??"
Turns out people's shittiness transcends hobby, profession, and logical progressions of facts.
Just make sure you don't stay alone with this person at all, in any context. Gotta take care of yourself.
In my experience, IT attracts a more liberally-minded personality in general, but mostly pulls from a fairly narrow demographic of people, which means a lot of social blindness and privilege to contend with. Also in my admittedly anecdotal experience, a lot of entitlement complexes.
I have no experience with IT, but I've been working in Silicon Valley for a while now. Engineers here, at least can get super libertarian. A lot of 'I worked hard why should my money be taxed' kind of stuff.
They do tend to lean socially liberal, but they can often end up in real insular bubbles of other tech bros. Without hands-on experience with other cultures and lifestyles, they can fall right down the asshole spiral and end up being the fucking worst.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
Oh believe me, I know. I have friends who were on the frontline against that nonsense right at the very start.
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
“It was, of course, nothing more than sexism, the especially virulent type espoused by male techies who sincerely believe that they are too smart to be sexists.”
― Neal Stephenson, Snow Crash
The term is 'passing privilege'
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
Thank you for clarifying! Just to make sure I understand the terminology, is that referring to passing as the sex you were assigned at birth, or the sex you present post-transition? (Or are both those things wrong and I just completely failed to understand this.)
Because with disability stuff, "passing" usually means you appear able. And so I always get thrown off when seeing that word applied to other situations.
As i understand it, passing privilege means you look like a cishet person, basically.
Can apply both to closeted and out people.
Check out my site, the Bismuth Heart | My Twitter
The harder the rain, honey, the sweeter the sun.
I have the hardest time NOT making a Dot Hack Sign reference whenever I learn someone is B & T respectively.
Like Amara, or Katelyn Burns.
I totally sympathize with you, here, @lonelyahava. I come across as very confident and certain of myself now, but that's only because I spent years and years learning from my social fumbles. I first started posting here in 2007, and I was a gibbering mess in those days. To anyone who hasn't seen me from way back then, you cannot imagine how cringeworthy so much of my early time here really was.
In the end, the only way forward is through. And any mistake you can learn something from is a mistake that makes you better equipped than you were before.
I
Have a fantastic day, friends.
it's passing as the most socially advantageous group in general, just to be double clear
the person supposedly benefiting social constructs aren't actually privileged, since institutional oppression attacks on many, many fronts
Twitch (I stream most days of the week)
Twitter (mean leftist discourse)
In other muppet news: I believe in you.
3DS: 1607-3034-6970
despite not giving a shit about cnn
I dunno, I don't think not giving a shit about CNN and giving a shit about being in the presence of an objectively shitty and evil person aren't mutually exclusive. The former is the culmination of personality, life experience, and tastes in journalism, the latter just means you have a pulse.
Or in other words: feature, not bug