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Wizards: The Dumb Nerds That Can. An Melding Guide

MeldingMelding Registered User regular
Wizards

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Perhaps the most dangerous human opponent a monster hunter may ever come across.

Normally it is the MRE's stance to not cover humans and the like because the fact they want to avoid the whole 'man is the real monster' trope, and writing guides about how to murder a human isn't a good look.

But I'm on forced leave, so fuck those guys.

Wizards are human spell casters, differentiated by their method of pulling arcane power out of the flow of magic, and the forming it into spells. It is a learned art, leaning close to a science, but like baking even if you do everything perfect you still might kill everyone you meant to help.

And in the case of a wizard the odds of that are basically 100%.

The defining trait of a wizard is that it is a learned art, at best third nature, so removing a wizard from their tomes and scrolls is actually a fairly effective way to disarm a wizard for a time. Though some can actually memorize spells enough to cast them without reference, these are human calculator rare, most just tattoo a weak lightning bolt spell on their arm and call it a day. However, this also means they don't have to rely on implements and fetishes to cast spells, an old wizard with a scroll is as as dangerous as a young warlock with the hand of Azuzu, to put in understandable terms. This said however, many will use wants and staffs for effect or to store magic because Wizards are lazy.

Wizards are also prideful, as mentioned before when challenged to a Wizard Duel there is no saying no when you're a wizard. If you are not a Wizard you can't invoke wizard duels, so there's no point in covering these any further.

So how does one stop a wizard?

Let us explore the myriad of ways one can thwart a wizard.

or, let's just talk shit about wizards.

In this here, wizard thread.

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Posts

  • ChimeraChimera Monster girl with a snek tail and five eyes Bad puns, that's how eye roll. Registered User regular
    I came here because @OnTheLastCastle said there were sex wizards. Where are the sex wizards?

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    CHI'S MIDWEEK 80'S & 90's MOVIE MONSTER MASH, EVERY OTHER WED @ 9PM EASTERN
    ☈ Steam: chimera.monster Discord: Chimera #7416
  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    20081015.gif

    BahamutZERO.gif
    ChimeraMeldingOnTheLastCastlePeasPeewiDarkPrimusSenorTacosDerricktynicStiltsBlankzillaDuke 2.0Tommy2HandsRingoZonugalLord_AsmodeuscB557chrishallett83BucketmanDarth WaiterElldrenPLASolar
  • ChimeraChimera Monster girl with a snek tail and five eyes Bad puns, that's how eye roll. Registered User regular
    Frau Doctor, what is the actual difference between a witch and a wizard and a warlock?

    npAs9AI.png
    CHI'S MIDWEEK 80'S & 90's MOVIE MONSTER MASH, EVERY OTHER WED @ 9PM EASTERN
    ☈ Steam: chimera.monster Discord: Chimera #7416
  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
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    typical wizard behavior

    BahamutZERO.gif
    ChimeraMr FuzzbuttNeoTomaDuke 2.0Tommy2HandsfightinfilipinoZonugalLord_AsmodeuscB557chrishallett83BucketmanDarth WaiterElldren
  • MeldingMelding Registered User regular
    Chimera wrote: »
    Frau Doctor, what is the actual difference between a witch and a wizard and a warlock?

    In simplest terms, how they draw their magic.

    Wizards draw magic from basically arcane recipes and learned skills to pull something from nothing.

    Witches tend to invoke spirits and pull energy from those living things. This gives them a lot of overlap with druids. However, druids tend to make offerings, where as witches then to make unholy pacts.

    warlocks acquire magical power from deals and artifacts. Make a deal with a satan to throw fireballs? Warlock. Bind your soul to an unholy staff that can spew acid? warlock. most wizards tend to dapple in warlock territory, because who doesn't want a staff that shoots acid, but warlocks don't tend to get into wizardry.

    ChimeraDuke 2.0PLA
  • OnTheLastCastleOnTheLastCastle let's keep it haimish for the peripatetic Registered User regular
    20081015.gif

    @BahamutZERO this is my favorite comic of all time and I reference it constantly even when talking to very important people





    They need to know

    I'm a published writer and have a very unique and interesting writing style. I'm also sharp and witty. My profile is well-written and hilarious. My messages are likewise brilliant. And I've been doing this stuff for...four or five years. I know what "works" in terms of good internet dating writing. "Works" in the sense of leading to a "date" with a human female.

    twitch.tv/onthelastcastle
    ChimeraRingoBucketmanElldrenRMS OceanicPLA
  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    I know many tales of the foulness of wizardkind

    the_wizard__pt__vi_by_whodrewthis.jpg

    BahamutZERO.gif
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  • BrainleechBrainleech Registered User regular
    Cough
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    ChimeraBahamutZERORainfallDuke 2.0Tommy2HandsfightinfilipinoLord_Asmodeusnever dieBucketmanDarth WaiterNeoTomaElldrenCurly_BraceRMS Oceanicvalhalla130
  • BrainleechBrainleech Registered User regular
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    ChimeraBahamutZERODerrickRingofightinfilipinoZonugalLord_Asmodeusnever dieBucketmanDarth WaiterAndy JoeAuralynxElldrenShortyRMS OceanicironsizidePLAKetBravalhalla130
  • BrainleechBrainleech Registered User regular

    Lord_Asmodeus
  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    ha I was just looking for that first one brainleech

    BahamutZERO.gif
  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    I hear wizards are subtle and quick to anger.

    Also that they will trick you into going on adventures.

    PLA
  • NyysjanNyysjan FinlandRegistered User regular
    The title wizard is said to be derived from the archaic word "Wys-ars", meaning one who, at bottom, is very wise

    Rhesus PositiveRingofightinfilipinoLord_AsmodeusBucketmanElldrenGrey GhostRMS Oceanicvalhalla130
  • InquisitorInquisitor Registered User regular
    I hear wizards dislike being shot in the head from 1000 yards away with high powered sniper rifles.

    Geek the mage.

    ElvenshaeRingoBucketmanNeoTomaOatsPLA
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    Inquisitor wrote: »
    I hear wizards dislike being shot in the head from 1000 yards away with high powered sniper rifles.

    Geek the mage.

    That's why the first feat a smart wizard takes is the one that extends the range of their magic missile

    Then they are the sniper

    wpyz0Y5.png
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
    cB557PLA
  • PeasPeas Registered User regular

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    fightinfilipinoWhiteZinfandel
  • SenorTacosSenorTacos Registered User regular
    @Melding I'm so glad you made this. Anyone know anyway to stop an enchanted bed with animal legs from running around? Asking for a friend.

    BahamutZEROPLA
  • JoolanderJoolander Registered User regular
    Melding wrote: »
    Chimera wrote: »
    Frau Doctor, what is the actual difference between a witch and a wizard and a warlock?

    In simplest terms, how they draw their magic.

    Wizards draw magic from basically arcane recipes and learned skills to pull something from nothing.

    Witches tend to invoke spirits and pull energy from those living things. This gives them a lot of overlap with druids. However, druids tend to make offerings, where as witches then to make unholy pacts.

    warlocks acquire magical power from deals and artifacts. Make a deal with a satan to throw fireballs? Warlock. Bind your soul to an unholy staff that can spew acid? warlock. most wizards tend to dapple in warlock territory, because who doesn't want a staff that shoots acid, but warlocks don't tend to get into wizardry.

    What’s the difference between a pact and a deal here?

  • NyysjanNyysjan FinlandRegistered User regular
    SenorTacos wrote: »
    @Melding I'm so glad you made this. Anyone know anyway to stop an enchanted bed with animal legs from running around? Asking for a friend.
    Bear traps and a flamethrower.

  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    Say you’ve got a guy who specialises in banishment of summoned things and dispelling magic, are they wizards or something else?

  • NyysjanNyysjan FinlandRegistered User regular
    edited October 2017
    Joolander wrote: »
    Melding wrote: »
    Chimera wrote: »
    Frau Doctor, what is the actual difference between a witch and a wizard and a warlock?

    In simplest terms, how they draw their magic.

    Wizards draw magic from basically arcane recipes and learned skills to pull something from nothing.

    Witches tend to invoke spirits and pull energy from those living things. This gives them a lot of overlap with druids. However, druids tend to make offerings, where as witches then to make unholy pacts.

    warlocks acquire magical power from deals and artifacts. Make a deal with a satan to throw fireballs? Warlock. Bind your soul to an unholy staff that can spew acid? warlock. most wizards tend to dapple in warlock territory, because who doesn't want a staff that shoots acid, but warlocks don't tend to get into wizardry.

    What’s the difference between a pact and a deal here?
    Deal is you buying a carton (or bottle) of milk.
    Pact is you signing a contract for the local farmer to provide you x amount of milk for y cost for z time.

    edit-
    Though in this case they seem to just mean a contract.

    Nyysjan on
    PLA
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe Registered User regular
    Deals are enforced through law or convention

    Pacts are enforced with magical bindings

    You make a deal for milk and don't follow through and the milkman sues you and maybe repossesses the cow

    You make a pact for milk and the Devil repossesses your soul by writing your True Name into his book

  • MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    What about sorcerors?

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    PSN: AuthorFrost
    mageofstorm.png
  • milskimilski Their Will comes, at last, to Earth, to the Neath, as a storm crosses the sea. Registered User regular
    Madican wrote: »
    What about sorcerors?

    They just basically hit Magic Puberty and can basically just manipulate raw magic energy on their own, but without the flexibility or specificity wizards get.

    High, cold, eternal, immobile, minuscule. You endure; you burn.
    PLA
  • MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    milski wrote: »
    Madican wrote: »
    What about sorcerors?

    They just basically hit Magic Puberty and can basically just manipulate raw magic energy on their own, but without the flexibility or specificity wizards get.

    Xykon would like to have a word with you.

    camo_sig2.png
    PSN: AuthorFrost
    mageofstorm.png
    ElvenshaeRMS Oceanic
  • MechMantisMechMantis Registered User regular
    Dear Professor (Emeritus?) Melding,

    In my travels I have occasionally been accosted by a magic user who most definitely is not human. No, in fact, they are reptilian in nature. His scaly hide makes it far more difficult to actually harm him physically, and he has a tendency to just bite people when caught unawares.

    No fewer than six of my adventuring companions have been killed by this beast over the years.

    Have you ever encountered anything like this?

    UA1OmVB.png
  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
  • DarkPrimusDarkPrimus Registered User regular
    MechMantis wrote: »
    Dear Professor (Emeritus?) Melding,

    In my travels I have occasionally been accosted by a magic user who most definitely is not human. No, in fact, they are reptilian in nature. His scaly hide makes it far more difficult to actually harm him physically, and he has a tendency to just bite people when caught unawares.

    No fewer than six of my adventuring companions have been killed by this beast over the years.

    Have you ever encountered anything like this?

    Could very well be a Yuan-ti. While there can certainly be Yuan-ti that use magic, they also often have natural psychic abilities, which can be confused for magic spells sometimes.

    wpyz0Y5.png
    Gamertag: PrimusD | Rock Band DLC | GW:OttW - arrcd | WLD - Thortar
    Chimera
  • Endless_SerpentsEndless_Serpents Registered User regular
    If I eat a wizard do I get magic resistance, and if so, for how long?

  • #pipe#pipe Cocky Stride, Musky odours Pope of Chili TownRegistered User regular
    The wizard in my party has a backpack full of books. Every time she sees a book she must have it. She's completely fucking broke because she spends all her money buying books.

    Once she ran into a burning building to rescue some books and only survived because of high survival rolls.

    fuckin nerd.

    RainfallElvenshaeTommy2HandsRingoZonugalDarth WaiterSnicketysnickElldrenvalhalla130
  • StiltsStilts Registered User regular
    edited October 2017
    If I eat a wizard do I get magic resistance, and if so, for how long?

    A wizard’s power is not innate, so it’d be mostly like eating any old dude

    If anything, you might get benefits by accidentally swallowing all the magical trinkets and artifacts they adorn themselves with

    Stilts on
    IKknkhU.gif
  • MadicanMadican No face Registered User regular
    Also in regard to wizards:

    cwRtx6S.gif

    camo_sig2.png
    PSN: AuthorFrost
    mageofstorm.png
    Andy JoeSCREECH OF THE FARGElldrenPLA
  • DarmakDarmak RAGE vympyvvhyc vyctyvyRegistered User regular
    Wizards are cool. I've been making an ass of myself for the past 10ish years by using the phrase, "that's so wizard" in regular conversations. I am a gigantic nerd, someone please beat me up

    GUOZVYl.png
    Grey Ghost
  • BrainleechBrainleech Registered User regular
    Wizards only fool is my streetpass message on my main 3ds

  • BahamutZEROBahamutZERO Registered User regular
    Madican wrote: »
    Also in regard to wizards:

    cwRtx6S.gif

    #nicebakuretsu

    BahamutZERO.gif
  • MeldingMelding Registered User regular
    Inquisitor wrote: »
    I hear wizards dislike being shot in the head from 1000 yards away with high powered sniper rifles.

    Geek the mage.

    that is actually the first way to stop a wizard, i am currently making sure a toddler doesn't die otherwise i would be writing that up.
    Joolander wrote: »
    Melding wrote: »
    Chimera wrote: »
    Frau Doctor, what is the actual difference between a witch and a wizard and a warlock?

    In simplest terms, how they draw their magic.

    Wizards draw magic from basically arcane recipes and learned skills to pull something from nothing.

    Witches tend to invoke spirits and pull energy from those living things. This gives them a lot of overlap with druids. However, druids tend to make offerings, where as witches then to make unholy pacts.

    warlocks acquire magical power from deals and artifacts. Make a deal with a satan to throw fireballs? Warlock. Bind your soul to an unholy staff that can spew acid? warlock. most wizards tend to dapple in warlock territory, because who doesn't want a staff that shoots acid, but warlocks don't tend to get into wizardry.

    What’s the difference between a pact and a deal here?

    basically none, the main difference to draw is between pacts and offerings.
    Madican wrote: »
    What about sorcerors?

    Sorcerers are a different lot all together, they tend to deal in more wide reaching magic, where as a wizard will typically deal in fireballs.
    MechMantis wrote: »
    Dear Professor (Emeritus?) Melding,

    In my travels I have occasionally been accosted by a magic user who most definitely is not human. No, in fact, they are reptilian in nature. His scaly hide makes it far more difficult to actually harm him physically, and he has a tendency to just bite people when caught unawares.

    No fewer than six of my adventuring companions have been killed by this beast over the years.

    Have you ever encountered anything like this?

    This is a fairly broad description. Could be a lot of things, a half dragon, a reptile Illuminati, or a being between realities beyond description.

    PLA
  • 21stCentury21stCentury A lovely pixel artist and gamecrafter [They/Them]Registered User regular
    Howdy, I'm a wizard.

    I like making glyphs, mostly. They're pretty. :)

    PLA
  • FearghaillFearghaill If there is nothing but what we make in this world let us make goodRegistered User regular

    NeoToma
  • MeldingMelding Registered User regular
    Fearghaill wrote: »

    that's, amazingly untrue. I've seen a wizard die three different ways. I can't even tell you about them because the third death removed them from all time. So technically i never saw them.

    which is why we don't fuck with time magic.

    never dieBucketmanNeoTomaElldren
  • FearghaillFearghaill If there is nothing but what we make in this world let us make goodRegistered User regular
    I feel they were removed from all time, then technically they never died

    Or rather, they died never.

    Checkmate

    PLA
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