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please help, my dads girlfriend is breaking me
mgraces02
Registered User new member
Registered User new member
Hi, right now I’m really struggling. Me and my dad used to have an amazing relationship, I respected him and looked up to him. He was so funny and strong and such a family guy. About 2 years ago my parents got divorced. It was really messy and I didn’t speak to anyone about it until recently. My dad took it hard and started immediately looking for girlfriends, me being so new to my dad dating anyone, I didn’t like it at all and hated even her name coming up. I would cry and refuse to meet her. They broke up. He had another one but it didn’t work out. His third one who he has most recently been with (past three months) has been a problem. He lies and sneaks around like a little boy, all he cares about is seeing her and only her. He always spends nights at her house and leaves me alone at home and never tells me where he is. I have really been accomadating towards her and have been really nice. Today me and my dad had a huge fight and I lost it. He was spending no time with me and my brother who has come down from Australia and my dad hasn’t spent time with him at all! My dad isn’t even home right now! He’s at his girlfriends house for the second night in a row!!! I lost it with my dad today and told him that all he wants to do is have sex with his girlfriend! I know that what I said was innapropriate but I have lost so much respect for my dad. He straight up said to me that he doesn’t care anymore about me. He wants me to go live with my mom so he can sell our house and move in with his girlfriend. He threatened to take me out of school (I’m in grade 11) and I think I will kill myself if he ever did that. He is trying to kick my mom out of my life and deprive both of us of any money. I hate my dad right now. His girlfriend doesn’t care that our relationship is dead. Neither does he. My heart is broken and I really have no one else to turn to. I hate my dad and I don’t want to anymore.
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Second, you need to work on developing healthy coping mechanisms. You can't control other people's behavior but you can work on yours and your attitude about things. When you refuse to meet his girlfriends and you refuse to have anything to do with them you put him in a position where he has to be elsewhere to be around them. You can't then simultaneously be mad at him for being elsewhere. It's also not reasonable to be mad at the girlfriend, who hasn't really done anything wrong. What you need to do is accept that your parents are divorced now and learn to accept it. Being mad at a third party you don't know isn't going to help.
As far as changing schools goes, if you are In grade 11 you'll graduate in one more year. You're going to have to accept that this part of your life is temporary and that you will be moving on anyway. Perhaps moving to your mother's is the best course of action, since you'll no longer have to deal with your father's girlfriend situation. And if he is really treating ypu that poorly it is probably best. Don't be surprised if your mother dates people as well though.
If you want to help your relationship with your father you need to be honest but calm. Tell him you miss spending time with him. That's how adults with healthy social skills act. Calmly but directly, and with an understanding for their needs. A shouting match isn't going to fix anything, and you'll both leave feeling worse.
And if he doesn't spend more time with you, well being at home by yourself is hardly the worst thing that can happen. Grade 11 makes you what? 17? That's practically legally an adult. Spend time with your friends. Focus on your schooling. Get a job. Get a hobby. Go do things you want to do. It'll all be fine.
but they're listening to every word I say
your relationship with your dad isn't dead and he doesn't hate you or want you to lose your education, by the way. i'm not a counsellor, but as a dad and teacher of teenagers, if you want my two cents... he's in a difficult point in his life, and is currently feeling just as frustrated as you are. he also no doubt has shifted, after many years of self-sacrifice, to having the feeling that everyone in his family has reached their own independence. he may not realise you're not ready to be independent yet. rightfully or not he feels owed an opportunity to escape, and he will pursue that opportunity whether you're accepting and involved or not.