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[QUILTBAG]: The time for Pride has passed. Now is the time for Wrath.

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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    I started a new Facebook account today with my chosen name, so I can join certain groups without friends seeing. Made a new email in order to start the new Facebook. So I feel like a double agent now.

    Hey! I can send you a friend request if you ever want! Lemme know :)
    I like talking to forum folks wherever.

    And like @the betgirl I totes agree on the being more social thing now. It's kinda nuts? And I love it

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    KayKay What we need... Is a little bit of PANIC.Registered User regular
    Yeah, Mx seems to be the only suggestion I can put on forms and such.

    Wehhhhhhhh. Being a Dr would be cool.

    ew9y0DD.png
    3DS FCode: 1993-7512-8991
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    credeikicredeiki Registered User regular
    Kay wrote: »
    Yeah, Mx seems to be the only suggestion I can put on forms and such.

    Wehhhhhhhh. Being a Dr would be cool.

    legit not worth it though; trust me.



    Hm I made a gmail account for my new name but never use it because I don't want my husband looking over at my computer and seeing it.
    Similarly I figured that I just want to download all my photos off facebook and deactivate it and just disappear socially entirely.
    Seeing that this is at odds with how other people seem to feel about social media and transitioning, probably means I'm psychologically fucked and not going about things properly.

    Steam, LoL: credeiki
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    Desert LeviathanDesert Leviathan Registered User regular
    Bermuda has revoked gay marriage rights, less than a year after it was first legalized. Existing marriages are still being recognized, but everyone else gets to have their civil union bullshit. This is a bigger deal than just the island though, because a bunch of cruise ship companies have their boats registered to Bermuda, so that's the law set that governs shipboard conduct.

    So.

    Fuck Bermuda.

    Realizing lately that I don't really trust or respect basically any of the moderators here. So, good luck with life, friends! Hit me up on Twitter @DesertLeviathan
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    PsykomaPsykoma Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    And the U.K. disappointed after Bermuda abolishes same-sex marriage despite having signed off on it.

    "But he said it would not have been right for Britain to block the move,"

    Bermuda is a British Overseas Territory. They're still British citizens in British Territory having their rights revoked.

    Psykoma on
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    KayKay What we need... Is a little bit of PANIC.Registered User regular
    credeiki wrote: »
    Kay wrote: »
    Yeah, Mx seems to be the only suggestion I can put on forms and such.

    Wehhhhhhhh. Being a Dr would be cool.

    legit not worth it though; trust me.

    I dunno, the research institute I work at has PhD students that seem pretty upbeat and interested in what they're doing. I'm just sort of on the too-old-to-start thing, so I'll probably stick to just having my MSc. Bit different in Europe than in the states, I think.

    ew9y0DD.png
    3DS FCode: 1993-7512-8991
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    credeikicredeiki Registered User regular
    Kay wrote: »
    credeiki wrote: »
    Kay wrote: »
    Yeah, Mx seems to be the only suggestion I can put on forms and such.

    Wehhhhhhhh. Being a Dr would be cool.

    legit not worth it though; trust me.

    I dunno, the research institute I work at has PhD students that seem pretty upbeat and interested in what they're doing. I'm just sort of on the too-old-to-start thing, so I'll probably stick to just having my MSc. Bit different in Europe than in the states, I think.

    ah yeah if you can get one of those 3-year british phds that's not the worst

    Steam, LoL: credeiki
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Getting ready for date and feeling pretty good
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Ok it got all quiet in here.

    SHAPE OF WATER WAS VERY GOOD. Also Grinding Nemo is a funny and also somewhat appropriate name for it, haha.

    I hope you all had lovely weekends. I keep staying up stupidly late chatting on discord and then I'm super tired the next day but I don't regret it. A little sleep seems like a worthwhile exchange.

    Also, do you ever hear about stuff other couples you know are going through and it makes you appreciate what you have even more? I know some folks who are married and basically hate each other and have two kids and that just seems so sad. For all involved.

    Find some good people and tell them you love them!

    That's the mission of the day. 3xp for successful completion

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    Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    I got the nerve up today to tell my boss that I want to leave my job. I think I'm going to leave in June. It's gone from next April > this September > this July > this June.

    And (almost) the whole reason is so that when I get back to the UK I can talk to an actual professional about what is going on with me gender-wise. And maybe start transitioning.

    I am changing my entire life - quitting my amazing job, saying goodbye to my friends, leaving the best place I've ever been, to go back to a country with depressing weather and no wilderness and which is full of hateful, mean people taking the country over a cliff out of spite.

    All because I want to have a conversation with someone about maybe being trans and maybe starting transition. Which in itself is this incomprehensible thing I can't actually imagine doing.

    This is crazy. Am I making a huge mistake? What if this is all a terrible idea and I've turned my life upside down for no reason.

    Fffffff.

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    OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    I got the nerve up today to tell my boss that I want to leave my job. I think I'm going to leave in June. It's gone from next April > this September > this July > this June.

    And (almost) the whole reason is so that when I get back to the UK I can talk to an actual professional about what is going on with me gender-wise. And maybe start transitioning.

    I am changing my entire life - quitting my amazing job, saying goodbye to my friends, leaving the best place I've ever been, to go back to a country with depressing weather and no wilderness and which is full of hateful, mean people taking the country over a cliff out of spite.

    All because I want to have a conversation with someone about maybe being trans and maybe starting transition. Which in itself is this incomprehensible thing I can't actually imagine doing.

    This is crazy. Am I making a huge mistake? What if this is all a terrible idea and I've turned my life upside down for no reason.

    Fffffff.

    I think the fact that you've even seriously considered doing all that just for this is proof that it's for real. Because your self-identity is absolutely that important and someone who wasn't trans almost certainly wouldn't even consider going this far.

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    I got the nerve up today to tell my boss that I want to leave my job. I think I'm going to leave in June. It's gone from next April > this September > this July > this June.

    And (almost) the whole reason is so that when I get back to the UK I can talk to an actual professional about what is going on with me gender-wise. And maybe start transitioning.

    I am changing my entire life - quitting my amazing job, saying goodbye to my friends, leaving the best place I've ever been, to go back to a country with depressing weather and no wilderness and which is full of hateful, mean people taking the country over a cliff out of spite.

    All because I want to have a conversation with someone about maybe being trans and maybe starting transition. Which in itself is this incomprehensible thing I can't actually imagine doing.

    This is crazy. Am I making a huge mistake? What if this is all a terrible idea and I've turned my life upside down for no reason.

    Fffffff.

    Not crazy at all. It shows bravery and determination. Whatever the outcome, you're doing good by you and that's something that it's hard to put a price on.

    I hope you get some enlightenment on you things!

    Is it possible to start researching and scheduling doctor(s) stuff now, so you can be past any waiting periods and stuff by the time you get home?

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    mysticjuicermysticjuicer [he/him] I'm a muscle wizard and I cast P U N C HRegistered User regular
    edited February 2018
    I can't remember if you mentioned already, so apologies in advance, but are there no resources for having those conversations where you are now? :(

    mysticjuicer on
    narwhal wrote:
    Why am I Terran?
    My YouTube Channel! Featuring silly little Guilty Gear Strive videos and other stuff!
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    OmnipotentBagelOmnipotentBagel floof Registered User regular
    I can't remember if you mentioned already, so apologies in advance, but are there no resources for having those conversations where you are now? :(

    Well, Smof works on a wildlife reserve in Africa so his only real options are web-conferencing.

    cdci44qazyo3.gif

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    mysticjuicermysticjuicer [he/him] I'm a muscle wizard and I cast P U N C HRegistered User regular
    Ah, gotcha.

    narwhal wrote:
    Why am I Terran?
    My YouTube Channel! Featuring silly little Guilty Gear Strive videos and other stuff!
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    EinzelEinzel Registered User regular
    I don't think there's an age limit on finding yourself. We believe in you Smof!

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    El FantasticoEl Fantastico Toronto, ONRegistered User regular
    New thread!

    I'm Raphael - gay, married for 10 years (going on 11 this year) to another man, comfortable with the "bear" label. Will answer any questions about that subculture for those interested. :)

    Since the last thread, I was in a triad with a third who wasn't really my secondary partner because he was much more interested in my husband, but we got along well enough. That all crashed and burned because of stupidity on his (the third's) part and he moved out. My partner and I have been living together alone (not counting our two adorable cats) since, communication's been great, and we love each other greatly.

    We also love another, who we recently met late last year in September. It was a fun fling thing with him up until just after the new year, when we decided to make it official and call him a boyfriend. So this is now my second triad relationship, but I feel much better about this one because he is interested in us both equally, and is much more mature and independent than the last one, while also having more in common with both of us. It's also going to be a bit different because he does not live with us, but that might change down the road, depending on his own situation (he currently lives with his aunt for reasons).

    Plans are also underway for all of us to go to Scotland sometime in September; the hubby and I will go do touristy stuff while the boyfriend gets to check in with his folks at home and then show us around. :)

    PSN: TheArcadeBear
    Steam: TheArcadeBear

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    RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    Those are some clean-ass lines.
    Awesome!

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    PoketpixiePoketpixie Siege Registered User regular
    I got the nerve up today to tell my boss that I want to leave my job. I think I'm going to leave in June. It's gone from next April > this September > this July > this June.

    And (almost) the whole reason is so that when I get back to the UK I can talk to an actual professional about what is going on with me gender-wise. And maybe start transitioning.

    I am changing my entire life - quitting my amazing job, saying goodbye to my friends, leaving the best place I've ever been, to go back to a country with depressing weather and no wilderness and which is full of hateful, mean people taking the country over a cliff out of spite.

    All because I want to have a conversation with someone about maybe being trans and maybe starting transition. Which in itself is this incomprehensible thing I can't actually imagine doing.

    This is crazy. Am I making a huge mistake? What if this is all a terrible idea and I've turned my life upside down for no reason.

    Fffffff.

    I ask myself similar what if questions all the time. What if it isn't real. What if I'm making a mistake. I think the doubts are natural especially when it means taking a big risk with your future. Thing is these thoughts aren't going to go away. Don't you owe it to yourself to find out the true extent of your feelings? It could end up being the best thing you've ever done for yourself and it would be a shame to pass that up. Sure it might end up being a mistake but you'll never know if you don't try. Life is about mistakes. It's how we learn and move forward and sometimes they end up being the best thing ever. And sometimes not. But these feelings are going to remain with you. How badly do you want answers? Are you still going to be comfortable not knowing what could have been 20 or 30 years from now? I say take the road less traveled and see where it goes. I say this as someone who waited and regrets it now. I should have dove in head first and never looked back.

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    Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Poketpixie wrote: »
    I got the nerve up today to tell my boss that I want to leave my job. I think I'm going to leave in June. It's gone from next April > this September > this July > this June.

    And (almost) the whole reason is so that when I get back to the UK I can talk to an actual professional about what is going on with me gender-wise. And maybe start transitioning.

    I am changing my entire life - quitting my amazing job, saying goodbye to my friends, leaving the best place I've ever been, to go back to a country with depressing weather and no wilderness and which is full of hateful, mean people taking the country over a cliff out of spite.

    All because I want to have a conversation with someone about maybe being trans and maybe starting transition. Which in itself is this incomprehensible thing I can't actually imagine doing.

    This is crazy. Am I making a huge mistake? What if this is all a terrible idea and I've turned my life upside down for no reason.

    Fffffff.

    I ask myself similar what if questions all the time. What if it isn't real. What if I'm making a mistake. I think the doubts are natural especially when it means taking a big risk with your future. Thing is these thoughts aren't going to go away. Don't you owe it to yourself to find out the true extent of your feelings? It could end up being the best thing you've ever done for yourself and it would be a shame to pass that up. Sure it might end up being a mistake but you'll never know if you don't try. Life is about mistakes. It's how we learn and move forward and sometimes they end up being the best thing ever. And sometimes not. But these feelings are going to remain with you. How badly do you want answers? Are you still going to be comfortable not knowing what could have been 20 or 30 years from now? I say take the road less traveled and see where it goes. I say this as someone who waited and regrets it now. I should have dove in head first and never looked back.

    Oh yeah, I'm doing the thing. I'm just going to borderline panic my whole way through it.

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    The BetgirlThe Betgirl I'm Molly! Registered User regular
    Hello LGBT thread its me, Molly, your local bi trans girl

    I have a digital job interview I'm going to be doing by phone here in like...20-30 minutes and I'm very nervous!

    Steam PSN: YerFriendMolly
    ineedmayo.com Eidolon Journal Updated
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    If borderline panicking your way through a thing is a sign of something bad, then I'm so fucked

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    credeikicredeiki Registered User regular
    Poketpixie wrote: »
    I got the nerve up today to tell my boss that I want to leave my job. I think I'm going to leave in June. It's gone from next April > this September > this July > this June.

    And (almost) the whole reason is so that when I get back to the UK I can talk to an actual professional about what is going on with me gender-wise. And maybe start transitioning.

    I am changing my entire life - quitting my amazing job, saying goodbye to my friends, leaving the best place I've ever been, to go back to a country with depressing weather and no wilderness and which is full of hateful, mean people taking the country over a cliff out of spite.

    All because I want to have a conversation with someone about maybe being trans and maybe starting transition. Which in itself is this incomprehensible thing I can't actually imagine doing.

    This is crazy. Am I making a huge mistake? What if this is all a terrible idea and I've turned my life upside down for no reason.

    Fffffff.

    I ask myself similar what if questions all the time. What if it isn't real. What if I'm making a mistake. I think the doubts are natural especially when it means taking a big risk with your future. Thing is these thoughts aren't going to go away. Don't you owe it to yourself to find out the true extent of your feelings? It could end up being the best thing you've ever done for yourself and it would be a shame to pass that up. Sure it might end up being a mistake but you'll never know if you don't try. Life is about mistakes. It's how we learn and move forward and sometimes they end up being the best thing ever. And sometimes not. But these feelings are going to remain with you. How badly do you want answers? Are you still going to be comfortable not knowing what could have been 20 or 30 years from now? I say take the road less traveled and see where it goes. I say this as someone who waited and regrets it now. I should have dove in head first and never looked back.

    Oh yeah, I'm doing the thing. I'm just going to borderline panic my whole way through it.

    Not completely sure about the details, but I'd imagine that even if you quit your job now you can get a similar job later? Doesn't have to be a closed door forever.

    Steam, LoL: credeiki
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    V1mV1m Registered User regular
    I got the nerve up today to tell my boss that I want to leave my job. I think I'm going to leave in June. It's gone from next April > this September > this July > this June.

    And (almost) the whole reason is so that when I get back to the UK I can talk to an actual professional about what is going on with me gender-wise. And maybe start transitioning.

    I am changing my entire life - quitting my amazing job, saying goodbye to my friends, leaving the best place I've ever been, to go back to a country with depressing weather and no wilderness and which is full of hateful, mean people taking the country over a cliff out of spite.

    All because I want to have a conversation with someone about maybe being trans and maybe starting transition. Which in itself is this incomprehensible thing I can't actually imagine doing.

    This is crazy. Am I making a huge mistake? What if this is all a terrible idea and I've turned my life upside down for no reason.

    Fffffff.

    Do you have to quit quit? Is there not a possible "I need to be in the UK for a year or two for medical reasons, but I really love this job and is there any way I could pick it up again after?" convesation?

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    PoketpixiePoketpixie Siege Registered User regular
    Poketpixie wrote: »
    I got the nerve up today to tell my boss that I want to leave my job. I think I'm going to leave in June. It's gone from next April > this September > this July > this June.

    And (almost) the whole reason is so that when I get back to the UK I can talk to an actual professional about what is going on with me gender-wise. And maybe start transitioning.

    I am changing my entire life - quitting my amazing job, saying goodbye to my friends, leaving the best place I've ever been, to go back to a country with depressing weather and no wilderness and which is full of hateful, mean people taking the country over a cliff out of spite.

    All because I want to have a conversation with someone about maybe being trans and maybe starting transition. Which in itself is this incomprehensible thing I can't actually imagine doing.

    This is crazy. Am I making a huge mistake? What if this is all a terrible idea and I've turned my life upside down for no reason.

    Fffffff.

    I ask myself similar what if questions all the time. What if it isn't real. What if I'm making a mistake. I think the doubts are natural especially when it means taking a big risk with your future. Thing is these thoughts aren't going to go away. Don't you owe it to yourself to find out the true extent of your feelings? It could end up being the best thing you've ever done for yourself and it would be a shame to pass that up. Sure it might end up being a mistake but you'll never know if you don't try. Life is about mistakes. It's how we learn and move forward and sometimes they end up being the best thing ever. And sometimes not. But these feelings are going to remain with you. How badly do you want answers? Are you still going to be comfortable not knowing what could have been 20 or 30 years from now? I say take the road less traveled and see where it goes. I say this as someone who waited and regrets it now. I should have dove in head first and never looked back.

    Oh yeah, I'm doing the thing. I'm just going to borderline panic my whole way through it.

    You are good peeps smof and I wish you all the best. :)

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    BlackjackBlackjack Registered User regular
    Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

    It’s possible to do things without panicking?

    camo_sig2.png

    3DS: 1607-3034-6970
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    EinzelEinzel Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    Blackjack wrote: »
    Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

    It’s possible to do things without panicking?

    No no no, panicking is the correct way.

    Einzel on
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    21stCentury21stCentury Call me Pixel, or Pix for short! [They/Them]Registered User regular
    Hoo boy, read something today that got me pretty fucked up emotionally and that it did that to me terrifies me.
    Okay, so, I'm AMAB and i've been steadily less and less comfortable with that as time went on. Maybe it's related to my distaste for the acroutrements of traditional masculinity, maybe the fact i'm ace plays into it, but.....
    Yeah, I prefer They pronouns. i don't feel like a woman, though.

    That say, i'm less and less sure about that as time goes on.

    And the fact that lesbian stories are hitting me in the gut consistently scares me.

    Today I read a yuri story. It's about these two schoolgirls. One is dreadfully shy, the other is a hikkikomori (shut in). The former goes to the latter's house to bring schoolwork and such, falls asleep and stuff happens and they basically become a couple. There's no sexual stuff in the story. it's just kissing at most. That said, reading it got me to the verge of tears and just thinking about it again gets me back there.

    I hope it doesn't sound, like, shitty from me but..... I don't know, I never feel like that reading het romances. I'm not even drawn to those at all.

    I obviously don't seek those out but when they find me, it take me a while to recover...

    I'm just..... I don't want that to be because I'm a girl, after all. I don't think i can handle transition, nor do I think I could handle full-blown dysphoria. but I'm moving towards it I think? And it's scary.

    I'm not sure what I want from this post, but..... I'm not doing great on the gender front lately.

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    EinzelEinzel Registered User regular
    Question from a person with little if any dysphoria - is there the possibility for those of you facing it to break it down into components and try to avoid labels? e.g. I like X; I dislike Y. I'm comfortable in skirts; uncomfortable with a moustache.

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    RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    Einzel wrote: »
    Question from a person with little if any dysphoria - is there the possibility for those of you facing it to break it down into components and try to avoid labels? e.g. I like X; I dislike Y. I'm comfortable in skirts; uncomfortable with a moustache.

    Dysphoria thoughts!
    I hate my body hair. I cannot abide facial hair. I'm pretty okay with my dong but it gets in the way of cute clothes so that's rough. I feel 100x more comfortable in makeup than out. My voice bugs me when I go deep but it's okay when it's high. I want boobs so I can wear more cute clothes.

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    credeikicredeiki Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    Einzel wrote: »
    Question from a person with little if any dysphoria - is there the possibility for those of you facing it to break it down into components and try to avoid labels? e.g. I like X; I dislike Y. I'm comfortable in skirts; uncomfortable with a moustache.

    yeah definitely

    for the longest time I sort of intuited that my chest wasn't really part of my body and I'd be better off without it and did not even particularly connect that to gender presentation or anything
    I'm still not 100% sure it's connected although I mean logically it must be, right, like that's probably not a thing that is separately true apart from my take on gender
    but it feels like a separate issue sort of, idk

    but yeah then there's shit like my voice which I actually like but recognize is the #1 barrier to me passing. I don't feel any dysphoria about it but recognize that I'll have to change it in order to get the effect I want

    unfortunately for me the deal is that I am really frustrated/dissatisfied/angry with how other people perceive me, so the overall label is important to me, and breaking it down by parts isn't all that useful, because what I care about most(?) is the gestalt effect (yes I recognize that caring about how other people see you is not very psychologically good because you can't control what other people think)

    credeiki on
    Steam, LoL: credeiki
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    Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular
    So uh. Some things happened and @Cromarty and I have started.... "talking", let's call it for now. She's really great. Just thought you should all know that.

    Hope you're having a day half as great as mine was! :)

    <3 to one and all, but a little more to the one than the all

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    ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator Mod Emeritus
    Einzel wrote: »
    Question from a person with little if any dysphoria - is there the possibility for those of you facing it to break it down into components and try to avoid labels? e.g. I like X; I dislike Y. I'm comfortable in skirts; uncomfortable with a moustache.

    I do this lots. It has me going back and forth a good bit of the time, but I'm not in a position right now to worry about it so shrug? One thing that is pretty nice is that I could not possibly give a smaller shit about my pronouns if we were dealing on the subatomic level. Male/female grouping has always made me intensely uncomfortable and probably always will, but for whatever reason I just can't make my pronouns important in my head. I recently found the most accurate label for my current state I've ever seen, but I feel silly saying it. I tend not to talk about any of it because I don't like explaining things or a lot of attention paid to my body in general.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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    EinzelEinzel Registered User regular
    Thank you for the answers, rad people!

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    MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Einzel wrote: »
    Blackjack wrote: »
    Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

    It’s possible to do things without panicking?

    No no no, panicking is the correct way.

    I'm not much into "positive thinking" and all the hippie stuff, but one technique, I guess, that I like is around that nervous/panicky feeling you get when doing something big like going on stage, interviews, etc. You don't suppress it or ignore it, you relabel it. It's not nerves. it's just the feeling you get when doing big things.

    So less, "oh god!!" and more "oh yeah, I'm sending in my change of name application, so of course I'm going to have these feelings."

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    Ms DapperMs Dapper Yuri Librarian Registered User regular
    edited February 2018
    Here is a #visiblewoman I like a lot



    Here's a promo pic for "My Brother's Husband" which is a very good manga



    And what the hell, here's a pic of me, Ashley!

    Ms Dapper on
    2ohWien.png
    Tumblr | Twitter PSN: misterdapper Av by Satellite_09
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    RainfallRainfall Registered User regular
    @Ms Dapper your biker outfit is literally killing me it's so good, please continue this trend.

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    Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Dysphoria stuff
    I've always felt social dysphoria, particularly about clothing -
    dresses etc have always made me feel uncomfortable and miserable in a way that was very obvious to me and I've always known the kinds of things that would make me feel that way.

    Physical stuff has been less obvious. I guess because unlike dresses I can't spend most of my time without boobs and then put some on and realise they make me uncomfortable. My body is always there. If I'm always uncomfortable how do I know what to blame? How do I even know I'm uncomfortable at all if that's my normal state?

    Then you have my hair. Which became obvious as a dysphoric thing as soon as I cut it short and felt so much better. Now I hate when my hair starts getting long; I can't stand it. So maybe boobs will be the same, and if I get rid of them I will suddenly appreciate how much discomfort they were creating before.

    The other confusion is I think I have long felt uncomfortable about traits of mine which I perceive as masculine. Like body hair, or how I sit, etc. Which caused confusion for a long time because hey, if I'm afab and trans surely I should like my masculine traits? But I guess maybe denial plus not wanting to 'out' myself as non cis caused this tension?

    Recently I am starting to slowly reframe how I perceive myself. Getting used to mentally using male terms for myself, or seeing them on here, and visualising myself as a 'proper', full-time dude. And that adjustment also made me doubt myself because, again - if I'm really trans I should be super keen for this stuff and it shouldn't feel weird, right?? But again I'm realising that's not necessarily true. Not when it's just so different to what you've been used to your whole life. I suppose it's like trying on new shoes and needing to wear them in even if they're the right fit.

    Since that reframing has been happening,
    I think my dysphoria has gotten worse. I notice my shape a lot more. My height has started bothering me a bit. And I noticed my cleavage in the mirror today and did a genuine double take like "those are mine??"

    So THAT sucks. But I think it's all a natural result of accepting the trans thing, and of starting to imagine/hope for something different in future.

    Wow that got long. Sorry.

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