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Invitational Etiquette

KatholicKatholic Registered User regular
edited May 2007 in Debate and/or Discourse
So my girlfriend and i get invited to events, outings, parties etc. quite often. Half the time we are both formally invited, but other times they will relay it through say just me or her conversly. Whenever this happens she gets in this massive rage about how she should have gotten a separate invitation.

A friend will literally tell me to also invite her or inform her what time the movie is. Does my girlfriend really have any basis for doing? We are definetly a couple and I feel that a single invite is acceptable. Thoughts? Opinions?

Katholic on

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    ThanatosThanatos Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Your girlfriend is psycho.

    Thanatos on
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    FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Katholic wrote: »
    Whenever this happens she gets in this massive rage about how she should have gotten a separate invitation.

    Therapy?

    Seriously, even if you care about this sort of thing (I don't) getting into a "massive rage" over it is an overreaction.

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
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    Aroused BullAroused Bull Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    That is one of the more pointless things to get into a "massive rage" about.

    Out of curiosity, what exactly is her reasoning that getting a separate invitation is so important?

    Aroused Bull on
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    TastyfishTastyfish Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    If you're married or definitely an item I would tend to assume that people who knew that would either address the invite to you both or assume that they ment both of you unless specifically mentioned (boys/girls night out, stag/hen party etc).

    If its someone who doesn't really know us as a couple I would probably ask if it was around their house or in a situation where places are limited, or otherwise bring her along.

    Are they your friends or both of your friends? If the latter just get them to send her a message every now and then to pass on.

    Tastyfish on
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    ÆthelredÆthelred Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    I thought you were something like 17? You're not going to be getting dual invitations, unless you send out birthday cards jointly or something.

    Æthelred on
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    FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    edited May 2007
    By the way, I used to get joint invites for my roommate and I all the time. "We're having a party and you're invited. Greg too if he wants to come." Unless you're talking about a formal invitation, like a wedding invitation or something, it has nothing to do with being a couple.

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
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    HachfaceHachface Not the Minister Farrakhan you're thinking of Dammit, Shepard!Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Out of curiosity, is there a history of your girlfriend and your friends not getting along? A few of my girl friends are always afraid that their boyfriends' friends don't like them.

    Hachface on
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    ShintoShinto __BANNED USERS regular
    edited May 2007
    Thanatos wrote: »
    Your girlfriend is psycho.

    Shinto on
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    TheDrizzitTheDrizzit Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    here's some fun: tell her she's lucky anyone's inviting her anywhere all. hell, if she's going to be angry, give her a reason. you're actually doing her a favor. being in a massive rage because she wasn't invited separately is crazy, where as being in a massive rage because her boyfriend said something very mean is more reasonable. you're saving her from being crazy.

    TheDrizzit on
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    CryogenCryogen Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    She sounds like she's being a bit of a drama queen, but more info is required.

    If its an invite from someone you both know, and that person knows you are both together, then they should either have both of your names on the invite, or send you seperate invitations. If one of you is completely left off the invitation i could see how that person might get upset about it.

    If the person inviting doesnt really know both of you, just one or the other, then it would be reasonable that only one person would get an invite, and it might say 'Katholic & Partner' or even just 'Katholic'. This is completely normal and acceptable. If the person didnt know you were together then only one of you might get an invite for similar reasons, or you might get a single invite each.

    If, as an earlier poster implied, you are only 17ish though, that might be different. I dont think i started sending out 'John & Partner' invitations until my mid 20's, when people actually tended to have a fair chance of being married/engaged. If someone wanted to bring a partner i didnt know about, they just asked. You tend not to assume people who are just acquaintances are going to have partners when you're all in your teens. My point is, she seems to be drastically overreacting if my first example isnt true.

    Cryogen on
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    The CatThe Cat Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited May 2007
    Sounds like a pretty silly move on her part, but please define "massive rage". I've been through one too many situations where some overwrought type perceives my mildly irritated sarcasm as a frothing rage because of their own issues.

    'course, caring at all about something like that is still silly, don't get me wrong. Sounds like she's got independence issues. Is she terribly insistent on going dutch for everything too?

    The Cat on
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    TheDrizzitTheDrizzit Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    that's because you're a savage, equal parts hate and wrath. obviously.

    massive rage or plain annoyance, it's still a stupid thing to get worked up about.

    TheDrizzit on
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    Irond WillIrond Will WARNING: NO HURTFUL COMMENTS, PLEASE!!!!! Cambridge. MAModerator mod
    edited May 2007
    I recommend you welcome your girlfriend to the everyday world, Kath. I know it's got to be tough for her after she lost her kingdom, but she really must make some effort to comply with the traditions of the hoi polloi.

    Irond Will on
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    InquisitorInquisitor Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Yeah, I really don't see how she could even percieve the whole invitation thing as an issue. Like, people get invited as groups all the time. Heck, half the time when I get invited somehwere people tell me to let my best friend and brother know they can come along too. It's like, completely standard practice.

    Inquisitor on
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    MuragoMurago Registered User regular
    edited May 2007
    Whenever shit like this comes up, it's really a chance for someone to investigate the reasoning behind the issue. If it were me, i'd honestly just straight up say to her what you've said to us.

    "I can tell you get really upset when (this) happens. I don't really understand it b/c (give your reasoning). Tell me why this upsets you so much."

    90 pct of the time people are really caught off guard and aren't prepared to really give a straight answer right off the bat, so i recommend doing this when your both just sitting down chilling or eating or whatever. Also, don't just let her off the hook and have her give you some bullshit short answer. A lot of times, there is a good reasoning (at least in their perspective) as to why they feel that way, but it may be something that even THEY haven't been honest to themselves about.

    I dunno, i'm more of a straight talkin person, so it may not fit how you roll.

    Murago on
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