knitdan wrote: »
Raynaga I know you are hurting but please please don’t open that bottle.
You don’t want to give her a justification for taking your son.
Right now she’s the one in the wrong. 100%.
Drinking solves nothing.
Raynaga wrote: »
I'm in Texas, so good to know. I guess the lawyer bit isn't wrong, even if its just to understand the process as I am honestly clueless.
When she got home I asked her what on Earth she was thinking with the delivery thing. Its even better because his workplace is another store in my company, that I have peers in, and that I could possibly oversee if I get through this and take the promotion versus staying in my current position. And was delivered to the customer service desk, with her name as the sender, addressed to him. As an additional background, we both worked at this store. Aside from the current peers at my level running the place I know probably half that location in one way or another, and they know me and my wife.
After giving her three chances to come clean about the being at the guy's house instead of the story, I called her out and she gave. What I got was that she didn't tell me because she knew I would get upset, he's her friend, and she's trying to help him. I went over that yes I would have been upset, but I wouldn't have felt lied to, or that I was a total idiot. She said she understood and that she was sorry. I asked her if she had anything else to tell me, she said no. I said if being with this person would make her happy she should just do it and go, and she said she just wanted to be herself, by herself, except for our son. Her words.
God help me, but I believe her and went along with it even though I know I'm being absurd. She said she was sorry for all of it and she knows how much this is hurting our family. I asked if knowing that was enough to get her to stop and she said it wasn't like that, whatever that means.
I'll be meeting with a lawyer in the next couple of days, even though I really don't want to.
I also went ahead and bought a bottle of my old, standby bourbon. I won't be drinking it when my son is around, but at this point I'm of the mind that if there was ever a good reason to drink, I'm living it.
Raynaga wrote: »
I already did. I haven't done it since I posted on the day she left town and I used it to to make sure things were in order and found out all the other stuff. That's the only thing letting me think my intentions were actually what I think they were.
Looks like I'll be seeing a lawyer Monday.
EDIT: Looks like its tomorrow afternoon, actually.
Raynaga wrote: »
They do specialize in family law, so there's that. I'm not even really sure what the hell I'm supposed to talk to him about. I'm guessing they will?
CelestialBadger wrote: »
Why would you need a restraining order and a big fight to get more than one day a week custody? That doesn't make sense. I guess that's the deal your wife wants?
Mayabird wrote: »
Fight for primary custody. Unstable mother + new boyfriend fresh out of prison is basically a recipe for neglect and/or abuse. He more likely than not won't care for "someone else's kid" and she doesn't seem to care about anything other than her own infatuation.
Garick wrote: »
Also, did you discuss the evidence you have of her cheating to your lawyer? In Texas that's a big thing, you won’t have to prove that sexual intercourse actually happened if you can show circumstantial evidence of the affair. I.E. the tracking of her phone showing she was at his house.
This could possibly totally negate the alimony and give you a much better chance of primary custody.
Terrendos wrote: »
Just to be clear here, because when you've talked about it before it's been a little cloudy. Your lawyer may have been assuming that she wants primary custody. Have you asked her if she wants custody of your son? Because if she doesn't care, or is fine with a reduced custody, that's got to change things. I can't imagine there's no "boilerplate, standard divorce" option where the wife and husband both agree to husband being primary caretaker.
And you absolutely need to fight for your son. Even if you're worried about how your son might handle having to go to court, it will almost certainly be a lot better than spending most of his time with an unbalanced woman and a man selfish enough to jeopardize another relationship. I don't know this other guy but I'd be willing to bet he isn't going to care much about your son.
Raynaga wrote: »
When she came to the house to head to dinner, she was dirty and sweaty. I asked her what she had been doing, and she said she had been on a swing at a playground, alone, for the past several hours. She showed me blisters on her hands from where she had gripped the chains tightly and without pause for the two hours. She was dirty because when she jumped off after the two hours, her legs had gone numb from sitting in the swing for so long and when she landed the collapsed like a sack of potatoes in the dirt.
That doesn't sound normal to me? Like, at all? For reference on Friday's she gets out of work at noon. Our son gets out of school at 3:15. I picked him up from daycare at 5...
She acted like it was the most normal thing in the world, put bandaid on her fingers where the blisters were, and went to change and go to dinner.
Raynaga wrote: »
Sorry, back at work so my responses are delayed.
Not worst case, basically "If it's a standard, no contest divorce, as there is no legal separation in Texas, this is about what you'll be looking at."
Wife would get primary custody unless I contest it and put forth reasons why she shouldn't, with me getting every first, 5th, and 7th(?) Weekend with my son. If I move more than 100 miles away, that turns into 45 days during the summer. Yes, I could go down the road with the bi-polar disorder, erratic behavior, and the lies/unexplained activity with the former significant other. But that would be extremely hurtful, so I don't know about that.
20% of salary for child support. My 401k was started right after we married, so she would get half of that. She doesn't have one to those who brought that up - she has only been back at work about a year, and her current position doesn't offer that as a benefit.
All of that changes if she files and I don't agree due to the situation. At that point it starts the back and forth.
To the question regarding my son and school, he turns 6 in October and is in Kindergarten. So no, not talking High School.
The lawyer has been doing family law specifically for roughly 40 years and came recommended from several folks I know.