Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
By “kinda hard” you mean “essentially one shooting half the cast,” right?
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
By “kinda hard” you mean “essentially one shooting half the cast,” right?
I have literally never seen anyone get one-shot by Armaments.
Battle.net Tag: Dibby#1582
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
It brings a huge chunk of the cast down to a sliver if you hit with all the swords
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
It brings a huge chunk of the cast down to a sliver if you hit with all the swords
yeah, "if". if.
that's not always the easiest requirement if the enemy tank is sitting their fat ass in front of you, or the enemy team is clumped up, or whatever else. it's a somewhat finicky skillshot, you're not always going to land all the swords.
like, back before the CD nerf yeah Armaments 100% of the time all the time absolutely. but now the cd is like what, 70 secs. and Wrath's cd is 80 secs, that's only 10 secs higher. Wrath has an incredibly easy setup with Q>W>R or even just Q>R.
i'm not saying Armaments is bad, i'm just saying you shouldn't be blindly picking it every single game. if i'm not needing the survivability, if i'm up against low mobility squishies, i'm not taking it.
wrath's startup is weird and i've never gotten used to it in my very limited use.
i think it's alright but you can't miss, it's blaze level bad if you miss a lot of the time cause now you're just in the team with nowhere to go. i should probably take it more just to have the option, it is certainly the more amusing of the two ults lol
wrath's startup is weird and i've never gotten used to it in my very limited use.
i think it's alright but you can't miss, it's blaze level bad if you miss a lot of the time cause now you're just in the team with nowhere to go. i should probably take it more just to have the option, it is certainly the more amusing of the two ults lol
I had a lot of the same difficulties in using it when I was first picking it, whiffing it a lot etc. But I've been picking it a lot and since then I've gotten quite good with it.
It just takes practice.
You'll still miss sometimes. But generally speaking, if you land Wrath, you get a kill. You instantly turn a fight into a 5v4 right off the bat and that pretty much wins you the fight/obj every time.
Conversely I personally find that I have a pretty hard time aiming Armaments (similarly I have a hard time aiming Li-Ming's Mirrorball, which is the same sort of mechanic so). I dunno! I've picked Wrath waaay way more than Armaments at this point though so perhaps I just need more practice with Armaments.
I honestly liked your content and infectious upbeat personality. I'm okay with people not liking his gameplay style or advice, he really isn't the best player out there to learn from, but always thought he seemed like a sincere person. All the Child's Play donation drives and charity stuff was great.
Oh well, time to follow a different HotS streamer. I have no time and desire to support a person who does shitty things to women, especially one's who are supposed to be friends.
Need a voice actor? Hire me at bengrayVO.com
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051 Steam ID Twitch Page
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Inquisitor772 x Penny Arcade Fight Club ChampionA fixed point in space and timeRegistered Userregular
Honestly I wish I could say I am surprised but I'm not.
Not because I thought Pally was particularly perverted, but because I know that anyone is capable of anything.
Basically he got drunk several times and was asking pressuring girls for nude pics. One girl got fed up with it and posted their DMs on Twitter. Drinking isn't to blame though, it just makes that type of behavior easier to boil to the surface.
Need a voice actor? Hire me at bengrayVO.com
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051 Steam ID Twitch Page
I forgot people here may have still followed him, it was talked about in kala's discord last week, some by those involved.
Gist I gathered was mostly harassing female streamers, things like lewd suggestive dm's, then later on asking them to delete them, blaming alcohol as the motivator; cycle repeating.
Like many of these things it took one person to finally have to much and say something before others felt credible in saying something
Basically he got drunk several times and was asking pressuring girls for nude pics. One girl got fed up with it and posted their DMs on Twitter. Drinking isn't to blame though, it just makes that type of behavior easier to boil to the surface.
Uhhhh more than "several times" >_>
Everything I've read and seen about this implies this was a longstanding issue with... well, LOTS of women. He was basically just being a huge creep and creeping on women in DMs, and then blaming it on his drinking. He had this big ol' sobby "weh weh i'm so sorry it was the alcohol not me, this isn't me this isn't who i wanna be" sort of like """"apology""" i GUESS
But really like let's be real my dude, the alcohol didn't make you do this, or turn you into this. It was always fucking there and this just brought it to surface level.
There are thousands of millions of people who suffer from depression and other mental health issues but ya don't see me going around creeping on women. Fucking holy shit, man.
What a goddamn scumbag.
But yeah like Antaeus said, I'm not even fucking surprised, I've seen this happen way too many times at this point to even be remotely shocked. Like, oh huh look at that another fucking streamer/YTer/whatever ends up being a milkshake duck WOW I'M SHOOK j/k not really it happens all the fucking time never meet your heroes
Just goes to show that even someone with the most positive radiant exterior can be the most disgusting piece of scum on the interior. You only ever see what they want you to see. You never get to see behind closed doors, when the camera is off, yknow.
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Sadly milkshake duck is very much a part of the modern lexicon of this hellscape reality
SeGaTai on
PSN SeGaTai
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Inquisitor772 x Penny Arcade Fight Club ChampionA fixed point in space and timeRegistered Userregular
Also, it has been my experience that people who are super duper positive all the time tend to have their demons. I mean, everyone has their demons, but expression of that particular type seems to tend towards a specific strain of self-esteem issues. They are outwardly positive because they are inwardly negative, and their inability to regulate their mood leads to a kind of over-correction. At least, that's been the pattern in my experience.
There's a similar difference I've noticed in relation to kindness - people who are excessively kind tend to do so because of a need for approval rather than as an end unto itself.
I don't truly care, but I sometimes wonder what happens to these people afterwards. Their career as a "#influencer" is dead and probably won't come back. Do they just try a find office jobs or something? I'm not surprised by this stuff happening anymore and hopefully the people he harassed are ok, including his fiancee. IDK, people are dicks
Most of these folk prob just go back to finish school or get normal crappy jobs. For the most part the public personalities in video games are young folk with a lot of flexibility.
Similar to actors or sportsball folk whose careers end "early," except even less random people would recognize them.
Witty signature comment goes here...
wra
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
I mean, he’s lucky that he has an alias he is more well known as.
Jobs google your name nowadays and they absolutely will not hire people who have significant negative history on the web.
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
I don't truly care, but I sometimes wonder what happens to these people afterwards. Their career as a "#influencer" is dead and probably won't come back. Do they just try a find office jobs or something? I'm not surprised by this stuff happening anymore and hopefully the people he harassed are ok, including his fiancee. IDK, people are dicks
lol, he’s gonna lay low for like six months, then make a comeback claiming he’s won against his inner demons or whatever. Sadly, the actual threat to his career is losing his bread & butter content, hots, which means he has to hope his let’s play content is strong enough to carry him.
Yes, hots dying is a greater threat to his career than being a harasser. Such is the hellscape we inhabit.
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Inquisitor772 x Penny Arcade Fight Club ChampionA fixed point in space and timeRegistered Userregular
FWIW it does sound like he has a lot of issues that may be exacerbating his particular situation. So here's to hoping that he learns from this and stops being an asshole.
I just feel bad for all of the people affected, particularly his targets and his fiance. Their lives are being made worse with the influx of trolls and harassers that are inevitably showing up.
wrath's startup is weird and i've never gotten used to it in my very limited use.
i think it's alright but you can't miss, it's blaze level bad if you miss a lot of the time cause now you're just in the team with nowhere to go. i should probably take it more just to have the option, it is certainly the more amusing of the two ults lol
I had a lot of the same difficulties in using it when I was first picking it, whiffing it a lot etc. But I've been picking it a lot and since then I've gotten quite good with it.
It just takes practice.
You'll still miss sometimes. But generally speaking, if you land Wrath, you get a kill. You instantly turn a fight into a 5v4 right off the bat and that pretty much wins you the fight/obj every time.
Conversely I personally find that I have a pretty hard time aiming Armaments (similarly I have a hard time aiming Li-Ming's Mirrorball, which is the same sort of mechanic so). I dunno! I've picked Wrath waaay way more than Armaments at this point though so perhaps I just need more practice with Armaments.
Wrath is far more satisfying of a skill to land. I might start taking it more just because of that.
I just feel like the swords are more effective down in the lowly tier of bot matches. If I land wrath, there is a very good chance that I will lack sufficient DPS to solo the target and my teammates will just let him walk away. When combined with the risk of outright whiffing the skill, that makes it a bit of a hard sell for us down here.
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Something always bugged me about him, though it was more of just a personality quirk. I'm not about to pretend I had some intuition the dude is a creep.
But even though I didn't know, I'm not at all surprised.
Pallytime's (ex?)girlfriend Holly's response to everything.
Anybody on the fence as to whether or not Pallytime's an asshole that deserves to be a pariah within the HotS community (or what's left of it), should give it a good, long, hard read.
While I'm sure that 99% of you don't really know or care about me, you can tell from my feed that I have never been one for making drama or posting pretty much anything but animal pictures and memes.
I didn't get a choice in this. Pally and the women he did inappropriate things to chose to make this public. I was never asked or thought of when these decisions were made, but I wasn't exactly considered when these people did the disgusting things they did or were complicit and chose not to tell me, so I don't expect them to start now.
Despite the amount of pain I am suffering right now, I don't take enjoyment in writing this out. In fact, there is nothing in my life right now that is bringing me enjoyment. I found out my relationship was a lie in the worst way, and it is honestly hard to find a reason to even live at this point.
Something "streamers" forget is that you have a vhoice and thousands of fans to support you. I can count on one hand the number of people I have that are on my side, and that includes my parents and my brother. My parents, my biggest supporters, also loved Walter, so they have been suffering with me.
Streamers will always have a community that will support them, no matter what, even Pally. I have no doubt that Pally will continue to be successful, and most of his community will help him through his "recovery". The women he harassed will continue to have support and their lives will go on. They now feel empowered and supported by their fans and can heal from Pally asking them for nudes and hitting on them relentlessly.
I'm not seeing how I can possibly heal from any of this. For streamers, they can cut ties with Pally or even just forgive and move on. Their lives, their homes, their hobbies were not destroyed.
I've been best friends with Pally for 10 years, and dating since 11/22/2016. We got on so well because we had so many of the same hobbies. Pretty much anything I enjoyed in my life, from video games, Pokemon, YouTube, Twitch, Marvel, traveling ... has all been turned into a reminder of what was done and how I was not worth being treated with an ounce of respect. Everything I liked, everything that made me "me" is ruined for me and I can no longer find enjoyment in anything. Even my house, which I bought for us because it was a good fit for Pally's career, is tainted. The only thing that doesn't remind me of him is my cats, and that's mostly because Pally didn't like them that much anyways.
I have never been more humiliated or felt lower in my life. I, too, struggle with depression and self-worth. I usually just confided in Walter, my family, and people I thought were my friends. You know, as opposed to cheating and humiliating the person I referred to as "the love of my life" and were planning to be married to.
It hurts that Pally continues to lie to me, be evasive, and continue to put himself, his dick, his channel, and his girl "friends" before me, even now.
It hurts that some of the women he harassed are using the biggest humiliation of my life for publicity, money, attention, and sympathy. I am not a victim blamer and what Pally did to them was wrong, but to be honest it is extremely hurtful to see people making the situation about themselves while I struggle to not kill myself and come to terms that my life has been destroyed and I have nothing now, while they can move on and just cut ties and be empowered.
It hurts that people are using the fact that it was not good enough or deserved to be told as a podium for women empowerment. I'm glad that these women finally feel comfortable standing up for themselves, I just wish it didn't come at the expense of my life.
It hurts to come to terms with the fact that I have maybe 2 actual friends. While I appreciate the intent of those who reached out, I know that you have always been Pally's friend first and foremost and no matter what despicable things he has done, you will always stand by him. I don't blame you and I know you would not have been my friend if not for him anyways. I'm an ugly, awkward, uninteresting person, so you're probably better off just being friends with him anyhow.
It hurts to come to terms with the fact that all my future plans, from raiding in WoW on the weekend to Pokemon Go fest to going to Orlando to marriage has been destroyed.
It hurts to come to terms with the fact my home, my hobbies, and pretty much anything that made me happy is ruined and will be a forever reminder of what a fool I am and how humiliated I am.
I have no idea who am I anymore, I have no future plans anymore, I have nothing to look forward to or live for anymore. I would absolutely kill myself if it wasn't for my parents and my cats, because I know that at least they love and need me.
It really hurts that Pally can heal, continue his career and be forgiven. He can get pat on the back for getting therapy and moving on and bettering himself, while I am left with nothing.
My relationship, my house, my hobbies, my friends were all destroyed for me. I can't possibly see how any of those can be revived. They are just all reminders of how little respect and love I deserved, and how alone and worthless I am.
I don't want pity, I don't want sympathy, and honestly I'm sick of hearing "I'm sorry" while all actions only indicate these people don't give a shit about me.
If there is one thing I can ask of people, although no one gives a shit about what I want or think or feel so I am probably wasting my time here, is that you speak up before things go too far. It would've been much easier if Walter or anyone else informed me before I found out this way.
I always try to see things from others' perspectives, so I get that it would've been difficult to tell me what happened or your career was "at risk". However, I can't help but think it would've been the right thing to do. I know humans aren't perfect, but the fact that it went on for so long, and my entire relationship I was being lied to, I can't help but think something could've gone differently. I get yourselves and your careers are more important than another human being, it is tough to finally learn that lesson.
I have always struggled with my self esteem. I have always thought I was ugly and stupid. I have always thought that I was fat, no matter if I weighed 120 or 170. I was always insecure that Pally bought tons of presents and spent money on Kiye and other girls, probably more than me. I was always insecure with how he talked to them and would work for free to keep streaming with Kiye instead of spending time with me. I have been struggling extremely hard with depression, especially the past two years.
If there's anything this experience has taught me, it's that all those fears were valid. I am ugly, fat, stupid, and I am not worth being good to. I am not worthy of friends, of person to truly love and respect me, and I was stupid to think that if I loved and respected people, I would get that in return. I am not worthy of living, I have nothing to live for. Unfortunately for my parents I am who they ended up with for a daughter, and I am now living their nightmare of me being alone forever.
Fucckkkk, don't even have words after reading that. Hopefully, those that know her see it and reach out, that and seeking out professional help as well.
Oh well, time to follow a different HotS streamer. I have no time and desire to support a person who does shitty things to women, especially one's who are supposed to be friends.
There are plenty of other major players in the HotS community, though I'm not sure many of them lean as hard into pure entertainment as Pally.
If we imagine that you get 100 points to spend between SKILL and ENTERTAINMENT, Pally is something like 20/80.
Nubkeks is maybe 40/60.
Grubby (when he was active in the HotS community) was maybe 50/50.
McIntyre's something like 60/40.
And NotParadox is 80/20.
And for the record, Hawkray's a solid 0/100 and he'd tell you that himself. XD
Her ire at the women is super fucked-up, to be perfectly blunt. Wielding suicide as a weapon like she does in that write-up is deeply, deeply wrong and I hope she gets some help and walks back from this.
Her ire at the women is super fucked-up, to be perfectly blunt. Wielding suicide as a weapon like she does in that write-up is deeply, deeply wrong and I hope she gets some help and walks back from this.
I agree on both points, and I imagine she will to after the dust has settled.
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I have literally never seen anyone get one-shot by Armaments.
Battle.net Tag: Dibby#1582
yeah, "if". if.
that's not always the easiest requirement if the enemy tank is sitting their fat ass in front of you, or the enemy team is clumped up, or whatever else. it's a somewhat finicky skillshot, you're not always going to land all the swords.
like, back before the CD nerf yeah Armaments 100% of the time all the time absolutely. but now the cd is like what, 70 secs. and Wrath's cd is 80 secs, that's only 10 secs higher. Wrath has an incredibly easy setup with Q>W>R or even just Q>R.
i'm not saying Armaments is bad, i'm just saying you shouldn't be blindly picking it every single game. if i'm not needing the survivability, if i'm up against low mobility squishies, i'm not taking it.
Battle.net Tag: Dibby#1582
Armchair: 4098-3704-2012
i think it's alright but you can't miss, it's blaze level bad if you miss a lot of the time cause now you're just in the team with nowhere to go. i should probably take it more just to have the option, it is certainly the more amusing of the two ults lol
I had a lot of the same difficulties in using it when I was first picking it, whiffing it a lot etc. But I've been picking it a lot and since then I've gotten quite good with it.
It just takes practice.
You'll still miss sometimes. But generally speaking, if you land Wrath, you get a kill. You instantly turn a fight into a 5v4 right off the bat and that pretty much wins you the fight/obj every time.
Conversely I personally find that I have a pretty hard time aiming Armaments (similarly I have a hard time aiming Li-Ming's Mirrorball, which is the same sort of mechanic so). I dunno! I've picked Wrath waaay way more than Armaments at this point though so perhaps I just need more practice with Armaments.
Battle.net Tag: Dibby#1582
I honestly liked your content and infectious upbeat personality. I'm okay with people not liking his gameplay style or advice, he really isn't the best player out there to learn from, but always thought he seemed like a sincere person. All the Child's Play donation drives and charity stuff was great.
Oh well, time to follow a different HotS streamer. I have no time and desire to support a person who does shitty things to women, especially one's who are supposed to be friends.
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051
Steam ID
Twitch Page
Not because I thought Pally was particularly perverted, but because I know that anyone is capable of anything.
Steam: TimIsOnSteam
Battle.net: TimIsOnBnet#1745
Switch: SW-7012-4788-7410
PSN: TimIsOnTheNet
Basically he got drunk several times and was asking pressuring girls for nude pics. One girl got fed up with it and posted their DMs on Twitter. Drinking isn't to blame though, it just makes that type of behavior easier to boil to the surface.
Legends of Runeterra: MNCdover #moc
Switch ID: MNC Dover SW-1154-3107-1051
Steam ID
Twitch Page
Gist I gathered was mostly harassing female streamers, things like lewd suggestive dm's, then later on asking them to delete them, blaming alcohol as the motivator; cycle repeating.
Like many of these things it took one person to finally have to much and say something before others felt credible in saying something
Uhhhh more than "several times" >_>
Everything I've read and seen about this implies this was a longstanding issue with... well, LOTS of women. He was basically just being a huge creep and creeping on women in DMs, and then blaming it on his drinking. He had this big ol' sobby "weh weh i'm so sorry it was the alcohol not me, this isn't me this isn't who i wanna be" sort of like """"apology""" i GUESS
But really like let's be real my dude, the alcohol didn't make you do this, or turn you into this. It was always fucking there and this just brought it to surface level.
There are thousands of millions of people who suffer from depression and other mental health issues but ya don't see me going around creeping on women. Fucking holy shit, man.
What a goddamn scumbag.
But yeah like Antaeus said, I'm not even fucking surprised, I've seen this happen way too many times at this point to even be remotely shocked. Like, oh huh look at that another fucking streamer/YTer/whatever ends up being a milkshake duck WOW I'M SHOOK j/k not really it happens all the fucking time never meet your heroes
Just goes to show that even someone with the most positive radiant exterior can be the most disgusting piece of scum on the interior. You only ever see what they want you to see. You never get to see behind closed doors, when the camera is off, yknow.
Battle.net Tag: Dibby#1582
Yes.
“Everyone look at the milkshake duck! The duck that drinks milkshakes!
*later*
We are sorry to inform you that the duck is a racist.”
There's a similar difference I've noticed in relation to kindness - people who are excessively kind tend to do so because of a need for approval rather than as an end unto itself.
Also TIL milkshake duck is an actual thing
Best avatar, btw.
Witty signature comment goes here...
wra
get it??????
Witty signature comment goes here...
wra
Steam: CavilatRest
Similar to actors or sportsball folk whose careers end "early," except even less random people would recognize them.
Witty signature comment goes here...
wra
Jobs google your name nowadays and they absolutely will not hire people who have significant negative history on the web.
Yes, hots dying is a greater threat to his career than being a harasser. Such is the hellscape we inhabit.
I just feel bad for all of the people affected, particularly his targets and his fiance. Their lives are being made worse with the influx of trolls and harassers that are inevitably showing up.
Social media! Yay!
Wrath is far more satisfying of a skill to land. I might start taking it more just because of that.
I just feel like the swords are more effective down in the lowly tier of bot matches. If I land wrath, there is a very good chance that I will lack sufficient DPS to solo the target and my teammates will just let him walk away. When combined with the risk of outright whiffing the skill, that makes it a bit of a hard sell for us down here.
Armchair: 4098-3704-2012
It’s literally the thing I posted, dude.
Yeah it's basically just terminology for "someone whom the public once adored turned out to be a shitty person"
That's it~
Battle.net Tag: Dibby#1582
But even though I didn't know, I'm not at all surprised.
XBL: InvaderJims
Bnet: Pudgestomp#11153
I saw the thread was popping and got excited. I are now disappointed.
XBL: InvaderJims
Bnet: Pudgestomp#11153
Anybody on the fence as to whether or not Pallytime's an asshole that deserves to be a pariah within the HotS community (or what's left of it), should give it a good, long, hard read.
I didn't get a choice in this. Pally and the women he did inappropriate things to chose to make this public. I was never asked or thought of when these decisions were made, but I wasn't exactly considered when these people did the disgusting things they did or were complicit and chose not to tell me, so I don't expect them to start now.
Despite the amount of pain I am suffering right now, I don't take enjoyment in writing this out. In fact, there is nothing in my life right now that is bringing me enjoyment. I found out my relationship was a lie in the worst way, and it is honestly hard to find a reason to even live at this point.
Something "streamers" forget is that you have a vhoice and thousands of fans to support you. I can count on one hand the number of people I have that are on my side, and that includes my parents and my brother. My parents, my biggest supporters, also loved Walter, so they have been suffering with me.
Streamers will always have a community that will support them, no matter what, even Pally. I have no doubt that Pally will continue to be successful, and most of his community will help him through his "recovery". The women he harassed will continue to have support and their lives will go on. They now feel empowered and supported by their fans and can heal from Pally asking them for nudes and hitting on them relentlessly.
I'm not seeing how I can possibly heal from any of this. For streamers, they can cut ties with Pally or even just forgive and move on. Their lives, their homes, their hobbies were not destroyed.
I've been best friends with Pally for 10 years, and dating since 11/22/2016. We got on so well because we had so many of the same hobbies. Pretty much anything I enjoyed in my life, from video games, Pokemon, YouTube, Twitch, Marvel, traveling ... has all been turned into a reminder of what was done and how I was not worth being treated with an ounce of respect. Everything I liked, everything that made me "me" is ruined for me and I can no longer find enjoyment in anything. Even my house, which I bought for us because it was a good fit for Pally's career, is tainted. The only thing that doesn't remind me of him is my cats, and that's mostly because Pally didn't like them that much anyways.
I have never been more humiliated or felt lower in my life. I, too, struggle with depression and self-worth. I usually just confided in Walter, my family, and people I thought were my friends. You know, as opposed to cheating and humiliating the person I referred to as "the love of my life" and were planning to be married to.
It hurts that Pally continues to lie to me, be evasive, and continue to put himself, his dick, his channel, and his girl "friends" before me, even now.
It hurts that some of the women he harassed are using the biggest humiliation of my life for publicity, money, attention, and sympathy. I am not a victim blamer and what Pally did to them was wrong, but to be honest it is extremely hurtful to see people making the situation about themselves while I struggle to not kill myself and come to terms that my life has been destroyed and I have nothing now, while they can move on and just cut ties and be empowered.
It hurts that people are using the fact that it was not good enough or deserved to be told as a podium for women empowerment. I'm glad that these women finally feel comfortable standing up for themselves, I just wish it didn't come at the expense of my life.
It hurts to come to terms with the fact that I have maybe 2 actual friends. While I appreciate the intent of those who reached out, I know that you have always been Pally's friend first and foremost and no matter what despicable things he has done, you will always stand by him. I don't blame you and I know you would not have been my friend if not for him anyways. I'm an ugly, awkward, uninteresting person, so you're probably better off just being friends with him anyhow.
It hurts to come to terms with the fact that all my future plans, from raiding in WoW on the weekend to Pokemon Go fest to going to Orlando to marriage has been destroyed.
It hurts to come to terms with the fact my home, my hobbies, and pretty much anything that made me happy is ruined and will be a forever reminder of what a fool I am and how humiliated I am.
I have no idea who am I anymore, I have no future plans anymore, I have nothing to look forward to or live for anymore. I would absolutely kill myself if it wasn't for my parents and my cats, because I know that at least they love and need me.
It really hurts that Pally can heal, continue his career and be forgiven. He can get pat on the back for getting therapy and moving on and bettering himself, while I am left with nothing.
My relationship, my house, my hobbies, my friends were all destroyed for me. I can't possibly see how any of those can be revived. They are just all reminders of how little respect and love I deserved, and how alone and worthless I am.
I don't want pity, I don't want sympathy, and honestly I'm sick of hearing "I'm sorry" while all actions only indicate these people don't give a shit about me.
If there is one thing I can ask of people, although no one gives a shit about what I want or think or feel so I am probably wasting my time here, is that you speak up before things go too far. It would've been much easier if Walter or anyone else informed me before I found out this way.
I always try to see things from others' perspectives, so I get that it would've been difficult to tell me what happened or your career was "at risk". However, I can't help but think it would've been the right thing to do. I know humans aren't perfect, but the fact that it went on for so long, and my entire relationship I was being lied to, I can't help but think something could've gone differently. I get yourselves and your careers are more important than another human being, it is tough to finally learn that lesson.
I have always struggled with my self esteem. I have always thought I was ugly and stupid. I have always thought that I was fat, no matter if I weighed 120 or 170. I was always insecure that Pally bought tons of presents and spent money on Kiye and other girls, probably more than me. I was always insecure with how he talked to them and would work for free to keep streaming with Kiye instead of spending time with me. I have been struggling extremely hard with depression, especially the past two years.
If there's anything this experience has taught me, it's that all those fears were valid. I am ugly, fat, stupid, and I am not worth being good to. I am not worthy of friends, of person to truly love and respect me, and I was stupid to think that if I loved and respected people, I would get that in return. I am not worthy of living, I have nothing to live for. Unfortunately for my parents I am who they ended up with for a daughter, and I am now living their nightmare of me being alone forever.
There are plenty of other major players in the HotS community, though I'm not sure many of them lean as hard into pure entertainment as Pally.
If we imagine that you get 100 points to spend between SKILL and ENTERTAINMENT, Pally is something like 20/80.
Nubkeks is maybe 40/60.
Grubby (when he was active in the HotS community) was maybe 50/50.
McIntyre's something like 60/40.
And NotParadox is 80/20.
And for the record, Hawkray's a solid 0/100 and he'd tell you that himself. XD
I agree on both points, and I imagine she will to after the dust has settled.