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Roommate moved his S/O in out of the blue?
MummBrah
Registered User regular
Registered User regular
Hi all! I've been living in a 3-bedroom apartment since July of 2018 with two roommates. One of those roommates texted me last night to let me know that his girlfriend will be living with us for the remainder of our one year leasing term - apparently effective for several days already. When I responded that a four-way rent split sounded good to me, he told me they would not be paying any additional rent (but were planning to split utilities four ways).
I contacted my other roommate earlier today to get his opinion on the situation and figure out how to best move forward, and roommate #2 responded that he doesn't have a problem with the situation as it stands. He thinks it's something that only concerns him and #1, as those three spend significantly more time at home occupying the living space (they're both undergrad students). #2 also seems to think that I should either cede the master bedroom (where I sleep) to the new couple, or start paying a larger share of rent to reflect the larger room I live in. I get the impression that #2 was aware of the move-in situation beforehand and I'm the last to know, as well as being the last to know about the unrest with my being in the master bedroom.
What are my options here? Should I aggressively push for a 4-way rent split? Is this something I should immediately go to my leasing office about? For the last half year or so there's never been any discussion initiated (or hinted at) about weighting my rent to reflect my larger bedroom. I want to be as reasonable as possible with these guys, but having #1 move his s/o in and let me know after the fact has left a really sour taste in my mouth. This is compounded by #2 indicating that he had prior knowledge of both the move and the new interest in my master bedroom that move generated.
How should I proceed?
I contacted my other roommate earlier today to get his opinion on the situation and figure out how to best move forward, and roommate #2 responded that he doesn't have a problem with the situation as it stands. He thinks it's something that only concerns him and #1, as those three spend significantly more time at home occupying the living space (they're both undergrad students). #2 also seems to think that I should either cede the master bedroom (where I sleep) to the new couple, or start paying a larger share of rent to reflect the larger room I live in. I get the impression that #2 was aware of the move-in situation beforehand and I'm the last to know, as well as being the last to know about the unrest with my being in the master bedroom.
What are my options here? Should I aggressively push for a 4-way rent split? Is this something I should immediately go to my leasing office about? For the last half year or so there's never been any discussion initiated (or hinted at) about weighting my rent to reflect my larger bedroom. I want to be as reasonable as possible with these guys, but having #1 move his s/o in and let me know after the fact has left a really sour taste in my mouth. This is compounded by #2 indicating that he had prior knowledge of both the move and the new interest in my master bedroom that move generated.
How should I proceed?
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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Check whatever paperwork you all signed when you moved in. That should tell you whether or not this stunt is even allowed under the rental agreement.
-Indiana Solo, runner of blades
First off, having an extra person who is not on the lease agreement is a massive breach of contract and if the landlord catches wind of it and none of you informed them there will be consequences, up to and including eviction. Telling them about the situation though pretty much guarantees you will immediately turn the roommates against you, so you'll likely have to end up finding another place at the end of the agreement or sooner, depending on just how hostile they get.
Second, don't budge on the master bedroom. That's your room, it's been your room, it's been acknowledged to be your room. You pay the same equal share of the rent as everyone else, not a penny more, and if they have issue with that then you'll have to decide again whether it's worth the peace to give in or stand your ground, but know that if you do stand your ground there's nothing they can do about it.
You're in luck with the fact that you do have a lease contract, because it protects you in these sort of situations. You just have to decide your course of action.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
It's worth noting that I'm almost positive roommate #1 has not contacted the leasing office about adding his s/o to the lease, as I've heard nothing from them lately (emails tend to go to me first as the primary leasee).
No matter what happens next this is not going to go well for you and probably never going to turn into a stress-free environment after this. Not worth it. It will cost you money to break the lease; if you can swing it that's what I'd do.
That is not what happened here. There can be no trust between you at this point if they are going to make such a major decision without even asking for your input. NOPE your way out of that shit ASAP. If they can do this to you without your permission (and they should have gotten your blessing as one of the parties involved at the very least), you can bounce without theirs.
I guess the only real decision to make at this point is whether to have a conversation with my leasing office before or after a conversation with the roommates.
Since this is exactly what they did to the OP, yes, 100% agreed!
While I don't necessarily agree that the rent should be split evenly, there should have been a conversation about all of this. It's disrespectful bullshit and if you can afford to leave I definitely would. I'd rather live in a tiny studio than share an apartment with someone that doesn't seem to know about basic roommate etiquette. I'd expect someone who would do this shit to also one day without any notice tell you he and his girlfriend are moving out.
1. Block the SO from moving in by alerting the lease company and letting your roomates know that she's not on the lease and cannot move in. Of course after this it probably won't be pleasant to live with them! Maybe you can make it until the lease ends. I suspect your lease company will back you here. New tenants usually can't be added unless all existing tenants and the lease company agree.
2. Find a way to get off the lease and move out. This will be costly if you are not on a month to month.
I personally would not feel comfortable trying to make a compromise with them after this action. Protect yourself and enforce the rules.
Maybe it's because I'm not through my coffee yet, but this is reading like sarcasm to me. I hope not, because with no further elaboration that would be pretty obnoxious!
I've thought about it a bit because it's the kind of situation I've found myself in a few times. While retaliation rather that conversation is almost never the way to go IMO because I am excessively naive and think I can always stop the buck if only I'm willing to sit down and talk, this is not so much a transgression as a fairly major breech of trust.
I honestly believe it's best to have a clear route of escape (whether taken before speaking to them or not), because people who are going to make a decision like whether or not a person lives with you without so much as a word before they make it happen (and then tell you to move rooms or pay more) are probably going to move you if you say no. If you go "yeah I'm not doing that," which in my opinion you absolutely should make crystal clear ASAP, be fully prepared to come home to find your things in his room and their shit in yours.
Even if Roommate #1 had called a house meeting ahead of time and said "my girlfriend needs to move, for reasons I don't want to go into it needs to happen now, how can we make this work" then a) even if he didn't budge on the fact that it was happening you could have come up with a way to make the situation okay together, or discussed concerns/changes to the arrangement you have now, b) you have known even a little ahead of time and had time to mentally prepare, c) it leaves room for the kind of situation where abuse might be a factor in her need to move so fast, and d) you could have come away from the situation with some kind of trust in your roommate, which is so important when you are in something together. Because what do the reasons matter now if they're willing to do something like this without talking to you?
Even if you just swap out the (I assume) internal door knob with a key-lock knob, that will at least require them to kick the door in. Also sends a message about your trust level with them.
Something like this: :
https://www.homedepot.com/p/Defiant-Brandywine-Stainless-Steel-Keyed-Entry-Knob-T8600/100352215
Let's say your rent is $1800, so currently you're each paying $600 + utilities. Utilities they're already willing to do a 4-way split (and it's the only way do to that really) so we can ignore them for the rest of the conversation.
So roommate #1 wants to pay $300. He certainly doesn't want to pay $450* (1/4 even split) for a shared room.
Roommate #2 doesn't want to cause trouble, and is ok paying what he already pays $600. He also wants you to pay more for the master.
What they want to ignore is that the use of the common spaces is absolutely valuable and should be split just as much as utilities.
We're talking kitchen, laundry room, doing things like having guests over, putting on tv/music/etc, keeping your stuff/food outside of your room... and the more people you have sharing these the less likely any one person is able to use the resource they want to when the want to.
Ok, so the process I do for making a split like this:
First, I figure out what I call 'exclusions'; unique things that only one person will get to enjoy. For me this has been the master bed and the associated private bathroom, and use of the garage+driveway. Give them a value. Right now only the master is in play so let's call it $50 a month. That gets subtracted from the rent.
Then the rent is broken up into shares, every person pays one share for all the common use, and then each bedroom is worth one share. So you'd owe two shares, people in the same room would owe 1.5 shares.
Then, you add back in the exclusions to the appropriate people. So with this the breakdown would be $550 for you, $375 each for RM#1 and GF, and $500 for RM#2. Everyone pays less. You get the worst deal but you still have the master and you only would've been saving $100 more with a clean 4-way split.
If they want the master then it would be $500/$400/$400/$500 which also looks pretty good all around.
At any rate, this only applies if you want to actually try and make a compromise. RM#1 already majorly broke trust by moving someone into your home without not only your consent, but without even consulting you.
*tbh I bet he's actually fine with that but there's an irrational voice saying it's unfair to pay $450 to share when the others are paying the same for their own rooms, or his gf isn't going to pay so he can't afford going up from $600 to $900...
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
Yeah, you've crystallized exactly what I was thinking into words. Whatever trust the roommates had before, they have now smashed, and I would expect them capable of any of the above. Once moving in a new roommate who pays no rent is a thing they'll do without your consent, there are a lot of other things in your living situation that they'll obviously do without your consent, too!
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
I would not however cede your bedroom. They made the choice to add an extra roommate without consulting you, and knowing that it’d mean RM1 and GF would be sharing RM1’s space. If they aren’t sharing the rent, there’s no reason they should be entitled to more space. Switching rooms may be something to consider if they are willing to take on more of the rent, but only if you’re okay with that (I might also be leery of taking their word on any deals like that at first). If they try any shenanigans like moving your stuff when you aren’t there, then I’d consider notifying the leasing office as it’s just going to get worse.
To do otherwise is bad times.
It's not sarcasm. They clearly worked this out between themselves and are trying to pass it off as a fait accompli
In my book that means any qualms the OP might have about "going behind their back" to the landlord can and should be ignored.
I got them together this evening so we could all "get on the same page" and figure out a plan moving forward. #1's s/o was not present even though I requested she be, but I decided not to push it since she was home and pretty clearly listening from his room.
After a lot of rough discussion involving the word "no", I think I was able to try and get to a more workable starting line for this. I explained the huge issue with my being forced into a contract breach - without any prior knowledge - as well as the compounded effect the initial rent stonewalling had. I repeatedly stressed the idea that i don't have much issue with #1 moving his s/o in, under the conditions that she be added to the lease and, after that happens, we all sit down to approach rent from a 4-way split starting point. If these things happen, then I don't have an issue negotiating a bit of extra weight into my portion of the rent to accommodate the master bedroom. My staying in that room is not negotiable, nor is the idea that I'm not willing to pay for someone else to live here.
I've given #1 the week to talk to the leasing folks himself and try to get his s/o on the lease. I also asked (warned) him to try and avoid forcing me to talk to the leasing agency instead.
Almost every point brought up seemed to revolve around their inexperience as leasees and lack of knowledge concerning leasing policies; there was a lot of time spent explaining how the leasing contract worked, how and why we are currently breaching it, and the idea that we are collectively paying for the right to use the ENTIRETY of the living space as we see fit, as well as the collective liability involved (I am still on the hook for damage incurred to one of their rooms). #2 felt like I had taken advantage of their inexperience by not initially offering to weight my own rent for the master bedroom, which is a sentiment I want to treat with some levity - although I'm wary of the slippery slope that kind of thought process might move towards.
I also may have forgotten to turn my phone's voice memo app off until the conversation was over. Just in case there's any future dispute over exactly what was discussed and where that ended up, of course!
The alternative is also sticking a motion based smart camera in there, so you know if anyone pokes around in there. You can get one as cheap as 80 bucks from D-Link.
Just make sure to face it into and not out of your room. I'm sure the wrong way could cause all kinds of trouble if discovered.
is the S/O a thief and I missed that post?
I mean, kinda they are, yeah? Moving in an extra tenant in breach of a signed contract could be looked on as theft.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
didn't they say they'd pay more for utilities? I'll agree it's not a cool thing to do, but I can't make the leap to 'better make sure they don't steal my laptop' or something
Paying more for utilities doesn't adress the contract with the landlord. Keeping stuff like this from a landlord, and asking your roomies to keep it under wraps is pretty sketchy and is the sort of thing that can get you evicted. Is breach of a signed contract theft? Depends on your point of view, but for me the answer is yes.
But fuck you — no, fuck y'all, that's as blunt as it gets"
- Kendrick Lamar, "The Blacker the Berry"
This was my line of thought as well. The tricky bit for me here is trying to take that seriously when it has such perfect timing with #1's new space issues...explaining how bad that looked was met with blank stares and confusion.
As long as #1 can fix the problem he made and make sure there's no breach of contract I think that's fine! And it will certainly help my budget to begin from a lower base number (due to a new split) and entertain a reasonable rent increase from there.
They said they planned to split utilities equally; I suspect #1 will be trying to foot the entirety of her living costs due to financial difficulties he alluded to during our latest conversation. In a particular sense I suppose that could be considered paying more, but there hasn't been a move made to pay more than an even utility split from them.
The lock thing has been brought up in light of the circumstances I was forced into originally, afaik? I believe the line of thought is that if a roommate is willing to force me into a breach of contract without any prior knowledge or heads-up then I need to take steps to prevent additional issues before they happen (and my room is a current hot topic).
Yeah, this is important.
Here's a law firm's summary of recording consent laws by state: https://www.mwl-law.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/LAWS-ON-RECORDING-CONVERSATIONS-CHART.pdf
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Not sure about others, but my recommendation is based on their (other roommates) lack of respect for OP and their interest in OP's room. Partially an "eff you" and partially risk mitigation.
Even with that being said, it's not reasonable to just demand it because someone moves in a partner and thinks it's better.
They mentioned you taking advantage somehow... What age group is this? How stable has their relationship been? Going by the maturity so far, it's going to be a rough year. Give them time enough to be adults and go through the lease office and hope they are remarkably drama free but plan for the worst and start saving to move or break lease in case.
Definitely don't give up the master, maybe offer to pick up 10-15% more rent if it really comes down to it.