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Considering Therapy

KyouguKyougu Registered User regular
So I'm in my late 30's and prob can count the dates I been in one hand, and never had a real relationship. None the less I'm extremely lucky to have a very fulfilling, active, full life filled with people that love me, and what not, so I try not dwell on it or get me down too much.

Still it does. It's just a feeling of being alone even when surrounded by people, fear of dying alone, of missing out, etc. I generally keep these feelings to myself, because regardless of how close I am to people, it's such a strange thing to bring up. Finally though, I did mention it to a friend (We were having a conversation about jigsaw as a metaphor for life, and how people try to fit pieces (relationships) that don't fit correctly into their puzzle regardless...I mentioned that sometimes I feels like my puzzle was shipped with a missing piece that will never be there) and she was dismissive, offering the expected "Try something different/love yourself first." Good advice I guess but not what I needed to hear. She profusely apologized when I told her how dismissive and hurtful that was, but that kinda cemented why I don't talk to friends about this.

I have debated going to a therapist....but it feels kinda silly to go just to complain about how I can't get a date. I dunno.

I guess just looking into the insight of what therapy would be like/how to go about entering/what should I look for . I'm not looking for a therapist to suddenly help get dates, more I feel better about my current situation.


  • XaquinXaquin Right behind you!Registered User regular
    Seeing a therapist can do a world of good even just to talk.

  • spool32spool32 Contrary Library Registered User regular
    edited February 5
    I think it'd be worth seeing a therapist, definitely. Chiefly because while your friend might have been dismissive in her delivery, from what you describe, her advice is itself not bad.

    You don't sound comfortable with the situation and working through why that is, and what it does to your self esteem, and how you can feel good about yourself independent of others, in conjunction with a professional, might help a lot.

    spool32 on
  • ceresceres When the last moon is cast over the last star of morning And the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderator mod
    If you feel like you might need therapy there's no harm in giving it a shot for one or two sessions to see how it feels.

    I do find "love yourself first" to be particularly garbage and unhelpful advice in general.

    And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
  • Bliss 101Bliss 101 Registered User regular
    First of all, loneliness in its many forms is probably one of the leading reasons why people start therapy, so they'll be well prepared to approach the topic, even if you're not.

    That said, not every therapist will necessarily work for you. One thing that was a huge relief to me back when I tried therapy to help with depression was that you can pretty liberally shop for a therapist that feels right for you. They're professionals, and will generally gladly recommend a colleague if you feel that a particular therapist isn't a good fit. I certainly didn't feel comfortable with my first therapist, the poor chemistry between us just made me want to clam up, but after noticing this she took the initiative and asked if I'd like to be referred to a different therapist.

  • dispatch.odispatch.o Registered User regular
    edited February 5
    It's a lot like telling someone with clinical depression to, "Just try to be happy!" - Not malicious. Clearly meant to be at least a little helpful, but basically useless.

    I wouldn't expect good advice from a therapist about how to get a date, dating sort of sucks in general. They will probably at least try to help with the reasons it bothers you so much.

    As an aside. I don't know anyone who is single who doesn't wish they were in a relationship sometimes, or someone in a relationship that doesn't miss being single sometimes. Everyone's afraid they're missing out on something all the time at least a little. So I don't think this is anything that unusual.

    A therapist would help you sort your thoughts though I'm sure.

    dispatch.o on
  • CelestialBadgerCelestialBadger Registered User regular
    Looking back on your posts it seems like you considers this a few years ago but didn’t go, so I think that you probably should, because it’s been on your mind for a while.

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