Inquisitor772 x Penny Arcade Fight Club ChampionA fixed point in space and timeRegistered Userregular
Based on what you've described, I know it may sound like a huge escalation (both in terms of service and cost), but a good lawyer would actually work wonders for you here. They would be well-versed in the relevant employment and healthcare laws, and are empowered to help you navigate these issues. For example, depending on jurisdiction and workplace, I would not be surprised of HR lady has violated at least one law (e.g., by refusing the doctor's note as insufficient, by not giving you proper notice of your coverage in a timely fashion). A lawyer would know whether or not that's the case, and would be able to write a letter that would likely make her back off and start doing her fucking job.
A good lawyer would also put you in touch with financial advisors that they have worked with in the past and can recommend.
It may seem like a lot of cost, but compare that against the cost of being denied medical coverage that by all rights you probably should have received, and the loss of time in treatment. These are not small things. Also, lawyers can have surprisingly reasonable rates - specialists are very efficient with their time because they know the relevant details and have seen a million cases just like yours, so what may seem like weeksof work to you is literally just 6 hours of paperwork over a few weeks to them.
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
I just want to say as someone who takes lamotrigine that 100mg is a painfully low dose. I'm assuming she's being ramped up to a therapeutic dose, but either way it might do to go to her prescribing doctor and say 'hey this is maybe doing something, can we try a higher dose now?' A good doctor will order blood work as well to make sure that it's detectable within a therapeutic range and use absorption level to help determine how much of it is actually making it into the bloodstream and if it's helping. Lots of things can affect that. Mine also orders a liver panel about once a year, because it can be a bit hard on the liver and it's good to keep an eye on.
To give you an idea, the low-end maintenance dose for epilepsy (not what I take it for) is about 500mg. It's the safest AED on the market and you could say I'm a huge fan.
I don't know how long ago the effexor was stopped but it might need a week or two to even out, most of those medications have a withdrawal period. Lamotrigine can also have anti-depressive or anti-anxiety effects so I think many doctors like to try it on its own for a while for that reason.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
I'm not a doctor btw, in case that needed stating; I can't diagnose or dose her. I've just taken lamictal for years and through a pregnancy and short-term breastfeeding and have done a lot of reading and research about it from a lot of different angles.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
Yeah, her GP just upped it to 200mg a day. I'm hoping the Neurologist next week ups it again.
Re: Lawyer
We actually have a pretty good lawyer who's won us a settlement in the recent past, but I've refrained from getting him involved yet because it stressed my wife out so badly last time. But I am considering him as part of option 2 right now.
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
Note that lamotrigine doesn't do much to treat acute symptoms, it mostly helps delay or prevent future instability.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
Note that lamotrigine doesn't do much to treat acute symptoms, it mostly helps delay or prevent future instability.
Yeah, my guess is that it should probably be upped and also paired with something else.
We're seeing the Neurosurgeon today so I'm hoping that I can convince him to get on the Neurologist's ass about the cyst, too, because he didn't seem to know what the fuck we were talking about last time. That's been my primary gripe with all of this thus far, getting all these doctors on the same fucking page.
ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
edited April 2019
So if they aren't faxing each other records (or however the kids do it these days), you can go in and request a copy of your medical records from the one place and physically hand them over to the other. I've had to do that a couple times for doctors whose offices aren't... quite all together.
In fact I recommend that you do this, as it's probably a good idea to have all the hard copies anyway.
ceres on
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
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Inquisitor772 x Penny Arcade Fight Club ChampionA fixed point in space and timeRegistered Userregular
Yes, given what you've described I would have all of your wife's medical records on hand. I'm addition to hard copies you can scan them, which makes it easier to provide duplicates when you inevitably change doctors.
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zepherinRussian warship, go fuck yourselfRegistered Userregular
So negotiate with the hospital. The worst thing that happens is that they say no or try to ding your credit. And you can always declare bankruptcy. Just call say you can’t pay need a discount and a payment plan and are contemplating bankruptcy, they’ll work with you.do the same with the ambulance company, really phone calls can save you thousands of dollars and nobody wants to be on the hook if you declare bankruptcy.
To keep costs down in the future you may want to see if there is an urgent care clinic in the area, with insurance it’s about a quarter of the cost and without insurance it’s a 10th of the cost.
Start picking up the mail for the household and immediately shredding credit card spam, out of sight out of mind.
Yes, given what you've described I would have all of your wife's medical records on hand. I'm addition to hard copies you can scan them, which makes it easier to provide duplicates when you inevitably change doctors.
it also means if you are out and away from you regular docs and something happens you have a copy of it.
our son had some rather serious neuro stuff that we had copies of his records whenever we traveled in case we had to go to the er
they are your records and you are entitled to them
also a good idea to confirm with the various offices that you are allowed to access and request those things.
So negotiate with the hospital. The worst thing that happens is that they say no or try to ding your credit. And you can always declare bankruptcy. Just call say you can’t pay need a discount and a payment plan and are contemplating bankruptcy, they’ll work with you.do the same with the ambulance company, really phone calls can save you thousands of dollars and nobody wants to be on the hook if you declare bankruptcy.
To keep costs down in the future you may want to see if there is an urgent care clinic in the area, with insurance it’s about a quarter of the cost and without insurance it’s a 10th of the cost.
Start picking up the mail for the household and immediately shredding credit card spam, out of sight out of mind.
Also I'm fairly certain that most major hospitals have a Patient Advocate office that should be able to help you negotiate with the hospital and manage payments, etc.
So, as I thought, Neurosurgeon is deferring to Neurologist to clear her for work. So we gotta wait for Monday for the Pulmonologist, and Tuesday for the Neurologist.
Neurosurgeon is really good, though. He explained to us again what he's concerned about in regards to the cyst. He's just looking to see if it's blocking fluid or not, and if it's growing at all. So the spinal tap and MRI are next Friday.
My primary frustration thus far is that the Neurologist and ER doctors have been going off of the Radiologist's report regarding the MRI, rather than actually looking at the MRI, and saying everything's fine. Well, everything's fine because the Radiologist missed the cyst, which I'm also told isn't necessarily his job to find, people are supposed to look at these fucking MRI's. But before I could say word one about this, the Neurosurgeon mentioned that he's been reading everyone else's reports and he's been noticing that they're getting shit wrong, so he's going to call them up and straighten their shit out. So that made me pretty happy.
What did not make me happy was that despite all my efforts, my wife got her hopes up that the Neurosurgeon was going to clear her for work, and was crushed. But I brought my brother over to watch baseball with us, and that seems to always cheer her up, and it seemed to do so.
I'm going to go over to the hospital tomorrow and get her MRI from December and other records printed out for me.
It sounds like you probably need to prepare yourselves for an extended period of ill-health while you get this sorted out, rather than your wife getting quickly back to work. It doesn't sound like something that is easy or fast to fix. It's good that you are on top of the healthcare stuff, it will really fall to you to make sure all the doctors are communicating effectively.
It sounds like you probably need to prepare yourselves for an extended period of ill-health while you get this sorted out, rather than your wife getting quickly back to work. It doesn't sound like something that is easy or fast to fix. It's good that you are on top of the healthcare stuff, it will really fall to you to make sure all the doctors are communicating effectively.
If she's not back to work, she doesn't have health insurance. And we're at an income gap where I make too much to get assistance from anyone, but I don't make nearly enough to support both of us and pay off medical debt and maintain her insurance through COBRA, etc. etc.
This is where her not qualifying for FMLA until she's been there for a year is some serious bullshit. I'm kinda tired of these loyalty HR programs, they're fucking sick and wrong.
It sounds like you probably need to prepare yourselves for an extended period of ill-health while you get this sorted out, rather than your wife getting quickly back to work. It doesn't sound like something that is easy or fast to fix. It's good that you are on top of the healthcare stuff, it will really fall to you to make sure all the doctors are communicating effectively.
If she's not back to work, she doesn't have health insurance. And we're at an income gap where I make too much to get assistance from anyone, but I don't make nearly enough to support both of us and pay off medical debt and maintain her insurance through COBRA, etc. etc.
I'm not sure of the solution to this, but you probably want to enter crisis mode, and not consider paying off medical debt until she is back to work. If you need to pay COBRA, pay it, even if you have to make sacrifices to do so, because sadly it sounds like your wife's employer is getting ready to lay her off. Although it's cruel in terms of the shitty American healthcare system, they are not going to want someone with frequent seizures around flames and knives in a kitchen.
Definitely investigate the possibility of medicaid and short term disability and anything else that might help. These things are not well-advertised. People you know who have gone through recent short term serious ill-health (eg cancer) might have some suggestions.
CelestialBadger on
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
Yeah unfortunately it may be time to start thinking along those lines. Especially since she should under no circumstances be driving, and keeping her calm may be more important than her insurance right now. You may be able to find ways to mitigate the debt, but you will definitely not be able to mitigate permanent damage from a severe or poorly-timed seizure.
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
Just made an account to post here because I feel I might be able to offer an alternate position that may help the both of you:
Fuck the debt. Rack it up if you have to. Fuck it.
What's important is your wife feels secure in her relationship with you and you feel the same towards her. No matter WHAT problem pops up along the way.
In a way these hospital visits, bills and her credit card spending are all one in the same: just an inconvenience.
And when you reeeeally think about it -- and I mean you might have to stretch your imagination here -- they aren't inconveniences at all. They're non-issues.
Even if it took you 20 years to pay off all the debt: Would it change anything?
Fuck the system. Fuck the pressure. If you're acting responsibly, nobody is gonna come take your shit or take you away. You're gonna be equally fine whether the debt is paid for by 2025 or 2040. At the end of the day if it all went to shit, what's most important to the both of you: your credit score and the other man-made constructs we've been taught to invest ourselves into, or each other? For the two of you, unless I'm missing something, it really sounds like the latter. You must love each other a whole hell of a lot to endure THIS much shit and still give a shit at all about the partnership.
Human problems have human solutions. Fuck, you could even take $500 and start day trading and gaining some leverage. I turned 1.5 into 5g in just under two months, just fifteen minutes a day, three days a week.
But fuck that, it's just an option. It's unnecessary. My point is that you HAVE options. You can and you will get out from underneath all of this and when you keep this mentality in the forefront of your mind long enough where you feel it at the core of your being, you'll feel the stress drop off of you like snow off a roof. Just because there are roadblocks doesn't mean you have to give a shit about roadblocks; so long as you're strategizing and actively seeking to put yourself in a more favorable position, you WILL get there. I promise you. You're underwater and know that you can breathe if you make it to the surface -- your instinct is going to make you swim upwards. You're not going to swim in any other direction. So long as you swim, you'll make it. The only way to fail is if you give up and float there, waiting to drown. But judging by your perseverance thus far, you've got a fighting spirit. Let it fight. You don't have to worry about it, you've already got that impulse deep within you.
I feel like I've lost my train of thought. My point is this: there's a way out. Are you capable of locating the exit? Yes. Are you capable of stepping towards it? Yes. Then you're already out. The only difference between you there and you now is time. If you believe you can, you will take action. And so you are guaranteed to be okay even if it takes some time.
If you feel therapy will help, take it. If you feel starting a side hustle will help, do it. It's all one in the same: investment. Leverage. You've got a goal and a plethora of potential moves that might help you obtain it. Worry not which step to take, just make sure you take steps. If you stray and bump into a tree are you going to just keep walking into that tree like an idiot or are you going to adjust and move once more? If you trip and fall into a ditch are you going to lay there or get up and walk again? It's all the same: the only wrong move is no move. The rest comes down to your ability to see the way out. If you see that, you'll always have your compass no matter what temporary bush you've fallen into. So don't worry.
Bottom line: you can and will make it so long as you try. If all we can do is try or not try, the only wrong move is to not try. Do not worry about which investment to make, where you place your money or your time -- so long as you try, you've already won eventually and should really congratulate yourself on the continued effort.
Believe in yourselves. Love one another. Try and it will resolve itself.
And may God bless you guys.
ceres on
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ceresWhen the last moon is cast over the last star of morningAnd the future has past without even a last desperate warningRegistered User, Moderatormod
I edited out the name of the service so it reads less like an ad. :P
And it seems like all is dying, and would leave the world to mourn
I edited out the name of the service so it reads less like an ad. :P
I'll rip the whole section out of there if that's more fitting to the board. It wasn't my intention and barely even relevant to my main point / reason for posting. Sorry! Lol
1. They're keeping her at 200mg of Lamictal. I don't like it, and I still don't like the neurologist. He was bumblefuckering around pretty badly. When I asked him if her upcoming psychiatrist appointment should involve him in any way (to ensure that he and the psychiatrist are on the same page on what meds she should be taking), he said no. And then poo-poo'd on the neurosurgeon whose calls he's been refusing to return regarding the botched MRI report from the radiologist. And then her step-mom and I had to convince her to continue with the MRI and spinal tap. So I'm looking for a new neurologist for next time. My wife and I are agreed that if she has another seizure we'll have them get us a tele-neurologist in the ER, we'll follow their instructions, and we'll follow-up with a different neurosurgeon, I don't care if I have to drive 300 miles for them.
2. She's back at work. She was going crazy being at home, and is really happy to be back at work. They took her release note (well, a copy of it) and filed it away and that's the last we've heard about any of that. I think they had to have it to satisfy their insurance company. Her boss assured her nobody was taking her spot and that he needed her. He's also taking a new interest in epilepsy and is wanting more information on what to do in the future, and we've been more than happy to give him that.
3. She had her follow-up MRI and spinal tap this weekend, waiting for the results on that. She handled both of those things very well, though I wasn't anticipating I couldn't be there for the spinal tap and squirmed in the lobby for a while hoping she'd be okay (she hates needles, I've always needed to help distract her).
As for the money situation: I think we're still doing just fine. I'm actually not worried about it. Her new insurance has a low out-of-pocket limit, and after this weekend, we've hit it. Every medical procedure she gets, every medication she gets, any doctors she sees, for the rest of the year, is paid by her insurance company. Her outstanding hospital fees are on a payment plan I worked out with the hospital. She and I are each making several thousand more dollars a year now than we did last year, and we haven't changed our lifestyle at all. I've cut our food spending by $300+/month, and I'm actively considering replacing our grill with a Pit Boss pellet grill so that I can grill more throughout the Summer and try to save us more and more on food spending. And yes, we're doing well enough that I can swallow the cost of the grill, and pay medical debts, and pay off the credit card. Her eyes light up when I show her this and point out that once we get past all this debt, this is what our savings account could look like.
I still get kicked in the balls here and there. We own a couple of old cars (2002) that are giving us no end of trouble, so I'm looking forward to getting rid of them in a couple of years. Or, if one of them breaks down, even sooner.
But for the most part, on the money side of things: we're fine. I haven't even exhausted our family options yet. It's one of the reasons I've renamed the thread to just: "Seizures"
Now, a lot of you have mentioned that she should maybe not be working right now, and we shouldn't worry about the debt. While I understand where you're coming from, and perhaps even agree, she doesn't. She does not understand that at all. She can't not work. When her retirement comes, she will likely refuse it for as long as she can, because that's just the way she is. When seeing her doctors last week, she did not care what they had to say, or what they wanted to do, she just kept asking them if she could go back to work, no matter what they or I tried telling her, she'd just be in tears and angry until she got that note. And she can't stop worrying about the debt, because she filed for bankruptcy a few years before she met me, and she swore to herself she'd never put herself there again. I have tried, numerous times, to explain to her that the debt doesn't matter, and that even if we weren't okay (which, again, for the record, we're fine), we'd just file for bankruptcy, this triggers depression for her, so I've stopped talking to her about it. I just tell her that everything is fine, and I show her how we're fine, and I just leave it at that, rather than try to prepare her for anything. Preparing her just winds her up, so I'm learning to stop doing that.
Well I'm glad to hear your confidence regarding the money issue. If any thing I'd suggest making sure she recognizes -- not just on an intellectual level but genuinely believes it herself -- that you two are potent individuals and there's absolutely nothing that can prevent you from making it out of the woods. It sounds to me like she isn't so much afraid of the debt as she is feeling damaged in how she views herself. I think her self image has been tarnished through whatever deeper shame she's (probably) feeling for all of the "compulsive" behaviors. In which case I believe it would be wise to remind her of a philosophy called context through contrast. Basically light by existence creates dark. Heat creates cold -- the nonexistence of heat -- simply through existence. In essence, we can't truly recognize positives without a negative (contrast) for context. And the reason I believe this sentiment is helpful in this moment is that recognizing that hardship and suffering is literally essential in having peace and joy is the beginning step towards recontextualizing the way someone internalizes this suffering. If they begin to recognize that their mistakes can and will serve a purpose in getting them where they want to be, they can recognize their mistakes not as something to be ashamed about but a necessary step towards a greater existence. Truly seeing this for oneself allows the self-condemnation to fade and the self-acceptance to start.
In other words, she's learning how she responds to specific stressors. And clearly she doesn't like the way she responds in particular scenarios. This can either be something we shame ourselves for or it can be a goal post, so to speak. Something for us to recognize and measure our progress off of. Learning what it is we DONT like about ourselves is crucial in being mindful of what we DO like about ourselves. And this makes all the difference in future application.
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A good lawyer would also put you in touch with financial advisors that they have worked with in the past and can recommend.
It may seem like a lot of cost, but compare that against the cost of being denied medical coverage that by all rights you probably should have received, and the loss of time in treatment. These are not small things. Also, lawyers can have surprisingly reasonable rates - specialists are very efficient with their time because they know the relevant details and have seen a million cases just like yours, so what may seem like weeksof work to you is literally just 6 hours of paperwork over a few weeks to them.
To give you an idea, the low-end maintenance dose for epilepsy (not what I take it for) is about 500mg. It's the safest AED on the market and you could say I'm a huge fan.
I don't know how long ago the effexor was stopped but it might need a week or two to even out, most of those medications have a withdrawal period. Lamotrigine can also have anti-depressive or anti-anxiety effects so I think many doctors like to try it on its own for a while for that reason.
Re: Lawyer
We actually have a pretty good lawyer who's won us a settlement in the recent past, but I've refrained from getting him involved yet because it stressed my wife out so badly last time. But I am considering him as part of option 2 right now.
Yeah, my guess is that it should probably be upped and also paired with something else.
We're seeing the Neurosurgeon today so I'm hoping that I can convince him to get on the Neurologist's ass about the cyst, too, because he didn't seem to know what the fuck we were talking about last time. That's been my primary gripe with all of this thus far, getting all these doctors on the same fucking page.
In fact I recommend that you do this, as it's probably a good idea to have all the hard copies anyway.
To keep costs down in the future you may want to see if there is an urgent care clinic in the area, with insurance it’s about a quarter of the cost and without insurance it’s a 10th of the cost.
Start picking up the mail for the household and immediately shredding credit card spam, out of sight out of mind.
it also means if you are out and away from you regular docs and something happens you have a copy of it.
our son had some rather serious neuro stuff that we had copies of his records whenever we traveled in case we had to go to the er
they are your records and you are entitled to them
also a good idea to confirm with the various offices that you are allowed to access and request those things.
Also I'm fairly certain that most major hospitals have a Patient Advocate office that should be able to help you negotiate with the hospital and manage payments, etc.
Neurosurgeon is really good, though. He explained to us again what he's concerned about in regards to the cyst. He's just looking to see if it's blocking fluid or not, and if it's growing at all. So the spinal tap and MRI are next Friday.
My primary frustration thus far is that the Neurologist and ER doctors have been going off of the Radiologist's report regarding the MRI, rather than actually looking at the MRI, and saying everything's fine. Well, everything's fine because the Radiologist missed the cyst, which I'm also told isn't necessarily his job to find, people are supposed to look at these fucking MRI's. But before I could say word one about this, the Neurosurgeon mentioned that he's been reading everyone else's reports and he's been noticing that they're getting shit wrong, so he's going to call them up and straighten their shit out. So that made me pretty happy.
What did not make me happy was that despite all my efforts, my wife got her hopes up that the Neurosurgeon was going to clear her for work, and was crushed. But I brought my brother over to watch baseball with us, and that seems to always cheer her up, and it seemed to do so.
I'm going to go over to the hospital tomorrow and get her MRI from December and other records printed out for me.
If she's not back to work, she doesn't have health insurance. And we're at an income gap where I make too much to get assistance from anyone, but I don't make nearly enough to support both of us and pay off medical debt and maintain her insurance through COBRA, etc. etc.
This is where her not qualifying for FMLA until she's been there for a year is some serious bullshit. I'm kinda tired of these loyalty HR programs, they're fucking sick and wrong.
I'm unwilling to say, openly. :sad:
I can PM you, though.
I'm not sure of the solution to this, but you probably want to enter crisis mode, and not consider paying off medical debt until she is back to work. If you need to pay COBRA, pay it, even if you have to make sacrifices to do so, because sadly it sounds like your wife's employer is getting ready to lay her off. Although it's cruel in terms of the shitty American healthcare system, they are not going to want someone with frequent seizures around flames and knives in a kitchen.
Definitely investigate the possibility of medicaid and short term disability and anything else that might help. These things are not well-advertised. People you know who have gone through recent short term serious ill-health (eg cancer) might have some suggestions.
Fuck the debt. Rack it up if you have to. Fuck it.
What's important is your wife feels secure in her relationship with you and you feel the same towards her. No matter WHAT problem pops up along the way.
In a way these hospital visits, bills and her credit card spending are all one in the same: just an inconvenience.
And when you reeeeally think about it -- and I mean you might have to stretch your imagination here -- they aren't inconveniences at all. They're non-issues.
Even if it took you 20 years to pay off all the debt: Would it change anything?
Fuck the system. Fuck the pressure. If you're acting responsibly, nobody is gonna come take your shit or take you away. You're gonna be equally fine whether the debt is paid for by 2025 or 2040. At the end of the day if it all went to shit, what's most important to the both of you: your credit score and the other man-made constructs we've been taught to invest ourselves into, or each other? For the two of you, unless I'm missing something, it really sounds like the latter. You must love each other a whole hell of a lot to endure THIS much shit and still give a shit at all about the partnership.
Human problems have human solutions. Fuck, you could even take $500 and start day trading and gaining some leverage. I turned 1.5 into 5g in just under two months, just fifteen minutes a day, three days a week.
But fuck that, it's just an option. It's unnecessary. My point is that you HAVE options. You can and you will get out from underneath all of this and when you keep this mentality in the forefront of your mind long enough where you feel it at the core of your being, you'll feel the stress drop off of you like snow off a roof. Just because there are roadblocks doesn't mean you have to give a shit about roadblocks; so long as you're strategizing and actively seeking to put yourself in a more favorable position, you WILL get there. I promise you. You're underwater and know that you can breathe if you make it to the surface -- your instinct is going to make you swim upwards. You're not going to swim in any other direction. So long as you swim, you'll make it. The only way to fail is if you give up and float there, waiting to drown. But judging by your perseverance thus far, you've got a fighting spirit. Let it fight. You don't have to worry about it, you've already got that impulse deep within you.
I feel like I've lost my train of thought. My point is this: there's a way out. Are you capable of locating the exit? Yes. Are you capable of stepping towards it? Yes. Then you're already out. The only difference between you there and you now is time. If you believe you can, you will take action. And so you are guaranteed to be okay even if it takes some time.
If you feel therapy will help, take it. If you feel starting a side hustle will help, do it. It's all one in the same: investment. Leverage. You've got a goal and a plethora of potential moves that might help you obtain it. Worry not which step to take, just make sure you take steps. If you stray and bump into a tree are you going to just keep walking into that tree like an idiot or are you going to adjust and move once more? If you trip and fall into a ditch are you going to lay there or get up and walk again? It's all the same: the only wrong move is no move. The rest comes down to your ability to see the way out. If you see that, you'll always have your compass no matter what temporary bush you've fallen into. So don't worry.
Bottom line: you can and will make it so long as you try. If all we can do is try or not try, the only wrong move is to not try. Do not worry about which investment to make, where you place your money or your time -- so long as you try, you've already won eventually and should really congratulate yourself on the continued effort.
Believe in yourselves. Love one another. Try and it will resolve itself.
And may God bless you guys.
I'll rip the whole section out of there if that's more fitting to the board. It wasn't my intention and barely even relevant to my main point / reason for posting. Sorry! Lol
So I think it's time for another update:
1. They're keeping her at 200mg of Lamictal. I don't like it, and I still don't like the neurologist. He was bumblefuckering around pretty badly. When I asked him if her upcoming psychiatrist appointment should involve him in any way (to ensure that he and the psychiatrist are on the same page on what meds she should be taking), he said no. And then poo-poo'd on the neurosurgeon whose calls he's been refusing to return regarding the botched MRI report from the radiologist. And then her step-mom and I had to convince her to continue with the MRI and spinal tap. So I'm looking for a new neurologist for next time. My wife and I are agreed that if she has another seizure we'll have them get us a tele-neurologist in the ER, we'll follow their instructions, and we'll follow-up with a different neurosurgeon, I don't care if I have to drive 300 miles for them.
2. She's back at work. She was going crazy being at home, and is really happy to be back at work. They took her release note (well, a copy of it) and filed it away and that's the last we've heard about any of that. I think they had to have it to satisfy their insurance company. Her boss assured her nobody was taking her spot and that he needed her. He's also taking a new interest in epilepsy and is wanting more information on what to do in the future, and we've been more than happy to give him that.
3. She had her follow-up MRI and spinal tap this weekend, waiting for the results on that. She handled both of those things very well, though I wasn't anticipating I couldn't be there for the spinal tap and squirmed in the lobby for a while hoping she'd be okay (she hates needles, I've always needed to help distract her).
As for the money situation: I think we're still doing just fine. I'm actually not worried about it. Her new insurance has a low out-of-pocket limit, and after this weekend, we've hit it. Every medical procedure she gets, every medication she gets, any doctors she sees, for the rest of the year, is paid by her insurance company. Her outstanding hospital fees are on a payment plan I worked out with the hospital. She and I are each making several thousand more dollars a year now than we did last year, and we haven't changed our lifestyle at all. I've cut our food spending by $300+/month, and I'm actively considering replacing our grill with a Pit Boss pellet grill so that I can grill more throughout the Summer and try to save us more and more on food spending. And yes, we're doing well enough that I can swallow the cost of the grill, and pay medical debts, and pay off the credit card. Her eyes light up when I show her this and point out that once we get past all this debt, this is what our savings account could look like.
I still get kicked in the balls here and there. We own a couple of old cars (2002) that are giving us no end of trouble, so I'm looking forward to getting rid of them in a couple of years. Or, if one of them breaks down, even sooner.
But for the most part, on the money side of things: we're fine. I haven't even exhausted our family options yet. It's one of the reasons I've renamed the thread to just: "Seizures"
Now, a lot of you have mentioned that she should maybe not be working right now, and we shouldn't worry about the debt. While I understand where you're coming from, and perhaps even agree, she doesn't. She does not understand that at all. She can't not work. When her retirement comes, she will likely refuse it for as long as she can, because that's just the way she is. When seeing her doctors last week, she did not care what they had to say, or what they wanted to do, she just kept asking them if she could go back to work, no matter what they or I tried telling her, she'd just be in tears and angry until she got that note. And she can't stop worrying about the debt, because she filed for bankruptcy a few years before she met me, and she swore to herself she'd never put herself there again. I have tried, numerous times, to explain to her that the debt doesn't matter, and that even if we weren't okay (which, again, for the record, we're fine), we'd just file for bankruptcy, this triggers depression for her, so I've stopped talking to her about it. I just tell her that everything is fine, and I show her how we're fine, and I just leave it at that, rather than try to prepare her for anything. Preparing her just winds her up, so I'm learning to stop doing that.
In other words, she's learning how she responds to specific stressors. And clearly she doesn't like the way she responds in particular scenarios. This can either be something we shame ourselves for or it can be a goal post, so to speak. Something for us to recognize and measure our progress off of. Learning what it is we DONT like about ourselves is crucial in being mindful of what we DO like about ourselves. And this makes all the difference in future application.