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[Bad News Gone Right]: The Return

ForarForar #432Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
The world is filled with strange and interesting events. Sometimes they're not worthy of a whole thread, or getting lost to the rapid fire pace of [Chat] threads, and thus, this repository was created to house them.

While not a hard and fast rule, the finest additions to previous threads have at least made an effort to express how something might not be good (perhaps even bad) news, that then twists in a positive fashion (perhaps even going right).

So we're on revision 2 of the 2019 edition of the thread, how will the Act 2 of the years wild and weird news go? Will we manage to astound one another and share in the oddity? How often will we have to ask Hedgie "how in the ever loving fuck is this 'gone right'?"? Is the punctuation on that last line highly questionable? (yes, yes it is)

An example to start us off;

Bad news: dog manages to get itself 135 miles out to sea.
Gone right: It was rescued by workers on an oil rig, who intend to find the owner, or adopt it if none can be found.

I'm also now realizing that Huffpost Weird News is probably where half our stuff is hijacked from.

The previous thread

First they came for the Muslims, and we said NOT TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!
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Posts

  • Captain InertiaCaptain Inertia Registered User regular
    I feel like Deadspin contributes its very fair share of these as well

  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    I feel like Deadspin contributes its very fair share of these as well

    They have a tag labeled "Life's Rich Pagent" that sums things up.

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  • JragghenJragghen Registered User regular
    edited April 23
    e: In retrospect, not sure even linking this is alright, so my awful joke will be removed.

    Jragghen on
  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    edited April 23
    Bad News: Cars were being vandalized for profit by the very group that swore an oath to protect citizens and their property.

    Good News: That practice had been banned in four states. Marking tires to enforce parking rules declared unconstitutional:

    https://www.cbsnews.com/news/marking-tires-to-enforce-parking-rules-declared-unconstitutional-in-four-states/

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  • MortiousMortious The Nightmare Begins Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Chalking tires is a far cry from "vandalized". I am also unsure on how that constitutes an "unreasonable search".

    Everything about this confuses me.

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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    Bad News: Cars were being vandalized for profit by the very group that swore an oath to protect citizens and their property.

    Good News: That practice had been banned in four states. Marking tires to enforce parking rules declared unconstitutional:

    https://www.cbsnews.com/news/marking-tires-to-enforce-parking-rules-declared-unconstitutional-in-four-states/

    What a weird ruling.

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  • FoefallerFoefaller Registered User regular
    edited April 23
    Mortious wrote: »
    Chalking tires is a far cry from "vandalized". I am also unsure on how that constitutes an "unreasonable search".

    Everything about this confuses me.

    Basically, the panel said that marking a car to track how long it's been there is not meaningfully different from attaching a GPS to it to see where it goes, which SCOTUS ruled unconstitutional w/o a warrant in 2017.

    The WaPo article that covered it also noted that in the age of smartphones, it probably isn't neccessary either; you could just take a photo of the tire (reason why it's the tire, other than chalkability, is so you can tell if they have moved or not since then) on the first pass and just compare when you return.

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  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Mortious wrote: »
    Chalking tires is a far cry from "vandalized". I am also unsure on how that constitutes an "unreasonable search".

    Everything about this confuses me.

    Yeah, I was having as much fun as the lawyer that came up with that argument. From the sound of it, they make the leap from GPS monitoring to chalking in a single bound.

    "Never believe management about anything anywhere." -Aistan
  • FoefallerFoefaller Registered User regular
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Chalking tires is a far cry from "vandalized". I am also unsure on how that constitutes an "unreasonable search".

    Everything about this confuses me.

    Yeah, I was having as much fun as the lawyer that came up with that argument. From the sound of it, they make the leap from GPS monitoring to chalking in a single bound.

    I think even the attorney has said something to the effect of, "I didn't quite expect the argument to work this well this quickly."

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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    But that leap doesn't make any sense. Like, if you get in your car and leave and park at the next street over you still have chalk on your tire, right? They just... aren't the same thing. It's almost literally the same thing as taking a smartphone picture of the tire/license plate/whatever, just easier for whoever's doing the marking.

    Like, I don't really care one way or another, I'm just kind of confused by it lol

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  • TNTrooperTNTrooper Registered User regular
    Couldn't you just wash the chalk off after the cop walks away?

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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    TNTrooper wrote: »
    Couldn't you just wash the chalk off after the cop walks away?

    If you were by your car, sure, but most people probably aren't.

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  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    Well there goes my self-washing tires startup goddammit.

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  • VishNubVishNub Registered User regular
    The plaintiffs in this case had a dozen or more parking tickets. It takes a certain sort to pull that off.

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  • jothkijothki Registered User regular
    I'm not sure how much parking time limits actually apply if you're actively paying attention to your car. There's generally nothing stopping you from pulling out of a spot and then just pulling right back in, assuming that there isn't someone else there angling for your spot right that instant.

  • MortiousMortious The Nightmare Begins Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    edited April 23
    The more I think about it the more stupid the entire thing comes off as. I hope that the city sells off all the free parking to a private company to manage so that those people now have to deal with meters and wheel clamps for going 5 minutes over.

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  • Knuckle DraggerKnuckle Dragger Explosive Ovine Disposal Registered User regular
    Foefaller wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Chalking tires is a far cry from "vandalized". I am also unsure on how that constitutes an "unreasonable search".

    Everything about this confuses me.

    Basically, the panel said that marking a car to track how long it's been there is not meaningfully different from attaching a GPS to it to see where it goes, which SCOTUS ruled unconstitutional w/o a warrant in 2017.

    The difference being that a chalk mark is in plain sight.

  • VishNubVishNub Registered User regular
    Foefaller wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Chalking tires is a far cry from "vandalized". I am also unsure on how that constitutes an "unreasonable search".

    Everything about this confuses me.

    Basically, the panel said that marking a car to track how long it's been there is not meaningfully different from attaching a GPS to it to see where it goes, which SCOTUS ruled unconstitutional w/o a warrant in 2017.

    The difference being that a chalk mark is in plain sight.

    And also different in every other way

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  • Rhesus PositiveRhesus Positive GNU Terry Pratchett Registered User regular
    They’re as different as...

    Something and cheese

    Not sure what

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  • NitsuaNitsua Newport News, VARegistered User regular
    edited April 23
    I believe the argument was that it was done in bad faith. They weren't targeting cars that had been there too long, they were marking cars that hadn't violated anything... so it was like they were fishing for vilolations. The article I read actually made a bit more sense than that one there.

    Also something about trespassing on their property without a warrant. Since they had to physically touch the car to mark it.

    Nitsua on
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  • FryFry Registered User regular
    More of a "weird news gone hwa?" if you ask me.

    Marking tires with chalk has been a thing for a long time in plenty of jurisdictions. The classic response isn't even to wash it off, just roll your car forward or back six inches so the chalk isn't visible any more. Or just, y'know, not overstay your parking.

    If anything, this ruling is going to encourage more of that shit I've heard about, where computers in cop cars are constantly taking pictures of license plates and running them for possible violations. That definitely seems like a violation of rights.

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  • TofystedethTofystedeth veni, veneri, vamoosi Registered User regular
    I would like to thank this thread for prepping me for each week's wait wait don't tell me.

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  • AngelHedgieAngelHedgie Registered User regular
    Australian pig lives up to both its fauna nationality and species:
    That’s exactly what happened in Australia in 2013, when a pig, a wild pig that is, got into the sauce, got drunk and started a fight with a barnyard buddy – a cow.

    It all started when some careless campers left out their supply of hooch – 18 cans of beer, to be precise – and the errant pig decided to help himself to the sudsy stash.

    The campers at Port Hedland, near the DeGrey River, were tucked away in their tents for the night when, the next thing they knew, the feral porker was snout-deep into their beer.

    It soon started exhibiting bad manners and loutish behaviour, including picking on a nearby cow. After slurping down the liquid gold, this little piggy went to the garbage bins and began rooting around for a late night snack.

    When he was finally finished boozing it up, eating, and generally causing pandemonium at the campsite, he took a dip in the river and then passed out for a post-gorge snooze under a nearby tree.

    One stunned camper told ABC News, “It was in the middle of the night, and it was these people opposite us (who) heard this crunching of the can, and they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was, crunching away at their cans.”

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  • MvrckMvrck Registered User regular
    Australian pig lives up to both its fauna nationality and species:
    That’s exactly what happened in Australia in 2013, when a pig, a wild pig that is, got into the sauce, got drunk and started a fight with a barnyard buddy – a cow.

    It all started when some careless campers left out their supply of hooch – 18 cans of beer, to be precise – and the errant pig decided to help himself to the sudsy stash.

    The campers at Port Hedland, near the DeGrey River, were tucked away in their tents for the night when, the next thing they knew, the feral porker was snout-deep into their beer.

    It soon started exhibiting bad manners and loutish behaviour, including picking on a nearby cow. After slurping down the liquid gold, this little piggy went to the garbage bins and began rooting around for a late night snack.

    When he was finally finished boozing it up, eating, and generally causing pandemonium at the campsite, he took a dip in the river and then passed out for a post-gorge snooze under a nearby tree.

    One stunned camper told ABC News, “It was in the middle of the night, and it was these people opposite us (who) heard this crunching of the can, and they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was, crunching away at their cans.”

    The only thing that would make that more Australian is if the pig got eaten by a Croc at the end.

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  • SunrizeSunrize Registered User regular
    Not sure if this is still true, but while I lived in the Bay Area it was specifically illegal to wash off the chalk mark, or to repark in the same zone within a certain time. Different zones used different colors of chalk. If that was true for this case, it makes more sense that the chalk marks could be considered illegal surveillance.

    Nitsua
  • TNTrooperTNTrooper Registered User regular
    Mvrck wrote: »
    Australian pig lives up to both its fauna nationality and species:
    That’s exactly what happened in Australia in 2013, when a pig, a wild pig that is, got into the sauce, got drunk and started a fight with a barnyard buddy – a cow.

    It all started when some careless campers left out their supply of hooch – 18 cans of beer, to be precise – and the errant pig decided to help himself to the sudsy stash.

    The campers at Port Hedland, near the DeGrey River, were tucked away in their tents for the night when, the next thing they knew, the feral porker was snout-deep into their beer.

    It soon started exhibiting bad manners and loutish behaviour, including picking on a nearby cow. After slurping down the liquid gold, this little piggy went to the garbage bins and began rooting around for a late night snack.

    When he was finally finished boozing it up, eating, and generally causing pandemonium at the campsite, he took a dip in the river and then passed out for a post-gorge snooze under a nearby tree.

    One stunned camper told ABC News, “It was in the middle of the night, and it was these people opposite us (who) heard this crunching of the can, and they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was, crunching away at their cans.”

    The only thing that would make that more Australian is if the pig got eaten by a Croc giant spider at the end.

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  • Steel AngelSteel Angel Registered User regular
    TNTrooper wrote: »
    Mvrck wrote: »
    Australian pig lives up to both its fauna nationality and species:
    That’s exactly what happened in Australia in 2013, when a pig, a wild pig that is, got into the sauce, got drunk and started a fight with a barnyard buddy – a cow.

    It all started when some careless campers left out their supply of hooch – 18 cans of beer, to be precise – and the errant pig decided to help himself to the sudsy stash.

    The campers at Port Hedland, near the DeGrey River, were tucked away in their tents for the night when, the next thing they knew, the feral porker was snout-deep into their beer.

    It soon started exhibiting bad manners and loutish behaviour, including picking on a nearby cow. After slurping down the liquid gold, this little piggy went to the garbage bins and began rooting around for a late night snack.

    When he was finally finished boozing it up, eating, and generally causing pandemonium at the campsite, he took a dip in the river and then passed out for a post-gorge snooze under a nearby tree.

    One stunned camper told ABC News, “It was in the middle of the night, and it was these people opposite us (who) heard this crunching of the can, and they got their torch out and shone it on the pig and there he was, crunching away at their cans.”

    The only thing that would make that more Australian is if the piggiant spider got eaten by a Croc giant spiderdrop bear at the end.

    Big Dookie wrote: »
    I found that tilting it doesn't work very well, and once I started jerking it, I got much better results.

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  • tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited April 25
    Bad news: Man murdered by bird

    Gone right: Murder bird now available for adoption! (may not find you funny)



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  • SanderJKSanderJK Crocodylus Pontifex Sinterklasicus Madrid, 3000 ADRegistered User regular
    Cassowarie claws look like this:
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    The whole look of the bird is kinda goofy, which makes people miss this fact.

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  • Inquisitor77Inquisitor77 2 x Penny Arcade Fight Club Champion A fixed point in space and timeRegistered User regular
    If the Jurassic Park movies showed dinosaurs with feathers then this wouldn't be a problem...

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  • MayabirdMayabird Pecking at the keyboardRegistered User regular
    The gait of the velociraptors in the movies was based on cassowaries. The animators of the time watched and studied cassowaries as they walked and modeled the movement of the dinosaurs on the birds, since those were the closest analogs they could figure out.

    Anyway, I'm glad authorities aren't just automatically putting down the cassowary; there aren't many of the birds left.

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  • WiseManTobesWiseManTobes Registered User regular
    Also it's punk af, look at that mohawk!

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  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    Mayabird wrote: »
    The gait of the velociraptors in the movies was based on cassowaries. The animators of the time watched and studied cassowaries as they walked and modeled the movement of the dinosaurs on the birds, since those were the closest analogs they could figure out.

    Anyway, I'm glad authorities aren't just automatically putting down the cassowary; there aren't many of the birds left.

    Dogs usually get put down because there's a surplus of pets to begin with. Exotic pets or stage animals are usually put in zoos or sanctuaries, though. Sigfreid and Roy's tiger Mantecore lived in a sanctuary the rest of its life.

    The one exception tends to be circus elephants, because once they're on a rampage, stopping them humanely while also protecting the public isn't always an option - circuses themselves tend to rely on handlers who are the first ones hurt, and police aren't generally equipped to stop an animal of that size any other way (sometimes not even that way).

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  • FANTOMASFANTOMAS Flan ArgentavisRegistered User regular
    "Ive had them killed by alligators and snakes" he says, not missing a beat. That man has seen some weird stuff in his job.

  • FryFry Registered User regular
    You should always be wary of those birds. It's right there in the name.

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  • see317see317 Registered User regular
    Fry wrote: »
    You should always be wary of those birds. It's right there in the name.

    So wary.

    Ringo wrote: »
    Well except what see317 said. That guy's always wrong.
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  • AthenorAthenor Battle Hardened Optimist The Skies of HiigaraRegistered User regular
    Man. How can you look at the talons of that bird and NOT instantly realize they are modern dinosaurs?

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  • King RiptorKing Riptor Registered User regular
    Now would this bird enjoy an aviary of doom?

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  • I ZimbraI Zimbra Registered User regular
    Anyone who has played the documentary video game Far Cry 3 should be well acquainted with the dangers of cassowaries and the preferred solution (shooting them with a machine gun).

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  • ForarForar #432 Toronto, Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    We've long known that large, flightless birds are not to be trifled with
    Summarising the culls, ornithologist Dominic Serventy commented:

    The machine-gunners' dreams of point blank fire into serried masses of Emus were soon dissipated. The Emu command had evidently ordered guerrilla tactics, and its unwieldy army soon split up into innumerable small units that made use of the military equipment uneconomic. A crestfallen field force therefore withdrew from the combat area after about a month.

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