It was an episode from QI. The joke came from Cally Beaton, Who seems to be buddies with Ricky Gervais. And while the other panelists and the host Sandi aren't openly transphobic, they sure did leave that joke in the fucking episode...
I just... sigh I can't have a fucking break can I? I can't have a nice day while I relax with some wholesome comedy. I have to be reminded constantly that the world fucking hates me.
That's terrible, not watching QI anymore : (
I bet Stephen Fry wouldn't have let that happen if he was still hosting!
Please don't feel like the world hates you - prejudiced shitty comedians don't represent how everyone in the UK feels
I wonder what comedy shows do better & are still worth watching, hoping maybe other people on this forum have some recommendations...
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
That's the thing that upsets me the most, @Munkus Beaver... Sandi had it included. She's the head of the political party that is ostensibly pro-transgender, But I guess this didn't catch her notice or she just didn't care.
I have made myself feel better by watching a British comedian who is definitely an excellent ally: James Acaster. He has explicitly called out Ricky Gervais is in his stand-up act as a piece of shit transphobe. He also made a famous bit about how British imperialism is awful and directly tied to entitled attitudes in Britain today.
FencingsaxIt is difficult to get a man to understand, when his salary depends upon his not understandingGNU Terry PratchettRegistered Userregular
edited February 2021
Yeah, that's really disappointing, I'm sorry you had to experience that. People we trust to stand up for what's right just not for whatever reason really sucks and can be disheartening.
I find it helpful, as you did, to remember there are those who will keep that stand.
Oh that Ricky Gervais. So brave, so courageous. Daring to take on the powerful and influential trans community. I’ve said for a long time those people have had it too good, for too long!!!
Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
Finders Keepers Shut Up is still one of the funniest bits I have ever seen.
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
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Indie Winterdie KräheRudi Hurzlmeier (German, b. 1952)Registered Userregular
Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
James Acaster is great. Podcast people should check out Off Menu with him and Ed Gamble. Guests go on and talk about food, it's very funny and wholesome.
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Mx. QuillI now prefer "Myr. Quill", actually...{They/Them}Registered Userregular
As to the whole "this thing I'm doing is inherently gendered" discussion:
As a trans NB person I've just taken a stance of "fuck it, if it feels good to me I'll do it." I don't think I'm gonna change up the way I dress (which is in what is referred to as "men's clothes"), but if I wanna wear a cami about my apartment or buy the nice shampoo and conditioner that makes my hair feel and smell real good no one's gonna stop me. Over the last year I've swapped about from just letting my hair go nuts for like 7 months and trimming it short as best I can with no one around to assist me; the way I see it, if someone is gonna expend their time and energy whining about anything I do, then that's their problem and they can get lost.
Do what makes you happy, and to hell with anyone who says otherwise.
Ooh somehow totally missed that that Ed Gamble and James Acaster have a podcast- will have to download it! Ty for the rec @Brovid Hasselsmof
Did love their lockdown cake video...
TY for the links @Indie Winter - love Katherine Ryan & Richard Ayoade
Hoping @Fencingsax is right and there will be lots of comedians and actors we like taking a stand in 2021 (like when Catherine Ryan took a stand during Hamilton
Can some transfolk talk a bit about how they reconcile their identity/presentation with the idea that we should be rejecting gender norms?
I got some nice smelling soap yesterday and used it today in the shower for the first time. It was a fun apple-y floral scent, and I was very pleased with it, it felt very girly and nice.
But also I definitely think that, say, cis dudes should be able to use that soap without it being a 'girly' thing. But I can't deny that indulging in stereotypical feminine things like smelly bath stuff and whatnot is really self-affirming. What are y'all's thoughts on that?
The problem with gender norms isn't that they exist, it's that they're enforced. If you like acting traditionally girly while also vocally supporting the right for other women to be gender-nonconforming without getting harassed or shut out of society, then there's no conflict.
I have a conventionally-feminine presentation in most ways too, but I had to work and suffer like hell against opposing social pressures to get to that point. So if anything I relate more to gender-nonconforming cis women than gender-conforming ones, because that's closer to my own life path. So acting like I'm opposing them just by existing is incoherent.
A frustratingly common misconception among cis queer ally types is "oh, it sucks that society isn't more accepting of men who want to act girly; if it was then you wouldn't have had to do all this troublesome transition stuff", and like, no, that's the opposite of how this shit works with me. The need to be a woman came first, and the rest flowed from that, not the other way around. If I had been born into a society with different gender norms, I would have still been a trans woman, but my target gender presentation would be different in some ways due to responding to different influences.
To be honest, I consider really diehard, uncompromising attitudes of "all gender is violence and must be abolished" incredibly hostile. I needed a mechanism by which I could feel a clean, explicit break from the awful, dysphoria-ridden state I was born into. If I hadn't had that, I probably would have felt so trapped that I'd have ended up killing myself.
I guess that wound up being kind of rambly, but hopefully some of that is helpful? Humans' relationship with gender is complicated and can't be simplified away so easily.
Switch: SW-2431-2728-9604 || 3DS: 0817-4948-1650
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Mx. QuillI now prefer "Myr. Quill", actually...{They/Them}Registered Userregular
Oh hey I finally got my bloodtest results from two weeks ago, all clear.
Also from early transition through quite awhile it's pretty common to go hard on the things that society says belongs to your correct gender and avoid those from the pretend gender, because one set of things was denied you for a long time, and the other set was forced on you.
Self-awareness is totally enough to keep that from becoming a problem in your life. A joke among my group of trans girl friends is that we temporarily become terrible feminists. It's not actually true, but it reflects our awareness of plunging into the social norms for women.
That awareness helps keep things from becoming toxic. Into year 3 and post-op I'm becoming a lot more comfortable with masculine things again. It's been long enough that they don't feel as oppressive and mandatory as they once did, and I no longer feel fragile in my identity. Not that I'm going butch or anything as that's not me either, but I don't wince if I put on men's socks or a unisex t-shirt anymore.
Fleur de Alys on
Triptycho: A card-and-dice tabletop indie RPG currently in development and playtesting
So I'm changing jobs and now I have to get a new doctor, since I sadly can no longer have Kaiser and say 'give me one healthcare pls' and let them take care of the rest.
Do I actually need to have an endocrinology person or can I just go to a primary care physician, give them my medical records/tell them what I'm taking, and have them just keep prescribing it? Do I need to somehow check with said person to make sure they aren't weird about trans people or can I just assume look, I'm in a city with a big lgbt population, they're probably chill with it.
So I'm changing jobs and now I have to get a new doctor, since I sadly can no longer have Kaiser and say 'give me one healthcare pls' and let them take care of the rest.
Do I actually need to have an endocrinology person or can I just go to a primary care physician, give them my medical records/tell them what I'm taking, and have them just keep prescribing it? Do I need to somehow check with said person to make sure they aren't weird about trans people or can I just assume look, I'm in a city with a big lgbt population, they're probably chill with it.
Stuff probably varies from country, but from my personal experience in the U.S...
I originally got hormones via an endocrinologist just because there happened to be a good one nearby and it was convenient, but when she retired and things went to shit under her replacement I switched my prescriptions over to a GP and it was fine. I don't think you explicitly need an endocrinologist.
And yes, you absolutely need to make sure a doctor is cool with trans stuff before you sign up with them. Barely anyone knows anything about anything and an assole doctor has a lot of levers for fucking you over if they don't understand or don't respect your needs.
So I'm changing jobs and now I have to get a new doctor, since I sadly can no longer have Kaiser and say 'give me one healthcare pls' and let them take care of the rest.
Do I actually need to have an endocrinology person or can I just go to a primary care physician, give them my medical records/tell them what I'm taking, and have them just keep prescribing it? Do I need to somehow check with said person to make sure they aren't weird about trans people or can I just assume look, I'm in a city with a big lgbt population, they're probably chill with it.
Stuff probably varies from country, but from my personal experience in the U.S...
I originally got hormones via an endocrinologist just because there happened to be a good one nearby and it was convenient, but when she retired and things went to shit under her replacement I switched my prescriptions over to a GP and it was fine. I don't think you explicitly need an endocrinologist.
And yes, you absolutely need to make sure a doctor is cool with trans stuff before you sign up with them. Barely anyone knows anything about anything and an assole doctor has a lot of levers for fucking you over if they don't understand or don't respect your needs.
Would you just call the office and ask to speak to the doctor before making an appointment (it feels like you would not necessarily get through to them) or would you ask the front office staff, or I guess just check a list of recommended doctors online or something?
There is a series of clinics specifically for queer people in DC, but I don't think they're meant for queer people with insurance (although I'm not actually sure).
I’ve yet to have a PCP who can handle hormones, and most are incredibly ignorant and you will likely be educating them more than anything. I seriously had my newest doc (a nice lady regardless) ask what side effects my hormones had, and it took a lot of willpower to not gesture at my chest and be like “Experiencing some ladyness.”
An easy way to get hooked up with a hormone physician is to call Planned Parenthood, as a lot of them offer transgender services. They will likely not be terribly experienced (the program is maybe three years old?), and may be a bit gatekeepy if you’re overweight (there was a considerable difference in engaging with my doc before and after losing 100 pounds). They’re also likely to take insurance and are relatively cheap even without it, although this is going to depend on what hoops your state makes you jump through. I was informed consent, so I basically paid for a typical visit. They also provide bloodwork, and in fact WILL hold your prescription refills hostage until you get them lab reports in. Also, this may vary on location, but mine is super terrible are communication. They never, ever have someone available to pick up the phone, and I’ve been waiting a week to hear back on sending medical reports to my surgeon. So, they’re a mixed bag, but affordable and the visits themselves are pleasant and gender-affirming.
On this day, February 2nd 1988, the Margaret Thatcher's (rest in piss) government introduced s28 to the Local Government Act in the UK. This section outlawed local governments from providing aid to quiltbag communities, among other things. There was a whole lot protesting about and eventually, David Cameron then PM apologised for it.
What I really wanted to mention was the four badarse lesbians who abseiled into the UK parliament in protest. Abseiled
Today we salute you, Olivia Butler, Rachel Cox, Angela Nunn and Charlotte Despard.
So I'm changing jobs and now I have to get a new doctor, since I sadly can no longer have Kaiser and say 'give me one healthcare pls' and let them take care of the rest.
Do I actually need to have an endocrinology person or can I just go to a primary care physician, give them my medical records/tell them what I'm taking, and have them just keep prescribing it? Do I need to somehow check with said person to make sure they aren't weird about trans people or can I just assume look, I'm in a city with a big lgbt population, they're probably chill with it.
Stuff probably varies from country, but from my personal experience in the U.S...
I originally got hormones via an endocrinologist just because there happened to be a good one nearby and it was convenient, but when she retired and things went to shit under her replacement I switched my prescriptions over to a GP and it was fine. I don't think you explicitly need an endocrinologist.
And yes, you absolutely need to make sure a doctor is cool with trans stuff before you sign up with them. Barely anyone knows anything about anything and an assole doctor has a lot of levers for fucking you over if they don't understand or don't respect your needs.
Would you just call the office and ask to speak to the doctor before making an appointment (it feels like you would not necessarily get through to them) or would you ask the front office staff, or I guess just check a list of recommended doctors online or something?
There is a series of clinics specifically for queer people in DC, but I don't think they're meant for queer people with insurance (although I'm not actually sure).
I've generally relied on online recommendations. Trying to figure this stuff out completely blind would be a miserable experience.
If you know of queer-focused clinics I wouldn't shy away from calling them; at worst they'd probably have useful suggestions for other places available to you.
Can I ask you nice QUILTBAG forumers some workplace advice?
I have two older colleagues I really like and respect. But, they're a bit clueless about QUILTBAG stuff, e.g. they were surprised when I didn't want to use a Jordan Peterson interview in class for a rhetorical analysis and pointed out his statements could be triggering to people even if everyone in the group agreed he sucks and is wrong about everything. Should I... try to share some resources with them or something?
They're... nice. And they probably already have QUILTBAG students in their classes.... should I try to do a bit more here or just mind my own business?
It's not like I'm amazingly informed either- should I talk to our employer to see if they can offer us some further training on QUILTBAG issues etc.? That way, it's available to everyone and it wouldn't be like I'm just nagging these two people...
Any advice is greatly appreciated (especially if some of you have successfully dealt with this kind of situation before)
Offering some (good, vetted) resources to people who could do better is a good thing to do. If they respond positively then they can perhaps help with spreading that amongst the rest of the staff. Hand-balling it to management to deal with means it gets black-holed or you get ineffective dreck that everyone ignores or dumps on.
Example from someone in a different community:
Well, just sat through the Diversity & Inclusion training at work. This thing needs some work. For example:
1. the presentation makes a big deal about AMAB or AFAB people.
2. the presentation makes a big deal about how that isn't a big deal.
3. the presentation and quiz afterward bring it up repeatedly.
But my gosh, the messaging! "Make sure you analyze the person to determine their birth-assigned gender, then once you've stared uncomfortably at them for long enough to come to a decision, then ask what their pronouns are."
"Diversity is being invited to the party.
Inclusion is hearing music you like there.
Belonging is being able to dance like no-one is watching."
...and introversion means this is a bad analogy.
Can I ask you nice QUILTBAG forumers some workplace advice?
I have two older colleagues I really like and respect. But, they're a bit clueless about QUILTBAG stuff, e.g. they were surprised when I didn't want to use a Jordan Peterson interview in class for a rhetorical analysis and pointed out his statements could be triggering to people even if everyone in the group agreed he sucks and is wrong about everything. Should I... try to share some resources with them or something?
They're... nice. And they probably already have QUILTBAG students in their classes.... should I try to do a bit more here or just mind my own business?
It's not like I'm amazingly informed either- should I talk to our employer to see if they can offer us some further training on QUILTBAG issues etc.? That way, it's available to everyone and it wouldn't be like I'm just nagging these two people...
Any advice is greatly appreciated (especially if some of you have successfully dealt with this kind of situation before)
Clarification needed: were they surprised that the views of the person in question were considered controversial, or were they surprised at the general concept that presenting controversial material in class could be a problem for anyone? Because if they don't understand understand the impact that this kind of "debate" can have on marginalized peoples in general then you're wasting your time trying to point them at LGBTQ-specific resources.
I think the two colleagues generally understand some of the topics covered in our classes can be triggering and need to be handled carefully (e.g. they were really careful when covering topics like depression, violent offenders and even arachnophobia).
I think their assumption was that a class debate where everyone points out how manipulative Peterson is would be a useful critical thinking exercise for students. In contrast, I feel really uncomfortable giving a bigoted person like Peterson a platform in any of my sessions for fear that his toxic statements could trigger students (or me). Once I openly said that, the two colleagues were immediately supportive, willing to listen and were happy to cut that activity and openly admitted that, unfortunately, they're not super informed about QUILTBAG stuff.
So... maybe they would be willing to look at resources?
Can try to sneak some into seminars I'm designing for this semester and then they'd sort of have to see it (or is that unethical?)
TBH a different nice older colleague went from clueless to well-informed a few years ago after becoming obsessed with Contrapoints videos... but he did that himself, I doubt that's something that would appeal to these other two people x )
I think the two colleagues generally understand some of the topics covered in our classes can be triggering and need to be handled carefully (e.g. they were really careful when covering topics like depression, violent offenders and even arachnophobia).
I think their assumption was that a class debate where everyone points out how manipulative Peterson is would be a useful critical thinking exercise for students. In contrast, I feel really uncomfortable giving a bigoted person like Peterson a platform in any of my sessions for fear that his toxic statements could trigger students (or me). Once I openly said that, the two colleagues were immediately supportive, willing to listen and were happy to cut that activity and openly admitted that, unfortunately, they're not super informed about QUILTBAG stuff.
So... maybe they would be willing to look at resources?
Can try to sneak some into seminars I'm designing for this semester and then they'd sort of have to see it (or is that unethical?)
TBH a different nice older colleague went from clueless to well-informed a few years ago after becoming obsessed with Contrapoints videos... but he did that himself, I doubt that's something that would appeal to these other two people x )
I dunno, I feel like the fact that that they understand how a video of a spider can potentially be triggering to a cis straight white person but don't understand how a video of a transphobe could be triggering to a trans person then that kind of takes me back to my original concern: that these are probably a couple of people who have coasted through life without ever being forced to do the work of learning what the world is like for people outside of their own very narrow mainstream bubble. And that's a whole conversation by itself before you even start to get into the details about the unique challenges faced by any individual group. Can't really skip the remedial stuff and expect them to take away the right information from the advanced course, y'know?
Also, at the risk of getting into a whole thing, Contrapoints is the perfect example of a resource that I absolutely would not trust a total novice to reliably benefit from. I haven't seen that much of her, but from what I can tell it seems like she very deliberately structures her content to appear to validate any possible preconceived bias a viewer could bring into it as a gambit to widen the potential audience, which can easily do more harm then good if you aren't careful. I suspect it's a total coinflip whether a cis person comes out of a Contrapoints binge actually learning anything or just thinking that all their transphobic impulses have gotten a stamp of approval from "one of the good ones".
I think the two colleagues generally understand some of the topics covered in our classes can be triggering and need to be handled carefully (e.g. they were really careful when covering topics like depression, violent offenders and even arachnophobia).
I think their assumption was that a class debate where everyone points out how manipulative Peterson is would be a useful critical thinking exercise for students. In contrast, I feel really uncomfortable giving a bigoted person like Peterson a platform in any of my sessions for fear that his toxic statements could trigger students (or me). Once I openly said that, the two colleagues were immediately supportive, willing to listen and were happy to cut that activity and openly admitted that, unfortunately, they're not super informed about QUILTBAG stuff.
So... maybe they would be willing to look at resources?
Can try to sneak some into seminars I'm designing for this semester and then they'd sort of have to see it (or is that unethical?)
TBH a different nice older colleague went from clueless to well-informed a few years ago after becoming obsessed with Contrapoints videos... but he did that himself, I doubt that's something that would appeal to these other two people x )
I dunno, I feel like the fact that that they understand how a video of a spider can potentially be triggering to a cis straight white person but don't understand how a video of a transphobe could be triggering to a trans person then that kind of takes me back to my original concern: that these are probably a couple of people who have coasted through life without ever being forced to do the work of learning what the world is like for people outside of their own very narrow mainstream bubble. And that's a whole conversation by itself before you even start to get into the details about the unique challenges faced by any individual group. Can't really skip the remedial stuff and expect them to take away the right information from the advanced course, y'know?
Also, at the risk of getting into a whole thing, Contrapoints is the perfect example of a resource that I absolutely would not trust a total novice to reliably benefit from. I haven't seen that much of her, but from what I can tell it seems like she very deliberately structures her content to appear to validate any possible preconceived bias a viewer could bring into it as a gambit to widen the potential audience, which can easily do more harm then good if you aren't careful. I suspect it's a total coinflip whether a cis person comes out of a Contrapoints binge actually learning anything or just thinking that all their transphobic impulses have gotten a stamp of approval from "one of the good ones".
I think I lean in a different direction on this one. When it was pointed out that it could be a problem they seemed to get on board if I am reading this right. That makes me think offering them decent resources with some context could prove beneficial. I wouldn't be shocked if it didn't work, but it feels like a situation where you can see where a small amount of work leads.
Admittedly, I am more willing to put the mental and emotional labor into educating others than average. If you find this kind of task very taxing then adjust accordingly. When I have put the effort in with colleagues in the past it has been apparent pretty quickly which were open to more information and which were not.
So if the dynamics of the office are such that offering up the info is not out of the ordinary see what happens. Worst case you learn which coworkers are the ones to avoid.
I think the two colleagues generally understand some of the topics covered in our classes can be triggering and need to be handled carefully (e.g. they were really careful when covering topics like depression, violent offenders and even arachnophobia).
I think their assumption was that a class debate where everyone points out how manipulative Peterson is would be a useful critical thinking exercise for students. In contrast, I feel really uncomfortable giving a bigoted person like Peterson a platform in any of my sessions for fear that his toxic statements could trigger students (or me). Once I openly said that, the two colleagues were immediately supportive, willing to listen and were happy to cut that activity and openly admitted that, unfortunately, they're not super informed about QUILTBAG stuff.
So... maybe they would be willing to look at resources?
Can try to sneak some into seminars I'm designing for this semester and then they'd sort of have to see it (or is that unethical?)
TBH a different nice older colleague went from clueless to well-informed a few years ago after becoming obsessed with Contrapoints videos... but he did that himself, I doubt that's something that would appeal to these other two people x )
I dunno, I feel like the fact that that they understand how a video of a spider can potentially be triggering to a cis straight white person but don't understand how a video of a transphobe could be triggering to a trans person then that kind of takes me back to my original concern: that these are probably a couple of people who have coasted through life without ever being forced to do the work of learning what the world is like for people outside of their own very narrow mainstream bubble. And that's a whole conversation by itself before you even start to get into the details about the unique challenges faced by any individual group. Can't really skip the remedial stuff and expect them to take away the right information from the advanced course, y'know?
Also, at the risk of getting into a whole thing, Contrapoints is the perfect example of a resource that I absolutely would not trust a total novice to reliably benefit from. I haven't seen that much of her, but from what I can tell it seems like she very deliberately structures her content to appear to validate any possible preconceived bias a viewer could bring into it as a gambit to widen the potential audience, which can easily do more harm then good if you aren't careful. I suspect it's a total coinflip whether a cis person comes out of a Contrapoints binge actually learning anything or just thinking that all their transphobic impulses have gotten a stamp of approval from "one of the good ones".
I think I lean in a different direction on this one. When it was pointed out that it could be a problem they seemed to get on board if I am reading this right. That makes me think offering them decent resources with some context could prove beneficial. I wouldn't be shocked if it didn't work, but it feels like a situation where you can see where a small amount of work leads.
Admittedly, I am more willing to put the mental and emotional labor into educating others than average. If you find this kind of task very taxing then adjust accordingly. When I have put the effort in with colleagues in the past it has been apparent pretty quickly which were open to more information and which were not.
So if the dynamics of the office are such that offering up the info is not out of the ordinary see what happens. Worst case you learn which coworkers are the ones to avoid.
My point isn't that they're hopeless, necessarily; just that they probably need a way more holistic education than was originally being proposed.
As in, there's a wide swath of cis straight white people who are impacted so little by politics that they have no conception of the fact that the "debates" which they more or less perceive as sport are in fact death threats if you're black or queer or a member of some other community which is marginalized in the culture. My guess is that something like this is the main driving force behind the misunderstanding PirateQueen described, in which case teaching the people in question how gender identity and sexuality work probably won't actually address the underlying problem by itself.
I see the willingness to remove the videos as an ability to accept that they don't know everything. I think their views have been challenged so little that it would be easy to have them do great work in a short time*. My impression is they are happy to walk the path but can't see it for themselves. Resources could be of great benefit if that is an accurate read on the situation.
*In case this confuses someone I will elaborate here. There have been studies that find the beliefs people hold that are challenged least are the easiest to change while those challenged often are very difficult. So here I am guessing the two never had to think about the use of those videos in class one way or another which makes it easy to have them see reason. I would then guess that means they have never needed to defend shitty beliefs about QUILTBAG folks meaning it is easy to get them to have a healthy view of them.
Or I am just conceptualizing the situation incorrectly. That happens to me a lot. If that seems like it is happening here than I apologize.
Nice to have some good news this morning, thanks @pimento !
Thanks so much for your valuable thoughts and advice on the workplace situation @Gnizmo and @Wyvern - really appreciate it!
I really hope @Gnizmo is right and change is possible
TBH, what I think worked best thus far was
asking the two colleagues what they think would happen if our colleague whose kid faced transphobic bullying last semester was in the session. Would Peterson trigger her thoughts about the abuser? What if her kid was in the next room and overhead the horrible bigoted statements? We lost a brilliant young colleague to suicide last year - who says everyone in class is resilient and able to easily bounce back if triggered?
IDK I feel bad I did this as I know I made the two nice clueless colleagues feel terrible and scared them, but there wasn't much time and it was the best I could come up with : (
So, if anyone has some resources to recommend that would work for two nice older cis straight guys, please let me know?
(Clearly not Contrapoints, as you pointed out X )
I know these guys are able to empathise with people whose experiences differ from their own (after all, they offered me more accurate empathy and useful practical support after I miscarried last year than some of my younger female friends did). They care about our students' wellbeing as much as I do... but sadly sometimes caring isn't enough if we're clueless and inadvertently really hurt someone because of it : (
On this day, February 2nd 1988, the Margaret Thatcher's (rest in piss) government introduced s28 to the Local Government Act in the UK. This section outlawed local governments from providing aid to quiltbag communities, among other things. There was a whole lot protesting about and eventually, David Cameron then PM apologised for it.
What I really wanted to mention was the four badarse lesbians who abseiled into the UK parliament in protest. Abseiled
Today we salute you, Olivia Butler, Rachel Cox, Angela Nunn and Charlotte Despard.
Posts
It was an episode from QI. The joke came from Cally Beaton, Who seems to be buddies with Ricky Gervais. And while the other panelists and the host Sandi aren't openly transphobic, they sure did leave that joke in the fucking episode...
I just... sigh I can't have a fucking break can I? I can't have a nice day while I relax with some wholesome comedy. I have to be reminded constantly that the world fucking hates me.
I bet Stephen Fry wouldn't have let that happen if he was still hosting!
Please don't feel like the world hates you - prejudiced shitty comedians don't represent how everyone in the UK feels
I wonder what comedy shows do better & are still worth watching, hoping maybe other people on this forum have some recommendations...
I'm honestly shocked that Sandi would let it through, she doesn't seem the type who would let that fly.
Would I Lie to You is a pretty fun, inclusive panel show. David Mitchell is on it and he's a great guy.
I have made myself feel better by watching a British comedian who is definitely an excellent ally: James Acaster. He has explicitly called out Ricky Gervais is in his stand-up act as a piece of shit transphobe. He also made a famous bit about how British imperialism is awful and directly tied to entitled attitudes in Britain today.
I find it helpful, as you did, to remember there are those who will keep that stand.
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better
bit.ly/2XQM1ke
As a trans NB person I've just taken a stance of "fuck it, if it feels good to me I'll do it." I don't think I'm gonna change up the way I dress (which is in what is referred to as "men's clothes"), but if I wanna wear a cami about my apartment or buy the nice shampoo and conditioner that makes my hair feel and smell real good no one's gonna stop me. Over the last year I've swapped about from just letting my hair go nuts for like 7 months and trimming it short as best I can with no one around to assist me; the way I see it, if someone is gonna expend their time and energy whining about anything I do, then that's their problem and they can get lost.
Do what makes you happy, and to hell with anyone who says otherwise.
Did love their lockdown cake video...
Hoping @Fencingsax is right and there will be lots of comedians and actors we like taking a stand in 2021 (like when Catherine Ryan took a stand during Hamilton
I have a conventionally-feminine presentation in most ways too, but I had to work and suffer like hell against opposing social pressures to get to that point. So if anything I relate more to gender-nonconforming cis women than gender-conforming ones, because that's closer to my own life path. So acting like I'm opposing them just by existing is incoherent.
A frustratingly common misconception among cis queer ally types is "oh, it sucks that society isn't more accepting of men who want to act girly; if it was then you wouldn't have had to do all this troublesome transition stuff", and like, no, that's the opposite of how this shit works with me. The need to be a woman came first, and the rest flowed from that, not the other way around. If I had been born into a society with different gender norms, I would have still been a trans woman, but my target gender presentation would be different in some ways due to responding to different influences.
To be honest, I consider really diehard, uncompromising attitudes of "all gender is violence and must be abolished" incredibly hostile. I needed a mechanism by which I could feel a clean, explicit break from the awful, dysphoria-ridden state I was born into. If I hadn't had that, I probably would have felt so trapped that I'd have ended up killing myself.
I guess that wound up being kind of rambly, but hopefully some of that is helpful? Humans' relationship with gender is complicated and can't be simplified away so easily.
I go back in for my 3 month checkup on the 26th.
Self-awareness is totally enough to keep that from becoming a problem in your life. A joke among my group of trans girl friends is that we temporarily become terrible feminists. It's not actually true, but it reflects our awareness of plunging into the social norms for women.
That awareness helps keep things from becoming toxic. Into year 3 and post-op I'm becoming a lot more comfortable with masculine things again. It's been long enough that they don't feel as oppressive and mandatory as they once did, and I no longer feel fragile in my identity. Not that I'm going butch or anything as that's not me either, but I don't wince if I put on men's socks or a unisex t-shirt anymore.
Do I actually need to have an endocrinology person or can I just go to a primary care physician, give them my medical records/tell them what I'm taking, and have them just keep prescribing it? Do I need to somehow check with said person to make sure they aren't weird about trans people or can I just assume look, I'm in a city with a big lgbt population, they're probably chill with it.
I originally got hormones via an endocrinologist just because there happened to be a good one nearby and it was convenient, but when she retired and things went to shit under her replacement I switched my prescriptions over to a GP and it was fine. I don't think you explicitly need an endocrinologist.
And yes, you absolutely need to make sure a doctor is cool with trans stuff before you sign up with them. Barely anyone knows anything about anything and an assole doctor has a lot of levers for fucking you over if they don't understand or don't respect your needs.
Would you just call the office and ask to speak to the doctor before making an appointment (it feels like you would not necessarily get through to them) or would you ask the front office staff, or I guess just check a list of recommended doctors online or something?
There is a series of clinics specifically for queer people in DC, but I don't think they're meant for queer people with insurance (although I'm not actually sure).
An easy way to get hooked up with a hormone physician is to call Planned Parenthood, as a lot of them offer transgender services. They will likely not be terribly experienced (the program is maybe three years old?), and may be a bit gatekeepy if you’re overweight (there was a considerable difference in engaging with my doc before and after losing 100 pounds). They’re also likely to take insurance and are relatively cheap even without it, although this is going to depend on what hoops your state makes you jump through. I was informed consent, so I basically paid for a typical visit. They also provide bloodwork, and in fact WILL hold your prescription refills hostage until you get them lab reports in. Also, this may vary on location, but mine is super terrible are communication. They never, ever have someone available to pick up the phone, and I’ve been waiting a week to hear back on sending medical reports to my surgeon. So, they’re a mixed bag, but affordable and the visits themselves are pleasant and gender-affirming.
What I really wanted to mention was the four badarse lesbians who abseiled into the UK parliament in protest. Abseiled
Today we salute you, Olivia Butler, Rachel Cox, Angela Nunn and Charlotte Despard.
https://attitude.co.uk/article/remembering-the-gay-activists-who-invaded-the-six-oclock-news-to-protest-section-28/17944/
Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better
bit.ly/2XQM1ke
If you know of queer-focused clinics I wouldn't shy away from calling them; at worst they'd probably have useful suggestions for other places available to you.
All my life I had thought I was uncircumcised.
Turns out I am in fact circumcised. This came up in an awkard multigenerational conversation with my granddad, my parents and me.
My family is weird. Really weird. But good
There's definitely a very specific subreddit for this, right?
first night was real fun
i've been struggling to make friends and be part of local queer communities for a while, so this was really nice
i've been asked to bring Mysterium along next week, which'll be fun
Steam // Secret Satan
fuck. how come this never happens to me?!
oh god, this is amazing
They're... nice. And they probably already have QUILTBAG students in their classes.... should I try to do a bit more here or just mind my own business?
It's not like I'm amazingly informed either- should I talk to our employer to see if they can offer us some further training on QUILTBAG issues etc.? That way, it's available to everyone and it wouldn't be like I'm just nagging these two people...
Any advice is greatly appreciated (especially if some of you have successfully dealt with this kind of situation before)
Example from someone in a different community:
1. the presentation makes a big deal about AMAB or AFAB people.
2. the presentation makes a big deal about how that isn't a big deal.
3. the presentation and quiz afterward bring it up repeatedly.
But my gosh, the messaging! "Make sure you analyze the person to determine their birth-assigned gender, then once you've stared uncomfortably at them for long enough to come to a decision, then ask what their pronouns are."
"Diversity is being invited to the party.
Inclusion is hearing music you like there.
Belonging is being able to dance like no-one is watching."
...and introversion means this is a bad analogy.
That diversity training session you described @pimento sounds like a nightmare - so sorry you had to sit through that : (
To clarify in response to @Wyvern 's question
I think their assumption was that a class debate where everyone points out how manipulative Peterson is would be a useful critical thinking exercise for students. In contrast, I feel really uncomfortable giving a bigoted person like Peterson a platform in any of my sessions for fear that his toxic statements could trigger students (or me). Once I openly said that, the two colleagues were immediately supportive, willing to listen and were happy to cut that activity and openly admitted that, unfortunately, they're not super informed about QUILTBAG stuff.
So... maybe they would be willing to look at resources?
Can try to sneak some into seminars I'm designing for this semester and then they'd sort of have to see it (or is that unethical?)
TBH a different nice older colleague went from clueless to well-informed a few years ago after becoming obsessed with Contrapoints videos... but he did that himself, I doubt that's something that would appeal to these other two people x )
I think I lean in a different direction on this one. When it was pointed out that it could be a problem they seemed to get on board if I am reading this right. That makes me think offering them decent resources with some context could prove beneficial. I wouldn't be shocked if it didn't work, but it feels like a situation where you can see where a small amount of work leads.
Admittedly, I am more willing to put the mental and emotional labor into educating others than average. If you find this kind of task very taxing then adjust accordingly. When I have put the effort in with colleagues in the past it has been apparent pretty quickly which were open to more information and which were not.
So if the dynamics of the office are such that offering up the info is not out of the ordinary see what happens. Worst case you learn which coworkers are the ones to avoid.
As in, there's a wide swath of cis straight white people who are impacted so little by politics that they have no conception of the fact that the "debates" which they more or less perceive as sport are in fact death threats if you're black or queer or a member of some other community which is marginalized in the culture. My guess is that something like this is the main driving force behind the misunderstanding PirateQueen described, in which case teaching the people in question how gender identity and sexuality work probably won't actually address the underlying problem by itself.
*In case this confuses someone I will elaborate here. There have been studies that find the beliefs people hold that are challenged least are the easiest to change while those challenged often are very difficult. So here I am guessing the two never had to think about the use of those videos in class one way or another which makes it easy to have them see reason. I would then guess that means they have never needed to defend shitty beliefs about QUILTBAG folks meaning it is easy to get them to have a healthy view of them.
Or I am just conceptualizing the situation incorrectly. That happens to me a lot. If that seems like it is happening here than I apologize.
Thanks so much for your valuable thoughts and advice on the workplace situation @Gnizmo and @Wyvern - really appreciate it!
I really hope @Gnizmo is right and change is possible
TBH, what I think worked best thus far was
IDK I feel bad I did this as I know I made the two nice clueless colleagues feel terrible and scared them, but there wasn't much time and it was the best I could come up with : (
So, if anyone has some resources to recommend that would work for two nice older cis straight guys, please let me know?
(Clearly not Contrapoints, as you pointed out X )
I know these guys are able to empathise with people whose experiences differ from their own (after all, they offered me more accurate empathy and useful practical support after I miscarried last year than some of my younger female friends did). They care about our students' wellbeing as much as I do... but sadly sometimes caring isn't enough if we're clueless and inadvertently really hurt someone because of it : (
They rappelled into the house of
Lords? Fuck that’s cool