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QUILTBAG: Better Living Through Transgression of Sexual Mores

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Posts

  • TefTef Registered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    On this day, February 2nd 1988, the Margaret Thatcher's (rest in piss) government introduced s28 to the Local Government Act in the UK. This section outlawed local governments from providing aid to quiltbag communities, among other things. There was a whole lot protesting about and eventually, David Cameron then PM apologised for it.

    What I really wanted to mention was the four badarse lesbians who abseiled into the UK parliament in protest. Abseiled

    Today we salute you, Olivia Butler, Rachel Cox, Angela Nunn and Charlotte Despard.

    https://attitude.co.uk/article/remembering-the-gay-activists-who-invaded-the-six-oclock-news-to-protest-section-28/17944/

    They rappelled into the house of
    Lords? Fuck that’s cool

    One can only assume they hummed the Mission Impossible theme while they did it

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
    ApocalyptusPirateQueenPoketpixieZilla3603cl1ps3JaysonFourBrodyCambiata
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Had an upgrade Registered User regular
    I am starting the process to get referrals for various surgeries and the initial gatekeeper is next Wendsday.

    I am excited and terrified.

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    Kayne Red RobetzeentchlingCurly_BracePirateQueenStericaShadowenMsAnthropyZilla360SorceWeaverElldrenmysticjuicerFearghaillJaysonFourpimentoBahamutZERORhesus PositivePoketpixieJansonSCREECH OF THE FARGBrodyApocalyptusDepressperadoMcFodderWyvernFleur de Alys
  • WeaverWeaver Who are you? What do you want?Registered User regular
    I was doing a zoom with my partner and everything was great and then I saw myself in the video thumbnail and well, that's not what I'm supposed to look like.

    ElTL7ou.jpg
  • pimentopimento she/they/pim Registered User regular
    :bro:

    BahamutZEROPhoenix-DSorceElldrennever dieKayne Red RobePoketpixieThe Escape GoatGundi3cl1ps3tzeentchlingJaysonFourCurly_BraceAistanShadowenZilla360MsAnthropyBrodyApocalyptusMcFodderLucedesFleur de Alys
  • jaziekjaziek Registered User regular
    Weaver wrote: »
    I was doing a zoom with my partner and everything was great and then I saw myself in the video thumbnail and well, that's not what I'm supposed to look like.

    I've really been struggling with this over the last year.
    Doing a lot of video calls means looking at a small picture of yourself almost constantly, and it really hasn't been good for my dysphoria at all

    Steam ||| SC2 - Jaziek.377 on EU & NA. ||| Twitch Stream
  • pimentopimento she/they/pim Registered User regular
    When I'm at home my work laptop is closed on a dock nestled between two screens and most of the time if I'm on a call there's some screen sharing going on so no-one insists that cameras are on. People do, but I'm just a black screen with my deprecated name on it cos I'm not out at work. It's nice not to have all that camera anxiety, sorry for everyone who can't avoid it.

  • PirateQueenPirateQueen Registered User regular
    There's that setting where you keep the camera on, but hide your video on your own screen (so you don't see yourself but others still can): Any good? I know it's a bandaid kind of solution, but... hope it helps...

  • jaziekjaziek Registered User regular
    There's that setting where you keep the camera on, but hide your video on your own screen (so you don't see yourself but others still can): Any good? I know it's a bandaid kind of solution, but... hope it helps...

    all my stuff is on either google meet, skype or whatsapp. I've just got makeshift solutions for most of them.

    Steam ||| SC2 - Jaziek.377 on EU & NA. ||| Twitch Stream
  • ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    edited February 6
    https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1256888

    So former WWE wrestler Gabby Tuft came out as transgender. And there's a very brief section of the article that talks about deadnaming and specifically that Tuft doesn't mind people referencing her WWE stage name.

    Tox on
    Psykoma3cl1ps3Zilla360BrodyMidnite
  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    edited February 6
    I'm not really sure what your question is tbh.

    On the subject of deadnames though I'm getting really fed up with my tech deadnaming me. Windows refuses to let me change my username, it changed my login name but my actual user name is still my deadname so it shows up in file paths and everything. And today I noticed in my kindle settings it says Registered User: Deadname, even though my Amazon account has been changed to the correct one, and there doesn't seem to be an option to change it on the Kindle itself. And when I was doing my taxes online last week I saw that the "date you last logged in" message that shows at the top of the page still says my deadname even though on my profile it's all up to date.

    It's been 2 and a half years since I changed my name but apparently I'm still stuck with the old one.

    Brovid Hasselsmof on
    GrogMsAnthropypimento
  • ToxTox I kill threads he/himRegistered User regular
    sorry I guess it was just a pointless rant or whatever I deleted it

  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Well I didn't intend for that! I thought what you wrote was entirely accurate, it just felt like you were asking something and I wasn't sure what. Sorry.

  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    My bank changed my name, my credit and debit card have my proper name, but every time I log on the app I’m greeted with “HELLO DEADNAME”. i can go into the settings on the actual app and my name is correct. It’s baffling.

    YL9WnCY.png
    Brovid HasselsmofMsAnthropyjaziekZilla360Midnite
  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Got the Kindle issue sorted, thanks to a tip from @Antoshka, thanks mate! Just had to deregister and re-register my device and it now shows the right name. It's such a small thing but it feels so much better.

    GrisloKetarVyolyncepimentoSorceToxPoketpixieShadowennever dieKayne Red RobeBahamutZERO3cl1ps3JedocThe Escape GoatN1tSt4lkerBrodyaStoryAboutYouInfamyDeferredApocalyptusmysticjuicerAistanZilla360SeidkonaFearghaillamethystoakPirateQueenlonelyahavaSporkAndrewRhesus PositiveCalicatynicPerrsunOdin
  • AistanAistan Tiny Bat Registered User regular
    I watched Philosophy Tube's Identity: A Trans Coming Out Story video and like, obviously I cried, come on. But also holy shit what an incredible way to come out to one's audience. It's just an amazing video. And i'm not even a member of her audience, i've only watched a couple videos here and there.

    steam_sig.png
    Zilla360mysticjuicerTefPirateQueenApocalyptusR-demShadowentzeentchlingjaziekPoketpixie
  • Zilla360Zilla360 21st Century. |She/Her| Surreal. Immersive. Earth.Registered User regular
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    hahaha that's a very good joke.

    3cl1ps3Zilla360TefToxAshaman42Midnite
  • PirateQueenPirateQueen Registered User regular
    Unexpected positive workplace update
    Seems like at least one of the other older colleagues took the issue seriously and met with other colleagues he's teaching with to talk about it, resulting in them also adjusting their seminar activities and adding trigger warnings when sensitiveLGBTQI+ issues are discussed.

    They've stopped referring to Peterson as a "controversial figure" and I see in their email chain that they most recently labeled him "the enemy" (which I think is accurate - after all, he's violating the ethics code of our profession and basic human rights)

    I think maybe @pimento was right and speaking to individuals directly is more effective and quicker than relying on management to get us diversity training

    Hopefully, this results in a more inclusive and supportive atmosphere in our classrooms and I'm not just meddling in other people's lives and crossing boundaries with my coworkers....

    Gnizmonever dieVyolynceKetarZilla360FencingsaxtzeentchlingKayne Red Robeamethystoak3cl1ps3ElldrenJaysonFourUsagiDarkPrimusBrovid HasselsmofEmerlmaster999ApocalyptusShadowenToxpimentoMcFodderSorceBahamutZEROLucedescredeikiThe Escape GoatAistanCalicalonelyahavaDesert LeviathanKharnorFleur de Alys
  • VicVic Registered User regular
    Hey QUILTBAG thread! I've been putting off making this post for ages, but here we go...

    I think I'm a trans woman.

    It took me a long time to catch on, probably partly because I'm almost certainly on the spectrum. Even when I started to see the signs I resisted the idea for a long, long time. I still don't feel like a woman, the idea of transitioning is terrifying, but the writing is on the wall. Part of what pushed me over the edge was seeing a comic about someone realizing they were trans which basically ended with "If you don't want to transition because you think you'll be an ugly girl, THAT'S DYSPHORIA", and I remember literally thinking "No, fuck you, comic, I'll be a sad and confused egg until the day I die!", but... the thought stuck.

    I'm still just taking the first, hesitant steps. I don't know how to navigate this, the thought of coming out of the closet is terrifying, but I'm trying to just stay calm and explore at my own pace. The only big thing I have done is buy a couple of bras, but I feel like wearing them unlocked something in my brain. I might never truly pass, I might never be traditionally pretty, but... maybe this is too important to give a shit about that.

    Depressperadonever dieCurly_BraceFencingsax3cl1ps3One Thousand CablesThe Escape GoatMsAnthropyagoajAistantzeentchlingDoctorArchHi I'm Vee!PirateQueenPlatyamethystoakZilla360VyolynceGrogSeidkonaWeaverMunkus BeaverGnizmoToxForceVoidSCREECH OF THE FARGShadowencredeikiMcFodderJedocpimentoaStoryAboutYouN1tSt4lkerlonelyahavaSorceBahamutZERODesert LeviathaninitiatefailureRhesus PositiveSporkAndrewjaziekEmerlmaster999FearghaillwanderingWyvernTefZombie GandhiJaysonFourultimakayApocalyptusAnalogWarlordFleur de AlysSaraLunapainfulPleasanceUsagi
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Had an upgrade Registered User regular
    Yay for self discovery!


    Congratulations on starting your journey, @Vic !

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    Zilla360Curly_Bracepimentonever dieBahamutZEROFencingsaxMsAnthropyTefJaysonFourultimakayApocalyptusSaraLunaElldren
  • GrogGrog My sword is only steel in a useful shape.Registered User regular
    So today I've learned about Wendy Carlos after seeing this seemingly inoculous tweet:


    (tweet is from the BBC Archive, reads "#Onthisday 1970: Wendy Carlos demonstrated how to synthesise electronic noise into musical sound." with video of her demonstrating the fundaments of synth sounds)

    I immediately think "huh, that's a pretty swish 70s lesbian" and decide to look her up. Turns out she's pretty famous for all manner of studio albums and soundtracks, but the reason I bring her up here is that at the time of recording the aforetweeted video she wasn't even out.

    Those sideburns? Likely fake! She knew she was a woman from about '68 (aged 29) and had begun HRT around the same time, but also saw huge commercial success around the same time with her first album. Terrified to appear in public, she wore fake sideburns and a short-haired wig in multiple public appearances and interviews like the one above. It wasn't until '78 that she publicly announced she was a transgender woman in a series of interviews. The public response was essentially indifference (causing her to bemoan the decade long charade as pointless.)

    I don't just bring her up because she's a trans elder with a brilliant career behind her, but also because she gives me hope that I can be an old woman like her even when there were times I was afraid to be who I am and wearing (metaphorical) sideburns.

    KetarThe Escape GoatZilla3603cl1ps3One Thousand CablesShadowenCurly_BracecredeikiJedocaStoryAboutYoupimentoPirateQueenN1tSt4lkerVyolynceKayne Red RobeAistannever diemysticjuicertzeentchlingDesert LeviathanFencingsaxSporkAndrewPsykomaMsAnthropySeidkonawanderingPoketpixiePlatyWyvernTefagoajJaysonFourApocalyptusbloodyroarxxFleur de AlysSaraLunaLucedesElldrenpainfulPleasanceUsagiCasual EddytynicLokarnBrody
  • PoketpixiePoketpixie Registered User regular
    "If you don't want to transition because you think you'll be an ugly girl, THAT'S DYSPHORIA"

    The first time I heard that it resonated with me deeply. I spent a long time in denial and dealing with depression and later after I started coming to terms with being transgender I couldn't hold down a job. I gave up for a long time and just retreated from everything. I let friendships wither, I refused to date because what was the point, and I couldn't bring myself to get another job because I did NOT want to put up the false front anymore. The thought of going through the motions just made me feel sick but I couldn't tell anyone around me any of that. I couldn't move forward so I stagnated. I hid. Every well meaning attempt of family or friends to poke and prod me into doing something only made me angry and afraid and made me retreat inside even further. Now I'm finally starting to put my life back together (desperation...wonderful motivator that) but the thought of transitioning is terrifying. I just want to hide in the deepest hole I can find every time I think about it. I'm afraid of being ugly and I'm afraid of what other people's reaction would be. How could I face them? I feel ashamed at the thought of anyone knowing who I really am inside. But I can't stop thinking about it. Transitioning. I think I will never be content or live a fulfilling life unless I do.

    I remember the first time I ever went out in public dressed en femme. As it turns out it was the only time I've ever had the chance(or the courage) to do that. I went dancing at a nightclub with a friend and it was a hugely empowering moment that I have never forgotten. It's one of the bright shining memories I have in what has been an otherwise dreary existence. It never fails to bring a smile to my face or give me a little peace when I think of that evening and I wish I had the courage to be like that every day.

    ForceVoidCurly_BraceMcFodderAistanpimentonever dieFearghaillZilla360BahamutZEROtzeentchlingRhesus PositivejaziekOne Thousand CablesPirateQueenSeidkonaThe Escape GoatVicWyverninitiatefailureJaysonFourApocalyptusFleur de AlysElldrenpainfulPleasanceCambiata
  • pimentopimento she/they/pim Registered User regular
    I was in such denial and anxiousness about starting transitioning (I thought I was dieing of heart failure for a while there) that once I actually did it, it was almost anti-climatic. Being told 'no that's anxiety not impending death' was such an 'oh yea' moment that moving to manage and deal with the causes of said anxiety ended up being mostly just the natural thing to do.

    Still shoulda done it all 20 years ago but better late than never. I've accepted that I'm never going to 'pass' but.. that's not really the point, is it. We should seek only to be ourselves, as much as we can.

    Zilla360PoketpixieMcFodderTefPirateQueenMsAnthropySeidkonaThe Escape GoatJaysonFourApocalyptusFleur de AlysaStoryAboutYouElldrenCambiata
  • TefTef Registered User regular
    Pimento, I wish I had your grace. I’m sure it was not an easy path to get to put goddamn, you’re honestly the best of us in this regard

    Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better

    bit.ly/2XQM1ke
  • jaziekjaziek Registered User regular
    I lurked on this thread for years, wishing I could be like all the amazing people here, before I finally found the courage to admit to myself that I was actually trans. I think I made my first post on here saying as much toward the end of 2017, and then it took me another 2 and a half years to actually find my way into starting hrt, and coming out to my family. Though, once I got the ball rolling on that it took me almost no time at all to go full time. Like a dam breaking.

    Steam ||| SC2 - Jaziek.377 on EU & NA. ||| Twitch Stream
    FearghaillEndless_Serpentspimentonever diePirateQueenSeidkonaThe Escape GoatGrog3cl1ps3AistanZilla360ShadowenPlatyWyvernJaysonFourFleur de AlysSaraLunaaStoryAboutYouCambiata
  • pimentopimento she/they/pim Registered User regular
    Tef wrote: »
    Pimento, I wish I had your grace. I’m sure it was not an easy path to get to put goddamn, you’re honestly the best of us in this regard

    I dunno about that, I'm doing this from a pretty darn priviledged place. I've not lost family or friends, there's no colossal waiting list or exhorbitant costs for basic services here (hell, we can get speech pathology free), and I can afford other services like hair removal and whatnot without strain. Outside of that.. there's nothing that nihilism can't get you through! Nothing matters, so fuck it, get some.

    Zilla360Tef
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    Fun fact: Weird Al worked with Wendy Carlos on his Peter and the Wolf album!

    YL9WnCY.png
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  • Emerlmaster999Emerlmaster999 Quill {they/them}Registered User regular
    Let me guess, the comic in question was Real Life?

    A friend if mine also discovered the comic voa Mae's coming out story, and I'd been reading it since college over a decade ago. It was funny, since we realized we both were reading it since he mentioned how he was reading one that had recently been about trying out new clothes while I was in the middle of trying out some too.

    PirateQueen
  • PoketpixiePoketpixie Registered User regular
    Thanks y'all for being here and listening. I'm doing a lot better today. I thought of every one of those little 'awesomes' as a nice hug.

    VicRhesus PositiveZilla360Satanic JesusGrogShadowentzeentchlingSeidkonaCurly_BracepimentoSporkAndrewSorcePirateQueennever dieFencingsaxJaysonFourApocalyptusBahamutZEROjaziekFleur de AlysSaraLunaMsAnthropyLucedesElldrenUsagiCambiata
  • VicVic Registered User regular
    Thanks for all the kind reactions!

    In more baby trans news, my first top arrived today! I basically just wanted to get a first feel for how male sizes translate to female sizes, and width-wise it seems like a female XL works out alright for me. Length-wise is a very different issue, at around 6'3 I imagine I won't really be able to find a long-sleeved top that fits my super-long arms.

    I don't know what I was thinking when I picked a crop-top as my first full piece of female clothing though. My first reaction on opening the package was "this is going to look absolutely ridiculous on me", and... objectively I guess it kind of does, but I still couldn't help but smile when I checked myself out in the mirror and it makes me feel happy to wear it! I also feel uncharacteristically motivated to exercise, getting rid of this slight beer gut is going to make a huge difference.

    Oh, and I also ordered some strap-on boobs! Super excited for them to arrive. I didn't have a lot to choose from and the ones I picked are kinda big, but hey, sometimes you have to treat yourself.
    Let me guess, the comic in question was Real Life?

    A friend if mine also discovered the comic voa Mae's coming out story, and I'd been reading it since college over a decade ago. It was funny, since we realized we both were reading it since he mentioned how he was reading one that had recently been about trying out new clothes while I was in the middle of trying out some too.

    Yes, that's it!

    Zilla360never dieSeidkonaTefPirateQueenJaysonFourPoketpixieEmerlmaster999TankHammerForceVoid3cl1ps3ApocalyptusThe Escape GoattzeentchlingMcFodderpimentoSorceFleur de AlysJansonShadowenBlackhawk1313aStoryAboutYouRhesus Positive
  • StericaSterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod
    I was going to take all my guy clothes to a thrift shop and help pay towards some more lady clothes, but then the pandemic happened and they just sit in sad pile.

    YL9WnCY.png
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    I read Real Life through late high school and college and I wanna give Mae the biggest hug. I'm so proud of her. It's weird following an semi-autobiographical webcomic for years because it gives you a sense that you know a person. Seeing them come out and portray it through their art that way, including the adjustments from their family and friends fills me with happiness.

    She was the first artist I saw using vector art for simple illustration, before it became the thing I gravitated to the most myself.

    It rocks seeing how the way she narrated her own internal monologue is cascading through to other people's experiences.

    pimentoZilla360PirateQueenOne Thousand Cablesnever die
  • Fleur de AlysFleur de Alys Biohacker Registered User regular
    edited February 12
    I'm pretty sure every trans woman thinks she's going to be hideous prior to starting.

    yo5tozwr8a94.jpg

    There's no way to know what your results are going to be. I sure didn't expect this.

    Anything is better than where we started, though, whether you get "lucky" or not. And despite my admittedly excellent results so far, it's how I feel internally on the correct hormones and being called the right things that's made all the actual difference.

    I still get dysphoria regularly, but I feel good enough often enough that I'm overall doing really well. I'm so excited for every cracked egg that starts their own path! It's just so beautiful to watch.

    I didn't take any early transition photos. Don't repeat that mistake. When I see those of others, I marvel at how beautiful they are as they're starting to emerge, and I regret waiting nearly a year to take my first photo.

    Fleur de Alys on
    Triptycho: A card-and-dice tabletop indie RPG currently in development and playtesting
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  • SeidkonaSeidkona Had an upgrade Registered User regular
    I have been through a lot this last year.

    I am working through doing my name change paperwork and for a whole lot of reasons I feel like I don't want to go with the names I initially picked out.

    It seems so long ago.

    Right now considering Alyta Satine Phoenix

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    Fleur de AlysZilla360SporkAndrewThe Escape GoattzeentchlingPirateQueenErlecShadowenMsAnthropyOne Thousand CablesBlackhawk1313FencingsaxButlerSorceJaysonFourRhesus Positive
  • VicVic Registered User regular
    My boobs arrived! I was worried they'd be too big but they are perfect. Spending a lot of time just hugging them and smiling.

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  • MsAnthropyMsAnthropy The Lady of Pain Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm, Breaks the Rhythm The City of FlowersRegistered User regular
    Bottom surgery round 2 complete! Now to see if I can survive the stupidity I see wrt mask wearing on this effing plane.

    "The only real politics I knew was that if a guy liked Hitler, I’d beat the stuffing out of him and that would be it." -- Jack Kirby
    BahamutZERO3cl1ps3Kayne Red RobeVyolynceBlackhawk1313aStoryAboutYouThe Escape GoatN1tSt4lkerFleur de AlysZilla360GnizmopimentoNecoPirateQueenFencingsaxShadowenFearghaillButlerLucedesbloodyroarxxVicSorceElldrencredeikiPeennever dieStericatzeentchlingJaysonFourDoctorArchWyvernApocalyptusRhesus PositiveUsagiSporkAndrewPoketpixieTankHammerCambiata
  • Blackhawk1313Blackhawk1313 Registered User regular
    Been a little bit and work has had me pushing so hard the last month I’m dealing with edema in my feet. That said, just wanted to pop in and say as always y’all are amazing, wonderful, beautiful people and it brings my heart joy every time I see a new story of discovery, acceptance, and love. So keep being awesome everyone. I’ll shall now return to my agender secret lair where I plot how to finally give myself the cybernetic form I’ve always desired.

    Fleur de AlysZilla360ShadowenPirateQueentzeentchlingTankHammer
  • NecoNeco Worthless Garbage Registered User regular
    MsAnthropy wrote: »
    Bottom surgery round 2 complete! Now to see if I can survive the stupidity I see wrt mask wearing on this effing plane.

    Oh shit, congrats!!

    LucedesFleur de AlysSorceMsAnthropyBlackhawk13133cl1ps3Zilla360JaysonFourPoketpixiePirateQueenElldren
  • credeikicredeiki Registered User regular
    Seidkona wrote: »
    I have been through a lot this last year.

    I am working through doing my name change paperwork and for a whole lot of reasons I feel like I don't want to go with the names I initially picked out.

    It seems so long ago.

    Right now considering Alyta Satine Phoenix

    I really like phoenix iconography/symbology for transition
    classic+powerful+evocative!

    Steam, LoL: credeiki
    GrogZilla360MsAnthropyNecoToxtzeentchlingJaysonFourCurly_BraceFleur de AlysThe Escape Goat3cl1ps3FencingsaxPirateQueenElldren
  • The Escape GoatThe Escape Goat incorrigible ruminant they/themRegistered User regular
    well I've asked my discord server of college friends (of whom like half are trans) to trial calling me by a new name

    had a big ol' ball of anxiety in my chest as I did it even though I knew they'd embrace it immediately, which they did

    9uiytxaqj2j0.jpg
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