My mom and to a lesser extent other people had really negative reactions to me shaving my body hair when I was younger so I was effectively scared into not touching it
I had a similar bad experience with my parents at around 16. I was desperate enough that it didn't stop me, but it set me years back in terms of my willingness to seek out help and support.
My dysphoria expressed as disassociation for the first three decades of my life. I just considered my body as not an actual part of me, and I did everything I could to stay out of the present moment or envelop it in escapism.
Addressing the disassociation happened first and as a side-effect to some other things being worked on. And the first thing I zeroed in on as incredibly unhappy with (for reasons I was starting to grasp at last) was hair, both body and head. Before I was even far enough along to grasp exactly what was going on with me, I knew that I just somehow felt lots better with shaving.
Dysphoria and other depression sources interrupted that a bunch, though. Spiraling down into apathy would result in not taking proper care of things, and it would all go back, which would then reinforce the terrible feelings. It took that reaching deadly depths before I got the right kind of help.
It feels like a long-ago part of my life now. But it hasn't even been a year, and I'm still not even out yet. I've only left the house as myself twice, and only one of those into a public place (which went surprisingly well, considering where I live!). That's frustrating, but it's nowhere near as horrible as how things were before.
I can't wait to get this mess permanently addressed.
Fleur de Alys on
Triptycho: A card-and-dice tabletop indie RPG currently in development and playtesting
Re: hair- due to the length of the hair growth cycle it unfortunately regularly takes at least 6 months to START to see changes from anti-androgens or any other medication based therapy. (I am a gynecologist and this is my job to know). Estrogen itself makes only a small difference, it is the anti androgens that do the work. If you are on a progestin as well, some progestins are effective at reducing hair as well (and some make it worse)
Play Smash Bros 3DS with me! 4399-1034-5444
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Erin The RedThe Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMABaton Rouge, LARegistered Userregular
I made it back home! I'm alive and up and moving around and like...doing shit around the house. Today I cleaned up the living room and dining room and bedroom and did the laundry and dishes!
Like the day I woke up after being re-surgeried I was getting up and walking around. Took laps around the nurse's area. I even walked the forever distance to the car in the parking garage and carried our bags and stuff!
Metzger MeisterIt Gets Worsebefore it gets any better.Registered Userregular
I actually got so tired of that conversation regarding my bisexuality and being married to a dude that I just started using the umbrella term "gay." Exhausting!
A couple days ago non-binary musician Mal Blum released a new album, and I liked the concept behind this music video: trans people getting to redo school picture day:
The Executive Producer of Good Mythical Morning moderated an LGBTQ+ Activism panel at Vidcon yesterday. She decided to deadname and misgender a trans man panelist, who has been out for over two and a half years. This is information which she would have had to search for and apologized at the time with a "I didn't know". As of now she hasn't sought him out to apologize in person or even made a half-hearted tweet regarding what happened.
Knowing how important/omnipresent she is to/in GMM honestly sours/puts me off the whole channel.
Disclaimer: Miles hasn't named the moderator, so I'm just going off of who's scheduled to moderate the panel according to Vidcon's website, and her most recent tweet is asking for questions for the panelists. There is a possibility that someone else stepped in last minute, in which case this falls on Vidcon for fucking up.
Stevie Levine, and after like three hours she posted her apology. But “don’t deadname” is like Trans Studies 101 so I dunno how you come to a damn lgbt panel that unprepared.
like it's an apology and that's okay, but there's some stuff in there I furrow my brow towards.
Saying you did a bunch of research then saying you just didn't know the 101 on how to address trans people rings hollow. just admit you didn't do that research and should have. Also, an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community for 10 years and not already knowing this? Girl please.
which is also why the "Hopefully you can see the innocence in my mistake" bugs me. When you should know better it's not an innocent mistake, it's a negligent one.
Not a huge fan of her "You have my cell phone number, I'd be happy to talk or meet up", because traditionally the "you know how to reach me if you want to resolve this" is the language of the aggrieved party, and it puts the responsibility for any lack of resolution on Miles, not Stevie.
In an attempt to come as 'innocent', explanation just makes it sound there's no way she wouldn't have known better and that this was intentional.
Deadnames + past events is "tricky" in the same way I refer to my then-girlfriend (who is now my wife). It's like. Okay, I can understand the logic that led you to that bad conclusion. But the conclusion is still bad and you need to correct your logic anyway. It's some sort of weird grammatical hang up where we try to talk about the past as though it is the present or whatever. There's a whole conjugatorial thing and yeah, I get the confusion that led to that mistake.
But like, it's definitely still not okay, and that reasoning doesn't excuse any reactions the person causes in the person they're talking about. I just feel like that's probably something super common that a lot of trans folks have to address directly, either before or after it happens because, unfortunately, cis folks gonna cis.
Honestly, even when I didn't know much about trans people and hadn't met an out trans person yet (one of my fellow hockey players came out years after we stopped playing together, but it wasn't a surprise to anyone who knew him), deadnames are like the second or third thing you find out about past what the T stands for in LGBTQ2+
I don't know how you spend any time in or adjacent to Queer spaces in the year 2019 and not know that
If you don’t know how the person wants to be referred when talking about them pre-transition, then you fucking ask them. At the very least default to preferred pronouns and actual name. Like, that’s just erring on the side of caution.
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GrogMy sword is only steelin a useful shape.Registered Userregular
Could they not have used their apology to open up a conversation about their own blindspots as a cis person? The regret seems genuine, but the whole apology seems to ignore that there might be some subconscious/internalised bigotries at play.
Whether or not an apology is "genuine" matter far less to me than if it displays an actual understanding of what the person did wrong and a solid commitment towards not making the same mistake in the future. That's the only worth an apology has. If your apology is mostly about you, that demonstrates that you don't really understand--that you see the conflict as some sort of "rules violation" and you think you just didn't understand the rules, rather than recognizing that it's a matter of respect and consideration for another person. If someone hurts me, I don't care about the circumstances that lead to it. That's for you to sort out and fix on your own. I care that you recognize why what you did hurt me, and that you are focused on not hurting me again in the future. The only person who can decide if this is a good apology or not is Miles, but it certainly wouldn't be what I was looking for if it was me.
Pretty much the only effect I'm noticing from T so far is I'm getting hairier. Very very gradually. I know most people wouldn't see that as a good thing but well. I have a bit of a hairy belly now and sometimes I just sit and stroke it.
anime has taught me that getting hairier means you are going even further beyond
that being said i am hairy like a bear and I fucking hate it
Long time ago I was at my partner of the time's place one morning, brushing my teeth in the bathroom. A mutual friend/co-worker had dropped in as he parked at her place and we all caught the bus in together when we had matching shifts. He saw me across the living room into the bathroom:
[him] "Wow, I didn't know [pim] had back tattoos!"
[partner] "That's hair."
[him] "Wah!"
I'm happy for Janet Mock and don't have anything against her on general principle, but also my friend and I watched the first season of Pose on Netflix last week and...really didn't like it.
I had a dream last night where, despite my status is a 30-something adult, I had been assigned foster parents. They were immediately accepting and using my proper name and pronouns flawlessly. The father was kind and effervescent. The mother was someone I can feel comfortable around. They understood I had been through a lot of pain and just wanted to give me a place to be safe. Was actually pretty emotional and kind of fucked me up? Considering how I feel about my parents these days I'm not too surprised this dream happened...
Curly_Brace on
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
Today for the first time someone asked me what my pronouns are. It was really weird to encounter in the real world. Trans stuff still feels so online to me.
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BrodyThe WatchThe First ShoreRegistered Userregular
I never feel comfortable asking people what pronouns they prefer. I'd be so worried that either they would get upset that they aren't portraying themselves as well as they'd like, or that I'm just assuming, and they'll be really upset that I'm calling them too masculine/feminine.
"I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."
“Share with us your reference words, and we shall share ours.”
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Brovid Hasselsmof[Growling historic on the fury road]Registered Userregular
I met this woman last night in the pub after overhearing her conversation about needing a gardener. Throughout that interaction she used female pronouns for me and I didn't correct her because I never bother to, then as we said goodbye she asked me my name and I told her. Then when I turned up at her house this morning the first thing she said after hello was "This might be really offensive, but what are your pronouns?" So I guess the name clued her in. And from then on she used male pronouns and she was super nice and hopefully I'll be working for her again.
People act like we turn into hissing demons that will sic the cops on you for even mistakenly using the wrong pronouns, but I cannot keep track of how many times I’ve let it slide just because it’s not worth the potential hassle over a thirty-second conversation with a stranger.
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CambiataCommander ShepardThe likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered Userregular
People act like we turn into hissing demons that will sic the cops on you for even mistakenly using the wrong pronouns, but I cannot keep track of how many times I’ve let it slide just because it’s not worth the potential hassle over a thirty-second conversation with a stranger.
"If you divide the whole world into just enemies and friends, you'll end up destroying everything" --Nausicaa of the Valley of Wind
Posts
Addressing the disassociation happened first and as a side-effect to some other things being worked on. And the first thing I zeroed in on as incredibly unhappy with (for reasons I was starting to grasp at last) was hair, both body and head. Before I was even far enough along to grasp exactly what was going on with me, I knew that I just somehow felt lots better with shaving.
Dysphoria and other depression sources interrupted that a bunch, though. Spiraling down into apathy would result in not taking proper care of things, and it would all go back, which would then reinforce the terrible feelings. It took that reaching deadly depths before I got the right kind of help.
It feels like a long-ago part of my life now. But it hasn't even been a year, and I'm still not even out yet. I've only left the house as myself twice, and only one of those into a public place (which went surprisingly well, considering where I live!). That's frustrating, but it's nowhere near as horrible as how things were before.
I can't wait to get this mess permanently addressed.
Like the day I woke up after being re-surgeried I was getting up and walking around. Took laps around the nurse's area. I even walked the forever distance to the car in the parking garage and carried our bags and stuff!
Raaaaar I'm invincible
It means a lot. Y'all are wonderful and if I can help you out in any way, please let me know.
Happy pride from San Diego!
I want that cat's umbrella.
-
A couple days ago non-binary musician Mal Blum released a new album, and I liked the concept behind this music video: trans people getting to redo school picture day:
Gods.
I don't even wear T-shirts anymore and I want this so. damned. bad.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
I don't have this kind of extra money right now.
Edit: omygosh a Bisexu-whale cofee mug. I need that. like that's me.
Democrats Abroad! || Vote From Abroad
Knowing how important/omnipresent she is to/in GMM honestly sours/puts me off the whole channel.
Disclaimer: Miles hasn't named the moderator, so I'm just going off of who's scheduled to moderate the panel according to Vidcon's website, and her most recent tweet is asking for questions for the panelists. There is a possibility that someone else stepped in last minute, in which case this falls on Vidcon for fucking up.
like it's an apology and that's okay, but there's some stuff in there I furrow my brow towards.
Saying you did a bunch of research then saying you just didn't know the 101 on how to address trans people rings hollow. just admit you didn't do that research and should have. Also, an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community for 10 years and not already knowing this? Girl please.
which is also why the "Hopefully you can see the innocence in my mistake" bugs me. When you should know better it's not an innocent mistake, it's a negligent one.
Not a huge fan of her "You have my cell phone number, I'd be happy to talk or meet up", because traditionally the "you know how to reach me if you want to resolve this" is the language of the aggrieved party, and it puts the responsibility for any lack of resolution on Miles, not Stevie.
In an attempt to come as 'innocent', explanation just makes it sound there's no way she wouldn't have known better and that this was intentional.
But like, it's definitely still not okay, and that reasoning doesn't excuse any reactions the person causes in the person they're talking about. I just feel like that's probably something super common that a lot of trans folks have to address directly, either before or after it happens because, unfortunately, cis folks gonna cis.
e: oof, also yeah that apology is bullshit.
I don't know how you spend any time in or adjacent to Queer spaces in the year 2019 and not know that
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Steam
that being said i am hairy like a bear and I fucking hate it
[him] "Wow, I didn't know [pim] had back tattoos!"
[partner] "That's hair."
[him] "Wah!"
It's not good back there.
The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson
Steam: Korvalain