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QUILTBAG: Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows you’re gay.

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Posts

  • aStoryAboutYouaStoryAboutYou Registered User regular
    I had a trans related dream last night, which is rare for me. In it I was a boxer (??) fighting in mixed gender boxing tournaments (??). At one point I had some pretty full-on sideburns, and at the end I knocked out a guy who got violently transphobic at me (he was not one of the boxers).

    I have no idea what any of that means. Except the sideburns I guess, I think I just want sideburns. But now I kind of want to take up boxing? Only I hate confrontation, competition, or being physically active. Dreams are weird.

    have not read Amateur (Thomas Page McBee's memoir), but it sounds like that book grapples (ba dum psh) with some of the same stuff and might be worth checking out?

    oWv6S12.gif
    Brovid Hasselsmof
  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Thanks for the rec, that sounds really interesting!

    aStoryAboutYou
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    Atlanta Pride is this weekend.
    I think I'm ready.

    It's my only weekend off all month because of Ghostbusters group stuff. I hope I have the energy for it.

    Kesha is gonna be there and that's dope as fuck.

    tzeentchlingThe SauceThe Escape GoatShadowenpimentoCambiataSorceLucedesGrogErin The RedForceVoidToxnever dieCurly_BracedavidsdurionsFencingsaxSeidkonawanderingaStoryAboutYou
  • The SauceThe Sauce Fleur de Alys Registered User regular
    edited October 8
    Today is a scary day. While we won't have anything approaching decisions from SCOTUS for months, we're nevertheless in the headlines, and it's political. That means we can usually expect to see an extra explosion of bigotry out in the world.

    Look out for each other. Check in with the QUILTBAG+ people in your life. Don't despair alone. It's okay to reach out. We must stick together.

    The Sauce on
    Triptycho: A card-and-dice tabletop indie RPG currently in development and playtesting
    MsAnthropyForceVoidInfamyDeferredlonelyahavaMagic PinkShadowenpimentoSeidkonaApocalyptuswanderingZilla360Youtube
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Viv posted a thing that she found on facebook or something the other day, about Bi erasure and Biphobia and how Bi folks with hetero partners aren't welcome at Pride.

    And I'm just... I've been fuming over it in my head ever since. I try to not say much because I'm fully aware of the privileges that I have,being a white woman in a hetero marriage and having a child. I get that I don't fully grasp the experiences of the other members of my community. I get that. And I am trying to listen and learn and figure out how to use my privilege to help others around me.

    However.

    I am Bisexual. It is who I am and a part of my identity. It is not like when I say that I'm Jewish which is a choice that I have made over many years (and am still evolving on). I am Bisexual Maybe Pansexual, but at the moment the terminology doesn't really matter for my point (although funny, Microsoft spellcheck recognizes Bisexual but not Pansexual. Interesting).

    This is who I am. I am a cissexual bisexual lady. And that doesn't change whether I am married to man and the mother of a child, or if i'm married to a woman, or if I'm single.

    My sexuality is not conditional on my relationship with anybody other than myself. My identity is not tied to anybody else. It's mine. I'm me. And anybody that cannot grasp that, cannot understand that, and doesn't try, can bite me.




    I know that none of what I'm saying above is really shocking or particularly revelatory for many here. But it was for me, at least a little bit this week. So many times I seem to have always viewed myself as a smaller part of a larger whole, this person's daughter, that person's sister, this person's girlfriend, that person's fiance. My view on myself has almost always been wrapped up in how I find myself relating to others in society, not in how I am on my own, as a single entity.

    Anyways, it helps to type things out for me, to get the words out from jumping in my head and onto 'paper', as it were.

    Thanks for reading if you bothered to do so.

    ChincymcchillaCambiataSeidkonamysticjuicercredeikiJansonThe SauceBrodyVyolyncetzeentchlingInfidelElldrenLiiyaorangeusinitiatefailureShadowenThe Escape GoatMcFodderDarkPrimusdavidsdurionsFencingsaxButlerStasisApocalyptusN1tSt4lkerTankHammerLabelLucedesHawkstonenever diewanderingJaysonFourZilla3602 Marcus 2 RavensVeldrinOut Of ContextaStoryAboutYou
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Goddess with a blade Registered User regular
    Seidkona wrote: »
    I am preparing to walk away from the forums.

    If you want to keep in touch feel free to reach out

    I hope to see you all in some place or another.

    You're all great and we're so insturmental in me getting through transition.

    False alarm.

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    mysticjuicerThe SaucelonelyahavaBrodyVyolyncetzeentchlingElldreninitiatefailureCambiataShadowenThe Escape GoatMcFodderDarkPrimusdavidsdurionsFencingsaxMsAnthropyToxSorceN1tSt4lkerLucedesnever dieAndy JoewanderingjaziekJaysonFourZilla360VeldrinBhow
  • Erin The RedErin The Red The Name's Erin! Woman, Podcaster, Dungeon Master, IT nerd, Parent, Trans. AMA Baton Rouge, LARegistered User regular


    Made it to California! Found my girlfriend! Excite!

    SeidkonaElldrenOne Thousand CablesThe Sauce3clipseN1tSt4lkerForceVoidtzeentchlingThe Escape GoatDouglasDangerButlerJansonGundilonelyahavanever dieBrodymysticjuicerShadowenkimeToxFencingsaxRhesus PositiveAllyxiaMcFodderdavidsdurionsBahamutZEROTankHammerwanderingCambiataSorceMsAnthropyAnialosJaysonFourZilla360VeldrinYoutube
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Goddess with a blade Registered User regular
    edited October 10
    I think going to 6/mg of estradoil a day was effecting me more than I thought at first.

    I thought because my anxiety had gone to almost nothing on it that there was no effect but I have has some pretty hard swings of emotion since.

    Not in a bad way. .

    But definitely in a "I need to recognize this so I can control it" way

    Seidkona on
    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    mysticjuicerThe SauceJaysonFourZilla360aStoryAboutYou
  • HawkstoneHawkstone The state of intoxicationRegistered User regular
    Viv posted a thing that she found on facebook or something the other day, about Bi erasure and Biphobia and how Bi folks with hetero partners aren't welcome at Pride.

    And I'm just... I've been fuming over it in my head ever since. I try to not say much because I'm fully aware of the privileges that I have,being a white woman in a hetero marriage and having a child. I get that I don't fully grasp the experiences of the other members of my community. I get that. And I am trying to listen and learn and figure out how to use my privilege to help others around me.

    However.

    I am Bisexual. It is who I am and a part of my identity. It is not like when I say that I'm Jewish which is a choice that I have made over many years (and am still evolving on). I am Bisexual Maybe Pansexual, but at the moment the terminology doesn't really matter for my point (although funny, Microsoft spellcheck recognizes Bisexual but not Pansexual. Interesting).

    This is who I am. I am a cissexual bisexual lady. And that doesn't change whether I am married to man and the mother of a child, or if i'm married to a woman, or if I'm single.

    My sexuality is not conditional on my relationship with anybody other than myself. My identity is not tied to anybody else. It's mine. I'm me. And anybody that cannot grasp that, cannot understand that, and doesn't try, can bite me.




    I know that none of what I'm saying above is really shocking or particularly revelatory for many here. But it was for me, at least a little bit this week. So many times I seem to have always viewed myself as a smaller part of a larger whole, this person's daughter, that person's sister, this person's girlfriend, that person's fiance. My view on myself has almost always been wrapped up in how I find myself relating to others in society, not in how I am on my own, as a single entity.

    Anyways, it helps to type things out for me, to get the words out from jumping in my head and onto 'paper', as it were.

    Thanks for reading if you bothered to do so.

    Thanks for posting this. I am mostly in the closet except for a few specific friends that I trust and my spouse. I am Trans, Polly, Pan, and Sub. But how I am forced to be in public, at work and among so many of my het/cis friends and family for the sake of personal safety and emotional attachments makes it really hard to feel like I am entitled to my identity a lot of the time. I really do not feel welcome anywhere without putting on some sort of façade. It is good to occasionally hear that I am not alone. It is really hard to love people for who they are and in truth all they love is an act.

    Inside of a dog...it's too dark to read.
    mysticjuicerThe SauceStasisInfidelCambiataLucedesZilla360
  • The SauceThe Sauce Fleur de Alys Registered User regular
    Seidkona wrote: »
    I think going to 6/mg of estradoil a day was effecting me more than I thought at first.

    I thought because my anxiety had gone to almost nothing on it that there was no effect but I have has some pretty hard swings of emotion since.

    Not in a bad way. .

    But definitely in a "I need to recognize this so I can control it" way
    Around 6 weeks ago my dose spiked, and I had a comparable experience (can't be sure about the dose details - I went from 2x 0.1mg patches 2/wk to depo injections 1ml 1/wk, so big shrug).

    Mine settled after about 4 weeks. I can still get weepy-upset much easier than before, but it's controllable, and it still feels a lot better than the depression I had a year ago, so I don't mind it.

    I also had a pretty extreme "pink fog" for the first 3 or so of those weeks. That comes and goes now to much lesser degrees. I kind of miss it, but honestly it was really distracting, like being happy-drunk 24/7.

    Then again, I may well be in way to soon to really tell territory here. Could be a longer cycle that I haven't seen long enough to tell how it repeats.

    Triptycho: A card-and-dice tabletop indie RPG currently in development and playtesting
  • wanderingwandering Registered User regular
    I didn't know we were getting non-binary emoji. Cool

    TagJiF0.png?1

    6ymDaUK.jpg

    https://blog.emojipedia.org/unicode-brings-forward-gender-neutral-timeline/

    atcwebmqawjl.png
    WhippyToxFencingsaxCambiataJedocVyolynceElldrenButlerTaminKayne Red Robenever dieForceVoid3clipseErin The RedCurly_BraceThe SauceSeidkonaThe Escape GoattzeentchlingBrodykimeDarkPrimusN1tSt4lkerRhesus PositiveAllyxiaadmanbDepressperadoMsAnthropyAnialosJaysonFourShadowenLucedesLabelcredeikiZilla360pimentoAnzekaydavidsdurionsVeldrinaStoryAboutYou
  • initiatefailureinitiatefailure Registered User regular
    aww yeah bowie emojis.

    I Do Design | I PSN- Subtle_Ties | 3DS: 3840-5210-2008 (Subtle)
    DepressperadoZilla360Erin The Redchrishallett83
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    Bowie? Is that the name of one of the vampires underneath Ziggy Stardust, pansexual extraterrestrial ambassador?

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    DepressperadoZilla360
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    edited October 11
    In uh, honor of coming out day, I guess I'll try and get this off my shoulders

    I don't really know what my deal is.

    I'm definitely queer, pan-sexual? I don't really feel like a man, and I don't really feel like a woman.
    Ideally, I'd be some sort of genderless meat popsicle.

    But I've... been, or at least presented as, a man for so long that it's... easier? just to stay that way. (plus I like having a beard)

    It feels like cheating, somehow. That I've applied these labels to myself, and I think they're appropriate, but I feel like an impostor,
    like I'm just jumping on a bandwagon, because I've never had to think about it until recently, and I've never had to fight for it.

    And I don't really have a bond with the community any more than I do with any group under pressure from orthodoxy.
    I feel like... if I really am this way, the way that I feel, I should do... more, I guess? I should feel more.

    I dunno if it's just my general sense of self-loathing or an actual thing, but I doubt. I feel like I don't deserve it,
    as though trying to finally be comfortable in my own skin is some kind of prize I haven't earned.

    The amount of hand-wringing and grappling with my own dumb self makes me feel like people who actually had to struggle to be accepted by family and friends and society in general are fucking superheroes.

    Depressperado on
    StericaFencingsaxadmanbThe Escape GoatinitiatefailurelonelyahavaMetzger MeisterOne Thousand CablesThe Sauce3clipsenever dieGundiGrogVyolynceSeidkonaJaysonFourCambiataPinfeldorfShadowenLucedesZilla360McFodderApocalyptusElldrentzeentchlingRhesus PositiveButlerpimentodavidsdurions2 Marcus 2 Ravensthe cheatwanderingSorceErin The RedTankHammerVeldrinAnialosaStoryAboutYouchrishallett83Shorty
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    In any case, y'all are great and I hope you know that.

    Zilla360tzeentchlingwanderingErin The RedBhow
  • The Escape GoatThe Escape Goat Brave Sir Robin Registered User regular
    In uh, honor of coming out day, I guess I'll try and get this off my shoulders

    I don't really know what my deal is.

    I'm definitely queer, pan-sexual? I don't really feel like a man, and I don't really feel like a woman.
    Ideally, I'd be some sort of genderless meat popsicle.

    But I've... been, or at least presented as, a man for so long that it's... easier? just to stay that way. (plus I like having a beard)

    It feels like cheating, somehow. That I've applied these labels to myself, and I think they're appropriate, but I feel like an impostor,
    like I'm just jumping on a bandwagon, because I've never had to think about it until recently, and I've never had to fight for it.

    And I don't really have a bond with the community any more than I do with any group under pressure from orthodoxy.
    I feel like... if I really am this way, the way that I feel, I should do... more, I guess? I should feel more.

    I dunno if it's just my general sense of self-loathing or an actual thing, but I doubt. I feel like I don't deserve it,
    as though trying to finally be comfortable in my own skin is some kind of prize I haven't earned.

    The amount of hand-wringing and grappling with my own dumb self makes me feel like people who actually had to struggle to be accepted by family and friends and society in general are fucking superheroes.

    If it helps any, this is very close to my experience as well. Probably described myself better than I could have, to be honest. I've never both chuckled at and been genuinely struck by a phrase like "genderless meat popsicle."

    3clipse wrote: »
    God is dead and life has no purpose.
    Depressperadonever diemysticjuicer21stCenturyCambiataShadowenZilla360wanderingErin The Red
  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    The belief that you aren't allowed to have gender feels unless you've struggled and suffered enough is super common, for what it's worth

    PsykomaThe Sauce3clipsenever diemysticjuicerGrogSeidkonaJaysonFourCambiataShadowenLucedescredeikiZilla360ElldrenMsAnthropytzeentchlingpimentoErin The RedAnialosaStoryAboutYouchrishallett83Shorty
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    Thank you! I do feel better having articulated it.

    also to be fair, I stole the phrase 'meat popsicle' from The 5th Element.

    mysticjuicerZilla360TankHammer
  • GundiGundi Serious Bismuth Registered User regular
    ah, i see that you are a meat popscile of culture

    DepressperadomysticjuicerMagic Pink21stCenturyCambiataLucedesZilla360pimentoMetzger MeisterShadowenInfidelThe Escape GoatSorcenever dieErin The Redchrishallett83
  • Satanic JesusSatanic Jesus Hi, I'm Liam! Registered User regular
    In any case, y'all are great and I hope you know that.

    no, you

    my backloggery 3DS: 0533-5338-5186 steam: porcelain_cow goodreads
    mysticjuicerDepressperadoZilla360FencingsaxSeidkonapimentoShadowenThe Escape GoatErin The Redchrishallett83
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Goddess with a blade Registered User regular
    edited October 12
    How much bullshit should we take to keep people in our lives?

    Why does everyone make their issues ours and make us carry the emotional load of it?

    Oh I'm so sorry me being in the closet was inconvenient for you and hurt you. .

    Seidkona on
    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    Zilla360
  • pimentopimento they/pim Registered User regular
    Been at AusPAX at the most queer inclusive environment I'll be in all year. Sure would love to not have massive impostor syndrome any time I'm in an explicit queer space. Still, I've only had one shower cry so far while here.

    Anyway, <3

    Brovid HasselsmofButlertzeentchlingCambiatadavidsdurionsSeidkonaToxlonelyahavaBrodyRhesus PositiveSorceApocalyptusThe Saucenever diemysticjuicerErin The RedVeldrinMcFodderZilla360chrishallett83AJR3clipseJaysonFour
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Goddess with a blade Registered User regular
    pimento wrote: »
    Been at AusPAX at the most queer inclusive environment I'll be in all year. Sure would love to not have massive impostor syndrome any time I'm in an explicit queer space. Still, I've only had one shower cry so far while here.

    Anyway, <3

    You are valid and awesome :heartbeat:

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    pimentoElldrenWhippyShadowenButlertzeentchlingToxSatanic JesusThe Escape GoatBrodyRhesus PositiveSorceThe Saucenever dieErin The RedVeldrinZilla360chrishallett833clipseJaysonFour
  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Voice progress
    4sqjtcf6h8kw.jpg

    ElldrendavidsdurionsJedocGundiSilverWindJansonSeidkonaStasisPsykomaPlatyFencingsaxCurly_BraceToxZonugalShadowenCelloKetarMsAnthropywanderingLucedesThe Escape GoatBrodyRhesus PositiveSorceButlerpimentoApocalyptusN1tSt4lkerThe SauceKayne Red RobeBahamutZEROnever dieLabelmysticjuicerErin The RedProlegomenaVeldrinForceVoidMcFoddercredeikiMunkus BeaverZilla360SporkAndrewchrishallett833clipseThe Hanged ManJaysonFour
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    Oh, shit! Sell! Sell!

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    tynicBrovid HasselsmofWhiteZinfandelFencingsaxToxZonugalkimetzeentchlingShadowenCelloLucedesThe Escape GoatBrodyRhesus PositiveSorceButlerApocalyptusN1tSt4lkerThe Saucenever dieLabelmysticjuicerErin The RedProlegomenaVeldrinJragghenMunkus BeaverZilla360SporkAndrewchrishallett83ShortyMulysaSempronius3clipseEl Skid
  • GundiGundi Serious Bismuth Registered User regular
    Voice progress
    4sqjtcf6h8kw.jpg

    at first you were like


    and soon you'll be like

    CambiataShadowenwanderingnever dieErin The RedZilla360Magic PinkShortyJaysonFour
  • WotanAnubisWotanAnubis Registered User regular
    edited October 12
    It feels like cheating, somehow. That I've applied these labels to myself, and I think they're appropriate, but I feel like an impostor,
    like I'm just jumping on a bandwagon, because I've never had to think about it until recently, and I've never had to fight for it.
    pimento wrote: »
    Been at AusPAX at the most queer inclusive environment I'll be in all year. Sure would love to not have massive impostor syndrome any time I'm in an explicit queer space. Still, I've only had one shower cry so far while here.

    Yeah, I've been there. By which I mean, I am there.

    I've come to accept that I'm Probably Not Cis (and, by extension, Probably Not Straight), and yet I feel like I don't even have the right to post in this thread.

    And it's not because I haven't struggled or haven't suffered or anything, but because I often feel like I'm not really Not Cis and I'm not really Not Straight. All these weird feelings I have? I want to have them, I don't really have them. Why? I dunno. Because it'd be neat, I guess, to be part of some community I admire. Not that I am part of that community. No, obviously not. Couldn't possibly. I'm just an intruder, actually.

    But then I remember how absurdly annoyed I get when someone ""accurately"" genders me and how pleased I am whenever someone ""misgenders"" me, and I figure, you know what, I think I'm allowed to call myself Probably Not Cis no matter how much of an impostor I feel like I am.

    WotanAnubis on
    The Saucemysticjuicer
  • The SauceThe Sauce Fleur de Alys Registered User regular
    edited October 13
    It feels like cheating, somehow. That I've applied these labels to myself, and I think they're appropriate, but I feel like an impostor,
    like I'm just jumping on a bandwagon, because I've never had to think about it until recently, and I've never had to fight for it.
    pimento wrote: »
    Been at AusPAX at the most queer inclusive environment I'll be in all year. Sure would love to not have massive impostor syndrome any time I'm in an explicit queer space. Still, I've only had one shower cry so far while here.

    Yeah, I've been there. By which I mean, I am there.

    I've come to accept that I'm Probably Not Cis (and, by extension, Probably Not Straight), and yet I feel like I don't even have the right to post in this thread.

    And it's not because I haven't struggled or haven't suffered or anything, but because I often feel like I'm not really Not Cis and I'm not really Not Straight. All these weird feelings I have? I want to have them, I don't really have them. Why? I dunno. Because it'd be neat, I guess, to be part of some community I admire. Not that I am part of that community. No, obviously not. Couldn't possibly. I'm just an intruder, actually.

    But then I remember how absurdly annoyed I get when someone ""accurately"" genders me and how pleased I am whenever someone ""misgenders"" me, and I figure, you know what, I think I'm allowed to call myself Probably Not Cis no matter how much of an impostor I feel like I am.
    I started there, and still dip in from time to time. Especially after a few days presenting masc at work (so like, Wednesday through Friday of every week).

    It helps me to remember some words of wisdom from thread regulars of prior years:

    If you're questioning your gender, you're probably some variety of trans. Cis people generally don't do that.

    You belong here. You get to post here. Thank you for posting here :)


    Separately, I did drive-thru today and got called "ma'am" at the ordering speaker, from voice alone. Felt hella good. So glad I did voice lessons!

    The Sauce on
    Triptycho: A card-and-dice tabletop indie RPG currently in development and playtesting
    DepressperadopimentoStasisBrodytzeentchlingFencingsaxApocalyptusSeidkonamysticjuicerElldrenCambiataInfamyDeferredToxMcFoddercredeikiVivixenneZilla360chrishallett833clipseJaysonFour
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Goddess with a blade Registered User regular
    Huh.

    Partner just announced she(doesn't wish to change pronouns currently) is trans of some form and will be seeking gender therepy.

    I spent the night assuring her her feelings were valid and that she was not "just wrong or faking it"

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    pimentoRhesus PositivemysticjuicerGrogVyolynceThe SauceSorceForceVoidElldrenkimenever dietzeentchlingLabelCambiataCurly_BraceMsAnthropyToxMcFodderDarkPrimuswanderingaStoryAboutYouShadowencredeikiZilla360SporkAndrewchrishallett83BrodyErin The RedJaysonFour
  • TankHammerTankHammer Atlanta Ghostbuster Atlanta, GARegistered User regular
    I was at Atlanta Pride all day with a friend and it was really great, even though I was kinda overwhelmed for most of it. Seeing folks not usually represented just everywhere flying flags or just putting their bodies out there was amazing. Trans guys going bare-chested proudly and so many more pansexual and nonbinary and ace flags than I've ever seen before in my life made my heart swell. I did find myself wishing those pride Converse sneakers had more arch support but it was a small price. It was fun just cuffing my jeans, showing off my pan socks and my custom Ghostbusters shirt and having other people compliment them without fear of a negative confrontation.

    pimentoApocalyptusPoketpixiePlatylonelyahavaRhesus PositivemysticjuicerSeidkonaThe SauceSorceElldrennever dietzeentchlingLabelCurly_BraceToxwanderingaStoryAboutYouShadowenMsAnthropyZilla360SporkAndrew3clipseJaysonFour
  • PlatyPlaty anything but regular Registered User regular
    Voice progress
    4sqjtcf6h8kw.jpg

    Joe Lean

    tzeentchlingZilla360
  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    @aStoryAboutYou I just finished reading Amateur. It was excellent, I feel like I'll be rereading it a few times. Thanks again for the recommendation.

    aStoryAboutYouErin The Red
  • AnialosAnialos Collies are love, Collies are life! Shadowbrook ColliesRegistered User regular
    In uh, honor of coming out day, I guess I'll try and get this off my shoulders

    I don't really know what my deal is.

    I'm definitely queer, pan-sexual? I don't really feel like a man, and I don't really feel like a woman.
    Ideally, I'd be some sort of genderless meat popsicle.

    But I've... been, or at least presented as, a man for so long that it's... easier? just to stay that way. (plus I like having a beard)

    It feels like cheating, somehow. That I've applied these labels to myself, and I think they're appropriate, but I feel like an impostor,
    like I'm just jumping on a bandwagon, because I've never had to think about it until recently, and I've never had to fight for it.

    And I don't really have a bond with the community any more than I do with any group under pressure from orthodoxy.
    I feel like... if I really am this way, the way that I feel, I should do... more, I guess? I should feel more.

    I dunno if it's just my general sense of self-loathing or an actual thing, but I doubt. I feel like I don't deserve it,
    as though trying to finally be comfortable in my own skin is some kind of prize I haven't earned.

    The amount of hand-wringing and grappling with my own dumb self makes me feel like people who actually had to struggle to be accepted by family and friends and society in general are fucking superheroes.

    Hi, this is me. My wife is the only one that knows. You fine folks I trust to keep this here, so now you know too. I'll go back to trying to blend in now.

    "there's sin enough without treating love like a sin"
    SeidkonaDepressperadoOne Thousand CablesGrogThe SauceToxpimentomysticjuicerMcFodderElldrenwanderingtzeentchlingaStoryAboutYouShadowenMsAnthropySorceVeldrinZilla360chrishallett83Infidelthe cheatApocalyptusErin The RedJaysonFour
  • SeidkonaSeidkona Goddess with a blade Registered User regular
    :heartbeat:

    Love all of you

    Mostly just huntin' monsters.
    XBL:Phenyhelm - 3DS:Phenyhelm
    DepressperadoThe SaucepimentomysticjuicerwanderingShadowenLucedesFencingsaxVeldrinCambiataZilla360BrodyErin The RedJaysonFour
  • aStoryAboutYouaStoryAboutYou Registered User regular
    @aStoryAboutYou I just finished reading Amateur. It was excellent, I feel like I'll be rereading it a few times. Thanks again for the recommendation.

    ayy so happy you liked it/it gave you some enduring and revisitable stuff!

    oWv6S12.gif
  • initiatefailureinitiatefailure Registered User regular
    edited October 14
    Yeah it took me like 30 years to get to this point so like, just be kind to yourself no matter what else you do

    initiatefailure on
    I Do Design | I PSN- Subtle_Ties | 3DS: 3840-5210-2008 (Subtle)
    SeidkonamysticjuicerwanderingCurly_BraceThe SaucepimentoMsAnthropyApocalyptus
  • PlatyPlaty anything but regular Registered User regular
    I should be able to start HRT today

    Unfortunately I've been feeling really empty over the last month

    It's been taking way too long

    pimentoMcFodderlonelyahavaShadowenRhesus Positivenever dieVeldrinVyolyncePsykomaSeidkonaErin The RedTankHammerElldrenInfamyDeferredForceVoid3clipseBrodyCambiataThe Escape GoatWyvernCurly_BraceThe SaucemysticjuicerShortyMsAnthropyApocalyptustynicLabelAnialosJaysonFouraStoryAboutYou
  • pimentopimento they/pim Registered User regular
    Awesoming for the HRT, not for the emptyness. It has taken way too long.

    McFodderlonelyahavaShadowenRhesus PositiveFencingsaxnever dieVeldrinPsykomaSeidkonaErin The RedTankHammerElldren3clipseBrodyCambiataThe Escape GoatCurly_BraceThe SaucemysticjuicerButlerMsAnthropyApocalyptusPoketpixietynicLabelJaysonFour
  • PlatyPlaty anything but regular Registered User regular
    Everyone in the endocrinology department already seems to know me, been here three times already, didn't even have to say my name

    Seidkonamysticjuicer
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Best of luck, Platy. I'm cheering for you from down here!

    SporkAndrewpimentoLiiyaFencingsaxShadowennever dieVeldrinLucedesSeidkonaErin The RedN1tSt4lkerElldren21stCentury3clipseBrodyCambiatatzeentchlingThe Escape GoatThe SauceButlerMsAnthropyApocalyptusPoketpixieAnialosJaysonFouraStoryAboutYou
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