As was foretold, we've added advertisements to the forums! If you have questions, or if you encounter any bugs, please visit this thread: https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/240191/forum-advertisement-faq-and-reports-thread/

Kids/Parenting: It’s fine, everything is fine.

13567101

Posts

  • MegafrostMegafrost Leader of the Decepticons Registered User regular
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    Parenting is hard and no one here will shittalk you for wishing that your kiddo was older so you can reason with them, converse, enjoy pop culture, or whatever else. Going from infant to terrible twos to threenager to fourrible is not easy in any way. Find the little joys, and weather the rest as best you can.

    Both the parents and the kids themselves are going to be a big factor into just how many you're willing/able to handle, and you don't know exactly how that is going to shake out until you're actually changing the diapers on one. For some people, despite what they thought beforehand, that number stops at 1.

    My wife and I originally planned on 4. But a particularly difficult second pregnancy prompted us to stop at 2 and made it clear that we didn't have the energy for more.

  • RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    Coworker just revealed she's having a third child, and I'm kind of reflecting on that...

    While there are instants of joy, my wife and I aren't happy on the whole, and we're going to call it at 1. Before my first was born I figured I wanted to have two - I've got a brother, so that was my frame of reference - but honestly we're more surviving than enjoying the experience. She'll have a cousin that's the same age, and a lot of similar-aged kids in her neighborhood cohort whose parents we're already close to, and that'll be that.

    I'm hoping the experience will become more rewarding as she ages - I had kind of figured going in that would be the case, because babies do nothing for me and I'm more excited about mentoring skills and such that need at least 2 or 3 years in, and then a lifetime after that. The "don't wish away this time" crowd feels like exactly what I'm doing right now.

    How old is your kiddo?

    RedTide#1907 on Battle.net
    Come Overwatch with meeeee
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    The first year of a child's life is definitely hard for the parents, and depending on a bunch of mostly random factors, it can vary between kinda difficult and nigh unbearable.

    Somewhere around 18 months, the kid is sleeping through the night, they can keep themselves entertained for longer than five minutes at a time, and you can actually start engaging with them as tiny humans and not shrieking, poo-scented tamagotchi, and things become a lot more enjoyable.

    I found right around 3-6 to be the most fun age. They're out of diapers, they're old enough to not keep constantly trying to kill themselves, old enough to listen to you, and too young to be SUPER willful. And they learn things so quickly that there's constant feeling of discovery by proxy.

    Also they're adorable and basically think you're god, which is nice.

    But definitely don't feel bad if you're finding yourself not totally in love with the parenting process. The first year is fucking rough, and it's often hard up enjoy yourself when you're perpetually exhausted and frazzled.

    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    But there are totally times even now with a three year old that I feel like I've made a huge mistake.


    This is usually because she's being a threenager, or I'm having a bad brain day, or both! It's so much better than those first 8 months, though. I was not a huge fan of my kid for that time period.

    But she's three now, and wants to be a veterinarian, and is obsessed with space. She's got a wicked smart sense of humour, and is smarter than me.

  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    Sapling is turning 2 on the 29th, and she has definitely started to become a real pita some times. Like, no don't lean over the edge of the couch like that, you are going to fall and get hurt, but she just pretends she doesn't hear you. But at the same time she is super adorable. We have one of those animal chairs for her, and for time out we turn it so its facing away from the tv/window, and make her sit in it. Yesterday, she had two of her toys, and she was alternating them both between timeout, and "snuggle baby".

    We are about to start trying for a second, and I'm worried we may have waited too long, and now we realize how much work that might end up being...

    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

    The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

    Steam: Korvalain
  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    Nah, two / three years is a good amount of separation.

  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    edited July 2019
    I know only a couple of people who have two kids, and most are 2-4 years apart. 3 seemed to be the sweet-spot for them being young together to be friends, but the oldest needs less care as the baby is born.. but every family is different.
    My youngest girl was a sweetheart from 1-5. I think we got too used to that, as her younger brother has been a tornado since he was born.
    She's starting to act up a bit, since she notices her brother acting up, and getting away with more than she did. Granted, she just never tried to get away with things, and is now testing her boundaries a bit more. It's all part of growing up, but it was nice having one kid listen for at least a little while..

    MulysaSempronius on
    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    I'm about to have my second in early August. The first will turn 2 in September. I wanted my kids to be close in age. My brother and I are about 4.5 yrs apart and it feels like just a little too much. But, the reality of having 2 kids so young is starting to set in. For example, we'll probably need a 2 kid stroller for at least a little while.

  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    Yeah, I'm not too worried about the age gap, my brother and I are 4 yrs apart, and although it wasn't always great, that doesn't particularly worry me. I'm more worried about our resolve as Sapling gets into the swing of teh terrible twos.

    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

    The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

    Steam: Korvalain
  • SummaryJudgmentSummaryJudgment Grab the hottest iron you can find, stride in the Tower’s front door Registered User regular
    RedTide wrote: »
    Coworker just revealed she's having a third child, and I'm kind of reflecting on that...

    While there are instants of joy, my wife and I aren't happy on the whole, and we're going to call it at 1. Before my first was born I figured I wanted to have two - I've got a brother, so that was my frame of reference - but honestly we're more surviving than enjoying the experience. She'll have a cousin that's the same age, and a lot of similar-aged kids in her neighborhood cohort whose parents we're already close to, and that'll be that.

    I'm hoping the experience will become more rewarding as she ages - I had kind of figured going in that would be the case, because babies do nothing for me and I'm more excited about mentoring skills and such that need at least 2 or 3 years in, and then a lifetime after that. The "don't wish away this time" crowd feels like exactly what I'm doing right now.

    How old is your kiddo?

    Just turning 11 months. She was born, the first two months were rough with no sleep, and then she coliced for two months after that. Mom dealt with some postpartum, I dealt with some situational depression.

    We had a pretty good 4-10 months! But the last month this separation anxiety has kicked in, and baby doesn't want to be away from mom, and it's just grinding my wife down. On top of that, she's gotten willful about refusing naps -- now she colic cries and scratches me if I hold her near naptime and I feel horrible for not being able to help anymore, and I used to be the one who would put her down for all her naps.

    Some days Blue wonders why anyone ever bothered making numbers so small; other days she supposes even infinity needs to start somewhere.
  • SeñorAmorSeñorAmor !!! Registered User regular
    Mine are about 18 months apart, which is great as they're 2 years apart in school. My eldest (son) is going into 4th grade, so I have two more years until they're split up on different buses to school, so that should be interesting.

  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    Yeah I try to enjoy the little things now when they are 4 and 6, but I cannot wait until they get a little bit older and we can watch movies together and play games together. Right now I've tried playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3 with them playing local coop but I'm basically carrying them because they just kinda scatter and do whatever. But at the same time they're having fun even if we aren't progressing in the story so it's whatever.

    I know my dad once told me that he couldn't wait for me to get older so we could drink beer together and watch Football. Then, when I got old enough, it turned out that I hate watching sports and I'm allergic to beer. Hopefully the same thing doesn't happen to me and my kids haha.

  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    Yeah I try to enjoy the little things now when they are 4 and 6, but I cannot wait until they get a little bit older and we can watch movies together and play games together. Right now I've tried playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3 with them playing local coop but I'm basically carrying them because they just kinda scatter and do whatever. But at the same time they're having fun even if we aren't progressing in the story so it's whatever.

    I know my dad once told me that he couldn't wait for me to get older so we could drink beer together and watch Football. Then, when I got old enough, it turned out that I hate watching sports and I'm allergic to beer. Hopefully the same thing doesn't happen to me and my kids haha.

    i-fG5QG2b-2100x20000.jpg

    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

    The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

    Steam: Korvalain
  • MugsleyMugsley DelawareRegistered User regular
    Our oldest starts 5th grade this year. Her sister starts 3rd grade. We're starting to discuss dropping after-school care to 3 days per week (my wife works from home on Fridays). When my brother and I were that age, we walked/biked to and from school and were home alone for 1-2 hrs before my mom got in from work.

    The kids can walk home (we're fortunately only about 150 yds from the school, without a busy road in the way), but my wife and I are still mustering up the confidence to leave the kids alone together and not have a house on fire when we get there.

  • MuzzmuzzMuzzmuzz Registered User regular
    Gah, in a little more than a month... my kid is starting school.

    I'm not nervous at all

    at all.

    No sirrree.

  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    Muzzmuzz wrote: »
    Gah, in a little more than a month... my kid is starting school.

    I'm not nervous at all

    at all.

    No sirrree.

    That first time I let my daughter on the school bus and it drove away was really hard. But after a few months of her at school it was pretty amazing to see her transform into this person. She had likes/dislikes, opinions on things, and started to read. It was amazing to see.

  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist I swear! Registered User regular
    My 11 year old loves games and not only that but likes the same games I do. It's awesome. Currently we're playing Recettear together. (Which basically means she plays the game and I help her with the boss fights.)

    "Simple, real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time." -Mustrum Ridcully in Terry Pratchett's Hogfather p. 142 (HarperPrism 1996)
  • EntriechEntriech ? ? ? ? ? Ontario, CanadaRegistered User regular
    We picked up the one that seems popular (in North America at least) called "It's Not the Stork" and I was pleased that it was very inclusive in extending explanations
    urahonky wrote: »
    Muzzmuzz wrote: »
    Gah, in a little more than a month... my kid is starting school.

    I'm not nervous at all

    at all.

    No sirrree.

    That first time I let my daughter on the school bus and it drove away was really hard. But after a few months of her at school it was pretty amazing to see her transform into this person. She had likes/dislikes, opinions on things, and started to read. It was amazing to see.

    When our daughter went off to JK it was initially kind of nerve-wracking, because she'd never really been apart from one of us for any period of time. Then we really grew to enjoy both the freedom her being in school offered, as well as 7 hours of the day dedicated to productive play and interaction. Then the sudden discovery of other people having influence over her tastes and opinions and being disgrunteld about that (I had never heard of Jojo Siwa, and now I wish I never had. I cannot believe what my idiot peers allow their children to watch/do. Take the youtube kids app and throw it into the sun). Then the sudden realization that school is only 9.5 months of the year, and oh god, we have to fill *how* much time per day?

    Where's that back to school commercial, the one that has "It's the Most Wonderful time of the Year" playing over a parent skipping joyfully through a Staples or whatever. I feel that so keenly in my bones now.

  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Somewhere around 18 months, the kid is sleeping through the night

    Hey can someone let my seven and four year olds know this?

  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    Re: age separation, there's no right answer, but I'll tell you my wife and I chose the WRONG answer: Sam and Tony are 17 months apart and goddamn every bad phase they time so that at any given time at least one of them is just awful.

    Theres just enough joy between them to see the light at the end of the tunnel and then out of nowhere they go from playing quietly to hitting each other with those wooden train tracks and screaming and holy fuck is it hard to keep two toddlers in time out at the same time.

  • SelnerSelner Registered User regular
    Muzzmuzz wrote: »
    Gah, in a little more than a month... my kid is starting school.

    I'm not nervous at all

    at all.

    No sirrree.

    All three of mine (7, 5 and 5) will *finally* be going to the same school in September. I am jumping around ecstatic. First, we get a "raise" from not paying for daycare and second, one drop off! Wooooo!

    So I'm pretty much counting down the days until the first day of school :) .

  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    Apart from the lack of sleep, which is honestly a trait on both sides of the family, 7 and 4 is pretty great. Getting past the first three years with both kids is fantastic.

    Luckily, so far both kids have similar interests to us... there are a fair few tv shows we all enjoy, as well as board games and video games. My youngest will help out in the yard, too!

  • RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    RedTide wrote: »
    Coworker just revealed she's having a third child, and I'm kind of reflecting on that...

    While there are instants of joy, my wife and I aren't happy on the whole, and we're going to call it at 1. Before my first was born I figured I wanted to have two - I've got a brother, so that was my frame of reference - but honestly we're more surviving than enjoying the experience. She'll have a cousin that's the same age, and a lot of similar-aged kids in her neighborhood cohort whose parents we're already close to, and that'll be that.

    I'm hoping the experience will become more rewarding as she ages - I had kind of figured going in that would be the case, because babies do nothing for me and I'm more excited about mentoring skills and such that need at least 2 or 3 years in, and then a lifetime after that. The "don't wish away this time" crowd feels like exactly what I'm doing right now.

    How old is your kiddo?

    Just turning 11 months. She was born, the first two months were rough with no sleep, and then she coliced for two months after that. Mom dealt with some postpartum, I dealt with some situational depression.

    We had a pretty good 4-10 months! But the last month this separation anxiety has kicked in, and baby doesn't want to be away from mom, and it's just grinding my wife down. On top of that, she's gotten willful about refusing naps -- now she colic cries and scratches me if I hold her near naptime and I feel horrible for not being able to help anymore, and I used to be the one who would put her down for all her naps.

    Did you guys sleep train?

    RedTide#1907 on Battle.net
    Come Overwatch with meeeee
  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    Janson wrote: »
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Somewhere around 18 months, the kid is sleeping through the night

    Hey can someone let my seven and four year olds know this?

    Right after someone fills in my 11 and 15 year olds.

    I didn't say the development was permanent!

    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    Janson wrote: »
    ElJeffe wrote: »
    Somewhere around 18 months, the kid is sleeping through the night

    Hey can someone let my seven and four year olds know this?

    https://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Think-Learn-Smart-Cycle/dp/B01NAS2UED

    I had an issue with my son just seemingly having so much energy at night that he just couldn't sleep. He would get out of bed a million times a night for every random reason he could come up with. Until we bought the above item.

    Basically it's an exercise bike that as they pedal the real pedals the car moves in the game. It's been a godsend to my sanity and my marriage.

  • AimAim Registered User regular
    In September my eldest starts kindergarten, and the other two will be at different daycares. Three drops and pick ups will be fun, I'm sure :)

  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    Just hold the two oldest back until they're all in the same grade.

    I'm Eljeffe, I solve problems.

    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    Aim wrote: »
    In September my eldest starts kindergarten, and the other two will be at different daycares. Three drops and pick ups will be fun, I'm sure :)

    2 different daycares? Don’t you get, like, a multi-kid discount if you stay at one place?

    "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it" - Dr Horrible
  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    Still have a few months before daycare for our first, but I’m already starting to get nervous. We got into the one we wanted, which is nice. But we have to pay an extra month and a half to reserve the spot. Which kind of blows, but whatever.

    I mean, we’re pretty nervous about someone else raising our kid anyway, but the place we picked is super Portland. Like celebrating the earth mother, daily walks ran or shine, and possible field trips to the grocery store.

    I mean we picked the place because everyone seemed super friendly, and at that young all we really need is someone to watch her and interact. But it still feels weird handing over that much power to strangers.

    "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it" - Dr Horrible
  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    Jebus314 wrote: »
    Aim wrote: »
    In September my eldest starts kindergarten, and the other two will be at different daycares. Three drops and pick ups will be fun, I'm sure :)

    2 different daycares? Don’t you get, like, a multi-kid discount if you stay at one place?

    I'm in a situation where my daughter will be going to a different day care than my other two because of where her school is. Our current daycare is close to her work and they've all been going there their whole lives, unfortunately we live in a different city so they won't bus back and forth.

  • SelnerSelner Registered User regular
    Jebus314 wrote: »
    Aim wrote: »
    In September my eldest starts kindergarten, and the other two will be at different daycares. Three drops and pick ups will be fun, I'm sure :)

    2 different daycares? Don’t you get, like, a multi-kid discount if you stay at one place?

    I don't know aim's situation, but I had my oldest and the twins at different daycares at one point. That was just two drop offs though, as the twins were at the same place.

    They were at different daycares because we were in the process of moving from one to the other. The older child was able to move first, because there's move availability for older children (ratios are better). We had to wait for the "sibling preference" thing to kick in so the younger kids could move.

  • discriderdiscrider Registered User regular
    My 11 year old loves games and not only that but likes the same games I do. It's awesome. Currently we're playing Recettear together. (Which basically means she plays the game and I help her with the boss fights.)

    ...
    Who manages the spreadsheet?

  • AimAim Registered User regular
    Jebus314 wrote: »
    Aim wrote: »
    In September my eldest starts kindergarten, and the other two will be at different daycares. Three drops and pick ups will be fun, I'm sure :)

    2 different daycares? Don’t you get, like, a multi-kid discount if you stay at one place?

    It's a mix of age restrictions and our preference. We'll eventually move the youngest to the other daycare once she's old enough.

  • Romantic UndeadRomantic Undead Registered User regular
    So today in "Unexpected Child Freakouts":

    Mini-dead and I are having a quiet Sunday afternoon, when, while browsing my phone, I see Smooth McGroove has posted a new song!

    Neat! Smooth is nice, wholesome entertainment, so I put up his new video on the TV to watch. Mini-dead takes interest, wonders why all the different men on the screen look the same, which prompts an explanation of video editing and overlay, which I think she only kinda understood.

    Song ends, YouTube autoplay moves on to the next one: Super Mario Galaxy! Mini-dead loves Mario, but had never seen Galaxy before, so this was good times too!

    Next: One-Winged Angel! Daddy gets excited, and explains how cool daddy thought this song was when it happens in the game. Mini-dead comments on how the graphics look "weird" (and I agree with her, explaining that that's how games looked back then)... and then, it happens, Sephiroth launches his mega-attack: Meteor! Mini-dead asks what's happening, and I explain: The bad-guy is summoning a meteor to blow up the good guys! In my silly dad voice I narrate: Uh oh! Bye-bye Pluto! Oops, there goes Neptune! and on and on, until the sun starts to expand into the Earth...

    Then... it happens... COMPLETE MELTDOWN! (of the child, not the planet, in case that isn't clear)

    Idonwannawatch, Idonwannawatch, I donwannawatch!!!! (desperate wails)

    I rush to turn off the video and go hold her, comforting her and reassuring her that it was just pretend, none of it is real, and that I didn't mean to upset her and that I was sorry.

    It was such whiplash to go from enjoyable engagement to having to manage a meltdown (which are rare for her) that it kinda threw me! I mean, we try to shelter her from disturbing imagery as much as possible, but she likes Teen Titans Go, and they get gross and even existential at times, so I never expected 25 year old video-game imagery to have such an effect, but there you are.

    3DS FC: 1547-5210-6531
  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited July 2019
    It's a weird thing seeing how kid eyes see things differently than us.

    When Sam was about 2 1/2, my wife admitted to watching Jurassic World with him. I didn't really like that, but he loved "Mama's dinosaur show." He wasn't scared because he had no concept of death yet and only a nebulous idea of injury that didn't really extend to others getting hurt like he could (he took intense joy in headbutting me in the nuts).

    But I watched BattleBots with him. It was Icewave vs. Vanquish last season. Sam was excited ("Trucks gonna play?") Then Icewave shaved a few bolts off and he started screaming, "No trucks stop daddy help!" Before I could stop the show Vanquish got ripped completely in half and the poor kid had a complete meltdown.

    See, he didn't really understand that the dinosaurs were killing people, but broken toys? Yep, he knows that. A little broken and daddy can fix it, a lot broken and it's gone forever. And Vanquish was a WHOLE LOT broken.

    Hevach on
  • Sir LandsharkSir Landshark resting shark face Registered User regular
    Hevach wrote: »
    Re: age separation, there's no right answer, but I'll tell you my wife and I chose the WRONG answer: Sam and Tony are 17 months apart and goddamn every bad phase they time so that at any given time at least one of them is just awful.

    Theres just enough joy between them to see the light at the end of the tunnel and then out of nowhere they go from playing quietly to hitting each other with those wooden train tracks and screaming and holy fuck is it hard to keep two toddlers in time out at the same time.

    #1 and #2 are 21 months apart. #2 and #3 are 18 months apart. We're happy with our decision.

    Please consider the environment before printing this post.
  • SyphonBlueSyphonBlue The studying beaver That beaver sure loves studying!Registered User regular
    Hevach wrote: »
    Re: age separation, there's no right answer, but I'll tell you my wife and I chose the WRONG answer: Sam and Tony are 17 months apart and goddamn every bad phase they time so that at any given time at least one of them is just awful.

    Theres just enough joy between them to see the light at the end of the tunnel and then out of nowhere they go from playing quietly to hitting each other with those wooden train tracks and screaming and holy fuck is it hard to keep two toddlers in time out at the same time.

    #1 and #2 are 21 months apart. #2 and #3 are 18 months apart. We're happy with our decision.

    Yeah, ours are 18 months apart as well. It was very hard at first, but now they're best friends and the wife and I are extremely happy with that "decision".

    That "decision" being "oops we're having another kid"

    LxX6eco.jpg
    PSN/Steam/NNID: SyphonBlue | BNet: SyphonBlue#1126
  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    Yeah my daughter was 14 months when we found out about our son. It was definitely an oops but it worked out because of their age.

  • knight11eknight11e Registered User regular
    I’ve been enjoying everyone’s stories about their kids, so I’ll share a dad-of-the-year story.

    When my son was a little older than 2, we switched his crib to one he could get in and out of on his own. After the change I started checking on him around midnight every night to make sure he was where he was supposed to be. He was sleeping ok, not great so I was pretty tired one night when I went to check on him. I walked in the room and it smelled quite bad. I used the light on my phone to look at him and he had removed all his clothes (including his diaper) and was covered in his own poop. Head to toe, face, under his fingernails, etc. BUT, he was asleep. For what is probably way longer than I should have, I considered how bad it would be to just leave him until the morning. I mean, what more could he do to make it worse? I did end up giving him an emergency bath though.

    So if you ever feel like you aren’t doing so hot at the parenting thing just remember, I once considered letting my child sleep in his feces so I could get a better nights sleep.

  • ElJeffeElJeffe Moderator, ClubPA mod
    Yeah, what kids find scary is weird.

    The thing that most terrifies my 11 year old, out of everything in the world, is the Pink Panther.

    I have shown him The Shining and The Ring and The Thing. He was cool with those.

    But you sneak up behind him and go "Dun-dun... dun-DUN...dun-dun dun-dun DUN-DUN..." and he will lose his shit.

    I submitted an entry to Lego Ideas, and if 10,000 people support me, it'll be turned into an actual Lego set!If you'd like to see and support my submission, follow this link.
Sign In or Register to comment.