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Kids/Parenting: It’s fine, everything is fine.

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Posts

  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    Aim wrote: »
    On what to expect part it's different for everyone, but in my experience, the first month is the absolute worst, then it slowly gets better from there. Attachment can also take a while, I don't think I started enjoying the experience until about six months in, and it can take longer.
    Finally, post partum depression is absurdly common, and therapy may be needed.

    This is a really important point that I'm glad you brought up.

    Take care of your mental health, and despite what you hear you may not feel an instant connection with the baby. That can take time, and that's OK! Or maybe you will, and that's OK too!

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  • AiouaAioua Ora Occidens Ora OptimaRegistered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    I ended up creating a website that I gave access to family members to (this was like 7 years ago). This way my parents could see their grandchildren and I didn't have to flood Facebook/Twitter with pictures.

    That sounds like a really damn good idea!

    Imma going be doing that because I despise Facebook.

    we do this with a shared album in Google photos

    a bit annoying to get set up but once all the grandparents had the app they just get notifications whenever we add pictures

    life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
    fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
    that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
    bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
  • SniperGuySniperGuy SniperGuyGaming Registered User regular
    My issue is that my mom absolutely wants to take whatever picture we send her and put it on facebook. I don't even have a facebook anymore because I have big issues with the company, so we've asked her not to put a picture on there at all. But she is adamant that she reaaaaally wants to show the photos to her friends who of course only use Facebook and got real mad when I tried to point out that facebook is a terrible company. So that's been a frustrating thing and I don't really see a good way to keep everyone super happy so I'm defaulting to making me and wife happy instead and just not talking to my mom about that anymore I guess.

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  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    SniperGuy wrote: »
    My issue is that my mom absolutely wants to take whatever picture we send her and put it on facebook. I don't even have a facebook anymore because I have big issues with the company, so we've asked her not to put a picture on there at all. But she is adamant that she reaaaaally wants to show the photos to her friends who of course only use Facebook and got real mad when I tried to point out that facebook is a terrible company. So that's been a frustrating thing and I don't really see a good way to keep everyone super happy so I'm defaulting to making me and wife happy instead and just not talking to my mom about that anymore I guess.

    We've had a really hard time with that, especially since our parents have a rather large "friend" group on facebook, and I don't want w/e jagweed you've never met but friended because he agreed with you on some dumb conservative article comment to be looking at pictures of my kid.

    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

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  • Mojo_JojoMojo_Jojo We are only now beginning to understand the full power and ramifications of sexual intercourse Registered User regular
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    MNC Dover wrote: »
    Having some one-handed games available can help keep sanity during the early stages. Like, for both our kids, they would feed with momma then get passed over to me to sleep on my arm (which I had propped up with a boppi pillow). During those long, late-night sleep times, I would play games that I could with just my right hand. Slay the Spire, Legends of Runeterra, Hearthstone, Luck be a Landlord, FTL....basically turn-based stuff you can stop playing at a moment's notice.

    If you get a good slouch going you can play anything. Some of my best Destiny play was during baby naps while she slept on my chest.

    Yeah I played a shitload of MGSV with burpette on me and got through Ni No Kuni 2 and a lot of Stellaris with Nending

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  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    I'm going to touch on something that hopefully has already been covered with you and is frankly kind of upsetting to think about. Make sure you have a safe space to put the baby down and walk away for a few minutes if you need to. There are times where babies just cry and cry and cannot be soothed. Hopefully this doesn't happen much for you, but it's normal for babies to do it. Having a new baby can be very, very, stressful and sometimes babies can't be soothed.

    Here in BC, all new parents are given info on what's called the period of PURPLE (there's an acronym explanation at that link) crying. When people are stressed. There's even a phone app http://purplecrying.info/

    GilgaronCarpykimeMNC DoverCauldKayne Red RobeJaysonFourSleepElvenshaeBanzai5150
  • GilgaronGilgaron Registered User regular
    I don't know how best to handle it in pandemic times, but also leveraging your relatives, if local, will also help your mental health. Just having someone else hold the baby for a few hours so you can have a meal without dripping it on a baby's head or have a conversation while holding a beer instead of a baby is great. You're going to be holding that baby so much at first that for a few years you'll be swaying gently while holding a pumpkin, bookbag, or pet that was the right weight for your parenting instincts to kick in.

    Brody
  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    Corvus wrote: »
    I'm going to touch on something that hopefully has already been covered with you and is frankly kind of upsetting to think about. Make sure you have a safe space to put the baby down and walk away for a few minutes if you need to. There are times where babies just cry and cry and cannot be soothed. Hopefully this doesn't happen much for you, but it's normal for babies to do it. Having a new baby can be very, very, stressful and sometimes babies can't be soothed.

    Here in BC, all new parents are given info on what's called the period of PURPLE (there's an acronym explanation at that link) crying. When people are stressed. There's even a phone app http://purplecrying.info/

    Yeah, if the baby isn't going to stop crying, it doesn't matter if they are crying in a crib or while you are holding them. So if you get to the point where you are ready to shout "WHY ARE YOU CRYING!" set them in their crib and step out for a minute.

    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

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  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    Another thing to consider would be getting checked for blood clots. After my wife had our first, we had to rush back to the hospital a few days later because she has having pain in her chest. Turns out she got a blood clot which could have been fatal if left untreated.

    I don't say this to scare you, more of just a general warning. It's a very rare thing to happen, but just keep it in mind. If your wife is complaining about pain anywhere in her body, don't screw around. Better safe than sorry.

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  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Be prepared for things to just not work.

    Ellie would not be swaddled.
    She did not want the boob
    She did not want a pacifier
    She did not sleep on her back, but on her side
    We were told she was going to be a big baby, she was only 5lbs. We had to go buy extra preemie size clothes that she used for the first two months.
    Postpartum hits men as well as women and isn't really talked about.
    You may not love them right away. Or may not be live at first sight, but it should come. It took me about six months to take feel the affection.
    You can walk away if you need to. Put them down and go outside for a few minutes. They will be ok and so will you.



    Some babies absolutely despise the car. They will cry and scream every single car ride. Sometimes to the point of vomit. Or may be good to sit in the back with them if able. This usually seems to stop around 9 months.



    There is no shame in rejoicing in the little things that may logically seem silly. Rejoice and enjoy. They are fascinating creatures.

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  • Gabriel_PittGabriel_Pitt (effective against the Irish) Registered User regular
    CroakerBC wrote: »
    Movitz wrote: »
    Mojo_Jojo wrote: »
    Oh yeah, everybody is basing their opinions on really small number statistics which means you end up with lots of bizarre rituals being handed around like they were tested science

    I have 100% succes in the tested population that nibbling on children's ears while tickling their stomachs and yelling "I am a bangalese tiger" will break whatever 2-year old tantrum they are experiencing at the moment.

    Scientific. Fact.

    To be fair, I can totally see that working 100% of the time.

    It is a true test of parenting to nibble and shout at the same time.

  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    Yeesh, when did she get so big?

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  • tbloxhamtbloxham Registered User regular
    Calica wrote: »
    tbloxham wrote: »
    Calica wrote: »
    honovere wrote: »
    For my wife it was among other things everything minty.

    Good luck finding a non-minty toothpaste that's not some homeopathic bullshit.

    There's always kids' toothpaste; that comes in more flavors usually. Or something like this, which is what I use. Their Sweet Spice flavor is mostly cinnamon and cardamom, and no mint.

    It doesn't have fluoride - I haven't yet been able to find a non-mint toothpaste that does, and I hate mint - but my dentist otherwise approved (albeit somewhat grudgingly) when I showed him the container.

    I was very briefly excited when I followed that link because I saw it came in a glass and metal jar (IE, fully recyclable) but was then very sad to see it has no fluoride. I would like more products which allow me to recycle their packaging and don't ship me water but DONT require me to use a non functional product please!

    It's perfectly functional, though?

    Fluoride doesn't clean teeth; it remineralizes them. It's perfectly fine to use a non-fluoride paste or powder for cleaning and then a separate fluoride rinse.

    But then the fluoride rinse will come in a plastic bottle, invalidating my hopes for eliminating disposable plastic from my tooth care regime.

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  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    There are two companies in NZ that I've found that have glass jar toothpaste with fluoride.

    The Natural Company, but it's mint
    The Humble Company, fluoride and charcoal, no notes on flavour.

  • Kayne Red RobeKayne Red Robe Master of Magic ArcanusRegistered User regular
    There are two companies in NZ that I've found that have glass jar toothpaste with fluoride.

    The Natural Company, but it's mint
    The Humble Company, fluoride and charcoal, no notes on flavour.

    Note that swallowing any amount of charcoal can mess with the effectiveness of any oral medications you might be taking.

    lonelyahavaCalica
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    There are two companies in NZ that I've found that have glass jar toothpaste with fluoride.

    The Natural Company, but it's mint
    The Humble Company, fluoride and charcoal, no notes on flavour.

    Note that swallowing any amount of charcoal can mess with the effectiveness of any oral medications you might be taking.

    especially birth control.

    slightly thread relevant. lol

    Kayne Red RobeShadowfireBrodyCauldElvenshae
  • Red RaevynRed Raevyn because I only take Bubble Baths Registered User regular
    My wife's therapist pointed out to her that the way memory works, anyone's advice more than 3 years old has a shaky foundation at best. So as others have said, don't feel bad about not following non-credentialed advice.

    Know going in that it's going to be hard and that it's all you're going to do for 3-6 weeks, especially the first 3 weeks. Accepting that and just not caring about anything else helped. You're there to help that helpless doof finish gestating, and you're going to do that, everything else can wait. The first 3 months really are a fourth, external trimester so don't take any of it personally.

    It helped me to have a list in my head of "what to do when they're crying" because it's amazing how you can forget the most basic things, e.g. iirc my go to was the 5 S list: Shush Swaddle Side/stomach Swing Suck. I'd be thinking "Nothing is working this is impossible!" then realize I hadn't even tried the pacifier this time. Sometimes I was literally doing all 5 at once. And try taking them outside, from day 1 our baby has loved being outside and it is the omega move for making her happy (note: some babies are the opposite).

    Oh, and it sounds like you're the father - pick a song you want to use as a lullaby that you like and start singing it now. I was so so glad I did this because I can't breastfeed so the lullaby was my power move that would sometimes calm her down when nothing else would, put her to sleep, and so on. Also when you're LoSINg yOuR miND because they won't stop crying, singing the song can be a healthy way to channel that frustration, at least it helped me. It doesn't need to be a traditional lullaby, mine is Yakko's Universe, you'll end up changing the melody a bit to suit them.

    OH and TAKE A PICTURE as soon as your brain turns back on after they're born (it'll turn off for a bit), we're so so glad we have a few pics from the first skin to skin time and the first day.

    GLHF!

    AntinumericDisruptedCapitalistElvenshae
  • HydropoloHydropolo Registered User regular
    With regards to the question about having your first. RELAX. There are no one size fits all answers. The best people can do is give you adivce, and 45% of that is wrong, 45% of that is super general, and the 10%... just might help. At the hospital? Follow the nurses lead. If they seem calm, be calm. If not, fuck no., But listen to the mother. The one thing you can do above all else is be an advocate. If something doesnt' feel right, don't put it off to the next shift or whatever. No one will blame a new dad for being overly worrisome, but trust your instincts. Finally, realize... you can do this, people were doing it LONG before modern medicine and the internet. Feed them, clothe them, house them, educate them as time comes on, you've tackled 80% of it.

    lonelyahavaRed RaevynschussSleepElvenshae
  • AntinumericAntinumeric Registered User regular
    Like the first six weeks are terrible. They aren't fun, the baby is so demanding, and you will sleep so little. The baby doesn't give any feedback really until ~6weeks-2months. Once they start smiling it becomes so much easier.

    My wife and I want another in a few years, when that happens I'm definitely going to take 2 months paternity leave.

    It was really nice talking with my brother and his wife (who have 3 kids), where they were quite honest about how sucky the first six weeks are, made me feel like less of an awful parent.

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  • HydropoloHydropolo Registered User regular
    Oh, and sometimes less is more. One interesting little thing we had is my firstborn absolutely refused to burp after feeding, especially at night. My wife would keep him up trying to burp sometimes for more than an hour at a run, afraid that it was going to cause problems, and then especially during the early evening he would just scream and cry. After some reading, I convinced my wife that if she couldn't get him to burp in like, 10-20 minutes, just let him sleep, and things started calming down rapidly.

    As far as bonding, find "your thing". For instance, my wife was not a morning person, and I was much more back then. The kid would wake up about 5 or 6 in the AM, and the wife would (surprise surprise) be just exhausted. I would take him for the first few hours of the morning until either she woke up to take him or my MIL woke up (we were very fortunate she moved in with us for those early weeks, and it was still really tough). But it meant we had some serious bonding time. You get REAL creative finding ways to calm them. Honest to god, my best go to was just to hold him out on the apartment deck while he watched the cars drive by in the morning.

    Ultimately, just... be patient. It will be tough, but you'll get through it.

    AntinumericShadowfireCauldDisruptedCapitalistRed RaevynElvenshaeKayne Red Robe
  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    Hydropolo wrote: »
    With regards to the question about having your first. RELAX. There are no one size fits all answers. The best people can do is give you adivce, and 45% of that is wrong, 45% of that is super general, and the 10%... just might help. At the hospital? Follow the nurses lead. If they seem calm, be calm. If not, fuck no., But listen to the mother. The one thing you can do above all else is be an advocate. If something doesnt' feel right, don't put it off to the next shift or whatever. No one will blame a new dad for being overly worrisome, but trust your instincts. Finally, realize... you can do this, people were doing it LONG before modern medicine and the internet. Feed them, clothe them, house them, educate them as time comes on, you've tackled 80% of it.

    Yep. Nothing proves it more than having two kids. All the techniques that worked on the first one? LOL try again.

    HydropoloDisruptedCapitalistAimElvenshaeMulysaSempronius
  • HydropoloHydropolo Registered User regular
    schuss wrote: »
    Hydropolo wrote: »
    With regards to the question about having your first. RELAX. There are no one size fits all answers. The best people can do is give you adivce, and 45% of that is wrong, 45% of that is super general, and the 10%... just might help. At the hospital? Follow the nurses lead. If they seem calm, be calm. If not, fuck no., But listen to the mother. The one thing you can do above all else is be an advocate. If something doesnt' feel right, don't put it off to the next shift or whatever. No one will blame a new dad for being overly worrisome, but trust your instincts. Finally, realize... you can do this, people were doing it LONG before modern medicine and the internet. Feed them, clothe them, house them, educate them as time comes on, you've tackled 80% of it.

    Yep. Nothing proves it more than having two kids. All the techniques that worked on the first one? LOL try again.

    Oh for sure. We absolutely went into #2 thinking "ok, we're ready this time". And some things WERE easier. Knowing things we could just roll with helped a lot. But we were five years older and had to contend with a 5 year old too, and had a lot less family help. And the daughter just in general behaved differently.


    On other note, are there receommended flouride chewables? Flouridation of water isn't really a thing here since we mostly just drink bottled water, but I can order down from the US.

  • TaramoorTaramoor Storyteller Registered User regular
    Red Raevyn wrote: »

    Oh, and it sounds like you're the father - pick a song you want to use as a lullaby that you like and start singing it now. I was so so glad I did this because I can't breastfeed so the lullaby was my power move that would sometimes calm her down when nothing else would, put her to sleep, and so on. Also when you're LoSINg yOuR miND because they won't stop crying, singing the song can be a healthy way to channel that frustration, at least it helped me. It doesn't need to be a traditional lullaby, mine is Yakko's Universe, you'll end up changing the melody a bit to suit them.

    This one is mine, you can stretch it out to like twenty minutes if you hold the notes right, and it can be low and quiet if you need. Very flexible, great for bedtime.

    nUzGRMY.gif
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  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    Also a suggestion for folks with kids: Keep some of those instant ice packs in your vehicle. Took my kids to the park last week and my son ran in front of a swing or something (of course we were watching the toddler closely) and almost got a black eye from it. Had to drive 30 minutes home to get some ice on it.

    jmcdonald
  • matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    Like the first six weeks are terrible. They aren't fun, the baby is so demanding, and you will sleep so little. The baby doesn't give any feedback really until ~6weeks-2months. Once they start smiling it becomes so much easier.

    My wife and I want another in a few years, when that happens I'm definitely going to take 2 months paternity leave.

    It was really nice talking with my brother and his wife (who have 3 kids), where they were quite honest about how sucky the first six weeks are, made me feel like less of an awful parent.

    Ours were the opposite. Slept without much fuss, ate on a schedule, did nothing of note for the first 6ish weeks. Then their brains kicked in and the next 4 months were a complete sleep deprived slog.

  • SleepSleep Registered User regular
    Taramoor wrote: »
    Red Raevyn wrote: »

    Oh, and it sounds like you're the father - pick a song you want to use as a lullaby that you like and start singing it now. I was so so glad I did this because I can't breastfeed so the lullaby was my power move that would sometimes calm her down when nothing else would, put her to sleep, and so on. Also when you're LoSINg yOuR miND because they won't stop crying, singing the song can be a healthy way to channel that frustration, at least it helped me. It doesn't need to be a traditional lullaby, mine is Yakko's Universe, you'll end up changing the melody a bit to suit them.

    This one is mine, you can stretch it out to like twenty minutes if you hold the notes right, and it can be low and quiet if you need. Very flexible, great for bedtime.


    I can't sing softly so instead I beatbox

    Elvenshae
  • TastyfishTastyfish Registered User regular
    edited April 16
    We're 5 months in, but a lot of what has been said is good.

    My lessons have been
    Labour and delivery: you do not understand how much light has an effect, a really dark room speeds labour up, and even a bit of light slows things down - however if you've been the delivery unit before make sure that is your baseline. My wife went into delivery in the evening around early Nov, we waited til things were the right length apart and then went to the delivery unit/hospital. However their dim lighting was miles away from our darkness, so things slowed down. This was around 3AM as well, so things just got lighter - Labour was intermittent during the day and then kicked poff again in earnest once the sun went down. We were less focused on the light and had the lights off but Moana on, so the shift between Nest and Home the delivery unit was less extreme.


    We found the pool helped a lot, it lessened the weight and some of the pain, and encouraged the waters breaking (we have Jess within 6 hours of that, with 36 hours labour before). Make sure the man has trunks, often the mother can be naked in the pool but their partner can't be.
    It took longer than I expected, but you're there in the moment for almost all of it, so other than taking a little longer than your thought - you loose sense of time. If doing a water birth, if it was been 3+ hours it's good to the mother out to use the loo, as after that it might be too late.
    We had planned for a water birth, but leaving it 4 hrs (close to the limit) the midwives wanted the mother to use the toilet to avoid contaminating the pool. That was done, but the check after (on the bed) revealed that the baby was coming and getting back into the pool was no longer an option).

    Savour the moment after birth, all of this effort has led to this tiny incredible thing who you can see and hold, but the room will be awash with all manner of smells, hormones and pheromones as well as the sight of your beautiful baby. Try and focus on some of those things as it will help you cement this moment in your memory and allow you to bring it back.

    Bring a flapjack or something with you. Discharge can take more than a day, and you might need to look after the baby whilst mum sleeps and the midwife is away. The mother is going to be completely exhausted, but as a partner you're going to be just short of that. Have a bit of flapjack and hold the baby whilst she sleeps and it'll buy you an extra hour or two semi-alertness.

    If baby is crying in the first few weeks, it'll end up being being needing food or nappies. But they get so focused on crying it becomes self sustaining, we found blowing on their face pauses things and gives you a chance to get a bottle in, or failing that changing rooms and going to look at a high contrast picture distracts them enough that when the crying stops you can rush to do the nappy or give food (we've got a photo of a clownfish I took a little while ago that became 'the grumpy fish' that we would take her to tell her problems too knowing she'd usually get distracted and stop crying). For the first few months, they don't know what they want - just that something is wrong. So have a checklist in your head (that is bottle, comfort, change in environment, nappy, something else).

    You're also going to face the fact that new babies react strongly to things, right on the edge at the point everyone says to ask for help. And yet the support systems have to deal with the fact that babies are often unhappy for reasons they don't know, which in itself is unsettling.
    When Jess was 4 weeks old we had problems with constipation (as we were bottle feeding formula when there wasn't breast milk as she would fall asleep rather than suckle when latched on) and called 111 ( the UK non emergency health care number) - we stalled a bit a question that asked if they responded to their own name, which as a one month old baby we thought was ambitious.

    10 minutes later when we got an answer (baby stomachs can't easily switch between formula and breast milk, and even between some formula brands, so try to have formula and breast milk days rather than having the first or last feed of a day being breast milk topped up with formula to start with) Jess was happily asleep. But it was a useful one, even if it didn't deal directly with how to solve the immediate problem.

    Don't buy clothes and toys unless you really want them, people are just giving them away online.

    Anecdotally, cotton wool and water has caused far less problems that wipes and creams, and the Beaming Baby nappies are worth it. We have washable nappies for at home and use the Beaming Baby nappies for trips out as they are compostable. But we've not had any issues with nappy rash etc with them, but had a bit when using basic supermarket ones for a few days in a row and some other compostable ones.

    Tastyfish on
  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    I've never heard that darkness thing before re: labor. Huh

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  • EntriechEntriech Registered User regular
    edited April 16
    If we're talking labour and delivery, I've only got a sample size of one here, but my wife had read some studies that were done regarding eating dates with respect to an effect on labour which I've included below.

    https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21280989/
    https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28286995/

    So my wife ended up eating some dates every day for the last four or five months of pregnancy. Our experience with labour was about 12 hours from start of contractions to being in the hospital and well-dilated, and a further 4-5 hours of labour beyond that.

    Other than that my only bit of advice is to recognize the amount of hard work both of you are about to put in, and acknowledge up front it will be a difficult (but hopefully rewarding) time. We found it took 3-4 months before we got out of the worst of the exhaustion. You can always come commiserate, I'm sure between all of us you'll find someone else that's gone through a similar problem. Good luck!

    Edit: Wait, I remembered one more thing! Smell your newborn often! Newborns smell incredible. It'll go away in a week or two though.

    Entriech on
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Meanwhile

    I've failed to keep my creeping depression in check tonight and I've managed to make my kid cry twice in the last thirty minutes.

    I mean once was because she opened the car door while the car was moving.

    And the other was because she very rudely interrupted a friend telling us a story after already being told once not to be rude.


    It's the last day of school term and we're all a bit tired and hungry but ugh.

    Not the best night.


    We went and had a cuddle and a cry on the sofa in the ladies room, and things are ok.

    But still.

    Ugh

    Aim
  • TastyfishTastyfish Registered User regular
    edited April 16
    kime wrote: »
    I've never heard that darkness thing before re: labor. Huh

    The hormone oxytocin (which drives labour) works synergistically with melatonin, with melatonin production being triggered by darkness.
    Cats famously look for small dark places to give birth, but apparently the same is true for humans.

    Tastyfish on
    Antinumeric
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    I will agree that the only time i felt anything even remotely close to labour during my 3 days of induction attempt was at night.

  • CroakerBCCroakerBC TorontoRegistered User regular
    Tastyfish wrote: »
    kime wrote: »
    I've never heard that darkness thing before re: labor. Huh

    The hormone oxytocin (which drives labour) works synergistically with melatonin, with melatonin production being triggered by darkness.
    Cats famously look for small dark places to give birth, but apparently the same is true for humans.

    Deleted some remarks here about lighting in hospital rooms, because little dude has been up every 2 hours for 40 minutes since midnight, I have to get up to go to daycare and work in 90 minutes, but I finally got him back to bed with an emergency feed, and I am so tired.

    I may not be at my best is what I’m saying.

    Just be willing to throw away your meticulously crafted birth plan inside the first ten minutes, really, and do what you have to in order for everyone to get through it. Change is life, now.

  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    One thing my wife complained about after both births was being woken up by nurses far too often to check in on her. Like, they all say to get as much as rest as you can and then they wake you up every hour...

    Kayne Red RobeMulysaSempronius
  • Kayne Red RobeKayne Red Robe Master of Magic ArcanusRegistered User regular
    Cauld wrote: »
    One thing my wife complained about after both births was being woken up by nurses far too often to check in on her. Like, they all say to get as much as rest as you can and then they wake you up every hour...

    Yeah this is definitely a thing, I swear the nurses had a timer set for exactly when we finally got L to sleep for them to come in and take blood or do something else to wake her up and piss her off again.

    I will second the lightly blowing in a newborn's face thing. It's hilarious how fast L forgot about being mad to be confused about what just happened.

    Elvenshae
  • AiouaAioua Ora Occidens Ora OptimaRegistered User regular
    fwiw...

    the nurses coming in every hour to check on my wife probably saved her life when they discovered at 3am she has started bleeding again and rushed her off to the OR


    ugh... which my advice to @SniperGuy maybe set up with a friend/family that you might suddenly want to call them at 3am so you're not, like me, sitting there all alone with your newborn wondering if your wife is about to die

    life's a game that you're bound to lose / like using a hammer to pound in screws
    fuck up once and you break your thumb / if you're happy at all then you're god damn dumb
    that's right we're on a fucked up cruise / God is dead but at least we have booze
    bad things happen, no one knows why / the sun burns out and everyone dies
    CroakerBCBrody
  • GdiguyGdiguy San Diego, CARegistered User regular
    Brody wrote: »
    Corvus wrote: »
    I'm going to touch on something that hopefully has already been covered with you and is frankly kind of upsetting to think about. Make sure you have a safe space to put the baby down and walk away for a few minutes if you need to. There are times where babies just cry and cry and cannot be soothed. Hopefully this doesn't happen much for you, but it's normal for babies to do it. Having a new baby can be very, very, stressful and sometimes babies can't be soothed.

    Here in BC, all new parents are given info on what's called the period of PURPLE (there's an acronym explanation at that link) crying. When people are stressed. There's even a phone app http://purplecrying.info/

    Yeah, if the baby isn't going to stop crying, it doesn't matter if they are crying in a crib or while you are holding them. So if you get to the point where you are ready to shout "WHY ARE YOU CRYING!" set them in their crib and step out for a minute.

    I'll say that while this is true, also be aware that sometimes 'cries all the time' is a good reason to try some different things, especially diet-related - my sister's first son had a lot of allergies (to dairy, soy, etc) that showed up a severe gas when she ate certain things, and her modifying her diet made an enormous impact in dropping him from crying all the time to almost never.

    Especially if it's not 'so severe as to trigger obvious reaction', diet stuff can be tricky to pick up (even for my wife & I, we discovered we had to burp our daughter WAY more than our son, essentially 'don't stop until we actually get a burp out after every meal' or he'd have significant gas pain at nights)

    kimeBrody
  • Gabriel_PittGabriel_Pitt (effective against the Irish) Registered User regular
    Aioua wrote: »
    fwiw...

    the nurses coming in every hour to check on my wife probably saved her life when they discovered at 3am she has started bleeding again and rushed her off to the OR

    Yeah, I can imagine it's annoying as hell, but given the number of 'probably won't happen, but just in case...' Complications that can be dealt with just by periodic checks, it's a good policy.

    ElvenshaeNitsuaCarpy
  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    Yeah, it can be aggravating how often they come in to check, but they are doing that because you/your wife just went through a fairly traumatic physical experience, which can have lots of really bad side effects.

    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

    The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

    Steam: Korvalain
  • CorvusCorvus . VancouverRegistered User regular
    With our recent baby, the nurses forgot to go get our midwife from the break room when my wife started to go into labour. Basically my one contribution to the process was to go "uh, where's the midwife?"

    ElvenshaeNitsuaBrody
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