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Kids/Parenting: It’s fine, everything is fine.

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  • Red RaevynRed Raevyn because I only take Bubble Baths Registered User regular
    Has anyone had success with anti-vaccine grandparents?
    My mother-in-law has always been pretty susceptible to stuff like Dr. Oz, Sylvia Brown and especially lots of snake oil in the health and wellness spectrum, but usually in dumb harmless ways like taking mushroom powder tablets or whatever. But in the last 5 years or so she's been saying weirder and dumber stuff and is now regurgitating all kinds of nonsense about the vaccine. The icing on the cake is she's also been actively irresponsible throughout the pandemic, e.g. participating in mask-optional dance competitions in Florida. It's been less of a direct issue thus far because we live on opposite coasts of the US, but we'd really like our daughter to see and know her, and now that the vaccine is readily available for people her age in the US it's really frustrating.

    Logic, reason, evidence and things of that sort are a lost cause - a few years ago she sent my wife some garbage video series about vaccines and my wife (whose job title is "Medical Laboratory Scientist") took the time to basically write a short research paper covering the (true) history of vaccines and painstakingly debunking the entire video with good sources. Complete waste of time, as her mom does the ol' reality denying "well okay your study disagrees with the video but the video's studies support it, I guess there is no way to tell who is right!" That really tilts my poor wife.

    My mom takes a different tack but is also toeing into anti-vacc stuff, and still hasn't gotten it despite being able to for months. She tries to dodge the issue in different ways but I suspect she's made up her mind and is just afraid to have a confrontation with me about it.

    Setting aside how infuriating their denial of reality and misplacement of trust is, I feel like there's gotta be an angle that would work here. Because whether or not you believe the nonsense about the vaccines, asking you to get it for your grandchild really feels like a small thing. (I know they don't perceive the risk to the grandchild as the same, but nonetheless). People work horrible jobs, go overseas, give organs, etc for loved ones and they are both really into the kid. I'm hopeful my mom will come around, less optimistic about my MIL. I'm not about to use my kid as leverage but we're also not comfortable putting her in the arms of someone willfully remaining unvaccinated and making the kinds of choices she is.

    Has anyone had any luck tackling this, or know someone who has?

  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    Red Raevyn wrote: »
    Has anyone had any luck tackling this, or know someone who has?

    I feel for you. I'm totally unsuited to the kind of approach that I've read is necessary. People who believe in this type of information can be the most resistant to trying to provide them countering information in a confrontational, refutational way. They connect more if you take a totally different approach and provide them with anecdotes rather than data. Make the subject more personal for them instead of scientific.
    https://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/how-to-convince-vaccine-skeptics-and-how-not-to
    https://today.duke.edu/2020/12/convince-vaccine-skeptics-use-empathy-information-and-re-start-experts-say
    https://theconversation.com/4-ways-to-talk-with-vaccine-skeptics-125142

    Good luck. But keep in mind #1 from that last link.

  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    It's not using your kid as leverage to say that you won't allow your kid to be around others until either the grandparents get vaccinated or the kid gets vaccinated. It's just a boundary. If they start to get upset, emphasize the health risks that still exist for kids (the different types of risks and unknown long-term health effects) and mention that you can just wait until there's a kids' vaccine. That puts any delay on the grandparents not getting vaccinated.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    edited April 20
    dennis wrote: »
    Well, shit. I guess this had to happen by it seems so soon!

    Okay, backing up. My 5 y.o. daughter went back to in-person school Tuesday last week for the first time since it stopped being a thing last year. And now she has a fever and a sore throat two weeks later. Really hoping it's not COVID, and it's probably not. Her school went back to in-person last fall and they've only had one scare, and they said there was no evidence off any transmission at school. It's a small private Montessori school (that will be a public charter school next fall, thank jeebus), and they're operating at half-capacity.

    Yeah, I know, we've had a nice break in the weekly grind of children bringing home plagues for the last year (the only good thing about COVID). But, geez, I could have done without this for at least another week. And now we'll be worried it's COVID until she gets a test. Both my wife and I have had our first doses about two weeks ago, and her grandmother is done with her final waiting period. But I don't think this is going to convince her to hang out with us anytime soon (she was in our pod before my daughter went back).

    Damn this year.

    Plus, I don't look forward to bringing her to the ER in the middle of the night, considering there is curfew at 11pm, and I live about a mile from the Brooklyn Center PD you've been seeing on all the news lately.

    BTW, it turned out to be strep. She got the positive result yesterday, but has still had very little in the way of symptoms. And now my wife has it, after watching my daughter all day.

    We're now under a mandatory mask order.

    dennis on
  • adejaanadejaan Registered User regular
    My parents tried to avoid getting the vaccine, until I told them they wouldn’t be seeing our two kids until either they got it or the vaccine is approved for children. So they scheduled their first doses for 4/28. Hopefully they keep their appointment!

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
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  • tbloxhamtbloxham Registered User regular
    I've told the one vaccine hesitant member of my family that we will not be interacting indoors with anyone unless both parties are either vaccinated or are medically ineligible to be. So, for right now, just the adult needs to be vaccinated, but once the kids vaccine is approved they both need to be.

    "That is cool" - Abraham Lincoln
  • amethystoakamethystoak Registered User regular
    edited April 24
    adejaan wrote: »
    My parents tried to avoid getting the vaccine, until I told them they wouldn’t be seeing our two kids until either they got it or the vaccine is approved for children. So they scheduled their first doses for 4/28. Hopefully they keep their appointment!

    I'm jealous that this worked for you. I basically told the same thing to my dad and my step mom, and it went like this...
    They live in a different state, but try to plan vacations each year to spend time with us and my step siblings for a week in the summer. That's usually the only time we see them all year. I tried asking them if they got vaccinated and my dad said "not yet," and I wasn't sure if they were really intending to or not. So I asked directly and he still didn't answer. Just beat around the bush. So I told him to let me know what their vaccination plans were because if they weren't going to get vaccinated, then we wouldn't be seeing them during their vacation this year, since our kiddo can't get vaccinated yet. They haven't responded to me at all, but instead called my step sister, crying, they told her flat out that they aren't going to get the vaccine, then whined that since my husband and I are vaccinated that it shouldn't matter, even though our 3 year old isn't. So he 1- won't answer my question directly, 2- calls my sister to cry about my decision instead of talking to me about it, and 3- tells her the answer to my question, when she didn't even ask that question. And its not like they even thought that she would be nicer about it or be on their side. They know that she believes in science and isn't a conspiracy theorist. And she's way more confrontational and aggressive than I am. 😂

    So, I guess they'll have to wait until the vaccine becomes available to 3 year olds to see her again. Because my 3 year old is less of a baby about getting a shot than his crusty, old butt.

    I hope that these conversations have better outcomes for the rest of you that end up having them. This definitely sucks.

    amethystoak on
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  • ShadowfireShadowfire Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
    The way your parents act toward you and your sister remind me of how I acted toward my parents. I'd always be afraid to tell my dad when I fucked up and would always tell my mom instead, but she was always the one who spanked me.

    I was dumb.

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  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    Getting our nightly reading in.

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  • amethystoakamethystoak Registered User regular
    Well, in an unexpected turn of events, my dad and my step mom called me this morning and told me they decided they were going to get the vaccine. (I guess their concern was the blood clot issue because my step mom already has an increased risk for blood clots.) I guess they were upset from my text yesterday, though, because despite my best efforts to choose my words carefully so that they'd be received well, they interpreted it more as a threat. I guess I'd recommend to anyone else approaching the subject with relatives to maybe call instead of text, and maybe it will go over a little better.

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  • tbloxhamtbloxham Registered User regular
    Well, in an unexpected turn of events, my dad and my step mom called me this morning and told me they decided they were going to get the vaccine. (I guess their concern was the blood clot issue because my step mom already has an increased risk for blood clots.) I guess they were upset from my text yesterday, though, because despite my best efforts to choose my words carefully so that they'd be received well, they interpreted it more as a threat. I guess I'd recommend to anyone else approaching the subject with relatives to maybe call instead of text, and maybe it will go over a little better.

    I would suggest that anyone trying to communicate anything important where the other person may disagree with you do it by a call rather than a text!

    "That is cool" - Abraham Lincoln
    Elvenshaedenniswobblyheadedbob
  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    Has anyone else gotten to the point where kids movies are suddenly too complicated for your three year old. Just constant questions about the interiority of every character that you can't possibly answer?

    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

    The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

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    CelestialBadger
  • shadowaneshadowane Registered User regular
    Brody wrote: »
    Has anyone else gotten to the point where kids movies are suddenly too complicated for your three year old. Just constant questions about the interiority of every character that you can't possibly answer?

    Just wait until you are watching a fun series and then there is a whole episode about puberty!

    Rich on Beer - I talk about drinking beer. You read about it.
    ShadowfireBrodyElvenshae
  • ShadowfireShadowfire Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
    My daughter is eating gummy bears and is shouting "I WANT TO LIVE" just before each one goes in her mouth.

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  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    edited April 25
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    My daughter is eating gummy bears and is shouting "I WANT TO LIVE" just before each one goes in her mouth.

    Sounds about right.

    A couple of days ago, Sapling was serving her Anna and Elsa dolls to Everest and Sky (Paw patrol characters) as lunch.

    Brody on
    "I will write your name in the ruin of them. I will paint you across history in the color of their blood."

    The Monster Baru Cormorant - Seth Dickinson

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    Elvenshae
  • ShadowfireShadowfire Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
    Good on her. Everest is best pup.

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  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    I’ve been building duplo/LEGO stuff with the kiddo recently. Basically the only thing she likes to do is make a perfectly flat layer of all the same sized bricks. I have to admit it is very aesthetically pleasing.

    "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it" - Dr Horrible
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  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    Jebus314 wrote: »
    I’ve been building duplo/LEGO stuff with the kiddo recently. Basically the only thing she likes to do is make a perfectly flat layer of all the same sized bricks. I have to admit it is very aesthetically pleasing.

    Mine spent a long time only making cubes or towers. I'd like to transition to Lego, but the younger kid is a bit too small. Duplo are neat, but there's too few pieces and too many complete or nearly complete things out of the box imo.

    amethystoak
  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    When my oldest was about 3, he didn't really want to do regular lego. We wound up getting this
    set
    (for about half the price, which is still ridiculous) and it added some really nice stuff. There's a screwdriver that lets you lock a lot of the new pieces together (duplo is pretty bad for durability). Basically, anywhere you see a round yellow thingy, that's one of the locks. Plus tank treads. Tank treads.

    We also got him this one, because he's had an obsession with "ball machines" forever. That one was expensive as well, but it was worth some of the sanity it bought up. We only found out later about the autism and ADHD, but we already felt like something was extra difficult.

    Just dropping it in here in case people who have younger kids might be interested. Both of them seem to be geared towards more institutions buying them, hence the price.

    Shadowfire
  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    My daughter is has been refusing to even try toothpaste and it's getting out of hand. She's 5.5 and this has gone on long enough. And I'm not talking about real toothpaste, but rather the kid friendly stuff that tastes good and is safe to swallow. Her brother is half her age and has no problem with it.

    Any help?

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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    Tie it in as a reward/requirement to everything fun during the day? It's not like you can't brush your teeth at a random time throughout the day after all, so it can be an immediate result.

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  • HappylilElfHappylilElf Registered User regular
    My god daughter spent about an hour and a half talking about muscles today because her mom told her "I can carry this because I have muscles."

    So she just kept picking up everything she could and, in a high pitched voice, yelling "MUSCLES"

    Hell of a thing to wake up to :lol:

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    Had to bribe my 9 y.o. son with videogames to convince him to let my wife cut his hair. And we're not talking about a good haircut here (not her fault). We're talking Minimum Viable Haircut. He hasn't let us touch it in months, and cuts his bangs himself. Nothing else, of course, so he was a total shaggy mess. Now he's got not much better than a bowl cut and we're calling that a huge improvement.

    What's weird is that before the pandemic, he had been getting his hair cut with the same person for years, and he absolutely loved her and was no problem. Granted, that was over a year ago at this point. Not sure if it's just another joyous phase of ASD or what. At least he's not pulling his hair out now and leaving a bald spot, so having it buzzed isn't a priority.

  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    So I signed my 6yr old son up for taekwondo about a month or so ago. The class schedule is 1.5 hours a week and he comes in two days a week Monday-Thursday. At first I wasn't sure if he could handle it... He's not exactly a class clown or anything but he enjoys making people laugh and is a little energetic (I swear I can't get him to sit still). But his sensei is both strict and humorous so it is working out great so far.

    There was a kid visiting last Monday to see if he'd like it and my son went out of his way to show him how to do the stretches properly. And then he trained with the Bo Staff and was able to get the basic form down correctly... And on Wednesday my son started getting their 6 step form correct. At home he seems to be behaving way better as well.

    The transformation is real. I hope he continues with this further.

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  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    My daughter finds most kids' toothpaste to be "too minty." The only one she'll use is the Tasty Paste Vanilla ice-cream flavor. I have to brush my teeth with her, and keep her on the same schedule every night.
    They also make terrifying dolls you can get to practice brushing on. I've heard they can actually help kids brush better as they can see what's going on.. Brush uncanny-valley dino's mouth, then your own.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
    dennis
  • Red RaevynRed Raevyn because I only take Bubble Baths Registered User regular
    dennis wrote: »
    Red Raevyn wrote: »
    Has anyone had any luck tackling this, or know someone who has?

    I feel for you. I'm totally unsuited to the kind of approach that I've read is necessary. People who believe in this type of information can be the most resistant to trying to provide them countering information in a confrontational, refutational way. They connect more if you take a totally different approach and provide them with anecdotes rather than data. Make the subject more personal for them instead of scientific.
    https://newsroom.ucla.edu/releases/how-to-convince-vaccine-skeptics-and-how-not-to
    https://today.duke.edu/2020/12/convince-vaccine-skeptics-use-empathy-information-and-re-start-experts-say
    https://theconversation.com/4-ways-to-talk-with-vaccine-skeptics-125142

    Good luck. But keep in mind #1 from that last link.
    After watching the John Oliver episode about talking to vaccine hesitant people I decided I needed to get it over with. I reread those articles, brushed up on the big talking points, and called my mom. She brought up the topic before I even did, to ask what kind of things I'd feel comfortable doing if she visited unvaccinated. Our conversation went through fact checking some of the stuff she brought up, but I tried to focus on how bad getting or spreading covid is, since most anti-vaxx arguments are kind of a strawman to get you to argue about whether some minor unlikely thing exists instead of comparing that outside chance to the more likely and more unpleasant actual disease. Based on her responses I think my most effective point was that people do far more significant things for their loved ones, and asking you get a vaccine for your grandchild really isn't asking that much.

    Anyway, she made an appointment and received her first dose like 90 minutes after hanging up with me. Hell yes.

    It's a big relief, I'm so glad my daughter will get to see her before long. One thing that keeps echoing in my head is her saying that "it's hard being all alone by yourself and trying to think through these things, that you start to lose touch." That's why she brought it up with me today. On the one hand it's a little rich because my two siblings and I have been patiently fact checking everything she asks us to, and desperately trying to course correct her on this and other things, but more importantly it gives me hope that people who start down the right wing conspiracy BS path can come back, at least a little bit.

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    Red Raevyn wrote: »
    Anyway, she made an appointment and received her first dose like 90 minutes after hanging up with me. Hell yes.
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  • matt has a problemmatt has a problem Points to 'off' Points to 'on'Registered User regular
    My son, who is 7, last night at dinner asked if he could have a new toothbrush. I say, sure, it's about time, yours is getting worn out. He says, I want one like yours dad. I say, well, I don't know, I'm not sure your mouth is big enough for one that size yet. He says, excitedly, yes it is, I used yours the last two nights and it worked great!

    D:


    D: D: D:

    We had a discussion about not using someone else's toothbrush, and I got him a new one.

    And me a new one.

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  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited May 12
    Yeah, once they're mobile the rest of their upbringing is mostly just trying to establish boundaries that seem obvious and natural. "Sam, you don't just take your bare hands and take tomato off my hamburger," was my personal favorite.

    Hevach on
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  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    hqi1q6ujhjfr.jpg

    I decided my daughter should be a Jedi Padawan today. She insisted on being a Princess, so we agreed that she's a Jedi Padawan Princess.

    I think she's about at the age where I can introduce her to Star Wars. :)

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  • MuzzmuzzMuzzmuzz Registered User regular
    So, I’m hugging my kid tightly on the couch as she struggles to get out of my grasp.

    ‘Mommy, I love you thiiiiis *stretches arms out* much!’

    Not to be outdone, I replied ‘Well I love you thiiiis *stretching my arms out further* much!’

    Instantly, the five year old makes good on her escape, and runs to her room, giggling the whole time.

    Clever girl.....

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  • HappylilElfHappylilElf Registered User regular
    My 3 1/2 year old god-daughter has accumulated every excuse to avoid bedtime.

    I need to watch Simon!
    You have to read me a book!
    I need minions! (Crackers she gets at bedtime)
    I'm hungry! (She ate 1/3 of her supper)
    I need water!
    I have to go potty! (She doesn't go potty)
    You need to lay with me Mom! Mom! MOOOOOOOOOOOM!
    No! I want Daddy! Mom you Need. To. Get. Daddy!
    ...
    I need to go potty! (She might go potty now. She probably won't.)
    No! You need to lay with me!
    ...
    Mom! MOOOOOOM! I have to go potty!

    It's an endless cavalcade of blatant excuses but I don't have to deal with any of it so my job is to not let them see me laughing.

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