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Kids/Parenting: It’s fine, everything is fine.

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  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    My oldest (8 years old) is really pushing herself lately. Currently she's in Taekwondo and she wanted us to sign her up for Ballet, Jazz, and Tap dancing. On top of that she's running for student council and she expressed interest in joining the Lacrosse team. I don't know whether to tell her that she's going to burn herself out or let her go for it. She doesn't seem to be feeling overwhelmed yet.

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  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    edited September 1
    As long as you give her an out, and don't guilt- trip her ( but we paid for six months! You can't give up now!)
    I mean, be prepared to lose money if you do prepay for several months or whatever. And keep an eye out on how she's doing. As long as it's fun and not an obligation.. some people like staying busy

    MulysaSempronius on
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  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    Yeah I'm not too worried about losing out on money. I never had these opportunities when I was a kid so I like that she's interested in these.

    I do hope she'll stick with Taekwondo because it's going to help her build her confidence which she really needs work with.

  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist screaming Registered User regular
    Cross-posting from the SE++ thread cuz I think their kids run a bit younger:

    My 9 year old has an assignment in her class for next week: gather pictures of the things you like so we can make a personal collage in our composition books. The problem I'm worried about is that she's still interested in a lot of the "preschool" level things like PBS shows and Nick Jr. shows. She has Down Syndrome so I think her interests will always be behind a lot of her class and maybe they'll think she's babyish for liking them.

    What are 9 year olds interested in these days? Does it matter or and I just overly worried because of her disabilities?

  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    Just met my daughter's Kindergarten teacher today. She starts next Wednesday. It's happening!

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    I don't think I mentioned an awesome little occurrence we found out about recently. My son had a wonderful teacher for 1st/2nd/3rd (one classroom since he's in Montessori). He adored her and so did we. She was the first teacher who (oh so gingerly) suggested that there might be something non-neurotypical about our son and that maybe he could use some professional assistance. This led to the ADHD diagnosis, at which point so many things clicked into place. She was also great to work with, and was on our team when it came to accommodating him so he could have the best learning experience possible.

    Well, now he's going into 5th grade (in the 4th/5th/6th classroom). He did the entire last year of schooling remotely with a 3rd party online Montessori classroom (it had its pros and cons). This meant he missed moving up to that Upper Elementary classroom with the new teacher that was teaching it, which kind of sucked. However. This is where we get to a great big silver lining. Since our private school switched to a public charter school, they were also able to expand to their maximum capacity (enrollment has always fluctuated a lot, so they'd go from having multiple classrooms at each grade level to since, etc.) That meant now there would be two Upper Elementary teachers.

    And guess who decided to switch from being a Lower Elementary teacher to an Upper Elementary teacher? :biggrin::biggrin::biggrin:

    Yeah, so we're pumped about that. Had he stayed in in-person school, he would have stayed in the other teacher's class (which is fine, she's a good teacher). But the pandemic meant he didn't and therefore got put in this one. The main downside for him is that his best friend did go back to in-person school, so will stay in that other teacher's classroom (they were previously in the same class in Lower Elementary). To some degree, that might actually be a good thing. His friend is non-NT in pretty much the same areas. While this makes them very compatible, it also meant they often wound up being an isolated pod of their own when it came to working on project. I am anxiously hopeful that his increasing maturity will allow him to integrate better with all the normies.

    DisruptedCapitalisturahonkyElvenshaeBanzai5150SummaryJudgmentDaenris
  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    Cross-posting from the SE++ thread cuz I think their kids run a bit younger:

    My 9 year old has an assignment in her class for next week: gather pictures of the things you like so we can make a personal collage in our composition books. The problem I'm worried about is that she's still interested in a lot of the "preschool" level things like PBS shows and Nick Jr. shows. She has Down Syndrome so I think her interests will always be behind a lot of her class and maybe they'll think she's babyish for liking them.

    What are 9 year olds interested in these days? Does it matter or and I just overly worried because of her disabilities?

    Youtubers, Minecraft / Roblox / Fortnite, Lego. super heroes.

    DisruptedCapitalistMichaelLCKetardjmitchellaDaenris
  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    Elvenshae wrote: »
    Cross-posting from the SE++ thread cuz I think their kids run a bit younger:

    My 9 year old has an assignment in her class for next week: gather pictures of the things you like so we can make a personal collage in our composition books. The problem I'm worried about is that she's still interested in a lot of the "preschool" level things like PBS shows and Nick Jr. shows. She has Down Syndrome so I think her interests will always be behind a lot of her class and maybe they'll think she's babyish for liking them.

    What are 9 year olds interested in these days? Does it matter or and I just overly worried because of her disabilities?

    Youtubers, Minecraft / Roblox / Fortnite, Lego. super heroes.

    Fart noises.

    ElvenshaeDisruptedCapitalistBrodyHappylilElfShadowfire
  • Romantic UndeadRomantic Undead Registered User regular
    Cross-posting from the SE++ thread cuz I think their kids run a bit younger:

    My 9 year old has an assignment in her class for next week: gather pictures of the things you like so we can make a personal collage in our composition books. The problem I'm worried about is that she's still interested in a lot of the "preschool" level things like PBS shows and Nick Jr. shows. She has Down Syndrome so I think her interests will always be behind a lot of her class and maybe they'll think she's babyish for liking them.

    What are 9 year olds interested in these days? Does it matter or and I just overly worried because of her disabilities?

    Wait, I'm confused, why does it matter what other kids like? Your child's tastes matter, even if they don't "match" with what her peers like. She likes what she likes! Are you worried other kids will make fun of her? If other kids make fun of her for that, that's a them problem, not a her problem. Let your kid be her, and if others don't like it they can suck a pickle!

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    Cross-posting from the SE++ thread cuz I think their kids run a bit younger:

    My 9 year old has an assignment in her class for next week: gather pictures of the things you like so we can make a personal collage in our composition books. The problem I'm worried about is that she's still interested in a lot of the "preschool" level things like PBS shows and Nick Jr. shows. She has Down Syndrome so I think her interests will always be behind a lot of her class and maybe they'll think she's babyish for liking them.

    What are 9 year olds interested in these days? Does it matter or and I just overly worried because of her disabilities?

    Wait, I'm confused, why does it matter what other kids like? Your child's tastes matter, even if they don't "match" with what her peers like. She likes what she likes! Are you worried other kids will make fun of her? If other kids make fun of her for that, that's a them problem, not a her problem. Let your kid be her, and if others don't like it they can suck a pickle!

    As a kid who was often made fun of, I can say without a doubt that people making fun of you is also very much a you problem, no matter how much I wish the world didn't work like that. So I get where the OP is coming from.

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  • Romantic UndeadRomantic Undead Registered User regular
    dennis wrote: »
    Cross-posting from the SE++ thread cuz I think their kids run a bit younger:

    My 9 year old has an assignment in her class for next week: gather pictures of the things you like so we can make a personal collage in our composition books. The problem I'm worried about is that she's still interested in a lot of the "preschool" level things like PBS shows and Nick Jr. shows. She has Down Syndrome so I think her interests will always be behind a lot of her class and maybe they'll think she's babyish for liking them.

    What are 9 year olds interested in these days? Does it matter or and I just overly worried because of her disabilities?

    Wait, I'm confused, why does it matter what other kids like? Your child's tastes matter, even if they don't "match" with what her peers like. She likes what she likes! Are you worried other kids will make fun of her? If other kids make fun of her for that, that's a them problem, not a her problem. Let your kid be her, and if others don't like it they can suck a pickle!

    As a kid who was often made fun of, I can say without a doubt that people making fun of you is also very much a you problem, no matter how much I wish the world didn't work like that. So I get where the OP is coming from.

    I got made fun of a lot too. The point I'm trying to make is that parents sometimes, in a well-meaning desire to help, can occasionally lead a child to believe that their peers are "right" to make fun of them when they are taught to suppress their own expression in order to fit into the collective.

    Basically, I was taught that I was "wrong" to like toys and video games when I was in grade 6, I was "supposed" to like cars and sports, like the other boys in my class. My father was well-intentioned when he bought me car modelling kits and forced me to watch hockey with him, but I didn't care about those things, and I was left feeling that my wants and desires were invalid and shameful. I get wanting to protect your child, but I would urge parents to consider that when you ask your child to suppress their true feelings for the sake of belonging, you may risk doing long term damage to their self-worth in the process.

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  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist screaming Registered User regular
    edited September 2
    Good points all. I had forgotten about vidya games. She does like Monument Valley which I've known some kids have liked before. She also has her Daddy's ecclectic tastes though; she'll be out of the mainstream, Down Syndrome or not. I'll just chalk this up as parental jitters at the beginning of the school year. I've actually been getting glowing reports from the Special Ed teachers saying she's integrating well with her class and her peers all seem to like her, so my fears are mostly unfounded.

    DisruptedCapitalist on
    Romantic UndeadElvenshae
  • Kayne Red RobeKayne Red Robe Master of Magic ArcanusRegistered User regular
    Lore has thrown up twice this morning but otherwise shows no signs of illness. I'm currently trying to maintain Mrs. Red Robe and I's level of worry to medium.

  • HydropoloHydropolo Registered User regular
    Ok, odd question. 7 year old has classes online in the afternoon (they do full years here, but only 4 hours a day), problem is, he pretty much reliable has his main "bathroom time" for the day right smack dab during this period. Any suggestions on if/how it might be worth trying to adjust that? He just has a tendency to miss a large chunk of class dealing with that situation. I might be overly concerned.

  • RanlinRanlin Oh gosh Registered User regular
    I think my first focus would be figuring out why a 7 year old has a bathroom time that takes up a significant chunk of time.

    ElvenshaeAntinumeric
  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    Hydropolo wrote: »
    Ok, odd question. 7 year old has classes online in the afternoon (they do full years here, but only 4 hours a day), problem is, he pretty much reliable has his main "bathroom time" for the day right smack dab during this period. Any suggestions on if/how it might be worth trying to adjust that? He just has a tendency to miss a large chunk of class dealing with that situation. I might be overly concerned.

    You can try shifting meal times for a little while to shake up the schedule.

  • HydropoloHydropolo Registered User regular
    Ranlin wrote: »
    I think my first focus would be figuring out why a 7 year old has a bathroom time that takes up a significant chunk of time.

    I mean, to be fair, most people on my side of the family have some variation of IBS or other digestive issue and the like, so I hadn't thought about it too much.

  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    At a little get together with the grandparents for grandmas birthday. Nothing to extravagant, but kiddo seemed to really enjoy herself.

    Put her down a little late and she is taking a real long time to fall asleep. But on the plus side she is singing happy birthday to her cat stuffed animal (who’s name is cat-y), and it’s about the damned cutest thing I’ve ever heard.

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  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    Almost 3 year old finally had success peeing on the potty at daycare today.

    And then when she got home she started complaining about her belly... 15 minutes later she threw up.

    Progress?

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  • Jebus314Jebus314 Registered User regular
    edited September 16
    urahonky wrote: »
    Almost 3 year old finally had success peeing on the potty at daycare today.

    And then when she got home she started complaining about her belly... 15 minutes later she threw up.

    Progress?

    Lot of potty training going on in this thread. We are like just about to start in the next few months. Post like these are really getting my psyched up for it.

    edit - I forgot to add, are pull-ups like not a thing? I figured the way to go was you start trying to get them to use the potty, but they continue to wear a diaper until they basically never actually use it. But previous posts make it seem like it's better to pull the trigger and go without a safety net sooner rather than later.

    Jebus314 on
    "The world is a mess, and I just need to rule it" - Dr Horrible
  • RedTideRedTide Registered User regular
    Pullups are great for potty training during the daytime (early in the process) because you can get em on and off the potty in less time. We still use nighttime diapers at night.

    When the 4 year old first got her toddler bed she was already potty trained but was spotty at night. Putting her in pull ups to sleep in lead to less changed sheets and let her navigate using the toilet by herself since it was easy up and easy down.

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    I think it really varies a lot from kid to kid. We had to go cold turkey with our first kid when he was 4.5 because he was demanding to only go in his diaper. Needing him to go to preschool kind of forced our hand. He had actually had a stage about a year before where he got interested in potty training, but then it fizzled.

    Our second used pullups for a little while during the daytime, because she was much more interested in using the toilet. I'm sure it helped to see her brother (4 years older) regularly using the toilet. She only uses pullups at night, and even then it's on and off. She'll often request a pad on her bed so she can sleep without pullups. But just as often she'll want the nighttime pullups instead. She's six and we're just letting her take it at her pace.

  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    weeeeeeeee

    week 5 (6? fuck i dunno) lockdown meltdowns. oh the dramanity.

  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    Unfortunately the youngest was throwing up all night. I'm hoping it's just a stomach virus. Apparently one of the other kids at her daycare also started throwing up.

    I had a full year of non-daycare toddler and she wasn't ever sick. Now she's on illness 3 or 4 going on the 5th week.

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  • HappylilElfHappylilElf Registered User regular
    edited September 16
    My nearly four year old goddaughter was on the verge of a tantrum about not being able to go to the park at 7:30pm so I told her that if she gave me a million dollars we could go to the park.

    She then spent the next 10 minutes tearing her room apart looking for a million dollars and asking her mom if she could have a million dollars.

    By 8pm (her bedtime) she'd forgotten about the park entirely and was over a million dollars (because that's basically a nonsense concept to her) and went to bed without any real issue.

    My roommates continually tell me they don't understand how I'm able to shut down tantrums before they begin but it's really simple: Distract them.

    If you can make them think about something other than what they're about to lose their shit over for 60+ seconds? You're probably in the clear,

    HappylilElf on
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  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    Yeah I ask my toddler to make farm animal sounds when she's in the middle of a tantrum. I'll purposely make one wrong (eg "The duck goes neigh!") and she'll instinctively stop to correct me and then the tantrum is over.

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  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    edited September 19
    Yeah, it's pretty telling when they're in full meltdown mode, an emotionally sobbing and yelling wreck, and you ask them a question out of left field and they switch into totally normal voice and answer it, then go back to meltdown mode.

    I keep expecting to be in the middle of a meltdown rant and have them stop and say, "... Line?"

    dennis on
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  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    Just got done with parent teacher conferences:

    My son is 91st percentile in reading. Level L (which is third grade) and he's currently in first. Also 89th percentile in math. Apparently the top student in class.

    My daughter is in 3rd grade and apparently passed the entry exam so hard that she's technically done with 3rd grade already. Obviously we won't tell her that...


    It's so hard to raise these kids right but it's totally worth it to hear their teachers talk about them.

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  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    And then last night I cought the stomach virus that my youngest and middle child had. Ugh. Maybe it's not worth it...

    dennisJebus314
  • SoggybiscuitSoggybiscuit 4.5 MV of POWER! Registered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    And then last night I cought the stomach virus that my youngest and middle child had. Ugh. Maybe it's not worth it...

    I had a professor that described his child as “a Petri dish, with legs”.

    At least they are cute for a couple of years first. Maybe having a bunch of dogs will give my daughter a strong immune system.

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  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    My school board needs to be locked in a room with a copy of Sim City. They put a high school, middle school, elementary school, separate kindergarten/young fives building, and a separate preschool on a single stretch of road that's less than a quarter mile long and also has residential homes and one of those vestigial halfway-into-the-city bean fields on it.

    All five schools open the doors at 730. Kids are officially late at 740. A temporary measure due to traffic congestion overrides that to 755. Some of the younger parents of my kids' classmates remember this being in effect when they were in school.

    Seriously, they could just stagger the buildings that share a parking lot by 15 minutes and fix so much of this. Oh, and the parking lots! One snaking lane through from entrance to exit like an Ikea store, and that one asshole who has to make a left turn out at the end will grind two to four schools worth of gridlock to a dead halt while they sit there with their blinker on.

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  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    And then last night I cought the stomach virus that my youngest and middle child had. Ugh. Maybe it's not worth it...

    I had a professor that described his child as “a Petri dish, with legs”.

    At least they are cute for a couple of years first. Maybe having a bunch of dogs will give my daughter a strong immune system.

    I think a lot of my immune system issues comes from the fact that I didn't go to daycare so I never got exposed to this. So whenever one of the petri dishes comes home with something then it's just a matter of time for me.

  • CauldCauld Registered User regular
    Hevach wrote: »
    My school board needs to be locked in a room with a copy of Sim City. They put a high school, middle school, elementary school, separate kindergarten/young fives building, and a separate preschool on a single stretch of road that's less than a quarter mile long and also has residential homes and one of those vestigial halfway-into-the-city bean fields on it.

    All five schools open the doors at 730. Kids are officially late at 740. A temporary measure due to traffic congestion overrides that to 755. Some of the younger parents of my kids' classmates remember this being in effect when they were in school.

    Seriously, they could just stagger the buildings that share a parking lot by 15 minutes and fix so much of this. Oh, and the parking lots! One snaking lane through from entrance to exit like an Ikea store, and that one asshole who has to make a left turn out at the end will grind two to four schools worth of gridlock to a dead halt while they sit there with their blinker on.

    Surprised they don't stagger them simply so the same buses can service multiple schools, etc.

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  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    So my three-year-old daughter is amazing... Except for sleeping.

    Come bedtime (which is pretty late, around 730 to 8pm), she's excited and full of energy. We try to settle her down with a nearly hour-long routine - bottle, snack, 4 books - but in the end my girlfriend and I are falling asleep while she's still wanting to play. We lay her down in her bed with another bottle and her mom next to her. Even then, she'll often giggled and talk and sometimes even sit up, until her mom loses her temper and loudly tells her to stop. By the time she's finally asleep, it's 10pm. I wake my girlfriend up, and she's sleepy and upset at getting upset at our daughter and angry we have no real grown-up evening together.

    To make matters worse, if the girl wakes up during the night (which happens more often than not) she calls for her mother, and many times my gf will have to get in bed with her to get her back to sleep.

    Clearly this cannot keep going on.

    Before anyone suggests it, my girlfriend not staying in bed with her after the routine doesn't work, our daughter just gets out of bed and runs around the floor. And me taking her place doesn't work, our daughter demands her and cries if I try to stay instead.

    So, has anyone had a sleepless child like this? How can we improve things?

  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    my first question is, does she still have a day nap? if so, it may be time to get rid of that. Which will absolutely suck. Other parents i know have had good luck with a grow clock type thing.

    Elvenshae
  • dennisdennis Executive Peasant Registered User regular
    Ugh, I feel for you. And it's quite possible most of the advice you'll find out there won't work or just doesn't apply to you. Kids can be so extremely different that one size never fits all.

    Is it feasible to try an earlier bedtime, like 6:30 start? It's possible she's so over-tired by the actual bedtime that it comes out as if she has too much energy. I do not understand it, but children are paradoxical. The more tired they are, the more energy they seem to have. I've seen this in my own kids and in other kids. If there is a god, it hates us. Or just has a warped sense of humor.

    You might also have to try a sleep training type thing. Our son was about that age and would absolutely not settle down unless someone was right there with him, often holding him until he went to sleep. And he'd wake up in the wee hours and would not go back to sleep unless someone was there holding his hand or hand a hand on his chest. We eventually did sleep training, which has a lot of stigma mainly because of the misinformation about it. It's not just "you put the kid in bed and let them scream for an hour". For us, we had to lock his door (with the lock facing out to our side) because he would also just have came back out. And we started with very short intervals of leaving him in, letting him cry and bang on the door a little. We're talking about the first night starting as short as 5 minutes before going back in and comforting them and getting them back in the bed. It feels like the definition of insanity, but for us and many other people it did work. That first night I think we did every 5 minutes (it might have even been less!) for the first hour, then went to a few more minutes the next hour. I think he was asleep within a couple of hours. The next night it was more like an hour. And the third night, he went to sleep almost immediately.

    What also probably helped is that we had blackout curtains on the room he slept in. That way he couldn't just get up and play or something. It was dark and time to sleep. I can't endorse blackout curtains enough for keeping kids asleep. They're also great in the morning when the light would otherwise brighten their room at 6am.

    This may or may not apply to you. But it is something to try because you gotta find something that works. I feel for what you're going through because my son was always a difficult sleeper from about 6 months onwards. He slept about 15 minutes all total in his crib his entire childhood. Later he was diagnosed with ADHD (not to scare you!) and it's sort of textbook that that is tied in with sleep issues.

    If you're interested in the sleep training thing, I can try to find to dig up what we used. It was a little annoying because everyone wanted you to buy their book, but all you really need is like a page of info and and some example tables. It was really a lifesaver for us, since we felt like we got our life back.

    And then our daughter came along, and though we didn't really do anything different with her she was a magical easy sleeper.

    urahonkyCarpy
  • BrodyBrody The Watch The First ShoreRegistered User regular
    Our daughter will often play in her bed for an hour or more after we put her to bed. Around 1 and a half I think we used the "cry it out" method, which was a little hard, but especially having read the book we felt pretty comfortable with it.

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  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    Richy wrote: »
    So my three-year-old daughter is amazing... Except for sleeping.

    Come bedtime (which is pretty late, around 730 to 8pm), she's excited and full of energy. We try to settle her down with a nearly hour-long routine - bottle, snack, 4 books - but in the end my girlfriend and I are falling asleep while she's still wanting to play. We lay her down in her bed with another bottle and her mom next to her. Even then, she'll often giggled and talk and sometimes even sit up, until her mom loses her temper and loudly tells her to stop. By the time she's finally asleep, it's 10pm. I wake my girlfriend up, and she's sleepy and upset at getting upset at our daughter and angry we have no real grown-up evening together.

    To make matters worse, if the girl wakes up during the night (which happens more often than not) she calls for her mother, and many times my gf will have to get in bed with her to get her back to sleep.

    Clearly this cannot keep going on.

    Before anyone suggests it, my girlfriend not staying in bed with her after the routine doesn't work, our daughter just gets out of bed and runs around the floor. And me taking her place doesn't work, our daughter demands her and cries if I try to stay instead.

    So, has anyone had a sleepless child like this? How can we improve things?

    Yes, getting our daughter to sleep has always been a pain. She hates going to sleep. Thankfully she sleeps really well through the night, but if I ever figure out a magic solution on our end I'll let you know...

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  • urahonkyurahonky Dayton, OHRegistered User regular
    I'm ashamed to admit that my almost 3 year old is still in her crib (it folds down into a bed) because of this. She's very, very stubborn. But at school she sleeps in a cot.... But at that time everyone is going to sleep so it helps her stay in bed.

    I can imagine her getting up a million times especially with her older siblings still up and about when she's trying to sleep.

    m!ttens
  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    Hah. My son stayed in a crib until he was around 4. He never really tried climbing out...
    His current bed is still enclosed on three sides and it has a bed tent.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
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