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Kids/Parenting: It’s fine, everything is fine.

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Posts

  • dennisdennis aka bingley Registered User regular
    edited November 2022
    I, for the life of me, cannot remember ever being taught how to wash my hair.

    As with most hygiene and body care, I learned it from an instructional video.

    dennis on
  • m!ttensm!ttens he/himRegistered User regular
    tbloxham wrote: »
    kime wrote: »
    Ok So.

    I have a thing that I would like to rant about.

    I, for the life of me, cannot remember ever being taught how to wash my hair.

    I am almost 90% convinced that the only way that I had any idea on how to wash my hair in a shower was from seeing Herbal Essences commercials on TV.

    This is brought up because I am trying to teach the 6.5 year old how to wash her hair. On her own. without me needing a wetsuit to help her with and without drowning the bathroom.

    Like

    How does one explain/instruct a child how to wash their hair. Is this a cognitive thing that i lack the necessary language on how to do? or is it more complex than that? Or simpler?

    WHY DOES NOBODY GIVE PARENTING CLASSES THAT COVER THESE THINGS?!??!

    I should have written down a list of these things. One of the more memorable ones was "taking off T shirt", which is apparently just really complex haha.

    For washing your hair, is it just... "Get your hair wet, lather up some shampoo in your hands, ....mess your hands around in your hair, and rinse everything out"? Ok so I'm realizing at that third step that I don't really know what to do or how to describe it, especially with longer hair (including my own when it grows out).

    Just mush everything together!

    Ha, my kids have you beat. They will get their hair wet, lather the shampoo in their hands, then somehow get all the shampoo in one hand, and then put it all on the back right 1/4 of their hair. Then they rinse out everything except that part.

    My toughest part is getting her to rinse it out. I've been helping with the sudsing and she mostly gets it, but the "lay in the tub and do exactly what you just did, only with your hair in the water this time" part is just a little beyond her grasp. Then she gets all mad and indignant when I'm like "you still have soap in your hair kiddo, let me help you" :D

  • MuzzmuzzMuzzmuzz Registered User regular
    I still haven’t gotten my kid to have a shower without her melting down because she hates the water that gets in her eyes. She loves baths, but shower water, or rinsing her hair is a battle that ends in tears… from the shampoo… and for frustration.

  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    Try swimming goggles. Helped stop the fight over hair for us. They're not perfect but a lot better, and if there's more to it than just getting water in her eyes, removing the variable can at least help her articulate others.

  • MNC DoverMNC Dover Full-time Voice Actor Kirkland, WARegistered User regular
    Muzzmuzz wrote: »
    I still haven’t gotten my kid to have a shower without her melting down because she hates the water that gets in her eyes. She loves baths, but shower water, or rinsing her hair is a battle that ends in tears… from the shampoo… and for frustration.

    My kids are the same way. It took several baths using the "keep your head up" move to get them to finally trust I can wash their hair without getting water in their face. There was also a painful phase we powered through that when they did get water on their face, I wouldn't give them a towel until they asked in a calm voice.

    The whole bathing experience is 1000% better now.

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  • R-demR-dem Registered User regular
    Speaking of baths, my poor little creature developed molluscum contagiosum over the summer, and the dermatologist said her habit of as many baths a day as she could con people into was a big factor. Fortunately at 5.5 she's old enough to understand that she can only have brief showers for a while until it heals completely.

  • ShadowfireShadowfire Vermont, in the middle of nowhereRegistered User regular
    YES!

    "Taking off a shirt" was my first realisation of "nobody taught me how to explain how to do this and now I'm the adult and I am NOT PREPARED for this"

    Tying shoes has always been the "how the fuck do you even describe this to someone" difficult thing for me.

    WiiU: Windrunner ; Guild Wars 2: Shadowfire.3940 ; PSN: Bradcopter
  • dennisdennis aka bingley Registered User regular
    Shadowfire wrote: »
    YES!

    "Taking off a shirt" was my first realisation of "nobody taught me how to explain how to do this and now I'm the adult and I am NOT PREPARED for this"

    Tying shoes has always been the "how the fuck do you even describe this to someone" difficult thing for me.

    Our children are seven and eleven. We haven't even tried. Velcro and elastic laces all the way. Maybe when they're adults.

  • electricitylikesmeelectricitylikesme Registered User regular
    So I need to rant for a moment: there's a whole line people giving my wife of "babies just cry sometimes" as the explanation for whenever my son is being grouchy or easily upsettable.

    And it's complete crap.

    In my experience babies don't just cry, they cry because something is wrong. That it might be difficult to determine what that is (or just take time to resolve) doesn't mean there isn't a reason, it means you don't know the reason. And it's god damn irritating to have people keep saying it in a "why are you attending to your upset child?" sort of way.

    Literally everytime he's upset about something it will turn out to be something. It might not be something we can fix right away, but there's always a reason, and you just have to run through the list of needs a couple of times to sort it out.

    It's some boomer-grade judgemental bullshit to tell imply to people they're over-fussing about their upset child, not to mention terrible "advice".

  • HydropoloHydropolo Registered User regular
    I wouldn't put that on boomer's per se (maybe the specific one) but there is so much freaking knowledge like that, ESPECIALLY if you are part of or involved in some cultures that have retained more of a sense of... I don't even know the word. Holding on to things everyone just knows. (Like the whole you will suffocate if you sleep in front of a fan thing).

    In the west, science and science adjacent stuff have pushed a lot away (or taken some folksyness and figured out the real cause and solution). For instance, down here in El Salvador, the wife gets upset if the kids get a bit of rain on them and claims they are going to get sick. When we were up in Seattle and she saw all the uncovered kids doing short walks in the drizzle it blew her mind.

  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Infants very for a reason.

    Babies.... At least in my single experience of my child, she cried to listen to her voice at times.

  • CroakerBCCroakerBC TorontoRegistered User regular
    So I need to rant for a moment: there's a whole line people giving my wife of "babies just cry sometimes" as the explanation for whenever my son is being grouchy or easily upsettable.

    And it's complete crap.

    In my experience babies don't just cry, they cry because something is wrong. That it might be difficult to determine what that is (or just take time to resolve) doesn't mean there isn't a reason, it means you don't know the reason. And it's god damn irritating to have people keep saying it in a "why are you attending to your upset child?" sort of way.

    Literally everytime he's upset about something it will turn out to be something. It might not be something we can fix right away, but there's always a reason, and you just have to run through the list of needs a couple of times to sort it out.

    It's some boomer-grade judgemental bullshit to tell imply to people they're over-fussing about their upset child, not to mention terrible "advice".

    It's always something, and with babies it's often something physical.
    "Are you hungry?"
    "Did you poop?"
    "Are you too hot or too cold?"
    "Are you sleepy?"

    I think that checklist covered us for the first 6-9 months, but to your point, it was always something real that upset them, even the 5% of the time we couldn't figure it out.

  • tbloxhamtbloxham Registered User regular
    CroakerBC wrote: »
    So I need to rant for a moment: there's a whole line people giving my wife of "babies just cry sometimes" as the explanation for whenever my son is being grouchy or easily upsettable.

    And it's complete crap.

    In my experience babies don't just cry, they cry because something is wrong. That it might be difficult to determine what that is (or just take time to resolve) doesn't mean there isn't a reason, it means you don't know the reason. And it's god damn irritating to have people keep saying it in a "why are you attending to your upset child?" sort of way.

    Literally everytime he's upset about something it will turn out to be something. It might not be something we can fix right away, but there's always a reason, and you just have to run through the list of needs a couple of times to sort it out.

    It's some boomer-grade judgemental bullshit to tell imply to people they're over-fussing about their upset child, not to mention terrible "advice".

    It's always something, and with babies it's often something physical.
    "Are you hungry?"
    "Did you poop?"
    "Are you too hot or too cold?"
    "Are you sleepy?"

    I think that checklist covered us for the first 6-9 months, but to your point, it was always something real that upset them, even the 5% of the time we couldn't figure it out.

    That last one is your problem though, because if a baby is sleepy than many babies just need to be left alone to sleep. You can't give them sleep. If the diapers checked, foods on schedule, and the wrap is tight and it's naptime then you just have to use your sleep plan and let that be that.

    "That is cool" - Abraham Lincoln
  • HevachHevach Registered User regular
    edited November 2022
    Overstimulation can cause it, too. Solutions the same as sleep, run down the checklist and failing everything else, just put them down and turn out the light and wait it out, trying to make it better will only make it worse.

    I'm reasonably sure that's the main source of unhelpful advice that "sometimes they just cry." Because there are reasons they cry that you can't fix, and the best thing to do is to just stop.

    Hevach on
  • dennisdennis aka bingley Registered User regular
    I think "babies just cry sometimes" is really shorthand for "babies just cry sometimes and even after we eliminate all the reasons they're still crying and then they stop and eventually they grow up into adults, so don't stress yourself out too much." Personally, I see it as an acknowledgment at how annoying it is to be a parent at times, and how you just do your best and your kid will probably turn out fine.

  • kimekime Queen of Blades Registered User regular
    I mean, "you can't give them sleep" is totally wrong for my child. Even now at 5, she basically only sleeps if someone is actively there trying to get her to. And then she'll sleep super well, you just always have to help her over that initial hump. "Try to get her to sleep for a nap" was on our checklist :lol:

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  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    i always put the 'babies cry sometimes' up there with 'babies are assholes'

    it was a coping mechanism.

  • TastyfishTastyfish Registered User regular
    Quite often we just needed to leave the room (with them), if all else failed. We called it "leaving the angry room" but it was probably just being held and the gentle movement of going down the stairs or walking that settled her.

  • MulysaSemproniusMulysaSempronius but also susie nyRegistered User regular
    Yeah, my daughter usually had a reason for crying, and we could generally soothe her. Mostly.

    My son.. my son had colic. He cried a lot for no reason. Like, a lot. Some babies do just cry sometimes. But it is lame to tell a parent to stop trying to soothe their child.

    If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
  • SharpyVIISharpyVII Registered User regular
    We've been told we hold our son too much and that we shouldn't put him in nursery as he should be with his parents..... Which one is it?!!?1

  • tbloxhamtbloxham Registered User regular
    Hevach wrote: »
    Overstimulation can cause it, too. Solutions the same as sleep, run down the checklist and failing everything else, just put them down and turn out the light and wait it out, trying to make it better will only make it worse.

    I'm reasonably sure that's the main source of unhelpful advice that "sometimes they just cry." Because there are reasons they cry that you can't fix, and the best thing to do is to just stop.

    Also, sometimes you know they are crying, and you know there is probably something you can do but your mental health demands that you just sit exhausted on the couch, or finish a 5 minute shower before you go to them.

    “Sometimes they just cry” means, you have permission to prioritize your own mental and physical health sometimes. This crying can be as simple as “I am uncomfortable!” or “I’m bored, swing the rabbit mobile for me!”

    If they are safe, sometimes it is fine to ignore them for 5 minutes because you, their parent, are also a human being.

    "That is cool" - Abraham Lincoln
  • urahonkyurahonky Registered User regular
    Yeah self soothing is a really important skill for young ones.

  • ElvenshaeElvenshae Registered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    Yeah self soothing is a really important skill for young ones.

    Yes, young ones. ;)

    (I'm just sayin' I know some adults who need some practice ... :D)

  • dennisdennis aka bingley Registered User regular
    urahonky wrote: »
    Yeah self soothing is a really important skill for young ones.

    I'm still waiting for my 11 y.o. to develop it...

  • knight11eknight11e Registered User regular
    During our most recent parent teacher conference, the teacher for my first grader said he struggles to write their fictional 2 sentence assignments (despite prompting), so my wife and I went looking for a way to help him. One person I play D&D with suggested Amazing Tales ( https://amazing-tales.net/ ) and we had our first 2 adventures yesterday. It went really well and he seemed to open up with possibilities as we went along. Waffles the hamster and Tri-Tri the triceratops (played by his younger brother) went through an ice maze and then into outer space.

    I just wanted to share in case anyone else was looking for something like this. Although knowing these forums I’m sure this was already a known thing by many :)

  • AbsoluteZeroAbsoluteZero The new film by Quentin Koopantino Registered User regular
    Our 7 month old definitely cries because he's bored or doesn't want to be alone. When the crying correlates directly to whether or not he can see me or is getting some kind of attention, he gets lower priority when dishes need to be done, dinner needs to get made, etc etc.

    Then there are times when we have tried everything under the sun and he's still crying. So long as he is in no danger, not running a fever, he's fed and clean, maybe he gets some Tylenol if we think he might be teething or whatever, and if nothing else helps, we will let him cry. 90% of the time he's just over tired and can't wind down, but get him in a dark room with white noise going and after while he will fall asleep.

    The other 10% of the time I figure he could simply have a headache or something that he can't communicate but is making him irritable. There's just no way to know. Eventually it goes away, in any case. Just gotta snuggle him up until it goes away.

    cs6f034fsffl.jpg
  • dennisdennis aka bingley Registered User regular
    edited November 2022
    Our 7 month old

    But... that's impossible. You just got him like... a month ago? Two months?

    :open_mouth:

    dennis on
  • CroakerBCCroakerBC TorontoRegistered User regular
    Small human has now had a crackly, productive cough for about a month. The doctor has poked at him and pronounced it seasonal grot that we just have to wait out, and I am so done waiting it out. Spouse has it too so at least maybe we'll have a heads up as it starts to run it's course.

    Anyway. He woke up from zero to coughing jag tonight, and also appears to have dropped a small poop somewhere between sleep and then.

    So I par him on the back and change his diaper, and he's got his stuffed bunny in one hand. And asks for a new cold water for bed.

    And there he is, a little person with his water and his bunny, in a sleep sack, standing on his playmat at midnight, ready to take on the world.

    That made it all a bit more worth it.

  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Ellie went to school today in her normal uniform, nothing different. But she was wearing one of the long skirts today rather than her leggings or shorts.

    and it was just... one of those moments when you look up and suddenly your baby/toddler/kid has gotten older again. It's hard to really explain but there's a moment when you look at them and suddenly, the kid you had been seeing only an hour ago is suddenly, Older.

    It's never less intense any time it happens.

  • SoggybiscuitSoggybiscuit Tandem Electrostatic Accelerator Registered User regular
    I’m currently out on travel and my daughter chose this exact time to take her first unaided steps.

    I’m really torn up because I missed that. Thankfully I won’t miss her birthday party this Saturday.

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  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    kime wrote: »
    I mean, "you can't give them sleep" is totally wrong for my child. Even now at 5, she basically only sleeps if someone is actively there trying to get her to. And then she'll sleep super well, you just always have to help her over that initial hump. "Try to get her to sleep for a nap" was on our checklist :lol:

    My 4yo is like that too. It's nice to hear we're not alone.

    sig.gif
  • mxmarksmxmarks Registered User regular
    edited November 2022
    Ellie went to school today in her normal uniform, nothing different. But she was wearing one of the long skirts today rather than her leggings or shorts.

    and it was just... one of those moments when you look up and suddenly your baby/toddler/kid has gotten older again. It's hard to really explain but there's a moment when you look at them and suddenly, the kid you had been seeing only an hour ago is suddenly, Older.

    It's never less intense any time it happens.

    We went on a family vacation the first week of October to Universal in Orlando - basically my happy place. We celebrated our engagement there, we took our honeymoon there - it's just a place that makes me super happy and we used to go for any and every reason we could think of. We skipped 2 years due to COVID, and had a son in that time. The first week of October was my 40th birthday and I was taking my son for the first time for a solid week and it was so exciting.

    It was the best week and I took a ton of pictures, and he had a blast.

    Today I was looking at my phone and it's a picture of him - just a huge huge smile - hugging a Hello Kitty statue from that trip.

    It doesn't even look like my kid. He looks so YOUNG. He's so TINY in the picture. I hadn't stopped and really EXAMINED the picture since I took it and it's just like...how was this 30 days ago!? How on Earth did he change so much in this time!? When I left for work this morning he got himself out of bed and said bye bye and gave me a hug. He was a BIG BOY when I left the house!

    The most cliche expression in the world is "they grow up so fast" but holy fuck they grow up SO FAST.

    mxmarks on
    PSN: mxmarks - WiiU: mxmarks - twitter: @ MikesPS4 - twitch.tv/mxmarks - "Yes, mxmarks is the King of Queens" - Unbreakable Vow
  • CarpyCarpy Registered User regular
    Underappreciated milestones in parenting # 256: realizing your kid is old enough that you don't really have to worry about them just walking off the open edge of playground equipment

  • MichaelLCMichaelLC In what furnace was thy brain? ChicagoRegistered User regular
    Carpy wrote: »
    Underappreciated milestones in parenting # 256: realizing your kid is old enough that you don't really have to worry about them just walking off the open edge of playground equipment

    That is a good one and lasts awhile.

    Unfortunately it's followed by them choosing to jump off stuff.

  • dennisdennis aka bingley Registered User regular
    edited November 2022
    MichaelLC wrote: »
    Carpy wrote: »
    Underappreciated milestones in parenting # 256: realizing your kid is old enough that you don't really have to worry about them just walking off the open edge of playground equipment

    That is a good one and lasts awhile.

    Unfortunately it's followed by them choosing to jump off stuff.

    Plus climbing stuff their arms and legs were too stubby to have even made feasible before. Like cats, children will try to climb to the highest possible point.

    Most recent example:

    cuharmfmoary.jpg

    Another parent and I stood there saying "no no no no no" when some kid climbed on top and then another, much younger kid tried to join them. The top was about 15-20 feet off the ground.

    dennis on
  • RichyRichy Registered User regular
    This weekend we went to my gf's cousin's house for a night. This means a 2.5-hour drive, which my 4yo did like a champ, an entire afternoon/evening/night/morning in a new house surrounded by new people, which she also did like a champ, and another 2.5-hour drive home, which she also did like a champ.

    Then back home, she pooped in her underwear. Twice.

    My gf and I just don't know what to do anymore. She feels when it's coming, and she can hold it, and she can go to the toilet in time. She just... doesn't.

    sig.gif
  • dennisdennis aka bingley Registered User regular
    Richy wrote: »
    My gf and I just don't know what to do anymore.

    The one thing that will work 99% of the time is just... time. It's the solution to almost every one of these kinds of problems.

  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava ~~She/Her~~ Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    which doesn't really help with the frustration of the *now* but it can help to sort of put it back into the focus of, it's only just *now* and it does get better.

    or at least different.

  • MovitzMovitz Registered User regular
    edited November 2022
    Richy wrote: »
    This weekend we went to my gf's cousin's house for a night. This means a 2.5-hour drive, which my 4yo did like a champ, an entire afternoon/evening/night/morning in a new house surrounded by new people, which she also did like a champ, and another 2.5-hour drive home, which she also did like a champ.

    Then back home, she pooped in her underwear. Twice.

    My gf and I just don't know what to do anymore. She feels when it's coming, and she can hold it, and she can go to the toilet in time. She just... doesn't.

    Our soon 4 yo refuses to go anywhere but home so she gets constipated instead by holding it. Kids be strange yo.

    Peeing is better, there are 3 acceptable places: Home, kindergarten and bushes. When in stores or doctor's office she refuses to pee (even when she is the one bringing it up) and instead loudly demands to be taken outside to a good shrubbery.

    I'm just going to assume/hope it's a phase like so many other things 😕

    Movitz on
  • discriderdiscrider Registered User regular
    My kid was telling me tonight to look at his face and see how sad he was that I wasn't pooping in the toilet.

    Which was far better than him not pooping in the toilet, and immediately using a nappy after holding it for several days.

    Hoping it sticks this time.

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