Club PA 2.0 has arrived! If you'd like to access some extra PA content and help support the forums, check it out at patreon.com/ClubPA
The image size limit has been raised to 1mb! Anything larger than that should be linked to. This is a HARD limit, please do not abuse it.
Our new Indie Games subforum is now open for business in G&T. Go and check it out, you might land a code for a free game. If you're developing an indie game and want to post about it, follow these directions. If you don't, he'll break your legs! Hahaha! Seriously though.
Our rules have been updated and given their own forum. Go and look at them! They are nice, and there may be new ones that you didn't know about! Hooray for rules! Hooray for The System! Hooray for Conforming!

What's squishy, stretchy and transforms almost anything? ITS [Love]

1737476787981

Posts

  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me!

    XaquinShazkar ShadowstormEinzel
  • SolarSolar Registered User regular
    Gay bars around here are open to 6am and god bless em, for real

    webguy20DepressperadoCelloJansonNightDragonsarukunnever die3clipseTonkkachrishallett83DoodmannDisruptedCapitalist
  • GustavGustav Registered User regular
    Girl Gang has met the partner.

    On a triple date

    To a demolition derby

    VnZ7Xbt.jpg
    webguy20rhylithDepressperadoCelloGrey GhostSorceVeldrinJansonNightDragonsarukunTynnannever dielonelyahavaPinfeldorfSnicketysnickJedocOghulkXaquinLiiya3clipsechromdomGoose!McFodderTonkkaSporkAndrewhonoverechrishallett83BobbleDoodmannElvenshaeUsagiEinzelPeter Ebel
  • SorceSorce Registered User regular
    What about the wendigo? Have they met the partner yet?

    steam_sig.png
    Backloggery. It's totally updated again, I swear!
    WACriminalNightDragonMunkus BeaversarukunJedoc3clipseGoose!TonkkaElvenshae
  • never dienever die Registered User regular
    Madican wrote: »
    sarukun wrote: »
    PiptheFair wrote: »
    Gvzbgul wrote: »
    Sologamy is just an excuse to call masturbation sex.

    Although we probably ought to keep that knowlege away from the no sex before marriage types.

    If youre in a sologamous and a start a relationship with somebody else. Is that monogamy or polygamy?

    sex is disgusting and also not real

    Nah uh, i’ve seen it.

    Swamp gas

    See, that's why you bathe first and this isn't an issue.

  • PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Realtor Santa ClaritaRegistered User regular
    Gustav wrote: »
    Girl Gang has met the partner.

    On a triple date

    To a demolition derby

    Gus this is a lot of information in so few words but still not nearly enough information.

    Sorcewebguy20chromdomGoose!TonkkaBobbleJansonElvenshaeEinzelDisruptedCapitalist
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Speaking of Facebook memories

    Hubby and I friended each other on Facebook 10 years ago today.

    Since then I've moved to the other side of the planet, got married, bought a house, and had this amazing kid.

    What an amazing decade it's been.

    Thanks @Infidel !

    LiiyaTonkkasarukunSporkAndrewDouglasDangerPlatyXaquinInfidelchromdomJansonElvenshaeTynnannever dieMcFodderEinzelDisruptedCapitalistNaphtali
  • honoverehonovere Registered User regular
    Radius wrote: »
    I'm more of a landogamy person

    I was a bit disappointed that nobody made a Han Solo pun for so many posts. Finally.

  • PeasPeas Registered User regular
    edited October 7
    A Statistically Significant Love Song 4:18

    Urgh

    Peas on
    ElvenshaeOrca
  • Shazkar ShadowstormShazkar Shadowstorm Registered User regular
    My social media memory is 6 years ago today I had the Au Cheval cheeseburger in Chicago and it was definitely love

    poo
  • SCREECH OF THE FARGSCREECH OF THE FARG #1 PARROTHEAD margaritavilleRegistered User regular
    WACriminal wrote: »
    Partner and I have actually been struggling with the poly stuff, among other things, lately. If we're talking about poly I'll talk about my experiences so far. Massive word vomit spoilered I guess.
    Putting thoughts into numbered lists helps me structure my thoughts. Yes, I know I could just use paragraphs, but the numbers help my brain.

    1. She has a lot of health issues, and as a result both doesn't have a job and often doesn't have energy to do things like dishes, laundry, etc. The non-employment things that have to get done to keep the gears of our lives from grinding to a halt. I work overtime every week at my job Because Bills(TM), and I do my best to take care of things at the house too, but I'm super-aware that I'm falling short on a regular basis. Like, I've got my own depression and insomnia and anxiety and ADHD, but one of us has to hold down the financial income end of things I guess?

    2. Recent events with her health have indicated that we may be in for more troubles in the next few years. The blood tests and whatnot so far have indicated that she may be experiencing some sort of liver damage and (of course) possibly even liver failure. She doesn't drink, so it's not that, but the doctors haven't really said anything more helpful than a shrug. She's also been experiencing high levels of sleepiness and exhaustion, along with steadily worsening muscle spasms, which let me tell you as scary symptoms go, that one's up there. The whole thing has prompted us to have conversations about the hypothetical, "If things were to take a turn for the very-much-worse in the next few years, how would we want to have spent that time before it happens?"

    3. When we first got together, we talked about the fact that she was poly-oriented. At the time, we sorta settled on the idea that we both wanted to try monogamy for a while and see how things shook out, really get a solid foundation built with just us, and then eventually branch out into experimenting with poly relationships but with each other as our primary partnership. At the time, I think we batted around the vague timeframe of "5-10 years into our marriage". But now, with the liver stuff, we decided that putting things off was, in general, not a great strategy for life, so we agreed to open up our relationship, with the understanding that it was going to take a lot of emotional work for both of us to feel safe. Our 3rd anniversary is next month.

    4. Our first foray into things did not go well for either of us, really. She had an online friend she had been attracted to for a little while, so they started flirting and then Friend came to visit for her birthday. Without going into all the details, over the course of the visit it became clear that Partner and I had clearly misinterpreted each other's needs in this situation. I needed things to feel emotionally safe that she wasn't prepared to give, and vice-versa. We were even able to trace the misunderstandings back to specific verbiage in our conversations that we each understood differently, and thought we were agreeing to different things. On what was supposed to be a night where Partner and Friend really spent some intense time together, we ended up sending Friend away instead because of how much misunderstanding was coming to light.

    5. Partner has since broken things off completely with Friend, because the emotional minefield was just too complex due to how the visit went down. She admits that she feels some bitterness towards me over it, just like I feel some bitterness towards her over how unsafe I was made to feel and how much pressure I was put under to handle everything on such a compressed timetable, even though we both rationally recognize that neither of us was truly at fault in any significant way. So that's just something we're both navigating.

    6. I'm struggling with a lot of jealousy over the entire thing, both in the usual romantic jealousy sense and the sense that I'm jealous OF Partner for having the freedom to explore in this way. I have a lot of unfair thoughts, like, "If you don't ever have the time or energy to do anything nice for me, and you don't ever have the time or energy to do anything helpful around the house, how do you have the time or energy to pursue a whole other relationship? Meanwhile, I'm over here working 50 hours a week AND doing all the driving AND going to doctor's appointments with you AND cooking for you when I get home after work because you didn't eat anything all day and you're too hungry to get your own food AND we're spending money on your tattoo and your wardrobe change and your fancy haircuts AND AND AND." Like, I'm not typing that all out to complain about Partner, because I genuinely don't think those are fair thoughts -- for starters, she didn't choose to be sick and tired all the time, or to have an eating disorder that fucks up her ability to eat on a schedule, or to have a disability that keeps employers from wanting to hire her. Like basically none of these things are in any way her fault, and it's not fair to make them her responsibility. But just like...if we're opening up our relationship, maybe I would want to date too (because, like her, I have emotional needs and wants and such that just aren't getting met) and the reality is that I just can't. I couldn't possibly manage a second relationship, even a casual one, with the combination of things I'm expected to manage as part of this much more important one. And it's hard to reconcile those two thoughts, right? Like, "It's OK that I am not allowed to have the energy or time to pursue things that would make me happy, because I have responsibilities to take care of both myself and my partner (who DOES apparently have the energy and time to pursue things to make herself happy, but not the energy or time to help me with our shared life management)." I've been working between 48 and 60 hours a week for a year and a half now. I'm tired. I'm at the point where I'm having difficulty imagining ever NOT feeling tired again. I've stopped attending church, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped playing board games. All because I just don't have time and energy to sustain any sort of regular activity beyond the stuff I absolutely have to do to keep us both fed, clothed, and sheltered.

    7. I've promised Partner that my reaction to the visit with Friend is not going to be a recurring thing, that I'm doing the emotional work I need to do to avoid a similar breakdown if she continues to explore with other people. But a huge part of me is just terrified, because after her first day hanging out with Friend, we sat down to have a conversation about what made us each feel safe and unsafe, excited and disappointed about our respective experiences that day. And somehow we got to where she was basically berating me because she feels bad about asking things from me, but not about asking things from Friend. And I can fully recognize that, yeah, if you read the above paragraph, you can imagine that at times I'm probably pretty grumpy or exhausted or ungenerous about doing things for her. I try my best, but I can admit that I'm not always Mr. Sunshine when, like, I get off a 12-hours workday and come home to find out she hasn't eaten anything all day and needs me to cook dinner for her. And it's legitimate for her to be hurt by my demeanor in those situations. But I also feel like it's pretty naive of her to be, like...surprised? When a new romantic partner who's coming into town for a few days is more excited about doing things with/for her than I am after ~3 years of marriage that's been largely characterized by crisis, labor, and grief. It's a "greener grass" thing in a way, isn't it? And even that would be fine, except it seemed like she wasn't just praising Friend's behavior, but condemning mine. That's the part that hurts.

    Anyway, long story short is that I feel poly relationships are not bad, but they can be very hard. You may notice that this statement could also apply to monogamous relationships, or to solitude!

    Also if anyone has advice on how to be a better person who isn't such an emotional ball and chain to Partner, I would take it, LOL. Clearly not doing this right on my own.

    You seem to be in a massively one sided relationship and I don't think the thoughts you have of "they have the energy to pursue multiple romantic relationships but not the dishes" is unfair

    SYhhzZG.jpg?2?8605
    DrZiplockTynnanDoodmannOghulk3clipseShazkar ShadowstormLiiyaCelloProlegomenachrishallett83BobbleUsagiQuantumTurkMulysaSemproniusKamiroWeaverwebguy20LabelPerrsunDysMcFodderASimPersonHacksawsarukunpookaElvenshaehonovereArmoroc
  • DouglasDangerDouglasDanger PennsylvaniaRegistered User regular
    My girlfriend asked me to move in with her

    !


    I said yes, I would love to

    !

    I play games on ps3 and ps4. My PSN is DouglasDanger.
    KwoaruBrovid HasselsmofOrcaPlaty3clipseLaOsShazkar ShadowstormDoodmannJansonBroloLiiyaJedocPsykomaDepressperadoPeasKruiteSnicketysnickPeenchrishallett83KetarBobbleSolarTonkkanever dieChiselphaneWeaverlonelyahavamori1972webguy20chromdomStraightziPerrsunDrezDysNightDragonOghulkMcFoddersarukunWACriminalSorceSporkAndrewJoolanderElvenshaehonovereArmorocElbasunuDisruptedCapitalistbalerbower
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    my great-aunt is the best member of my extended family

    she's ancient and can barely move and her hands are all gnarled up, but she still hand-writes birthday cards for me, full of encouragement and praise

    and she puts a ten dollar bill in the card, just like she has every year since I was born.

    BroloJedocBrovid HasselsmofSnicketysnickchrishallett83DouglasDangerShazkar ShadowstormJansonTonkkanever dieCelloChiselphanelonelyahava3clipsemori1972webguy20chromdomLabelNightDragonVeldrinHacksawsarukunpookaSorceSporkAndrewJoolanderElvenshaeEinzelhonovereArmorocNaphtali
  • UsagiUsagi Nah Registered User regular
    WACriminal wrote: »
    Partner and I have actually been struggling with the poly stuff, among other things, lately. If we're talking about poly I'll talk about my experiences so far. Massive word vomit spoilered I guess.
    Putting thoughts into numbered lists helps me structure my thoughts. Yes, I know I could just use paragraphs, but the numbers help my brain.

    1. She has a lot of health issues, and as a result both doesn't have a job and often doesn't have energy to do things like dishes, laundry, etc. The non-employment things that have to get done to keep the gears of our lives from grinding to a halt. I work overtime every week at my job Because Bills(TM), and I do my best to take care of things at the house too, but I'm super-aware that I'm falling short on a regular basis. Like, I've got my own depression and insomnia and anxiety and ADHD, but one of us has to hold down the financial income end of things I guess?

    2. Recent events with her health have indicated that we may be in for more troubles in the next few years. The blood tests and whatnot so far have indicated that she may be experiencing some sort of liver damage and (of course) possibly even liver failure. She doesn't drink, so it's not that, but the doctors haven't really said anything more helpful than a shrug. She's also been experiencing high levels of sleepiness and exhaustion, along with steadily worsening muscle spasms, which let me tell you as scary symptoms go, that one's up there. The whole thing has prompted us to have conversations about the hypothetical, "If things were to take a turn for the very-much-worse in the next few years, how would we want to have spent that time before it happens?"

    3. When we first got together, we talked about the fact that she was poly-oriented. At the time, we sorta settled on the idea that we both wanted to try monogamy for a while and see how things shook out, really get a solid foundation built with just us, and then eventually branch out into experimenting with poly relationships but with each other as our primary partnership. At the time, I think we batted around the vague timeframe of "5-10 years into our marriage". But now, with the liver stuff, we decided that putting things off was, in general, not a great strategy for life, so we agreed to open up our relationship, with the understanding that it was going to take a lot of emotional work for both of us to feel safe. Our 3rd anniversary is next month.

    4. Our first foray into things did not go well for either of us, really. She had an online friend she had been attracted to for a little while, so they started flirting and then Friend came to visit for her birthday. Without going into all the details, over the course of the visit it became clear that Partner and I had clearly misinterpreted each other's needs in this situation. I needed things to feel emotionally safe that she wasn't prepared to give, and vice-versa. We were even able to trace the misunderstandings back to specific verbiage in our conversations that we each understood differently, and thought we were agreeing to different things. On what was supposed to be a night where Partner and Friend really spent some intense time together, we ended up sending Friend away instead because of how much misunderstanding was coming to light.

    5. Partner has since broken things off completely with Friend, because the emotional minefield was just too complex due to how the visit went down. She admits that she feels some bitterness towards me over it, just like I feel some bitterness towards her over how unsafe I was made to feel and how much pressure I was put under to handle everything on such a compressed timetable, even though we both rationally recognize that neither of us was truly at fault in any significant way. So that's just something we're both navigating.

    6. I'm struggling with a lot of jealousy over the entire thing, both in the usual romantic jealousy sense and the sense that I'm jealous OF Partner for having the freedom to explore in this way. I have a lot of unfair thoughts, like, "If you don't ever have the time or energy to do anything nice for me, and you don't ever have the time or energy to do anything helpful around the house, how do you have the time or energy to pursue a whole other relationship? Meanwhile, I'm over here working 50 hours a week AND doing all the driving AND going to doctor's appointments with you AND cooking for you when I get home after work because you didn't eat anything all day and you're too hungry to get your own food AND we're spending money on your tattoo and your wardrobe change and your fancy haircuts AND AND AND." Like, I'm not typing that all out to complain about Partner, because I genuinely don't think those are fair thoughts -- for starters, she didn't choose to be sick and tired all the time, or to have an eating disorder that fucks up her ability to eat on a schedule, or to have a disability that keeps employers from wanting to hire her. Like basically none of these things are in any way her fault, and it's not fair to make them her responsibility. But just like...if we're opening up our relationship, maybe I would want to date too (because, like her, I have emotional needs and wants and such that just aren't getting met) and the reality is that I just can't. I couldn't possibly manage a second relationship, even a casual one, with the combination of things I'm expected to manage as part of this much more important one. And it's hard to reconcile those two thoughts, right? Like, "It's OK that I am not allowed to have the energy or time to pursue things that would make me happy, because I have responsibilities to take care of both myself and my partner (who DOES apparently have the energy and time to pursue things to make herself happy, but not the energy or time to help me with our shared life management)." I've been working between 48 and 60 hours a week for a year and a half now. I'm tired. I'm at the point where I'm having difficulty imagining ever NOT feeling tired again. I've stopped attending church, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped playing board games. All because I just don't have time and energy to sustain any sort of regular activity beyond the stuff I absolutely have to do to keep us both fed, clothed, and sheltered.

    7. I've promised Partner that my reaction to the visit with Friend is not going to be a recurring thing, that I'm doing the emotional work I need to do to avoid a similar breakdown if she continues to explore with other people. But a huge part of me is just terrified, because after her first day hanging out with Friend, we sat down to have a conversation about what made us each feel safe and unsafe, excited and disappointed about our respective experiences that day. And somehow we got to where she was basically berating me because she feels bad about asking things from me, but not about asking things from Friend. And I can fully recognize that, yeah, if you read the above paragraph, you can imagine that at times I'm probably pretty grumpy or exhausted or ungenerous about doing things for her. I try my best, but I can admit that I'm not always Mr. Sunshine when, like, I get off a 12-hours workday and come home to find out she hasn't eaten anything all day and needs me to cook dinner for her. And it's legitimate for her to be hurt by my demeanor in those situations. But I also feel like it's pretty naive of her to be, like...surprised? When a new romantic partner who's coming into town for a few days is more excited about doing things with/for her than I am after ~3 years of marriage that's been largely characterized by crisis, labor, and grief. It's a "greener grass" thing in a way, isn't it? And even that would be fine, except it seemed like she wasn't just praising Friend's behavior, but condemning mine. That's the part that hurts.

    Anyway, long story short is that I feel poly relationships are not bad, but they can be very hard. You may notice that this statement could also apply to monogamous relationships, or to solitude!

    Also if anyone has advice on how to be a better person who isn't such an emotional ball and chain to Partner, I would take it, LOL. Clearly not doing this right on my own.

    As a person who has been actively poly for a while, holy jeebus you and your partner need to sort out your hella relationship imbalance before either of you think of pursuing outside relationships.

    Because while you're giving yourself shit for point 6, your feelings on the matter are ENTIRELY REASONABLE. You sound like you're essentially parenting your partner and doing nearly all of the physical, financial, and emotional labour in the situation and that is wiiiiiiiildly unfair to you.

    JansonDrZiplockKruiteQuantumTurknever dieCelloMulysaSemproniusKwoaru3clipseSCREECH OF THE FARGwebguy20chromdomMortal SkyStraightziLabelLiiyaPsykomaTynnanDysOghulkCaedwyrVeldrinHacksawASimPersonsarukunpookaProlegomenaSporkAndrewJoolanderElvenshaeThorn413honovereArmoroc
  • DouglasDangerDouglasDanger PennsylvaniaRegistered User regular
    my great-aunt is the best member of my extended family

    she's ancient and can barely move and her hands are all gnarled up, but she still hand-writes birthday cards for me, full of encouragement and praise

    and she puts a ten dollar bill in the card, just like she has every year since I was born.

    Happy birthday, dude

    I play games on ps3 and ps4. My PSN is DouglasDanger.
    TonkkaLiiyanever die3clipsechromdomDepressperadoMcFoddersarukunSorceArmoroc
  • LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    Neighbours cat now waits on my doorstep at night, demanding attention and requires a passing the cat between people airlock situation to ensure it doesn't force it's way into the house. I feel loved by the cat.

    JansonKamiro3clipseSolarKetarwebguy20Brovid HasselsmofchromdomlonelyahavaDrZiplockSnicketysnickLabelJedocXaquinPsykomaTynnanBobblenever dieTonkkaNightDragonVeldrinsarukungodmodepookaSporkAndrewchrishallett83PeenJoolanderElvenshaeEinzelhonovereArmoroc
  • JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    Ok but what if

    You let the cat in?

    KamiroBobbleTonkkaMagic PinkArmoroc
  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    It sounds like it would really solve a lot of problems if you just installed a cat flap.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    It sounds like it would really solve a lot of problems if you just installed a cat flap.

    Ah yes. Invented by Sir Isaac Newton

  • LiiyaLiiya Registered User regular
    Then my landlord would freak out and we'd all get kicked out.

  • KamiroKamiro Registered User regular
    but but

    kitty!

    OrcaKruiteTynnanBobbleTonkkaElvenshaehonovere
  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    WACriminal wrote: »
    Partner and I have actually been struggling with the poly stuff, among other things, lately. If we're talking about poly I'll talk about my experiences so far. Massive word vomit spoilered I guess.
    Putting thoughts into numbered lists helps me structure my thoughts. Yes, I know I could just use paragraphs, but the numbers help my brain.

    1. She has a lot of health issues, and as a result both doesn't have a job and often doesn't have energy to do things like dishes, laundry, etc. The non-employment things that have to get done to keep the gears of our lives from grinding to a halt. I work overtime every week at my job Because Bills(TM), and I do my best to take care of things at the house too, but I'm super-aware that I'm falling short on a regular basis. Like, I've got my own depression and insomnia and anxiety and ADHD, but one of us has to hold down the financial income end of things I guess?

    2. Recent events with her health have indicated that we may be in for more troubles in the next few years. The blood tests and whatnot so far have indicated that she may be experiencing some sort of liver damage and (of course) possibly even liver failure. She doesn't drink, so it's not that, but the doctors haven't really said anything more helpful than a shrug. She's also been experiencing high levels of sleepiness and exhaustion, along with steadily worsening muscle spasms, which let me tell you as scary symptoms go, that one's up there. The whole thing has prompted us to have conversations about the hypothetical, "If things were to take a turn for the very-much-worse in the next few years, how would we want to have spent that time before it happens?"

    3. When we first got together, we talked about the fact that she was poly-oriented. At the time, we sorta settled on the idea that we both wanted to try monogamy for a while and see how things shook out, really get a solid foundation built with just us, and then eventually branch out into experimenting with poly relationships but with each other as our primary partnership. At the time, I think we batted around the vague timeframe of "5-10 years into our marriage". But now, with the liver stuff, we decided that putting things off was, in general, not a great strategy for life, so we agreed to open up our relationship, with the understanding that it was going to take a lot of emotional work for both of us to feel safe. Our 3rd anniversary is next month.

    4. Our first foray into things did not go well for either of us, really. She had an online friend she had been attracted to for a little while, so they started flirting and then Friend came to visit for her birthday. Without going into all the details, over the course of the visit it became clear that Partner and I had clearly misinterpreted each other's needs in this situation. I needed things to feel emotionally safe that she wasn't prepared to give, and vice-versa. We were even able to trace the misunderstandings back to specific verbiage in our conversations that we each understood differently, and thought we were agreeing to different things. On what was supposed to be a night where Partner and Friend really spent some intense time together, we ended up sending Friend away instead because of how much misunderstanding was coming to light.

    5. Partner has since broken things off completely with Friend, because the emotional minefield was just too complex due to how the visit went down. She admits that she feels some bitterness towards me over it, just like I feel some bitterness towards her over how unsafe I was made to feel and how much pressure I was put under to handle everything on such a compressed timetable, even though we both rationally recognize that neither of us was truly at fault in any significant way. So that's just something we're both navigating.

    6. I'm struggling with a lot of jealousy over the entire thing, both in the usual romantic jealousy sense and the sense that I'm jealous OF Partner for having the freedom to explore in this way. I have a lot of unfair thoughts, like, "If you don't ever have the time or energy to do anything nice for me, and you don't ever have the time or energy to do anything helpful around the house, how do you have the time or energy to pursue a whole other relationship? Meanwhile, I'm over here working 50 hours a week AND doing all the driving AND going to doctor's appointments with you AND cooking for you when I get home after work because you didn't eat anything all day and you're too hungry to get your own food AND we're spending money on your tattoo and your wardrobe change and your fancy haircuts AND AND AND." Like, I'm not typing that all out to complain about Partner, because I genuinely don't think those are fair thoughts -- for starters, she didn't choose to be sick and tired all the time, or to have an eating disorder that fucks up her ability to eat on a schedule, or to have a disability that keeps employers from wanting to hire her. Like basically none of these things are in any way her fault, and it's not fair to make them her responsibility. But just like...if we're opening up our relationship, maybe I would want to date too (because, like her, I have emotional needs and wants and such that just aren't getting met) and the reality is that I just can't. I couldn't possibly manage a second relationship, even a casual one, with the combination of things I'm expected to manage as part of this much more important one. And it's hard to reconcile those two thoughts, right? Like, "It's OK that I am not allowed to have the energy or time to pursue things that would make me happy, because I have responsibilities to take care of both myself and my partner (who DOES apparently have the energy and time to pursue things to make herself happy, but not the energy or time to help me with our shared life management)." I've been working between 48 and 60 hours a week for a year and a half now. I'm tired. I'm at the point where I'm having difficulty imagining ever NOT feeling tired again. I've stopped attending church, stopped hanging out with friends, stopped playing board games. All because I just don't have time and energy to sustain any sort of regular activity beyond the stuff I absolutely have to do to keep us both fed, clothed, and sheltered.

    7. I've promised Partner that my reaction to the visit with Friend is not going to be a recurring thing, that I'm doing the emotional work I need to do to avoid a similar breakdown if she continues to explore with other people. But a huge part of me is just terrified, because after her first day hanging out with Friend, we sat down to have a conversation about what made us each feel safe and unsafe, excited and disappointed about our respective experiences that day. And somehow we got to where she was basically berating me because she feels bad about asking things from me, but not about asking things from Friend. And I can fully recognize that, yeah, if you read the above paragraph, you can imagine that at times I'm probably pretty grumpy or exhausted or ungenerous about doing things for her. I try my best, but I can admit that I'm not always Mr. Sunshine when, like, I get off a 12-hours workday and come home to find out she hasn't eaten anything all day and needs me to cook dinner for her. And it's legitimate for her to be hurt by my demeanor in those situations. But I also feel like it's pretty naive of her to be, like...surprised? When a new romantic partner who's coming into town for a few days is more excited about doing things with/for her than I am after ~3 years of marriage that's been largely characterized by crisis, labor, and grief. It's a "greener grass" thing in a way, isn't it? And even that would be fine, except it seemed like she wasn't just praising Friend's behavior, but condemning mine. That's the part that hurts.

    Anyway, long story short is that I feel poly relationships are not bad, but they can be very hard. You may notice that this statement could also apply to monogamous relationships, or to solitude!

    Also if anyone has advice on how to be a better person who isn't such an emotional ball and chain to Partner, I would take it, LOL. Clearly not doing this right on my own.

    You seem to be in a massively one sided relationship and I don't think the thoughts you have of "they have the energy to pursue multiple romantic relationships but not the dishes" is unfair

    yeah I hate to say it but it sounds like your relationship is kind of unhealthy outside of the whole poly thing

    3clipseXaquinDrZiplockSCREECH OF THE FARGOghulkASimPersonHacksawchrishallett83Elvenshae
  • lonelyahavalonelyahava Call me Ahava Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    just saw a gorgeous kitty walking along the fence.

    didn't see a collar.

    no kitty, please. my heart is not ready for another rescue right now.

    webguy20Depressperado
  • JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    Fuck a very attractive woman messaged me on Hinge and I accidentally hit the X and now she's gone forever

    DoodmannKwoaruKruiteTonkkawebguy20Munkus BeaverDepressperadosarukunJoolanderElvenshaeArmoroc
  • SimBenSimBen Registered User regular
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Fuck a very attractive woman messaged me on Hinge and I accidentally hit the X and now she's gone forever

    That’s the True Online Dating Experience

    sig.gif
    Kruitewebguy20chromdomBrainleechsarukunWACriminalJoolanderhonovereRorshach KringleArmoroc
  • JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    SimBen wrote: »
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Fuck a very attractive woman messaged me on Hinge and I accidentally hit the X and now she's gone forever

    That’s the True Online Dating Experience

    I hate it

    SimBenXaquinsarukunKruiteJoolanderAistanArmoroc
  • DoodmannDoodmann Registered User regular
    I have recently realized I am not ready to date (or at least actively online date) by the fact that none of my conversations seem to go anywhere and I'm like fine with it.

    Whippy wrote: »
    nope nope nope nope abort abort talk about anime
    Torchlight | Steam | ART
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    edited October 7
    SimBen wrote: »
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Fuck a very attractive woman messaged me on Hinge and I accidentally hit the X and now she's gone forever

    That’s the True Online Dating Experience

    A.k.a TODE

    As in that age-old saying: “You have to kiss a lot of TODEs before you can marry a single frog.”

    Drez on
    DoodmannSimBenJoolanderElvenshaeArmoroc
  • KetarKetar Ready to feel better about your own miserable lives?Registered User regular
    Juggernut wrote: »
    Fuck a very attractive woman messaged me on Hinge and I accidentally hit the X and now she's gone forever

    JedocHouk the NamebringerSimBenDrZiplocksarukunPeen3clipseNightDragon
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    my great-aunt is the best member of my extended family

    she's ancient and can barely move and her hands are all gnarled up, but she still hand-writes birthday cards for me, full of encouragement and praise

    and she puts a ten dollar bill in the card, just like she has every year since I was born.

    Happy birthday, dude

    thank you! It was in August, though, I just haven't seen her since then, 'cause she lives kinda far away

  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    edited October 7
    That is...the wrong thread. Sorry.

    Drez on
  • stimtokolosstimtokolos Registered User regular
    I sometimes have a strange cat in my house. I thought our cats were fighting amongst themselves as they sometimes do.

    They were two rooms deep in the house before I realised that the cat I thought was Pickles was actually a completely different cat.

    So that cat is now called Evil Pickles and I refuse to learn its real name.

    This is what living with my girlfriend has brought into my life.

    JansonJedocMcFodderKetarsarukunpookachrishallett83Labelnever dieKruite3clipseElvenshaehonovereVeldrinTonkkaNightDragonArmoroc
  • BroloBrolo Broseidon Lord of the BroceanRegistered User regular
    Drez wrote: »
    That is...the wrong thread. Sorry.

    ZNQn3yh.jpg

    DrezJedocXaquinGoose!sarukunKwoaruOghulkChiselphaneDepressperadoKruite3clipseElvenshaeArmoroc
  • DouglasDangerDouglasDanger PennsylvaniaRegistered User regular
    edited October 9
    I'm going to start moving my stuff into my girlfriend's house this weekend

    Woooooo


    And I get to see my brother, sister in law and nephew this weekend too

    Woooooo

    DouglasDanger on
    I play games on ps3 and ps4. My PSN is DouglasDanger.
    Sorcenever dieLaOsLiiyaElvenshaeBobblewebguy20chromdomhonovereTonkkasarukunGoose!Armoroc
  • KruiteKruite Registered User regular
    Doodmann wrote: »
    I have recently realized I am not ready to date (or at least actively online date) by the fact that none of my conversations seem to go anywhere and I'm like fine with it.

    I'm not sure if that's the case; some people are just so indifferent to having conversation that I dare to say they're boring.
    I have realized that I should implement a hard rule against using any small banter along the lines of "how was your day"; it's filler, not personal, and just lobs the burden of engagement to the other person

    Shazkar ShadowstormQuantumTurk
  • QuantumTurkQuantumTurk Registered User regular
    Kruite wrote: »
    Doodmann wrote: »
    I have recently realized I am not ready to date (or at least actively online date) by the fact that none of my conversations seem to go anywhere and I'm like fine with it.

    I'm not sure if that's the case; some people are just so indifferent to having conversation that I dare to say they're boring.
    I have realized that I should implement a hard rule against using any small banter along the lines of "how was your day"; it's filler, not personal, and just lobs the burden of engagement to the other person

    My old strat for getting around this was to make things more temporally open ended. Especially with new people. "How's your day going" is lame, cause odds are it was average cause that's what average means.
    "What was the last dope thing you did? I'd say mine was *short fun story*" gives them some if your interests/personality, let's them share theirs, or ask you questions! And if they don't do any of that then they ain't talking anyway.

    Kruite
  • SporkAndrewSporkAndrew Registered User, ClubPA regular
    Kruite wrote: »
    Doodmann wrote: »
    I have recently realized I am not ready to date (or at least actively online date) by the fact that none of my conversations seem to go anywhere and I'm like fine with it.

    I'm not sure if that's the case; some people are just so indifferent to having conversation that I dare to say they're boring.
    I have realized that I should implement a hard rule against using any small banter along the lines of "how was your day"; it's filler, not personal, and just lobs the burden of engagement to the other person

    My old strat for getting around this was to make things more temporally open ended. Especially with new people. "How's your day going" is lame, cause odds are it was average cause that's what average means.
    "What was the last dope thing you did? I'd say mine was *short fun story*" gives them some if your interests/personality, let's them share theirs, or ask you questions! And if they don't do any of that then they ain't talking anyway.

    Or, take a cue from the TV thread (I think)

    "What's the largest dog you've seen and why?"

    The one about the fucking space hairdresser and the cowboy. He's got a tinfoil pal and a pedal bin
    PinfeldorfQuantumTurkKruiteJedocElvenshaeDepressperadoDoodmannnever dieEinzelAistanNightDragonsarukunArmoroc
  • JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    I dunno exactly what my "type" is but I seem to be a type for a certain kind of lady.

    I think half my matches they either have neon hair, multiple nose rings and tattoos. Or a combination of all three. I'm not complaining I just think its interesting?

    I am a vanilla ass lookin' dude whats got no interesting accoutrements or doodads 'pon my bod.

    DepressperadoDrZiplockNightDragonSorceArmoroc
  • MorivethMoriveth ESCA FLOWNERegistered User regular
    I like people what are cute

    I dunno if I ever try and nail down my 'type' I end up listing basically every body and appearance type possible

    DepressperadoChiselphaneEl Skid
  • BobbleBobble Registered User regular
    Kruite wrote: »
    Doodmann wrote: »
    I have recently realized I am not ready to date (or at least actively online date) by the fact that none of my conversations seem to go anywhere and I'm like fine with it.

    I'm not sure if that's the case; some people are just so indifferent to having conversation that I dare to say they're boring.
    I have realized that I should implement a hard rule against using any small banter along the lines of "how was your day"; it's filler, not personal, and just lobs the burden of engagement to the other person

    My old strat for getting around this was to make things more temporally open ended. Especially with new people. "How's your day going" is lame, cause odds are it was average cause that's what average means.
    "What was the last dope thing you did? I'd say mine was *short fun story*" gives them some if your interests/personality, let's them share theirs, or ask you questions! And if they don't do any of that then they ain't talking anyway.

    Or, take a cue from the TV thread (I think)

    "What's the largest dog you've seen and why?"

    We were renting a cabin in a mountain town in Colorado and there was a St Bernard just kinda wandering the little cabin-neighborhood. He was a good boy.

    Doodmannnever dieXaquinElvenshaeASimPersonTynnanNightDragonSporkAndrewArmoroc
Sign In or Register to comment.