My brother

ellie siteellie site Registered User new member
My brother is 19 and I am 17. Nearly my whole life Aron has been this way, by this I mean he is selfish, self-centred and arrogant. When we were younger he would hit me so hard that I would go to school with bruises all over. He once repeatedly kicked me in the stomache against the coboard to impress his friend. You could tell he didn’t care as he and his friend were laughing at me as he did and and as I was crying in pain. The next day I couldn’t move I was in so much pain. He’s also broken
and arm and toes. My dad has always been closer to me than my mum I think due to that fact that he stuck up for me when Aron did these things but my mum didn’t seem to care. When I had depression I would come home from bullying at school and go upstairs to hear him saying to me “ you are so depressed” “get a life” “aww you being bullied u deserve it” My mum won’t ever see her son in a bad light and thinks he can do no wrong. She is also very old fashioned and won’t ask Aron to do any housework or errends but expects me to. He’s stolen off me throughout my life he owes me a lot of money but I am willing to put this aside. My dad can see what he is like but he seems to care much to be honest these days. He has mugged people, beat people and stolen off people. I do him favoures and try to be nice or civil all the time yet he says I’m a prick and a tramp everyday. He also had black mail on me as I smoke weed and he gets it for me. So if I try and say anything to my parents about him he will tell me them. He had made my life miserable and I can’t get away. We’ve had good moments and and lovely memories but then he’ll slip into “Aron” again. I’m confident he is a narrsisist and I think he has sociopathic traits. Don’t get me wrong I get nasty with him aswel but I’d never treat him badly. I’m sorry this is so long I had a lot to say and get off my chest.

Posts

  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    I'm sorry you're going through that. Was there some advice you were looking for?

  • ellie siteellie site Registered User new member
    Hi yes sorry
    I’m asking for advice on if I should ignore him and then when each of us move out then to still talk to him or not

  • ellie siteellie site Registered User new member
    As he had blackmail on
    me it’s making it realy hard to live w him ;)

  • zepherinzepherin Registered User regular
    edited July 2019
    I mean blackmail is a crime. Generally the threat is worst than the disclosure. Also him exposing you as a drug user is a silly threat as he is your drug dealer. I would move out at first opportunity. Get a job, join the navy, Go to college, whatever your skills are capable of. But go when you can.

    zepherin on
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  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    The “blackmail” he has is that he procures weed for you, correct?

    If this is the case he actually has more to lose because he’s committing the more serious crime.

    All you’re guilty of is possession, he’s distributing and contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

    My advice is to ignore him as much as possible, stop getting weed from him, and cut him out of your life ASAP.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
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  • TNTrooperTNTrooper Registered User regular
    If smoking weed is going to get you in trouble then it's time to quit. Once you can pass a drug test it stops being blackmail material.

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  • CambiataCambiata Commander Shepard The likes of which even GAWD has never seenRegistered User regular
    edited July 2019
    Ok so I'm going to start with: broken bones are fairly serious signs of abuse. If that happens again: https://www.thehotline.org/ You deserve to be protected. You deserve to live your life without the constant fear of violence.

    In answer to your specific question: having grown up with a similar brother (though mine did not try breaking my bones. I think he knows my parents would not have stood for it.), your best bet as far as that relationship goes is to keep your head down and try not to interact with him too much while you still live at home, then maintain little to no contact when you move away. Based on his behavior, he sees you more as an object with which he can do as he please than as a fellow human being. Since he has reached adulthood without yet figuring out that you are actually a human being and not one of his possessions, he's unlikely to come to that realization any time soon. I understand, though, if it feels to harsh to completely cut him off, so if that's the case then just maintain polite distance. While still living with him, try to avoid sharing with him those personal things that you know he will turn around and use as a weapon against you. So yeah, that means if you continue to use weed, cut him out of that and get your weed another way. When you get bullied, try not to let him know about it, because you know he'll jump on those opportunities to hurt you - he may even be happy when you get bullied because it "proves" to him that you are a "loser" and deserve any treatment he gives you (that isn't true, by the way: you don't deserve to be bullied, you deserve love and kindness). If you want to talk with him or he wants to talk with you, only discuss subjects that are light and don't involve your feelings too much. Like if you both enjoy a particular TV show or video game, that's a subject you can talk with him about, but try not to have strong opinions about it, let his opinions rule the conversation. Just a reminder, though, that this kind of "handling" is not what any genuinely loving relationship would require, but for how long you've been dealing with this brother you may have to break out of the habit of deference to other people, of "people pleasing", once you're free of him and start making real, lasting relationships.

    My own mother similarly covers for my monster brother, and I can't really explain that part, either. My guess on that is that if a parent allows themselves to see how bad their child is, they might fear that they are to blame, so it's not something that's easy to face.

    Cambiata on
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  • ellie siteellie site Registered User new member
    Thanku so much to everyone that replied it has helped more than you could know

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