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Shaking hands, or: A question of tolerance

1246

Posts

  • DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    Aridhol wrote: »
    If a co-worker exclusively shakes hands with other male co-workers but excludes you, a female co-worker, only because you're female that is a bad work environment and absolutely sexism.
    This gets even worse if the person doing it is in a position of power, like your boss.


    It's a good thing that the individuals involved weren't coworkers then. Or, you know, knew each other at all prior to their interaction.

    Cool, so it's not sexism in the workplace, it's just normal sexism.

    Sure. If the point you're trying to make here is that Islamic cultures are sometimes sexist, and that Islamic women can sometimes internalize that sexism in their own behavior, literally nobody here denies that.

    However:

    1) attacking women for internalized misogyny is the very definition of "punching down"

    2) it isn't the Crown Prince's job to criticize the sexist assumptions underpinning another culture's customs, except when those customs are actively causing harm, and in this case they aren't

    3) if we want to draw feminism into this, women also have a right in our Western progressive culture to refuse to be touched, for any goddamn reason they want, and regardless of our opinions of those reasons, we still must respect that lack of consent

    Do you have some sort of chart showing who's allowed to be sexist and who isn't? Maybe that would help me avoid punching down.

    Whether you're "allowed" to be sexist or not is a question of law, and I'd have to refer you to a Norwegian legal expert for this particular situation.

    But I'm pretty sure everybody is allowed to refuse a handshake with the Crown Prince of Norway regardless of their motivations.

    If you're using "allowed" in this context to mean "immune to criticism" - well, first off, that use of the word is a big red flag that somebody is engaging with the topic at worst in bad faith and at best with a lack of sophistication. It's reminiscent of YouTube alt-rightists who say "oh, I'm not allowed to make racist jokes anymore, huh?" Yes, you're allowed, just as we're allowed to criticize.

    However, if you're interested in criticizing the women of the Al-Noor mosque specifically, then we have a right to ask "why?" Is it because you're dedicated like Batman to hunt down sexism in all its forms, no matter how trivial? That's a noble goal but I'd wonder when you sleep.

    I would agree if this were an argument happening in the normal world, especially if it was targeting one if the involved people.

    It is instead, however, being discussed as part of a larger series of discussions which take place anytime anything interesting hits the news, in a place specifically dedicated to discussing and debating things.

    What is this I don't even.
  • Stabbity StyleStabbity Style He/Him | Warning: Mothership Reporting Kennewick, WARegistered User regular
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.
    How were the individuals in this interaction damaged, pray tell?
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Ilpala wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    Leave people alone to do what they want.

    Right? A guy should not have to shake hands with women, or dine with them, as it is impure for unmarried men and women to interact much.

    Yeah, but no sarcasm

    Why is discrimination based on gender OK, but discrimination against religious beliefs not?

    I think this is like one step short of asking me if Ive stopped beating my wife yet.

    Everyone, including you, carry basic cultural expectations about what is appropriate physical interaction between sexes. No one's is objectively correct in this regard.

    So if a muslim feels its inappropriate to shake hands with a man society will be perfectly capable of carrying on just as it is when you think twice about how closely you sit to a woman on a bus.

    Multiculturalism requires understanding that society can work just fine when people have varying moral standards for decent behavior. Multiculturalism isnt a society where everyone just agrees on white liberalism.

    We all do have a good old laugh at Pence though.

    I mean, that's just it isn't it, it's degrees. Not shaking someone's hand isn't "refusing to be alone with someone of a different gender in a professional setting" (which I honestly can't remember if that was him or someone else but I know that specific one came up recently)

    He refuses to be alone with another woman in any setting, be it professional or social.

    Like with everything, it is a matter of degrees, everybody has small hangups, but at some point it becomes outside of the norm and is notable. And if it's so far out of the norm that it prevents expected societal functions it becomes a problem.

    Also he's a bad person so I like making fun of him about anything he does.

    The thing is, the Billy Graham Rule (named for the televangelist who popularized the concept of not meeting with women in one on one settings) does actually harm women, by excluding them from workplace engagement that would further their careers. As for it being outside the norm, that's not the case:
    A new study, due to be published in the journal Organizational Dynamics, has found that, following the #MeToo movement, men are significantly more reluctant to interact with their female colleagues. A few highlights from the research include:

    • 27% of men avoid one-on-one meetings with female co-workers. Yep, that’s right, almost a third of men are terrified to be alone in a room with a woman.

    • 21% of men said they would be reluctant to hire women for a job that would require close interaction (such as business travel).

    • 19% of men would be reluctant to hire an attractive woman.

    Hell, the gaming community had its own version of this when it came out that major streamer Tyler “Ninja” Blevins refuses to stream with female streamers. This is a real problem that does real harm.

    I agree with you, and I just want to add that this also all ties back to the principle that social justice is contextual, based on the status and power of the people involved.

    Yes, sometimes status and power can be murky and complicated - but in these examples, it isn't. Mike Pence is clearly in a position of power over female aides, while the women of the Al-Noor mosque are not in a position of power over the Crown Prince.

    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.

    Feel free to explain who you think is being harmed in the Al-Noor interaction and who they're being harmed by.

    Society as a whole is harmed when sexism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked.

    Stabbity_Style.png
  • DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    A lot of this seems to be bodily autonomy depending entirely on your motives for exercising it which ew

    Again, as long as you're opposed to shaking hands rather than being opposed to shaking hands with women, or POC, or people who aren't wearing expensive enough clothes, it's your right to handle social greetings. It's not ok to standardize bias.

    What is this I don't even.
  • tinwhiskerstinwhiskers Registered User regular
    edited September 2019
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    RedTide wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    moniker wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    It's okay for her to refuse a handshake because of personal preference, but not due to religious beliefs?

    Is this what I'm getting?

    That's not what I'm seeing put forth.
    RedTide wrote: »
    Winky wrote: »
    RedTide wrote: »
    For most on this forum the conundrum basically boils down to having respect for a culture other then your own - whose tenets you do not fully respect because they are regressive.

    I personally do not really respect religions when their tenets interfere with creating the type of society I want to live in, but it's a tough question to reconcile and it's one I reevaluate constantly.

    Respect the person, not the religion, and you’re not likely to turn wrong.

    Was my wife being respected the time we went to an open house and a gentleman shook my hand but then yanked it away from my wife and cited his faith?

    Was she being treated as an equal or simply as equal to the women within his own patriarchal religion?
    If a woman feels unsafe because of past relations with men and refuses to shake his hand is that sexist?

    oh wait no thats okay because it isnt related to religion

    Edit: We can flip that to a dude refusing a female handshake for reasons of past relations as well before I get yelled at.

    Sincerely - and this may be the lack of sleep I've got going - I actually don't know what you're saying here.
    I'm saying "What if you literally don't feel comfortable physically interacting with the opposite sex" - is that sexist?

    Or is it only sexist if it's based on religious beliefs?

    Yes, to the first part. It's internalized sexism. For example If I see a black person walking up my driveway and I get nervous, where as I wouldn't if it was a white person, I don't think anyone could argue that isn't internalized racism.

    If I'm not comfortable shaking a woman's hand because she's not my wife/family that speaks to internalized sexism.

    e: It pays to remember that often the most vigorous enforcers of sexism against women(particularly when it comes to things like purity policing) are other women.

    tinwhiskers on
    6ylyzxlir2dz.png
  • WinkyWinky rRegistered User regular
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    Aridhol wrote: »
    If a co-worker exclusively shakes hands with other male co-workers but excludes you, a female co-worker, only because you're female that is a bad work environment and absolutely sexism.
    This gets even worse if the person doing it is in a position of power, like your boss.


    It's a good thing that the individuals involved weren't coworkers then. Or, you know, knew each other at all prior to their interaction.

    Cool, so it's not sexism in the workplace, it's just normal sexism.

    Sure. If the point you're trying to make here is that Islamic cultures are sometimes sexist, and that Islamic women can sometimes internalize that sexism in their own behavior, literally nobody here denies that.

    However:

    1) attacking women for internalized misogyny is the very definition of "punching down"

    2) it isn't the Crown Prince's job to criticize the sexist assumptions underpinning another culture's customs, except when those customs are actively causing harm, and in this case they aren't

    3) if we want to draw feminism into this, women also have a right in our Western progressive culture to refuse to be touched, for any goddamn reason they want, and regardless of our opinions of those reasons, we still must respect that lack of consent

    Do you have some sort of chart showing who's allowed to be sexist and who isn't? Maybe that would help me avoid punching down.

    Whether you're "allowed" to be sexist or not is a question of law, and I'd have to refer you to a Norwegian legal expert for this particular situation.

    But I'm pretty sure everybody is allowed to refuse a handshake with the Crown Prince of Norway regardless of their motivations.

    If you're using "allowed" in this context to mean "immune to criticism" - well, first off, that use of the word is a big red flag that somebody is engaging with the topic at worst in bad faith and at best with a lack of sophistication. It's reminiscent of YouTube alt-rightists who say "oh, I'm not allowed to make racist jokes anymore, huh?" Yes, you're allowed, just as we're allowed to criticize.

    However, if you're interested in criticizing the women of the Al-Noor mosque specifically, then we have a right to ask "why?" Is it because you're dedicated like Batman to hunt down sexism in all its forms, no matter how trivial? That's a noble goal but I'd wonder when you sleep.

    I would agree if this were an argument happening in the normal world, especially if it was targeting one if the involved people.

    It is instead, however, being discussed as part of a larger series of discussions which take place anytime anything interesting hits the news, in a place specifically dedicated to discussing and debating things.

    Ah, now I understand: this discussion has no relationship to actual situations in the real world.

  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.
    How were the individuals in this interaction damaged, pray tell?
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Ilpala wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    Leave people alone to do what they want.

    Right? A guy should not have to shake hands with women, or dine with them, as it is impure for unmarried men and women to interact much.

    Yeah, but no sarcasm

    Why is discrimination based on gender OK, but discrimination against religious beliefs not?

    I think this is like one step short of asking me if Ive stopped beating my wife yet.

    Everyone, including you, carry basic cultural expectations about what is appropriate physical interaction between sexes. No one's is objectively correct in this regard.

    So if a muslim feels its inappropriate to shake hands with a man society will be perfectly capable of carrying on just as it is when you think twice about how closely you sit to a woman on a bus.

    Multiculturalism requires understanding that society can work just fine when people have varying moral standards for decent behavior. Multiculturalism isnt a society where everyone just agrees on white liberalism.

    We all do have a good old laugh at Pence though.

    I mean, that's just it isn't it, it's degrees. Not shaking someone's hand isn't "refusing to be alone with someone of a different gender in a professional setting" (which I honestly can't remember if that was him or someone else but I know that specific one came up recently)

    He refuses to be alone with another woman in any setting, be it professional or social.

    Like with everything, it is a matter of degrees, everybody has small hangups, but at some point it becomes outside of the norm and is notable. And if it's so far out of the norm that it prevents expected societal functions it becomes a problem.

    Also he's a bad person so I like making fun of him about anything he does.

    The thing is, the Billy Graham Rule (named for the televangelist who popularized the concept of not meeting with women in one on one settings) does actually harm women, by excluding them from workplace engagement that would further their careers. As for it being outside the norm, that's not the case:
    A new study, due to be published in the journal Organizational Dynamics, has found that, following the #MeToo movement, men are significantly more reluctant to interact with their female colleagues. A few highlights from the research include:

    • 27% of men avoid one-on-one meetings with female co-workers. Yep, that’s right, almost a third of men are terrified to be alone in a room with a woman.

    • 21% of men said they would be reluctant to hire women for a job that would require close interaction (such as business travel).

    • 19% of men would be reluctant to hire an attractive woman.

    Hell, the gaming community had its own version of this when it came out that major streamer Tyler “Ninja” Blevins refuses to stream with female streamers. This is a real problem that does real harm.

    I agree with you, and I just want to add that this also all ties back to the principle that social justice is contextual, based on the status and power of the people involved.

    Yes, sometimes status and power can be murky and complicated - but in these examples, it isn't. Mike Pence is clearly in a position of power over female aides, while the women of the Al-Noor mosque are not in a position of power over the Crown Prince.

    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.

    Feel free to explain who you think is being harmed in the Al-Noor interaction and who they're being harmed by.

    Society as a whole is harmed when sexism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked.

    Society is also harmed when racism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked, and one particularly pervasive form of racism is to be disproportionately more critical of sexism when it involves people of color.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • Stabbity StyleStabbity Style He/Him | Warning: Mothership Reporting Kennewick, WARegistered User regular
    edited September 2019
    Feral wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.
    How were the individuals in this interaction damaged, pray tell?
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Ilpala wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    Leave people alone to do what they want.

    Right? A guy should not have to shake hands with women, or dine with them, as it is impure for unmarried men and women to interact much.

    Yeah, but no sarcasm

    Why is discrimination based on gender OK, but discrimination against religious beliefs not?

    I think this is like one step short of asking me if Ive stopped beating my wife yet.

    Everyone, including you, carry basic cultural expectations about what is appropriate physical interaction between sexes. No one's is objectively correct in this regard.

    So if a muslim feels its inappropriate to shake hands with a man society will be perfectly capable of carrying on just as it is when you think twice about how closely you sit to a woman on a bus.

    Multiculturalism requires understanding that society can work just fine when people have varying moral standards for decent behavior. Multiculturalism isnt a society where everyone just agrees on white liberalism.

    We all do have a good old laugh at Pence though.

    I mean, that's just it isn't it, it's degrees. Not shaking someone's hand isn't "refusing to be alone with someone of a different gender in a professional setting" (which I honestly can't remember if that was him or someone else but I know that specific one came up recently)

    He refuses to be alone with another woman in any setting, be it professional or social.

    Like with everything, it is a matter of degrees, everybody has small hangups, but at some point it becomes outside of the norm and is notable. And if it's so far out of the norm that it prevents expected societal functions it becomes a problem.

    Also he's a bad person so I like making fun of him about anything he does.

    The thing is, the Billy Graham Rule (named for the televangelist who popularized the concept of not meeting with women in one on one settings) does actually harm women, by excluding them from workplace engagement that would further their careers. As for it being outside the norm, that's not the case:
    A new study, due to be published in the journal Organizational Dynamics, has found that, following the #MeToo movement, men are significantly more reluctant to interact with their female colleagues. A few highlights from the research include:

    • 27% of men avoid one-on-one meetings with female co-workers. Yep, that’s right, almost a third of men are terrified to be alone in a room with a woman.

    • 21% of men said they would be reluctant to hire women for a job that would require close interaction (such as business travel).

    • 19% of men would be reluctant to hire an attractive woman.

    Hell, the gaming community had its own version of this when it came out that major streamer Tyler “Ninja” Blevins refuses to stream with female streamers. This is a real problem that does real harm.

    I agree with you, and I just want to add that this also all ties back to the principle that social justice is contextual, based on the status and power of the people involved.

    Yes, sometimes status and power can be murky and complicated - but in these examples, it isn't. Mike Pence is clearly in a position of power over female aides, while the women of the Al-Noor mosque are not in a position of power over the Crown Prince.

    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.

    Feel free to explain who you think is being harmed in the Al-Noor interaction and who they're being harmed by.

    Society as a whole is harmed when sexism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked.

    Society is also harmed when racism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked, and one particularly pervasive form of racism is to be disproportionately more critical of sexism when it involves people of color.

    Ok? But considering I'm not doing that, I don't really get what that has to do with this conversation.

    Stabbity Style on
    Stabbity_Style.png
  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    Feral wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.
    How were the individuals in this interaction damaged, pray tell?
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Ilpala wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    Leave people alone to do what they want.

    Right? A guy should not have to shake hands with women, or dine with them, as it is impure for unmarried men and women to interact much.

    Yeah, but no sarcasm

    Why is discrimination based on gender OK, but discrimination against religious beliefs not?

    I think this is like one step short of asking me if Ive stopped beating my wife yet.

    Everyone, including you, carry basic cultural expectations about what is appropriate physical interaction between sexes. No one's is objectively correct in this regard.

    So if a muslim feels its inappropriate to shake hands with a man society will be perfectly capable of carrying on just as it is when you think twice about how closely you sit to a woman on a bus.

    Multiculturalism requires understanding that society can work just fine when people have varying moral standards for decent behavior. Multiculturalism isnt a society where everyone just agrees on white liberalism.

    We all do have a good old laugh at Pence though.

    I mean, that's just it isn't it, it's degrees. Not shaking someone's hand isn't "refusing to be alone with someone of a different gender in a professional setting" (which I honestly can't remember if that was him or someone else but I know that specific one came up recently)

    He refuses to be alone with another woman in any setting, be it professional or social.

    Like with everything, it is a matter of degrees, everybody has small hangups, but at some point it becomes outside of the norm and is notable. And if it's so far out of the norm that it prevents expected societal functions it becomes a problem.

    Also he's a bad person so I like making fun of him about anything he does.

    The thing is, the Billy Graham Rule (named for the televangelist who popularized the concept of not meeting with women in one on one settings) does actually harm women, by excluding them from workplace engagement that would further their careers. As for it being outside the norm, that's not the case:
    A new study, due to be published in the journal Organizational Dynamics, has found that, following the #MeToo movement, men are significantly more reluctant to interact with their female colleagues. A few highlights from the research include:

    • 27% of men avoid one-on-one meetings with female co-workers. Yep, that’s right, almost a third of men are terrified to be alone in a room with a woman.

    • 21% of men said they would be reluctant to hire women for a job that would require close interaction (such as business travel).

    • 19% of men would be reluctant to hire an attractive woman.

    Hell, the gaming community had its own version of this when it came out that major streamer Tyler “Ninja” Blevins refuses to stream with female streamers. This is a real problem that does real harm.

    I agree with you, and I just want to add that this also all ties back to the principle that social justice is contextual, based on the status and power of the people involved.

    Yes, sometimes status and power can be murky and complicated - but in these examples, it isn't. Mike Pence is clearly in a position of power over female aides, while the women of the Al-Noor mosque are not in a position of power over the Crown Prince.

    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.

    Feel free to explain who you think is being harmed in the Al-Noor interaction and who they're being harmed by.

    Society as a whole is harmed when sexism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked.

    Society is also harmed when racism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked, and one particularly pervasive form of racism is to be disproportionately more critical of sexism when it involves people of color.

    Ok? But considering I'm not, I don't really get what that has to do with this conversation.

    You appear to be.

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    The only thing being harmed is pushy dudes’ ability to force others to adhere to their weird arbitrary social conventions.

    Calling this interaction sexism is weak tea.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
  • Styrofoam SammichStyrofoam Sammich WANT. normal (not weird)Registered User regular
    "Im uncomfortable being touched by men" as bigotry is real galaxy brain tbh

    wq09t4opzrlc.jpg
  • Stabbity StyleStabbity Style He/Him | Warning: Mothership Reporting Kennewick, WARegistered User regular
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.
    How were the individuals in this interaction damaged, pray tell?
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Ilpala wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    Leave people alone to do what they want.

    Right? A guy should not have to shake hands with women, or dine with them, as it is impure for unmarried men and women to interact much.

    Yeah, but no sarcasm

    Why is discrimination based on gender OK, but discrimination against religious beliefs not?

    I think this is like one step short of asking me if Ive stopped beating my wife yet.

    Everyone, including you, carry basic cultural expectations about what is appropriate physical interaction between sexes. No one's is objectively correct in this regard.

    So if a muslim feels its inappropriate to shake hands with a man society will be perfectly capable of carrying on just as it is when you think twice about how closely you sit to a woman on a bus.

    Multiculturalism requires understanding that society can work just fine when people have varying moral standards for decent behavior. Multiculturalism isnt a society where everyone just agrees on white liberalism.

    We all do have a good old laugh at Pence though.

    I mean, that's just it isn't it, it's degrees. Not shaking someone's hand isn't "refusing to be alone with someone of a different gender in a professional setting" (which I honestly can't remember if that was him or someone else but I know that specific one came up recently)

    He refuses to be alone with another woman in any setting, be it professional or social.

    Like with everything, it is a matter of degrees, everybody has small hangups, but at some point it becomes outside of the norm and is notable. And if it's so far out of the norm that it prevents expected societal functions it becomes a problem.

    Also he's a bad person so I like making fun of him about anything he does.

    The thing is, the Billy Graham Rule (named for the televangelist who popularized the concept of not meeting with women in one on one settings) does actually harm women, by excluding them from workplace engagement that would further their careers. As for it being outside the norm, that's not the case:
    A new study, due to be published in the journal Organizational Dynamics, has found that, following the #MeToo movement, men are significantly more reluctant to interact with their female colleagues. A few highlights from the research include:

    • 27% of men avoid one-on-one meetings with female co-workers. Yep, that’s right, almost a third of men are terrified to be alone in a room with a woman.

    • 21% of men said they would be reluctant to hire women for a job that would require close interaction (such as business travel).

    • 19% of men would be reluctant to hire an attractive woman.

    Hell, the gaming community had its own version of this when it came out that major streamer Tyler “Ninja” Blevins refuses to stream with female streamers. This is a real problem that does real harm.

    I agree with you, and I just want to add that this also all ties back to the principle that social justice is contextual, based on the status and power of the people involved.

    Yes, sometimes status and power can be murky and complicated - but in these examples, it isn't. Mike Pence is clearly in a position of power over female aides, while the women of the Al-Noor mosque are not in a position of power over the Crown Prince.

    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.

    Feel free to explain who you think is being harmed in the Al-Noor interaction and who they're being harmed by.

    Society as a whole is harmed when sexism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked.

    Society is also harmed when racism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked, and one particularly pervasive form of racism is to be disproportionately more critical of sexism when it involves people of color.

    Ok? But considering I'm not, I don't really get what that has to do with this conversation.

    You appear to be.

    And you appear to be defending sexism, so maybe appearances can be deceiving.

    Stabbity_Style.png
  • ScreampunkScreampunk Registered User regular
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    RedTide wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    moniker wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    It's okay for her to refuse a handshake because of personal preference, but not due to religious beliefs?

    Is this what I'm getting?

    That's not what I'm seeing put forth.
    RedTide wrote: »
    Winky wrote: »
    RedTide wrote: »
    For most on this forum the conundrum basically boils down to having respect for a culture other then your own - whose tenets you do not fully respect because they are regressive.

    I personally do not really respect religions when their tenets interfere with creating the type of society I want to live in, but it's a tough question to reconcile and it's one I reevaluate constantly.

    Respect the person, not the religion, and you’re not likely to turn wrong.

    Was my wife being respected the time we went to an open house and a gentleman shook my hand but then yanked it away from my wife and cited his faith?

    Was she being treated as an equal or simply as equal to the women within his own patriarchal religion?
    If a woman feels unsafe because of past relations with men and refuses to shake his hand is that sexist?

    oh wait no thats okay because it isnt related to religion

    Edit: We can flip that to a dude refusing a female handshake for reasons of past relations as well before I get yelled at.

    Sincerely - and this may be the lack of sleep I've got going - I actually don't know what you're saying here.
    I'm saying "What if you literally don't feel comfortable physically interacting with the opposite sex" - is that sexist?

    Or is it only sexist if it's based on religious beliefs?

    Yes, to the first part. It's internalized sexism. For example If I see a black person walking up my driveway and I get nervous, where as I wouldn't if it was a white person, I don't think anyone could argue that isn't internalized racism.

    If I'm not comfortable shaking a woman's had because she's not my wife/family that speaks to internalized sexism.
    As I put forth before - If you are a man/woman who due to negative interactions with the opposite sex feel uncomfortable shaking the hand of said gender is that okay?

    Or do some intentions matter when others do not?

    9u72nmv0y64e.jpg
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    You don’t know someone’s past or all the reasons they may or may not want to be touched by you specifically.

    If someone saying, “I respect you and look forward to working/meeting with you but am uncomfortable with physical contact” makes you jump to -isms then that says more about you than the person desiring autonomy.

  • Stabbity StyleStabbity Style He/Him | Warning: Mothership Reporting Kennewick, WARegistered User regular
    "Im uncomfortable being touched by men" as bigotry is real galaxy brain tbh

    As much as "I'm uncomfortable being touched by black people" as bigotry.

    Stabbity_Style.png
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    If somebody says “I am a racist so I don’t want to touch you” then that is problematic

    “A tenet of my religion is that my social conventions are different than yours” is not

  • MortiousMortious The Nightmare Begins Move to New ZealandRegistered User regular
    Feral wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.
    How were the individuals in this interaction damaged, pray tell?
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Ilpala wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    Leave people alone to do what they want.

    Right? A guy should not have to shake hands with women, or dine with them, as it is impure for unmarried men and women to interact much.

    Yeah, but no sarcasm

    Why is discrimination based on gender OK, but discrimination against religious beliefs not?

    I think this is like one step short of asking me if Ive stopped beating my wife yet.

    Everyone, including you, carry basic cultural expectations about what is appropriate physical interaction between sexes. No one's is objectively correct in this regard.

    So if a muslim feels its inappropriate to shake hands with a man society will be perfectly capable of carrying on just as it is when you think twice about how closely you sit to a woman on a bus.

    Multiculturalism requires understanding that society can work just fine when people have varying moral standards for decent behavior. Multiculturalism isnt a society where everyone just agrees on white liberalism.

    We all do have a good old laugh at Pence though.

    I mean, that's just it isn't it, it's degrees. Not shaking someone's hand isn't "refusing to be alone with someone of a different gender in a professional setting" (which I honestly can't remember if that was him or someone else but I know that specific one came up recently)

    He refuses to be alone with another woman in any setting, be it professional or social.

    Like with everything, it is a matter of degrees, everybody has small hangups, but at some point it becomes outside of the norm and is notable. And if it's so far out of the norm that it prevents expected societal functions it becomes a problem.

    Also he's a bad person so I like making fun of him about anything he does.

    The thing is, the Billy Graham Rule (named for the televangelist who popularized the concept of not meeting with women in one on one settings) does actually harm women, by excluding them from workplace engagement that would further their careers. As for it being outside the norm, that's not the case:
    A new study, due to be published in the journal Organizational Dynamics, has found that, following the #MeToo movement, men are significantly more reluctant to interact with their female colleagues. A few highlights from the research include:

    • 27% of men avoid one-on-one meetings with female co-workers. Yep, that’s right, almost a third of men are terrified to be alone in a room with a woman.

    • 21% of men said they would be reluctant to hire women for a job that would require close interaction (such as business travel).

    • 19% of men would be reluctant to hire an attractive woman.

    Hell, the gaming community had its own version of this when it came out that major streamer Tyler “Ninja” Blevins refuses to stream with female streamers. This is a real problem that does real harm.

    I agree with you, and I just want to add that this also all ties back to the principle that social justice is contextual, based on the status and power of the people involved.

    Yes, sometimes status and power can be murky and complicated - but in these examples, it isn't. Mike Pence is clearly in a position of power over female aides, while the women of the Al-Noor mosque are not in a position of power over the Crown Prince.

    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.

    Feel free to explain who you think is being harmed in the Al-Noor interaction and who they're being harmed by.

    Society as a whole is harmed when sexism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked.

    Society is also harmed when racism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked, and one particularly pervasive form of racism is to be disproportionately more critical of sexism when it involves people of color.

    It's a weird case this, because Islam does have some ingrained views that are not great on the gender front, however it's also being attacked for any and every reason on a racial front that's causing real harm and deaths.

    So in situations like this, where there was no real harm done critising it because of who it involves does cause harm (not on the forum I mean, but the fact that it's news worthy)

    Same needle to thread with Isreal really. World's messy.

    Besides, we do have different gendered standards for when physical contact is involved. Police/security is gendered when they have to make physical contact, and that's generally seen as a good thing.

    Move to New Zealand
    It’s not a very important country most of the time
    http://steamcommunity.com/id/mortious
  • ScreampunkScreampunk Registered User regular
    edited September 2019
    Calling a woman's right to choose whatevs = "feminist"

    Calling a woman's right to choose what religion she follows = "sexist"


    Okay.

    Screampunk on
    9u72nmv0y64e.jpg
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User, Moderator, Administrator admin
    "Im uncomfortable being touched by men" as bigotry is real galaxy brain tbh

    As much as "I'm uncomfortable being touched by black people" as bigotry.
    No, actually. It's not. Women have a long history and current reality of not enjoying the same bodily autonomy as men in Western society. We strive for equality, but reality dictates that we aren't there yet. With the rates that women are abused, especially physically and sexually, compared to men, there's a power dynamic that completely changes everything with that comparison.

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • knitdanknitdan Registered User regular
    Let’s be honest what the fuss is about.

    An extremely white, predominantly Christian country is seeing a moderate increase in the population of people who are neither white nor Christian.

    This is terrifying to people who have difficulty adapting to minor changes, and they’re responding by making a huge fuss over silly things like “OMG she didn’t want to shake the Prince’s hand! I’m going to faint!”

    Pretending that the lady is sexist is quite frankly a cynical appropriation of social justice rhetoric.

    “I was quick when I came in here, I’m twice as quick now”
    -Indiana Solo, runner of blades
  • Styrofoam SammichStyrofoam Sammich WANT. normal (not weird)Registered User regular
    A lot of this is accusations of bigotry as a tool for enforcing arbitrary cultural values. Its no different than banning burqas for their own good.

    I guess at least dont make any claims to value multiculturalism?

    wq09t4opzrlc.jpg
  • WinkyWinky rRegistered User regular
    A-are we just a big Bayesian classifier for what is problematic?

  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    edited September 2019
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Hahnsoo1 wrote: »
    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.
    How were the individuals in this interaction damaged, pray tell?
    Feral wrote: »
    Feral wrote: »
    Mortious wrote: »
    Ilpala wrote: »
    spool32 wrote: »
    Darkewolfe wrote: »
    Leave people alone to do what they want.

    Right? A guy should not have to shake hands with women, or dine with them, as it is impure for unmarried men and women to interact much.

    Yeah, but no sarcasm

    Why is discrimination based on gender OK, but discrimination against religious beliefs not?

    I think this is like one step short of asking me if Ive stopped beating my wife yet.

    Everyone, including you, carry basic cultural expectations about what is appropriate physical interaction between sexes. No one's is objectively correct in this regard.

    So if a muslim feels its inappropriate to shake hands with a man society will be perfectly capable of carrying on just as it is when you think twice about how closely you sit to a woman on a bus.

    Multiculturalism requires understanding that society can work just fine when people have varying moral standards for decent behavior. Multiculturalism isnt a society where everyone just agrees on white liberalism.

    We all do have a good old laugh at Pence though.

    I mean, that's just it isn't it, it's degrees. Not shaking someone's hand isn't "refusing to be alone with someone of a different gender in a professional setting" (which I honestly can't remember if that was him or someone else but I know that specific one came up recently)

    He refuses to be alone with another woman in any setting, be it professional or social.

    Like with everything, it is a matter of degrees, everybody has small hangups, but at some point it becomes outside of the norm and is notable. And if it's so far out of the norm that it prevents expected societal functions it becomes a problem.

    Also he's a bad person so I like making fun of him about anything he does.

    The thing is, the Billy Graham Rule (named for the televangelist who popularized the concept of not meeting with women in one on one settings) does actually harm women, by excluding them from workplace engagement that would further their careers. As for it being outside the norm, that's not the case:
    A new study, due to be published in the journal Organizational Dynamics, has found that, following the #MeToo movement, men are significantly more reluctant to interact with their female colleagues. A few highlights from the research include:

    • 27% of men avoid one-on-one meetings with female co-workers. Yep, that’s right, almost a third of men are terrified to be alone in a room with a woman.

    • 21% of men said they would be reluctant to hire women for a job that would require close interaction (such as business travel).

    • 19% of men would be reluctant to hire an attractive woman.

    Hell, the gaming community had its own version of this when it came out that major streamer Tyler “Ninja” Blevins refuses to stream with female streamers. This is a real problem that does real harm.

    I agree with you, and I just want to add that this also all ties back to the principle that social justice is contextual, based on the status and power of the people involved.

    Yes, sometimes status and power can be murky and complicated - but in these examples, it isn't. Mike Pence is clearly in a position of power over female aides, while the women of the Al-Noor mosque are not in a position of power over the Crown Prince.

    There doesn't have to be a power dynamic for sexism to be damaging.

    Feel free to explain who you think is being harmed in the Al-Noor interaction and who they're being harmed by.

    Society as a whole is harmed when sexism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked.

    Society is also harmed when racism, or any other form of bigotry, is allowed to go unchecked, and one particularly pervasive form of racism is to be disproportionately more critical of sexism when it involves people of color.

    Ok? But considering I'm not, I don't really get what that has to do with this conversation.

    You appear to be.

    And you appear to be defending sexism, so maybe appearances can be deceiving.

    Don't confuse deprioritization with defense. Not all instances of sexism are equal and sometimes the concrete consequences are minor, while the criticism itself is used as a cudgel to promote Islamophobia or racism or fear of immigrants. Perhaps you don't intend to participate in a culture of fear towards Islam; you do have the opportunity to engage in this topic with more nuance and sensitivity to the complexities.

    Feral on
    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • joshofalltradesjoshofalltrades Class Traitor Smoke-filled roomRegistered User regular
    This is what including Muslim culture looks like

    Mutual respect would look like white Christians not feeling like they are owed touch and Muslim women not feeling like they are obligated to

  • tinwhiskerstinwhiskers Registered User regular
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    RedTide wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    moniker wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    It's okay for her to refuse a handshake because of personal preference, but not due to religious beliefs?

    Is this what I'm getting?

    That's not what I'm seeing put forth.
    RedTide wrote: »
    Winky wrote: »
    RedTide wrote: »
    For most on this forum the conundrum basically boils down to having respect for a culture other then your own - whose tenets you do not fully respect because they are regressive.

    I personally do not really respect religions when their tenets interfere with creating the type of society I want to live in, but it's a tough question to reconcile and it's one I reevaluate constantly.

    Respect the person, not the religion, and you’re not likely to turn wrong.

    Was my wife being respected the time we went to an open house and a gentleman shook my hand but then yanked it away from my wife and cited his faith?

    Was she being treated as an equal or simply as equal to the women within his own patriarchal religion?
    If a woman feels unsafe because of past relations with men and refuses to shake his hand is that sexist?

    oh wait no thats okay because it isnt related to religion

    Edit: We can flip that to a dude refusing a female handshake for reasons of past relations as well before I get yelled at.

    Sincerely - and this may be the lack of sleep I've got going - I actually don't know what you're saying here.
    I'm saying "What if you literally don't feel comfortable physically interacting with the opposite sex" - is that sexist?

    Or is it only sexist if it's based on religious beliefs?

    Yes, to the first part. It's internalized sexism. For example If I see a black person walking up my driveway and I get nervous, where as I wouldn't if it was a white person, I don't think anyone could argue that isn't internalized racism.

    If I'm not comfortable shaking a woman's had because she's not my wife/family that speaks to internalized sexism.
    As I put forth before - If you are a man/woman who due to negative interactions with the opposite sex feel uncomfortable shaking the hand of said gender is that okay?

    Or do some intentions matter when others do not?

    Splitting hairs, I guess I could grant that it is some sort of residual trauma rather than sexism. But having a codified belief system "I shouldn't shake hands with opposite gendered strangers" goes well beyond that. I'd also think it would be generalizations not absolutes. Ie: they'd be uncomfortable shaking the hand of a large adult white man with a beard, but not a small 15 year old black boy.

    And there'd also be all kinds of weird corner cases were I'd interrogate the truthfulness of it being trauma versus belief. Shit like say the Prince was actually just a very butch presenting Princess, in that case would the traumatized shake their hand (because they aren't a man) or refuse to shake their hand(because they appear as a man, and thus trigger the trauma response).

    I'm also not sure I'm okay with someone not being comfortable with something being sufficient to accept their refusal to do it as good/okay. If I organize a sales trip for my office, and I once had a traumatizing experience with a female coworker, that doesn't mean its okay for me to freeze out the female staff.

    6ylyzxlir2dz.png
  • ScreampunkScreampunk Registered User regular
    edited September 2019
    Is there a list of good/bad religions? Hell, we could even do a power ranking!

    This feels like the true crux of the thread so far, to be honest.

    Screampunk on
    9u72nmv0y64e.jpg
  • tinwhiskerstinwhiskers Registered User regular
    edited September 2019
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Is there a list of good/bad religions? Hell, we could even do a power ranking!

    This feels like the true crux of the thread so far, to be honest.

    I'll make the good list:

    tinwhiskers on
    6ylyzxlir2dz.png
  • ScreampunkScreampunk Registered User regular
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    RedTide wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    moniker wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    It's okay for her to refuse a handshake because of personal preference, but not due to religious beliefs?

    Is this what I'm getting?

    That's not what I'm seeing put forth.
    RedTide wrote: »
    Winky wrote: »
    RedTide wrote: »
    For most on this forum the conundrum basically boils down to having respect for a culture other then your own - whose tenets you do not fully respect because they are regressive.

    I personally do not really respect religions when their tenets interfere with creating the type of society I want to live in, but it's a tough question to reconcile and it's one I reevaluate constantly.

    Respect the person, not the religion, and you’re not likely to turn wrong.

    Was my wife being respected the time we went to an open house and a gentleman shook my hand but then yanked it away from my wife and cited his faith?

    Was she being treated as an equal or simply as equal to the women within his own patriarchal religion?
    If a woman feels unsafe because of past relations with men and refuses to shake his hand is that sexist?

    oh wait no thats okay because it isnt related to religion

    Edit: We can flip that to a dude refusing a female handshake for reasons of past relations as well before I get yelled at.

    Sincerely - and this may be the lack of sleep I've got going - I actually don't know what you're saying here.
    I'm saying "What if you literally don't feel comfortable physically interacting with the opposite sex" - is that sexist?

    Or is it only sexist if it's based on religious beliefs?

    Yes, to the first part. It's internalized sexism. For example If I see a black person walking up my driveway and I get nervous, where as I wouldn't if it was a white person, I don't think anyone could argue that isn't internalized racism.

    If I'm not comfortable shaking a woman's had because she's not my wife/family that speaks to internalized sexism.
    As I put forth before - If you are a man/woman who due to negative interactions with the opposite sex feel uncomfortable shaking the hand of said gender is that okay?

    Or do some intentions matter when others do not?

    Splitting hairs, I guess I could grant that it is some sort of residual trauma rather than sexism. But having a codified belief system "I shouldn't shake hands with opposite gendered strangers" goes well beyond that. I'd also think it would be generalizations not absolutes. Ie: they'd be uncomfortable shaking the hand of a large adult white man with a beard, but not a small 15 year old black boy.

    And there'd also be all kinds of weird corner cases were I'd interrogate the truthfulness of it being trauma versus belief. Shit like say the Prince was actually just a very butch presenting Princess, in that case would the traumatized shake their hand (because they aren't a man) or refuse to shake their hand(because they appear as a man, and thus trigger the trauma response).

    I'm also not sure I'm okay with someone not being comfortable with something being sufficient to accept their refusal to do it as good/okay. If I organize a sales trip for my office, and I once had a traumatizing experience with a female coworker, that doesn't mean its okay for me to freeze out the female staff.
    So the topic is complicated!

    9u72nmv0y64e.jpg
  • Styrofoam SammichStyrofoam Sammich WANT. normal (not weird)Registered User regular
    They should adapt to western cultural rules, in which men and women have seperate legally enforced dress codes that are commonly accepted and agreed on wait I mean uh

    wq09t4opzrlc.jpg
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User, Moderator, Administrator admin
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Is there a list of good/bad religions? Hell, we could even do a power ranking!

    This feels like the true crux of the thread so far, to be honest.

    I'll make the good list:

    Pastafarians seem pretty okay.

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • ScreampunkScreampunk Registered User regular
    edited September 2019
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Is there a list of good/bad religions? Hell, we could even do a power ranking!

    This feels like the true crux of the thread so far, to be honest.

    I'll take the good list:
    This is literally the point I was making. Thanks!

    This is an anti-religious argument moreso than a sexism argument.

    Screampunk on
    9u72nmv0y64e.jpg
  • tinwhiskerstinwhiskers Registered User regular
    knitdan wrote: »
    Let’s be honest what the fuss is about.

    An extremely white, predominantly Christian country is seeing a moderate increase in the population of people who are neither white nor Christian.

    This is terrifying to people who have difficulty adapting to minor changes, and they’re responding by making a huge fuss over silly things like “OMG she didn’t want to shake the Prince’s hand! I’m going to faint!”

    Pretending that the lady is sexist is quite frankly a cynical appropriation of social justice rhetoric.

    I agree, but would you have the same response if it was a Princess and a male member of the mosque. This being the easiest case to criticize doesn't rob it of value to interrogate our beliefs and values against.

    6ylyzxlir2dz.png
  • WinkyWinky rRegistered User regular
    Zen Buddhism is fine

  • FeralFeral MEMETICHARIZARD interior crocodile alligator ⇔ ǝɹʇɐǝɥʇ ǝᴉʌoɯ ʇǝloɹʌǝɥɔ ɐ ǝʌᴉɹp ᴉRegistered User regular
    Winky wrote: »
    Zen Buddhism is fine

    I left the woman back at the river. Why are you still carrying her?

    every person who doesn't like an acquired taste always seems to think everyone who likes it is faking it. it should be an official fallacy.

    the "no true scotch man" fallacy.
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User, Moderator, Administrator admin
    Winky wrote: »
    Zen Buddhism is fine
    Most of the Zen Buddhists I know are actually predominantly Caucasian people who use it as a pretense to seem "spiritual", so... *shrugs*

    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • Stabbity StyleStabbity Style He/Him | Warning: Mothership Reporting Kennewick, WARegistered User regular
    They should adapt to western cultural rules, in which men and women have seperate legally enforced dress codes that are commonly accepted and agreed on wait I mean uh

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism

    Also, those are things that feminists actively oppose here, too.

    Stabbity_Style.png
  • DarkewolfeDarkewolfe Registered User regular
    Winky wrote: »
    Zen Buddhism is fine

    Zen Buddhism is white appropriation of another problematic religion. It's double ungood.

    What is this I don't even.
  • Hahnsoo1Hahnsoo1 Make Ready. We Hunt.Registered User, Moderator, Administrator admin
    edited September 2019
    They should adapt to western cultural rules, in which men and women have seperate legally enforced dress codes that are commonly accepted and agreed on wait I mean uh

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism

    Also, those are things that feminists actively oppose here, too.
    Hey! You just identified exactly what you're doing in this thread!

    EDIT: Precisely here:
    https://forums.penny-arcade.com/discussion/comment/41622686#Comment_41622686

    Hahnsoo1 on
    8i1dt37buh2m.png
  • ScreampunkScreampunk Registered User regular
    I'm legit interested in the crossover between the anti-religion folks and the "It's sexist" folks.

    I do not mean athiest. Anti-religion.

    9u72nmv0y64e.jpg
  • Styrofoam SammichStyrofoam Sammich WANT. normal (not weird)Registered User regular
    They should adapt to western cultural rules, in which men and women have seperate legally enforced dress codes that are commonly accepted and agreed on wait I mean uh

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whataboutism

    Also, those are things that feminists actively oppose here, too.

    Its not whataboutism. Its pointing out that people are just demanding one arbtitrary cultural value system be replaced with another.

    wq09t4opzrlc.jpg
  • tinwhiskerstinwhiskers Registered User regular
    edited September 2019
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    TehSpectre wrote: »
    Is there a list of good/bad religions? Hell, we could even do a power ranking!

    This feels like the true crux of the thread so far, to be honest.

    I'll take the good list:
    This is literally the point I was making. Thanks!

    This is an anti-religious argument moreso than a sexism argument.

    I'm hardly an expert on all the worlds religions, but all the major ones have sexism so deeply built into their core that they aren't severable. Do I hate this because its dogmatic religious sexism or sexist religious dogma, is a pretty meaningless difference.

    tinwhiskers on
    6ylyzxlir2dz.png
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