Getting over loss

Dissociater

Yesterday my dog, my beautiful 1.5 year old who I've had since a puppy, slipped out of the house and was hit by a car. I think she died instantly.

The driver didn't bother stopping.

I buried her in my back yard. It's been 24 hours and the pain is so fresh.

I have a son, and I have other dogs, and life responsibilities but I can't seem to get out of bed.

I've been lucky in the sense that I feel that I've never suffered a loss like this in my life, and now that it's here I don't know how to deal or cope.

How can I get over this? What should I be doing?

chokem

I too have lost pets, some peacefully and some gruesomely.

Just grieve and mourn until it passes, it will pass.

Smrtnik

Can the police and describe the truck?

Paladin

Dissociater wrote: »

Yesterday my dog, my beautiful 1.5 year old who I've had since a puppy, slipped out of the house and was hit by a car. I think she died instantly.

The driver didn't bother stopping.

I buried her in my back yard. It's been 24 hours and the pain is so fresh.

I have a son, and I have other dogs, and life responsibilities but I can't seem to get out of bed.

I've been lucky in the sense that I feel that I've never suffered a loss like this in my life, and now that it's here I don't know how to deal or cope.

How can I get over this? What should I be doing?

Please forgive me if my advice is off the mark or makes you feel worse. Grief is different for everybody, and I cannot fully understand your grief.

Are there people around you who do? Your son, friends, family? Open up to them. When my dogs died, my dad took us to the forest where they were buried, and we said our farewells, held each other, and cried. This ritual helped us process our grief. We were robbed of the chance to say farewell in person, so we made due with what we had to honor and show gratitude to this family member that gave us nothing but love.

What previously gave you happiness in your day and your life now gives you pain. You feel guilt whenever you are on the verge of feeling good, because you are afraid this means you didn't really love your dog and their life and death didn't matter. You feel like there is something you could have done to prevent this and it's somehow your fault. You feel like you're in a dream and can wake up at any moment and your dog will still be alive.

You may be feeling all of these things, none of these things, something entirely different. Whatever these thoughts, they are probably painful to acknowledge. You can push them deep down and deal with them when your mind feels better, or you can let them out now, to people who can support you during the painful process of expression. I wrote mine down in a eulogy.

Life is not all about death and suffering. It is outweighed by the memories we share while we are still together. Those memories are still with you, look for them and find no guilt in the happiness they provide. They are proof that your loved one mattered and will always be a part of you.

As far as moving on with your life, small steps first. Your brain is occupied with your struggles and grief, and it will be a while before you're back at 100%. Ask for help. Write things down. Think about one task at a time. Getting out of bed is just pulling off the covers and standing up. Get your clothes on. Brush your teeth. Get out the ingredients for breakfast. Make breakfast. As you make peace with your suffering, your brain will come back to living your life and providing for your loved ones.

I am telling you a lot, because I am only a random person on the internet and not someone who can truly be there to help you get through this. I am just a bunch of ideas on a page; you deserve a human being. Find that someone. Maybe you can be there for them as well, as your dog was always there for you. I am sorry for your loss. Good luck to you.

Dissociater

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the thoughts and kind words.

Hahnsoo1

Your grief will be unique, different from anyone else who has experienced a similar loss. The only cure is time, really. Some folks surround themselves with the things and people that they love. Other people desire solitude. Some people surround themselves with joyful things to remind them of the good in life, and other people surround themselves with sorrow to feel it more deeply. There is no right or wrong answer here, no playbook or guide for how to cope.

If you do have responsibilities in your life, but can't seem to be able to do them, reach out to your loved ones to help you. Explain what you are going through and how you are feeling, and they will be more than happy to help you out.

It's simply awful what happened, and I am thinking about you and your friend.

Cello

I'm truly sorry for your loss - I've lost a share of pets in my time, and the feeling is excruciating. To lose one so young, too.... God, I'm sorry.

The only real way out is through. Try to focus on how that pain is a reflection of how much you loved your dog, and how each day that pain will ease, even slightly. If it's still difficult in a week or two to handle your day to day, consider reaching out to a therapist in your area. It'll help. Sometimes even just leaning into your familial responsibilities will help, trying to distract yourself and feel like you've accomplished some small things.

Again, I'm sorry, I hope you start to feel a bit better soon.

Dissociater

Yesterday was a lot better for both of us, and today better still. I don't think we'll ever get over this, but I'm just happy that the physical memories of that day have started to fade. We're no longer focusing as much on the horrors of Saturday as we are on the positive memories of her life.

Thanks everyone for your kindness and support.