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It's a good [job] thread, Elmo

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Posts

  • StragintStragint Do Not Gift Always DeclinesRegistered User regular
    edited December 2
    I wish jobs had like maternity/paternity leave for people with pregnant dogs. My parents male dachshund got the female dachshund pregnant back in October and we took her to the vet today and she is apparently due in the next 17 days.

    Also might be having 9 puppies and I don't understand how she is fitting so many.

    Stragint on
    PSN: Reaper_Stragint, Steam: DoublePitstoChesty
    What is the point of being alive if you don't at least try to do something remarkable? ~ Mario Novak

    I never fear death or dyin', I only fear never trying.
  • V1mV1m Registered User regular
    expendable wrote: »
    User: The new color MFP sucks! I sent a print job last week and it never printed, so I sent it again today and it STILL hasn't printed.
    Me: Here's like 50 full color flyers that were sitting on the machine when I came in this morning at 730. And there's more coming out, although a bit slowly...
    User: Why is it so slow? This machine sucks.
    Me: I want to ask why you're printing a 47GB file 50 times, but more than that I need to know HOW THE FUCK YOU MADE A SIMPLE ONE-PAGE FLYER BE 47GB!?

    Well how did he?

    thatassemblyguyDrake ChambersQuidTox3clipseTynnanL Ron HowardTonkka
  • JansonJanson Registered User regular
    Stragint wrote: »
    I wish jobs had like maternity/paternity leave for people with pregnant dogs.

    That would require them to actually give it to people first...

    BrainleechTheStigDouglasDangerN1tSt4lkerSkeithThe Escape GoatTonkka
  • SnicketysnickSnicketysnick The Greatest Hype Man in WesterosRegistered User regular
    Stragint wrote: »
    I wish jobs had like maternity/paternity leave for people with pregnant dogs. My parents male dachshund got the female dachshund pregnant back in October and we took her to the vet today and she is apparently due in the next 17 days.

    Also might be having 9 puppies and I don't understand how she is fitting so many.

    dickinson-_-morris-cocktail-pork-sausage-34-raw.jpg

    7qmGNt5.png
    D3 Steam #TeamTangent STO
    BucketmanJedocV1mTofystedethwebguy20tynicJansonBobbleStragint3clipseDrZiplockgodmodeMoridin889PolaritiekimeCommander ZoomstopgapTNTrooperTynnansarukunSorceSkeithSporkAndrewThe Escape GoatL Ron HowardTonkkaSlacker71
  • Drake ChambersDrake Chambers Lay out my formal shorts. Registered User regular
    I dealt with a forehead kiss situation some years back. The guy's defense was that he is a minister, and it was a fatherly "bless you my child" kind of kiss that he gives to members of his congregation all the time.

    Yeah, that didn't fly.

    Bucketmanwebguy20expendableTox3clipseMulysaSemproniusMoridin889kimeCommander ZoomDisruptedCapitalistHeadCreepsJaysonFoursarukunSkeithKayne Red RobeThe Escape GoatL Ron HowardTonkka
  • BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    I have patted employees on the head, or given them hugs. When they were close friends and the situation called for it. My friend got a call her dog was hit by a car and she broke into tears in the middle of work, thats a hug and walk with them to the breakroom and tell them to go home. My buddy who was a total goofball and kind of a jackass comes into work high and then tells me that he will skin me and wear it like a robe? Thats a head pat moment "Go ahead and try buddy".

  • JedocJedoc Take a look. It's in a book. It was always in a book, you fool.Registered User regular
    expendable wrote: »
    expendable wrote: »
    User: The new color MFP sucks! I sent a print job last week and it never printed, so I sent it again today and it STILL hasn't printed.
    Me: Here's like 50 full color flyers that were sitting on the machine when I came in this morning at 730. And there's more coming out, although a bit slowly...
    User: Why is it so slow? This machine sucks.
    Me: I want to ask why you're printing a 47GB file 50 times, but more than that I need to know HOW THE FUCK YOU MADE A SIMPLE ONE-PAGE FLYER BE 47GB!?

    Have they got the resolution of their work set to something stupid like 9600 DPI?

    Ultra high resolution, and it was like 85 ft x 110 ft or something, being forced to 8.5x11 inch paper. And there were animated gifs so I guess it was trying print every frame? I don't know. I scanned one of the copies and sent them a <1mb pdf to use.

    I...was joking about the GIFs.

    GDdCWMm.jpg
    BucketmanCarpyDisruptedCapitalistNightDragonJaysonFoursarukunRoyceSraphimJoolanderThe Escape GoatL Ron Howard
  • Drake ChambersDrake Chambers Lay out my formal shorts. Registered User regular
    Everybody's boundaries and work cultures are different, but I think it's simplest and safest to just say flat-out: unless part of your job specifically requires that you touch people you work with, don't touch people you work with.

    webguy20BucketmanJansonexpendableToxElvenshaeschussthatassemblyguy3clipseAistanMoridin889N1tSt4lkerKadithCommander ZoomLord_Asmodeuschrishallett83JaysonFourSorceSkeithRoyceSraphimAustinP0027The Escape GoatV1mL Ron HowardTonkkaSlacker71
  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    Echo wrote: »
    Our product owner said my team had been "on fire" this last sprint and it took me a few seconds to interpret that as a positive thing.

    "On fire" usually means "the backend/infra is..." to me.

    You guys are inflammable

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
    Tonkka
  • BrainleechBrainleech 機知に富んだコメントはここにあります Registered User regular
    Well my monster of a dachshund is someone I am curious how they gave birth to him as his chest is so large I can barely wrap both of my hands around

    webguy20
  • godmodegodmode Nooo-ooo-ooo... That ain't dancin', SallyRegistered User regular
    Jedoc wrote: »
    expendable wrote: »
    expendable wrote: »
    User: The new color MFP sucks! I sent a print job last week and it never printed, so I sent it again today and it STILL hasn't printed.
    Me: Here's like 50 full color flyers that were sitting on the machine when I came in this morning at 730. And there's more coming out, although a bit slowly...
    User: Why is it so slow? This machine sucks.
    Me: I want to ask why you're printing a 47GB file 50 times, but more than that I need to know HOW THE FUCK YOU MADE A SIMPLE ONE-PAGE FLYER BE 47GB!?

    Have they got the resolution of their work set to something stupid like 9600 DPI?

    Ultra high resolution, and it was like 85 ft x 110 ft or something, being forced to 8.5x11 inch paper. And there were animated gifs so I guess it was trying print every frame? I don't know. I scanned one of the copies and sent them a <1mb pdf to use.

    I...was joking about the GIFs.

    Good opportunity to remind folks this ONE WEIRD OFFICE TRICK
    You can rename modern Office documents (.docx, .xlsx, etc.) to .zip and open the zip file to view all the media contents. This can help figure out why files have ballooned in size! (Make a copy of the original before you mess with it though)

    DevoutlyApatheticBucketmanBobble3clipseTofystedethDrake ChambersMoridin889ElvenshaekimeJansonCommander ZoomDisruptedCapitalistTNTrooperLuvTheMonkeyLord_AsmodeusTynnanNightDragonOghulkSorceJoolanderProlegomenaThegreatcowThe Escape GoatIloveslimesCelloV1mL Ron HowardCalicaHouk the NamebringerTonkkaSlacker71Thro
  • TofystedethTofystedeth veni, veneri, vamoosi Registered User regular
    godmode wrote: »
    Jedoc wrote: »
    expendable wrote: »
    expendable wrote: »
    User: The new color MFP sucks! I sent a print job last week and it never printed, so I sent it again today and it STILL hasn't printed.
    Me: Here's like 50 full color flyers that were sitting on the machine when I came in this morning at 730. And there's more coming out, although a bit slowly...
    User: Why is it so slow? This machine sucks.
    Me: I want to ask why you're printing a 47GB file 50 times, but more than that I need to know HOW THE FUCK YOU MADE A SIMPLE ONE-PAGE FLYER BE 47GB!?

    Have they got the resolution of their work set to something stupid like 9600 DPI?

    Ultra high resolution, and it was like 85 ft x 110 ft or something, being forced to 8.5x11 inch paper. And there were animated gifs so I guess it was trying print every frame? I don't know. I scanned one of the copies and sent them a <1mb pdf to use.

    I...was joking about the GIFs.

    Good opportunity to remind folks this ONE WEIRD OFFICE TRICK
    You can rename modern Office documents (.docx, .xlsx, etc.) to .zip and open the zip file to view all the media contents. This can help figure out why files have ballooned in size! (Make a copy of the original before you mess with it though)

    I forget why I couldn't properly modify it in the file, but I once recieved a Doc file from someone that had an image in it. When you use the size handles on an image in Word, it just zooms it basically, so the resolution doesn't change. This one was like, an uncompressed phone photo or something.

    So I did the zip trick, resized the file for real, and just replaced it, and shrunk the size from 4MB to like 100KB.

    steam_sig.png
    Commander ZoomTynnanJoolanderThe Escape GoatCalicaTonkkaSlacker71
  • webguy20webguy20 Spends too much time on the Internet Registered User regular
    Brainleech wrote: »
    Well my monster of a dachshund is someone I am curious how they gave birth to him as his chest is so large I can barely wrap both of my hands around

    My folks have one like that. His chest scrapes the carpet and he is not a fat dog, just burly as fuck.

    Steam ID: Webguy20
    Origin ID: Discgolfer27
    Untappd ID: Discgolfer1981
    Elvenshae
  • Eat it You Nasty Pig.Eat it You Nasty Pig. tell homeland security 'we are the bomb'Registered User regular
    Resolution issues are really common among inexperienced users of illustrator and similar programs because they don’t force or ask you about file size; people just start working at high res and the more they add the worse it gets.

    It wouldn’t be sooo bad except those same users also don’t know to flatten or vectorize whatever they’re working on and just send a gigantic pdf to the printer and back everything up

    NREqxl5.jpg
    DoodmannNightDragonVirgil_Leads_YouTonkka
  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    Stragint wrote: »
    I wish jobs had like maternity/paternity leave for people with pregnant dogs. My parents male dachshund got the female dachshund pregnant back in October and we took her to the vet today and she is apparently due in the next 17 days.

    Also might be having 9 puppies and I don't understand how she is fitting so many.

    Are you giving them away and if so where do you live?

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • MorivethMoriveth ESCA FLOWNERegistered User regular
    Every time I file a pleading, I give it just a lil' smooch, just for good luck in the filing process, you know?

    Drake ChambersKadith3clipseCommander ZoomDisruptedCapitalistDarkPrimusTofystedethTynnanJaysonFourBucketmanThe Escape GoatIloveslimesTonkkaSlacker71
  • MorivethMoriveth ESCA FLOWNERegistered User regular
    And occasionally a little tongue

    But only occasionally

    ThegreatcowBucketmanTonkka
  • tynictynic PICNIC BADASS Registered User, ClubPA regular
    edited December 3
    My professional machinations come back to bite me in the butt

    I was asked for two or three "peer references" for this corporate position and I put down Florida Man for the following reasons:
    - he thinks I'm a tech guru and will be extremely positive about working with me
    - he can usually fake being a functional adult for at least the duration of a phone call
    - (the real reason) we've been waiting for a paper draft from him for over two months and I figured "tynic is taking another job" might give him the requisite kick up the arse

    Well now he's messaging me asking what he should say in this phone call, I'm like I dunno dude I just wanted you to shit out a paper.
    But it worked, so tell them I'm a wizard at soft manipulation I guess

    tynic on
    Drake ChambersFishmanJansonthatassemblyguy3clipseJedocCommander ZoomGnizmoDisruptedCapitalistDouglasDangergodmodechromdomCormacLord_AsmodeuslonelyahavaElvenshaeKwoaruDarkPrimusPolaritieMoridin889TofystedethTynnanchrishallett83mightyjongyoNightDragonOghulkJaysonFourToxsarukunSorceSkeithSporkAndrewJoolanderMrGrimoireKayne Red RobeexpendableDrZiplockRoyceSraphimThegreatcowBucketmanThe Escape GoatIloveslimesCelloL Ron HowardCalicaTonkkaSlacker71
  • Drake ChambersDrake Chambers Lay out my formal shorts. Registered User regular
    tynic wrote: »
    My professional machinations come back to bite me in the butt

    I was asked for two or three "peer references" for this corporate position and I put down Florida Man for the following reasons:
    - he thinks I'm a tech guru and will be extremely positive about working with me
    - he can usually fake being a functional adult for at least the duration of a phone call
    - (the real reason) we've been waiting for a paper draft from him for over two months and I figured "tynic is taking another job" might give him the requisite kick up the arse

    Well now he's messaging me asking what he should say in this phone call, I'm like I dunno dude I just wanted you to shit out a paper.
    But it worked, so tell them I'm a wizard at soft manipulation I guess

    I've been able to leverage contacts like that before, and whether it's transparent or not it gets the job done.

    Me, to someone looking for help: "Hey, I have a great contact for you. Call This Guy and tell him I gave you his number, he'll be able to help."

    Within a day I get a call from This Guy, apologizing for taking so long to get back to me on whatever it was I needed from him.

    tynicDisruptedCapitalistElvenshaeTynnanOghulkSkeithKayne Red RobeBucketmanThe Escape GoatIloveslimesCalicaTonkka
  • Lord_AsmodeusLord_Asmodeus goeticSobriquet: Here is your magical cryptic riddle-tumour: I AM A TIME MACHINERegistered User regular
    edited December 3
    So yesterday at like 7 my boss messaged me to say they could keep me on for like another two weeks to help out, and just today two of the people who were going to be coming over to where we are got fired, one of them the manager over there, because, if I'm remembering right what I was told, they'd apparently been stealing the stock and selling it for scrap on the side? So I have no idea how that's going to affect me, but I also have been in contact with the work placement company that helped me get this job, and they were suggesting another warehouse position hopefully for higher pay than my current position and with more chances for advancement or side-grades, in terms of employment, and they said they'd look for more office-type work as well.

    So I don't really know what I'm going to do.

    Lord_Asmodeus on
    Lord_Asmodeus.gifLord_Asmodeus2.gifz1i30sg.png
  • KetBraKetBra FISTS OF JUSTICE! Registered User regular
    I spent 14 of today's 40 hours in some planes

    Sleep. Sleep time

    ohKiGmg.png
    Steam Bnet:KetBra#1692 Yo Satan
  • KakodaimonosKakodaimonos Registered User regular
    tynic wrote: »
    My professional machinations come back to bite me in the butt

    I was asked for two or three "peer references" for this corporate position and I put down Florida Man for the following reasons:
    - he thinks I'm a tech guru and will be extremely positive about working with me
    - he can usually fake being a functional adult for at least the duration of a phone call
    - (the real reason) we've been waiting for a paper draft from him for over two months and I figured "tynic is taking another job" might give him the requisite kick up the arse

    Well now he's messaging me asking what he should say in this phone call, I'm like I dunno dude I just wanted you to shit out a paper.
    But it worked, so tell them I'm a wizard at soft manipulation I guess

    You're a straight shooter with upper management written all over you.

    thatassemblyguytynicOghulkwebguy20JoolanderJedocschussAustinP0027BucketmanThe Escape GoatTonkkaBobble
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe Registered User regular
    Let's play Good Idea, Bad Idea:

    Good Idea: Put MrMonroe in charge of implementing the purchase and switchover to a new CRM tool, he's good at software vendor reviews, understands what our overall data model is, and is the closest thing to an IT leader we have.

    Bad Idea: Give him two weeks.

    ☜(゚ヮ゚☜) you got it boss

    thatassemblyguyNightDragonFishmanOghulkJaysonFourInquisitor77Lord_AsmodeusThegreatcowBucketmankimeThe Escape GoatIloveslimesL Ron HowardCalicaTonkka
  • chrishallett83chrishallett83 Amazon: shorturl.at/giJSV Steam: shorturl.at/ftCLSRegistered User regular
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    Let's play Good Idea, Bad Idea:

    Good Idea: Put MrMonroe in charge of implementing the purchase and switchover to a new CRM tool, he's good at software vendor reviews, understands what our overall data model is, and is the closest thing to an IT leader we have.

    Bad Idea: Give him two weeks.

    ☜(゚ヮ゚☜) you got it boss

    Lol, they're getting SAP. Is it even CRM? Who cares, that's what they're getting!

    MrMonroewebguy20
  • Al_watAl_wat Registered User regular
    I got a question wrong on a computer-based training quiz at work so i submitted anonymous feedback that said "this question sucks."

    That'll learn em'

    PSN: AWATTT66| XBox Live: AWATTT66| Steam: AL-WAT| Battle.Net: ALWATTS #1320
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  • NightDragonNightDragon 6th Grade Username Registered User regular
    "anonymous"

    thatassemblyguyAl_watOrcaToxAistanEchowebguy20SorceSkeithchrishallett83PinfeldorfSporkAndrewInquisitor77Lord_AsmodeusJoolanderstopgapElvenshaeJedocTNTrooperBucketmankimeDisruptedCapitalist3clipseThe Escape GoatchromdomIloveslimesL Ron HowardSlacker71
  • PinfeldorfPinfeldorf Realtor Santa ClaritaRegistered User regular
    "feedback"

    ElvenshaeBucketmanDisruptedCapitalistTonkkaNightDragonSlacker71
  • RoyceSraphimRoyceSraphim Registered User regular
    Current workplace thought, I am really really enamored with the thought of Game of Thrones getting the parallel works treatment

  • El SkidEl Skid The frozen white northRegistered User regular
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    Let's play Good Idea, Bad Idea:

    Good Idea: Put MrMonroe in charge of implementing the purchase and switchover to a new CRM tool, he's good at software vendor reviews, understands what our overall data model is, and is the closest thing to an IT leader we have.

    Bad Idea: Give him two weeks.

    ☜(゚ヮ゚☜) you got it boss

    I mean, "you got it boss" is definitely one thing you can say!

    "This is a horrible idea and I would need at least 6 months to do even a decent job at this and here are some horror stories of what happens when companies like ours try to switch software too fast..." would be my personal response, but that other thing is definitely something else you could say! >_>

    mrpaku wrote: »
    my name is precisionk and i'm ten tanks

    wrath God fear traitor evil
    ElaroMrMonroe
  • MorivethMoriveth ESCA FLOWNERegistered User regular
    Nothing like finding out your train was delayed because of a fatality on the tracks, so you have to take the bus to Seattle.

    TonkkaSlacker71
  • schussschuss Registered User regular
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    Let's play Good Idea, Bad Idea:

    Good Idea: Put MrMonroe in charge of implementing the purchase and switchover to a new CRM tool, he's good at software vendor reviews, understands what our overall data model is, and is the closest thing to an IT leader we have.

    Bad Idea: Give him two weeks.

    ☜(゚ヮ゚☜) you got it boss

    Lol, they're getting SAP. Is it even CRM? Who cares, that's what they're getting!

    Nah, CRM is all Salesforce these days. Just buy that and pay a contracting shop to stand it up.

    DrZiplockwebguy20Moridin889
  • SilverWindSilverWind Registered User regular
    V1m wrote: »
    expendable wrote: »
    User: The new color MFP sucks! I sent a print job last week and it never printed, so I sent it again today and it STILL hasn't printed.
    Me: Here's like 50 full color flyers that were sitting on the machine when I came in this morning at 730. And there's more coming out, although a bit slowly...
    User: Why is it so slow? This machine sucks.
    Me: I want to ask why you're printing a 47GB file 50 times, but more than that I need to know HOW THE FUCK YOU MADE A SIMPLE ONE-PAGE FLYER BE 47GB!?

    Well how did he?

    The first actual print that someone did on the brand new photocopier we got this year was our exec accidentally printing out seven copies of an 800 page document. She wanted to print out page 7, once. I caught this after four phonebooks worth had been printed.

    signature.png
    Switch: SW-7603-3284-4227
    expendableTNTrooperkimeThe Escape GoatAl_watElvenshaemightyjongyostopgapJansonToxL Ron HowardMoridin889godmodeTynnanDarkPrimusLord_AsmodeusCalicasarukunSorceTonkkaNightDragonJaysonFourSlacker71
  • SilverWindSilverWind Registered User regular
    Also I just got an email to schedule an initial interview. It's the place I was really excited to apply to in the summer, which ended up having already filled the position when I applied. But I saw they had the posting up again a couple weeks ago so I sent the same application off again and now I'm vibrating intensely aaaaaaaaa

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  • InquisitorInquisitor Registered User regular
    schuss wrote: »
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    Let's play Good Idea, Bad Idea:

    Good Idea: Put MrMonroe in charge of implementing the purchase and switchover to a new CRM tool, he's good at software vendor reviews, understands what our overall data model is, and is the closest thing to an IT leader we have.

    Bad Idea: Give him two weeks.

    ☜(゚ヮ゚☜) you got it boss

    Lol, they're getting SAP. Is it even CRM? Who cares, that's what they're getting!

    Nah, CRM is all Salesforce these days. Just buy that and pay a contracting shop to stand it up.

    I wish our office used sales force, so, so much.

    DouglasDanger
  • MrMonroeMrMonroe Registered User regular
    El Skid wrote: »
    MrMonroe wrote: »
    Let's play Good Idea, Bad Idea:

    Good Idea: Put MrMonroe in charge of implementing the purchase and switchover to a new CRM tool, he's good at software vendor reviews, understands what our overall data model is, and is the closest thing to an IT leader we have.

    Bad Idea: Give him two weeks.

    ☜(゚ヮ゚☜) you got it boss

    I mean, "you got it boss" is definitely one thing you can say!

    "This is a horrible idea and I would need at least 6 months to do even a decent job at this and here are some horror stories of what happens when companies like ours try to switch software too fast..." would be my personal response, but that other thing is definitely something else you could say! >_>

    Experience has taught me that the first response is "you got it, boss," followed by a detailed and studious warning like the above (which I gave) and a silent plan to just extend the contract on the original tool for several months while we get the new one spun up.
    schuss wrote: »

    Nah, CRM is all Salesforce these days. Just buy that and pay a contracting shop to stand it up.

    We might just, but I'm determined to review at least one or two other options. "Nobody ever got fired for buying __________" just can't be a good enough reason.

    El SkidElvenshaeRoyceSraphim
  • BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    Fun desk moving times. Friday of last week I got moved a cubical over and was told that my new forever home would be ready soon and when it was I would be moved to there. Today I was told the new desk is ready, but my boss said she's waiting for the Property Management team to say its ok to move me.

    I could just like...move myself to a nicer, full sized desk and not be in this weird cramped temp space.

  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    I just had to ask my sup a question and when I went into his office he had headphones on and I looked and he had YouTube open listening to a Joe Rogan podcast and... Fuck me... Of course he did.

    HEY SATAN! HERE'S MY WISHLIST! GO NUTS YOU DEVIL!

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1JI9WWSRW1YJI
  • DisruptedCapitalistDisruptedCapitalist rugged, weathered Registered User regular
    Who the fuck has time during the work day to listen to some random podcast?

    Worthless supervisors, that's who.

    JaysonFour
  • TheStigTheStig Registered User regular
    You could give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's just into mixed martial arts. Unfortunately JR is often the only person interviewing martial artists. I know a couple of people who will tune in to him just for that and aren't even aware of the other shit.

    bnet: TheStig#1787 Steam: TheStig
  • Raijin QuickfootRaijin Quickfoot I'm your Huckleberry YOU'RE NO DAISYRegistered User, ClubPA regular
    Who the fuck has time during the work day to listen to some random podcast?

    Worthless supervisors, that's who.

    To be fair... I listen to podcasts all day while I'm processing shit.

    HEY SATAN! HERE'S MY WISHLIST! GO NUTS YOU DEVIL!

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/wishlist/1JI9WWSRW1YJI
    The Escape GoatBucketmanmightyjongyoToxRoyceSraphimKayne Red Robe
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