So I just randomly checked my wife of 9 year's texts. She has them accessible through Chrome. I might check 3 or 4 times a year randomly, never found anything worrying at all. This time I found sexts with a coworker including pictures. Doesn't sound like they've done the deed, but seems headed that way.
This is the third time this kind of thing has happened. First time I asked to see her phone when she came home hours late and really drunk in the middle of the day, found sexting with the guy she was with. The second time she fessed up to getting drunk and kissing a guy at a bar. This time I think I'm really done. I didn't really check her texts at all until after the first incident, and even then it's been rare that I felt the need to look. The think that breaks my heart is that the sexting is the kind of thing I was trying to rekindle with us and failing, now I know why. I have a PDF and images of the sexts saved off from Chrome if I need them. The fact that I check her texts once in a while and suddenly only found sexting now makes me think she's just been deleting it when it happens, so who knows if there were other guys. These messages were just from yesterday.
I don't really know what to do? I don't want to end up with a shitty lawyer or asshole lawyer. We luckily have no kids, but own a house and dogs together. I don't want her to find out I know before I'm ready. We have plans to travel together for Thanksgiving, but I doubt I'm going to keep it to myself that long.
Anyway, my tentative plans are to
1) Live life normally for the next few days. She works a second job tonight and tomorrow night, so I won't have to be around her much.
2) talk to a friend who's been divorced
3) find a lawyer? No idea how to do that
4) confront her, let her know that I know
Should I confront her before getting a lawyer? Confront her first? Lawyer first? Pretty much all my friends I would talk to are also her friends, but I think I know a few guys that I can trust to keep quiet for a while. One of us will probably want to move out, but I'll want to hear a lawyers advice before making that decision.
Am I overreacting to sexting? I don't feel like it, but it's possible. I feel betrayed (again) and stupid (again) and frustrated that I spent 5 years of dating and 9 years married to this person. I don't feel like she loves me, I don't even feel like she's nice to me unless I'm doing something for her at that very moment. She's got some depression issues and has been on meds, which she has blamed for her moods and lack of interest in me, and I tried to be understanding about that. But it really feels like a lie at this point since the person she's being for this other guy is person she used to be for me but hasn't been in years. My goal isn't really to save the marriage at this point. I'm still in my early 30s, so if I'm going to end up single I think I would rather do it sooner than later.
Sorry if this is rambling but I trust advice from this community more than some reddit thread