[Love] and the gentle person

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  • JedocJedoc Bringing the past to life so we can beat it to death with a shovelRegistered User regular
    Bucketman wrote: »
    I feel like the best idea to get from what I've heard about "Love Language" is that everyone shows affection a certain way, and you have to not just realize what kind of ways you show affection, but what ways you like to be shown affection, and try and find a partner who matches both in the receiving and giving ends.

    That sounds like so much work

    That's why I just do the Cheetos thing.

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  • Houk the NamebringerHouk the Namebringer Nipples The EchidnaRegistered User regular
    Cello wrote: »
    Straightzi wrote: »
    Cello wrote: »
    Dog thread I am excited to report I am going along on a private lesson tonight to help train a dog who is both deaf and blind

    We aren't charging them because the owner is a vet tech at our local vet, and also because this is the first time we've worked with a pet with this specific set of disabilities, so we'll have to experiment a bit and I'm excited for it

    I would be very curious as to what you end up going with there. I've worked with both blind and deaf dogs, but never both at once. You would need to do some sort of touch based training, I assume?

    Very much so! We're lucky this one is a Border Collie and super smart, so she was picking up on things very quickly. The intent is to make all of the hand signals we would usually teach be modified into touch signals instead, including for praise since she can't hear or see it.

    This Collie in particular is entirely deaf, missing one eye, and can see about 2-3 feet away in shadows with the other. But it's really impressive how she's already totally acclimatized to her surroundings in only ten days (she's six months old and was in the shelter from 10 weeks until 5.5 months), almost entirely on touch and her amazing sense of smell! You'd be surprised to hear how little vision she has after meeting her; she found me at the front door in under a minute of us arriving, and she throws her nose in the air every time she wants to get her bearings and it is very cute.

    We started off with teaching her a signal for praise, which is touching her chest, and then immediately giving her treats. The sit is a tap to the pressure point between the two back legs above the tail, and the down is a tap to the pressure point between the front shoulder blades. Every time she does a sit or down with the command, we'd immediately tap her chest and give her a treat. By the end of the session (and certainly by the end of the week) she should associate that touch with a treat and be very easy to work with, comparably. The owner should have the sit, down, and stand started this week, and next week we're going to build on that, teach a very close by recall command as well as more heeling work, and if she invests in a vibration (*not* shock) collar, start building on that for the down so she can use it in an emergency if she's away from the dog. We also suggested using scent diffusers with dog-safe scents in case she ever gets lost - the scents would carry and potentially help bring her back in.

    It's a very fun way to train! Really challenges the perspectives and forces us to think about how to rearrange our lessons for a dog whose senses are just entirely different. It's like a very cute puzzle.

    This is incredibly cool and you are incredibly cool for doing it, just fyi

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  • sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    now I get it.

  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    edited December 2019
    Yeah I think there’s a fair amount of validity to the love language thing. The woman (my coworker) who I am currently wasting away pining after to the point where I am massively depressed and trapped in a psychological hell prison of my own design and I have talked about it fairly extensively.

    Drez on
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  • Blake TBlake T Registered User regular
  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    Yeah.

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  • El SkidEl Skid The frozen white northRegistered User regular
    I think that Joshua guy just loves tacos honestly

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  • DrezDrez Registered User regular
    Totally arbitrary collectible objects.

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  • CelloCello Registered User regular
    edited December 2019
    Cello wrote: »
    Straightzi wrote: »
    Cello wrote: »
    Dog thread I am excited to report I am going along on a private lesson tonight to help train a dog who is both deaf and blind

    We aren't charging them because the owner is a vet tech at our local vet, and also because this is the first time we've worked with a pet with this specific set of disabilities, so we'll have to experiment a bit and I'm excited for it

    I would be very curious as to what you end up going with there. I've worked with both blind and deaf dogs, but never both at once. You would need to do some sort of touch based training, I assume?

    Very much so! We're lucky this one is a Border Collie and super smart, so she was picking up on things very quickly. The intent is to make all of the hand signals we would usually teach be modified into touch signals instead, including for praise since she can't hear or see it.

    This Collie in particular is entirely deaf, missing one eye, and can see about 2-3 feet away in shadows with the other. But it's really impressive how she's already totally acclimatized to her surroundings in only ten days (she's six months old and was in the shelter from 10 weeks until 5.5 months), almost entirely on touch and her amazing sense of smell! You'd be surprised to hear how little vision she has after meeting her; she found me at the front door in under a minute of us arriving, and she throws her nose in the air every time she wants to get her bearings and it is very cute.

    We started off with teaching her a signal for praise, which is touching her chest, and then immediately giving her treats. The sit is a tap to the pressure point between the two back legs above the tail, and the down is a tap to the pressure point between the front shoulder blades. Every time she does a sit or down with the command, we'd immediately tap her chest and give her a treat. By the end of the session (and certainly by the end of the week) she should associate that touch with a treat and be very easy to work with, comparably. The owner should have the sit, down, and stand started this week, and next week we're going to build on that, teach a very close by recall command as well as more heeling work, and if she invests in a vibration (*not* shock) collar, start building on that for the down so she can use it in an emergency if she's away from the dog. We also suggested using scent diffusers with dog-safe scents in case she ever gets lost - the scents would carry and potentially help bring her back in.

    It's a very fun way to train! Really challenges the perspectives and forces us to think about how to rearrange our lessons for a dog whose senses are just entirely different. It's like a very cute puzzle.

    This is incredibly cool and you are incredibly cool for doing it, just fyi

    Thank you!! It's a ton of fun, and I love hanging out with the very cool dogs. The hardest part is when they're done training and you miss 'em like crazy!

    Dad's also saved several dominant dogs since we'e started and every time we get an update about them it's the most rewarding thing

    Teaching is like Fire Emblem where I love all my students but this time they're dogs

    Cello on
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  • ButlerButler 89 episodes or bust Registered User regular
    Solar wrote: »
    I went to get a KFC Zinger burger and now I'm home this Zinger is a fillet with no Zing

    Distressing

    And you thought Nandos was cheeky.

    Gvzbgul wrote: »
    A new born baby's skin is still porous, you can just leave them sitting in a bucket of blood and they'll soak up what they need.
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  • OghulkOghulk Registered User regular
    So our 1-year anniversary was the 25th of November. I got her a green sweater (among other things). She had already bought my birthday present (December 1). She bought me a green sweater.

    Is this meant to be...?

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  • JedocJedoc Bringing the past to life so we can beat it to death with a shovelRegistered User regular
    But not a real green sweater. That's cruel.

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  • sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    Deep cut.

  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    Xaquin wrote: »
    The one true love language is

    omelette du fromage

    lawks take me now

    Xaquin
  • LaOsLaOs SaskatoonRegistered User regular
    sarukun wrote: »
    Deep cut.

    First thing that popped into my head.

    I am Canadian, though.

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  • DoodmannDoodmann Registered User regular
    Looks like I screwed the pooch on this one. I told this women I've been reading trash genre fiction lately. In my defense I'm going to read the new Sanderson YA novel as soon as I'm done with the first Expanse book and I'm looking forward to the new Dresden Files...

    Her response was I like sci-fi and don't think it's trash.

    Hehe, woops

    Whippy wrote: »
    nope nope nope nope abort abort talk about anime
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  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    She's obviously trash.

  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    Doodmann wrote: »
    Looks like I screwed the pooch on this one. I told this women I've been reading trash genre fiction lately. In my defense I'm going to read the new Sanderson YA novel as soon as I'm done with the first Expanse book and I'm looking forward to the new Dresden Files...

    Her response was I like sci-fi and don't think it's trash.

    Hehe, woops

    There's a lot of trashy sci-fi though. Our first piece of evidence, this polaroid of my bookshelf.

    DoodmannJedocsarukunBucketmanElvenshae
  • DepressperadoDepressperado I just wanted to see you laughing in the pizza rainRegistered User regular
    also, after a sleeping session of Cronenberg dreams and night sweats, there's nothing better than having a kitty jump into your lap and knead your belly.

  • DoodmannDoodmann Registered User regular
    You can also love something and recognize it's trash.

    Whippy wrote: »
    nope nope nope nope abort abort talk about anime
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  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Damn

    :(

  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    I would definitely take umbrage with someone saying "trash genre fiction," but I have a strong and immediate kneejerk against any amount of categorizing art.

  • UrielUriel Registered User regular
    Imma try to get my friends to hang out with me tonight since I'm not going out tomorrow.

    I should get a bottle of wine or mead or something.

  • DoodmannDoodmann Registered User regular
    3clipse wrote: »
    I would definitely take umbrage with someone saying "trash genre fiction," but I have a strong and immediate kneejerk against any amount of categorizing art.

    I would be impressed someone says the read. And that they read genre fiction. And that they admit they know they aren't reading Infinite Jest or whatever slow jerk thing people say they read to sound smart.

    Whippy wrote: »
    nope nope nope nope abort abort talk about anime
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  • JuggernutJuggernut Registered User regular
    Hey so definitely don't take that kind of quip with you on a date.

    3clipseDoodmannBucketmanCaedwyr
  • JedocJedoc Bringing the past to life so we can beat it to death with a shovelRegistered User regular
    edited December 2019
    Doodmann wrote: »
    Looks like I screwed the pooch on this one. I told this women I've been reading trash genre fiction lately. In my defense I'm going to read the new Sanderson YA novel as soon as I'm done with the first Expanse book and I'm looking forward to the new Dresden Files...

    Her response was I like sci-fi and don't think it's trash.

    Hehe, woops

    Excuse me, madam, I think you will find that any non-trash sci-fi is actually speculative fiction.

    cbf9h5zqsv5m.png

    Edit: Note that this unprovoked attack was directed at Kurt Vonnegut, one of my favorite authors, and not at you.

    Jedoc on
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  • 3clipse3clipse I will build a labyrinth to house the cheese Registered User regular
    Doodmann wrote: »
    3clipse wrote: »
    I would definitely take umbrage with someone saying "trash genre fiction," but I have a strong and immediate kneejerk against any amount of categorizing art.

    I would be impressed someone says the read. And that they read genre fiction. And that they admit they know they aren't reading Infinite Jest or whatever slow jerk thing people say they read to sound smart.

    You seem to have an awful lot of standards for what art is acceptable to authentically enjoy.

    Straightzi
  • DoodmannDoodmann Registered User regular
    You're right I should have kept my shitty internal opinions to myself and just said what I'm currently reading.

    Whippy wrote: »
    nope nope nope nope abort abort talk about anime
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  • sarukunsarukun RIESLING OCEANRegistered User regular
    I authentically enjoy stuff that isn’t well made or is intentionally not trying too hard, but making those kinds of distinctions or pinning down why something is or isn’t “good” or “trashy” or what have you isn’t something most people are really interested in doing so generally I keep it to myself.

  • StraightziStraightzi Here we may reign secure, and in my choice, To reign is worth ambition though in HellRegistered User regular
    I've definitely had to explain to a number of my friends that when I say something is trashy, that doesn't mean that I think it is bad or not worthwhile in some way. It is an imprecise term in that, but I also think you should be able to explain that to the person in question - this isn't like, the gravest offense you could commit or something, by my reckoning.

    That said, I would also generally recommend being more positive with your wording when you're talking to someone new. Self-deprecating humor and other things of that nature are fine in context (and moderation), but it doesn't always translate great over text. Besides, focusing on the enjoyability of media, rather than on the perceived quality of it, is going to be a lot more illuminating as to who you are and why you like the things that you like.

    SolarsarukunDoodmann3clipseCaedwyr
  • SolarSolar Registered User regular
    I agree, self-depricating humour can be good but definitely kept to the minimum end of the scale. If you like something be confident about it!

    Joolander
  • BucketmanBucketman Call me SkraggRegistered User regular
    I have totally had to explain to many people, including my now wife, why there are so many weird novels on my bookshelf "Sometimes I like to read something easy from the $1 bin at the library"

    Xaquinlonelyahava
  • Magic PinkMagic Pink Tur-Boner-Fed Registered User regular
    bring me all the trash fiction bury me in the stuff

  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    I told someone the last book I finished was a "cyberpunk vampire alt-history" and it's remarkable that neither of us thought that seemed like a strange thing to say

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    Doodmann
  • mori1972mori1972 FF14: Rhotfyr Thosinmharsyn (Y)UKRegistered User regular
    edited December 2019
    Hi Love thread, it's been a busy old week and a bit.

    So many anniversaries popping up!

    Had a long weekend break with the fella last week (Wednesday through Sunday, which I spent up with him in Wales). Finally got my 'official' birthday present from him, which was going to Secret Cinema's Stranger Things in London. OMG! So amaze! Much fun! I can say literally nothing specific about it without it all being a massive spoiler (and something Secret Cinema understandably frowns upon) but it was utterly amazeballs and, given it was something that was totally outside of my normal comfort and experiential zones, possibly the most fun I think I've ever had. Would absolutely do that again.

    Thursday onwards we just chilled out, and had our 1 year dating anniversary on the Friday (the 29th). Cannot believe that a year has gone by already! I totally surprised him with an anniversary present of a Star Wars A New Hope messenger bag (his favourite Beast Wars messenger bag was starting to fall apart) and some aftershave, which totally blindsided him as he wasn't expecting us to be actually 'gift celebrating' the anniversary. And then in the evening as he came in from brushing his teeth, I was sat on the bed and I sang him a song that I'd video recorded to him a month or so previously that had made him cry (from happiness), which nearly made him cry again.

    On Saturday we went to see Jaki Graham live at a venue in a tiny little village just outside Cardiff. That woman has an incredible voice! Did a really nice session of probably about 40% her stuff and 60% Motown/r&b covers (including Say A Little Prayer, which I love). That was very much the fella's thing - Jaki Graham is probably his joint favourite artist along with Madonna - and not my kind of music for the most part. Best thing was when she came back after the mid-session interval, she was chatting with us as an audience and asked if anyone was celebrating an anniversary. So of course he pipes up that we had our anniversary the previous day, at which point Jaki then sang a song to us both. He mentioned afterwards that he almost broke down with how emotional he got. Plus we actually got to meet her afterwards and we both got hugs and I got told what an adorable couple we made (the fella has actually met Jaki before from previous jobs in radio). So that was...definitely something.

    Monday was all supposedly back to normal, except my partner had a big group call at his work that pretty much confirmed all his 'fears' about how things were going - big restructure in the new year, his job at risk etc etc. Anyhoo, he spoke to HR today (because he'd pretty much decided that he was going to just not bother applying for one of the 'new' positions) and basically if he doesn't apply, he's treated as taking voluntary redundancy, so he doesn't actually miss out on the redundancy payment. Plus the amount is a LOT more than he was initially expecting, which means he is sorted for our holiday to Orlando next year and still have plenty left over, and he already has various work options lined up that he could start tomorrow if needed.

    So yeah, another sign from the universe (as he sees it) that this is the right thing to do, especially with me moving up there in a couple of months for us to start our proper shared life together.

    And what he doesn't realise is that I now have the perfect idea for his Christmas present.

    So yeah...total rollercoaster of a seven days!

    mori1972 on
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  • TonkkaTonkka Some one in the club tonight Has stolen my ideas.Registered User regular
    We had a whole day off together yesterday. Slept in, took her dogs for a walk, and then went out to visit my mom at her memory care home. That was difficult, to say the least, but she wanted to go see her with me, and I'm super glad and appreciative that she pushed me to go.

    They recently had to move my mom to the lower level of the house, as she has lost most of her mobility and can't move more than a couple of steps on her own. She's also pretty much non-communicative at this point, and also can't drink water through a straw or from a glass so they have to add thickener and spoon feed her to keep her hydrated. I let the head caretaker know we were coming to visit, and when we got there they had my mom sitting upstairs in the main room, which surprised me, but was happy to see her out with the other patients. She maybe recognized me, and we sat with her a bit, but she would barely look at me. Had a conversation with the caretaker, and learned they were moving her back upstairs, which is good news. Saying goodbye was difficult, and it took a few times for mom to look at me. I don't know how many times I told her that I loved her, and I missed her, but it didn't seem to register. I got out of there without losing my shit completely, and we headed out to Ballard to spend the rest of the afternoon together.

    We walked around this giant consignment shop, checking out all sorts of stuff, generally having a good time sitting on various couches and chairs. Went to lunch at Mox, played some of a card game before we had to move the car to a new spot. She needed to send some stuff to the city, we got that done and went and grabbed donuts before catching a showing of It's s Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.

    I think I made it about 20 minutes in before my eyes got really wet and leaky.

    Went back to her house and walked the dogs again, then hung around for a while before we had to go meet one of her friends fo a small birthday get together. We talked about visiting mom, how hard that was, how she's going through the same stuff with her father and his stroke (she talked to the caretaker and got a contact card). I took a quick nap before we left again.

    Got out to this cozy bar in South Park to do the birthday hang, and it turns out her friend is a past acquaintance of mine. Also, one of my friends was there at the table next to us. If you stay in Seattle long enough, shit like this happens.

    She reluctantly drove me back home, said our goodbyes. I can not believe how fucking lucky I am.
    Blake T wrote: »
    images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcTyNKQSUnRUviAd3E_dA0b9TT8BiQnySG0gAS0aV8V89mgW63D6

    We are meeting for tacos after I get done with work tonight.

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  • Brovid HasselsmofBrovid Hasselsmof [Growling historic on the fury road] Registered User regular
    Sorry about your mum, Tonkka. That's fucking rough.

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  • TonkkaTonkka Some one in the club tonight Has stolen my ideas.Registered User regular
    Thank you, it means a lot. I have a great amount of support available to me, but I tend to internalize most of my feelings about it because they fluctuate pretty wildly. The fact that she promoted the visit and wanted to meet her again after 20 years floored me. Again, I am so incredibly lucky, and grateful for all the love and support she gives me.

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  • Grey GhostGrey Ghost Registered User regular
    Folks it's been a while since something happened to convince me I'm living in a really poorly written romantic comedy

    Tonight at my bar I was drawn into a conversation with an older married couple, at the end of which the wife gave me her business card and told me that I should take her oldest daughter out on a date

    What the fuck is my life

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