I had a coworker try to explain to me that love isn't an emotion, that it's a choice, and well I just could not agree with that at all.
I don't think it's a choice as in you can choose to feel or not to feel love for someone, but I do think it's an action. It's not just something you feel (although of course it's that too), but something you do and show toward those you love as often as you can. You have to choose to nurture and support that feeling, or else it just kind of dies on the vine.
Houk the Namebringer on
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
The thing about love was, to me, I instantly recognized it for what it was and that I had never truly felt that way before.
I didn't even really believe that love was a thing until it happened to me out of the blue that one time.
Humor can be dissected as a frog can, but dies in the process.
At this point, it feels like I'm never gonna be able to relax around or trust another person. As soon as I do and get comfortable(which takes a while), things go to hell. Despite being very empathic and sensitive, I rarely get close or attached to someone, but I've never not regretted it. It's also why It's hard for me to move on when someone is being shitty. It's time to just give up for good. Accept the fact that I'm probably never going to find the right person for me and I'm wasting my time every time I try.
I have been in love a few times. One thing I've heard is that being in love makes it easier to fall in love again, which is a sentiment I like.
I don't know if being in love is a choice, but I have been able to choose to turn off love. I guess if I haven't chosen to turn it off, then I am choosing to stay in love? Does that make sense?
JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
I think with experience, crushes just get so short that you barely notice them. As a teenager, you fixate on a person you barely know and then spend seven months fantasizing about your life with them without ever thinking about all the reasons you won't and shouldn't actually date.
After a while, that whole workflow gets whittled down to a brief pang of "what a remarkable person" before it runs through your emotional checksum and gets thrown on the "wildly impractical" pile.
Three times that were major, real loves (in the romantic sense, at least). Two ended up being toxic in the end, third one continues to work out (Hi @Mysst !).
A much larger number that were intense infatuations or crushes that had the potential to develop into love but didn't.
I'd say the difference between a crush and interest in someone is the amount of time you spend thinking about it/the intensity of how you feel. Much like the infatuations that didn't turn into love, I've had interests that didn't turn into crushes.
So I've avoided this thread for a long time, but there's a question I really want to ask: How many times have posters here been in love?
I personally have only ever been infatuated with one person. A friend of mine, in contrast, has confided in me that he frequently develops crushes and wonders if he is polyamorous.
Three times. Ending it sucks way worse than having it ended for you, let me tell you.
What is the difference between a crush an interest in that person?
they're pretty similar terms, I'd say a crush is a slightly more intense version of the same feeling as being romantically interested in someone.
Nah a crush is just a middle school term for romantic interest. I was pretty flabbergasted to hear people still using that word as adults outside of, like, the "celebrity crush" concept.
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OrcaAlso known as EspressosaurusWrexRegistered Userregular
What is the difference between a crush an interest in that person?
they're pretty similar terms, I'd say a crush is a slightly more intense version of the same feeling as being romantically interested in someone.
Nah a crush is just a middle school term for romantic interest. I was pretty flabbergasted to hear people still using that word as adults outside of, like, the "celebrity crush" concept.
Infatuation, if you prefer a less middle school term. Same meaning--it's unreasoning and foolish. At least when I'm using the word. :P
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astrobstrdSo full of mercy...Registered Userregular
I definitely associate a "crush" with lack of romantic frame of reference and being hyperpumped full of hormones. Who knows, maybe that feeling can come back without those things, but I haven't felt that particular pain in my chest since 23ish? It also has more to do usually with projected ideals than any sort of tangible reality.
Donovan PuppyfuckerA dagger in the dark isworth a thousand swords in the morningRegistered Userregular
Three.
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Munkus BeaverYou don't have to attend every argument you are invited to.Philosophy: Stoicism. Politics: Democratic SocialistRegistered User, ClubPAregular
I definitely associate a "crush" with lack of romantic frame of reference and being hyperpumped full of hormones. Who knows, maybe that feeling can come back without those things, but I haven't felt that particular pain in my chest since 23ish? It also has more to do usually with projected ideals than any sort of tangible reality.
I definitely associate a "crush" with lack of romantic frame of reference and being hyperpumped full of hormones. Who knows, maybe that feeling can come back without those things, but I haven't felt that particular pain in my chest since 23ish? It also has more to do usually with projected ideals than any sort of tangible reality.
it's been so long that i even been on a date that i don't even understand that set of emotions anymore
It’s like riding a bicycle
made of knives
across gravel
also made of smaller, sharper knives.
It's walking barefoot across lego bricks
It's seeing a prefect wall of lego and misaligned bricks
It's a rollercoaster of emotions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2sJiDc1gzM
I had a thing for someone in high school but they barely knew I exist so nothing ever came of that. In college I went on a trip to Greece and developed a thing for one of the Greek ladies working with the program, but nothing ever came of that either because it would have been really weird to try and pursue so I never brought it up.
I think those are the only times. Two instances where the other person had no knowledge of it. Sounds about right.
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DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
I've loved.
Loved good and bad. Mostly bad. I've hurt, really bad, and been hurt, really bad.
I can't remember the last time I was really happy, but I'd bet you twenty bucks it was while I was in love.
I dunno if I'll ever love again.
A part of me is relieved because I know how deeply, how easily, it can cut.
The rest of me is begging for the chance to be cut again. At least, if it hurts, it's something.
The 'maybe three' was probably closer to the olde worlde concept of an infatuation/hormonal bomb - we drove each other wild, but for various reasons it never really went anywhere, so I ended up spending a lot of timing pining and doing the whole 'what if/if only' mental self torture that seems to be required for teenage infatuation descriptors (although worth pointing out I was in my 30s when it happened).
The first 'yes definitely in love' relationship was (as I always joked at the time - well, not right at the time but as a way of processing the outcome) someone who proved I had a heart by breaking it.
The second 'yes definitely in love' relationship? Well...fingers crossed that doesn't end the same way given I'm going to be moving in with him shortly.
But this one feels very different to the previous times - whether its because I'm rapidly approaching 50 so my mental framework is different, or because he is as well so same, or we've just both learned from our previous fuck-ups. Or even because we both allowed this one to develop over time, rather than doing our respective traditional approaches to inter-personal relationships by jumping into bed the very first chance we got. Dunno.
It's all saltwater these days:
Ocean, tears and heartbreak soup
Half alive in a whitecap foam
Half in love with a white half moon
Posts
Who can say
Maybe they’re aromantic, too!
(I actually saw a meme about this just yesterday)
Possibly! This person was phrasing it more as an axiom and not a personal view, so I didn't think of that.
With family it might be...
I don't think it's a choice as in you can choose to feel or not to feel love for someone, but I do think it's an action. It's not just something you feel (although of course it's that too), but something you do and show toward those you love as often as you can. You have to choose to nurture and support that feeling, or else it just kind of dies on the vine.
I didn't even really believe that love was a thing until it happened to me out of the blue that one time.
I don't know if being in love is a choice, but I have been able to choose to turn off love. I guess if I haven't chosen to turn it off, then I am choosing to stay in love? Does that make sense?
I don't know how old you are, but yeah I didn't really have a "crush" on anyone since I left highschool
After a while, that whole workflow gets whittled down to a brief pang of "what a remarkable person" before it runs through your emotional checksum and gets thrown on the "wildly impractical" pile.
A much larger number that were intense infatuations or crushes that had the potential to develop into love but didn't.
I'd say the difference between a crush and interest in someone is the amount of time you spend thinking about it/the intensity of how you feel. Much like the infatuations that didn't turn into love, I've had interests that didn't turn into crushes.
they're pretty similar terms, I'd say a crush is a slightly more intense version of the same feeling as being romantically interested in someone.
Three times. Ending it sucks way worse than having it ended for you, let me tell you.
Nah a crush is just a middle school term for romantic interest. I was pretty flabbergasted to hear people still using that word as adults outside of, like, the "celebrity crush" concept.
Infatuation, if you prefer a less middle school term. Same meaning--it's unreasoning and foolish. At least when I'm using the word. :P
I definitely associate a "crush" with lack of romantic frame of reference and being hyperpumped full of hormones. Who knows, maybe that feeling can come back without those things, but I haven't felt that particular pain in my chest since 23ish? It also has more to do usually with projected ideals than any sort of tangible reality.
?
it's been so long that i even been on a date that i don't even understand that set of emotions anymore
It’s like riding a bicycle
made of knives
across gravel
also made of smaller, sharper knives.
It's walking barefoot across lego bricks
It's seeing a prefect wall of lego and misaligned bricks
It's a rollercoaster of emotions
indie rock
I think those are the only times. Two instances where the other person had no knowledge of it. Sounds about right.
Loved good and bad. Mostly bad. I've hurt, really bad, and been hurt, really bad.
I can't remember the last time I was really happy, but I'd bet you twenty bucks it was while I was in love.
I dunno if I'll ever love again.
A part of me is relieved because I know how deeply, how easily, it can cut.
The rest of me is begging for the chance to be cut again. At least, if it hurts, it's something.
The 'maybe three' was probably closer to the olde worlde concept of an infatuation/hormonal bomb - we drove each other wild, but for various reasons it never really went anywhere, so I ended up spending a lot of timing pining and doing the whole 'what if/if only' mental self torture that seems to be required for teenage infatuation descriptors (although worth pointing out I was in my 30s when it happened).
The first 'yes definitely in love' relationship was (as I always joked at the time - well, not right at the time but as a way of processing the outcome) someone who proved I had a heart by breaking it.
The second 'yes definitely in love' relationship? Well...fingers crossed that doesn't end the same way given I'm going to be moving in with him shortly.
But this one feels very different to the previous times - whether its because I'm rapidly approaching 50 so my mental framework is different, or because he is as well so same, or we've just both learned from our previous fuck-ups. Or even because we both allowed this one to develop over time, rather than doing our respective traditional approaches to inter-personal relationships by jumping into bed the very first chance we got. Dunno.
Ocean, tears and heartbreak soup
Half alive in a whitecap foam
Half in love with a white half moon
PSN / Xbox / NNID: Fodder185
It's like I'm back in the 90s again :heartbeat:
Ocean, tears and heartbreak soup
Half alive in a whitecap foam
Half in love with a white half moon
she said it was a beautiful curse.
that's what she called it, a beautiful curse.
she knew my number since back when I was born.
A sexy plane
The way and the light, my friend.