Blake TDo you have enemies then?Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.Registered Userregular
Drez, have you raised this with her? She might just be a person who struggles with work and isn’t realising how she is dumping this on you when she comes up to you like this.
I’m going insane. I cannot take the hot/cold shit anymore. One day she’s super friendly, chatty, even ambiguously flirty; the next day she acts like I’m not there. It wouldn’t drive me so crazy if I didn’t see and interact with her almost every day at work.
I can’t do this anymore. I need to leave this job. Maybe this city. She is driving me insane.
I feel like a Stepford smiler right now.
Drez, I might have missed a post somewhere but is this a person you are currently romantically involved with?
No, and I’m just trying to figure out our friendship at this point. One day we’re cool, she’s asking my advice, including me in in this, this, and that, making suggestions about doing this, this, and that after work or on the weekend or whatever, treating me like a confidant, someone close, and then hours on the same day with zero interaction later she’s cold, aloof, even dismissive, and it doesn’t feel like her general demeanor changed because she seems to be consistent with other people in the office. It’s like she turns her friendliness toward me on and off at random. She did it to me yesterday and again today. I’m really tired and frustrated. I hate just about everyone else at work so I don’t even know what to do anymore.
I'd say distance yourself from her in general Drez, like don't stop being friends necessarily but orient yourself so that cold, aloof, even dismissive is the expected. She's just not as close of a friend as you think she is. Or you're more invested than she is.
this is the not best advice
treat her like a close friend because she's s clearly exactly that. if that is not something you can do, which is fine and understandable, the best thing is to tell her that
I do feel like she is a close friend (usually) and I feel like she feels I am too (usually) and I don't want to drop her like a sack of potatoes, but I don't fucking understand those times where she just treats me like a nonentity.
I've actually talked to her about it, somewhat. Like this one time she dismissed something I said (again in a work context) and she could tell I got angry and upset about it. So she asked me and I explained that I felt she was being dismissive and some more around how I felt about it and she apologized and said she'd do her best to be more cognizant and I think she was for awhile but then just back to the same shit.
I think I have some rather deep-seated hangups about feeling dismissed and ignored in general and feel that a real friend would at least try not to do that, whether its within a work context or not.
i'm going to go out on a stupid limb and say she most likely has some social anxiety issues
nothing against and total respect to how you feel but sometimes those people just need to curl up and avoid everything
in any case it deffo sounds like you should look for romanticism elsewhere
I was wondering this. I know that I can be very inconsistent with how I interact with people. I wonder what it's like from their perspective.
I’m going insane. I cannot take the hot/cold shit anymore. One day she’s super friendly, chatty, even ambiguously flirty; the next day she acts like I’m not there. It wouldn’t drive me so crazy if I didn’t see and interact with her almost every day at work.
I can’t do this anymore. I need to leave this job. Maybe this city. She is driving me insane.
I feel like a Stepford smiler right now.
Drez, I might have missed a post somewhere but is this a person you are currently romantically involved with?
No, and I’m just trying to figure out our friendship at this point. One day we’re cool, she’s asking my advice, including me in in this, this, and that, making suggestions about doing this, this, and that after work or on the weekend or whatever, treating me like a confidant, someone close, and then hours on the same day with zero interaction later she’s cold, aloof, even dismissive, and it doesn’t feel like her general demeanor changed because she seems to be consistent with other people in the office. It’s like she turns her friendliness toward me on and off at random. She did it to me yesterday and again today. I’m really tired and frustrated. I hate just about everyone else at work so I don’t even know what to do anymore.
I'd say distance yourself from her in general Drez, like don't stop being friends necessarily but orient yourself so that cold, aloof, even dismissive is the expected. She's just not as close of a friend as you think she is. Or you're more invested than she is.
this is the not best advice
treat her like a close friend because she's s clearly exactly that. if that is not something you can do, which is fine and understandable, the best thing is to tell her that
I do feel like she is a close friend (usually) and I feel like she feels I am too (usually) and I don't want to drop her like a sack of potatoes, but I don't fucking understand those times where she just treats me like a nonentity.
I've actually talked to her about it, somewhat. Like this one time she dismissed something I said (again in a work context) and she could tell I got angry and upset about it. So she asked me and I explained that I felt she was being dismissive and some more around how I felt about it and she apologized and said she'd do her best to be more cognizant and I think she was for awhile but then just back to the same shit.
I think I have some rather deep-seated hangups about feeling dismissed and ignored in general and feel that a real friend would at least try not to do that, whether its within a work context or not.
i'm going to go out on a stupid limb and say she most likely has some social anxiety issues
nothing against and total respect to how you feel but sometimes those people just need to curl up and avoid everything
in any case it deffo sounds like you should look for romanticism elsewhere
I was wondering this. I know that I can be very inconsistent with how I interact with people. I wonder what it's like from their perspective.
I ran into my brother on the tram one morning and trying to get any small talk out of him about how life’s going is like pulling teeth.
Then I realized that’s probably exactly how my coworkers feel every morning when they try to small talk me and I give ambiguous non-answers to everything.
Sometimes I’ll feel like I’ve been chatty and @Moriveth will complain about how quiet I am, then when I look back at our text history I’m genuinely surprised by how short and blunt a lot of my responses are! I guess I do more talking in my head...
Honestly I just read it as a relationship between a British person and an American. That might say more about me and my interactions with British folks than anything else, though.
oh man my dispensary has online ordering this is so dang convenient!
a thing i was thinking of starting to do is vaping CBD flower / hemp instead just to be able to do it while cutting down on getting too high / still getting some benefit but being less KO'd
has anyone tried
poo
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BroloBroseidonLord of the BroceanRegistered Userregular
the trick is to write every text message with full punctuation
hey! are we going to the thing tonight ??
Yes.
uh are you upset about something lol ?
No.
so are we okay
No.
As much as I’d just love to disengage completely, every time I make the decision to do that and actually just don’t engage with her at all, she pulls me back in. I feel like a ping-pong ball.
Anyway, I just wanted to vent. I’ll just suffer for now, it’s what I do best anyway.
This is the coworker that went with me as a date to my ex-friend/other coworker’s wedding who then tried to fuck her a couple of months later. Unfortunately I have a clusterfuck of emotion exacerbated by still having to work with him sitting behind me too.
This is way way easier for me to say than it will be for you to do - but you don't have to let her pull you back in. There are no strings on you, you are as in control as you do or do not want to be.
I say this from a place of having been there and almost having something like this (but not quite) break me up for far too long. It is not easy, it is not fun, but it is 100% the best thing you can do for yourself. There are a handful of reasons she might be acting this way but you actually don't really need to concern yourself with any of them. You gotta do you, man, and this shit is not healthy for you.
Nor is the whole "I shall suffer because it is what I am good at." Just cause you have doesn't mean that it defines you. Also, you're not getting bonus points for it. Not a soul is looking toward you and going "ya know? he suffers REALLY well...I admire it."
Live your best life, dude. And that honestly doesn't involve this person as a main player in the least.
Thanks, this...helps a lot more than I thought it would.
All I can really say from the little context we have is that if she was thoroughly interested in dating she wouldn't pull the aloofness card
There were several guys back in uni and the occasional one since in the workplace where I would very much like and want to be friends with them, but sense their romantic interest, and as a defense mechanism I'd go colder when it became very obvious that they were leaning harder into a crush, until they seemed to be over it and we could go back to being friends again
It'd be great if we could just talk openly about where things stand but women don't have as much access to that option for fear of retribution, generally
Get a new job and see if it's easier to maintain an amicable relationship from there
I get that this goes into dark places real fast but I still want to bring it up in the spirit of transparency and growth.
As a cis white man, at this point I completely understand the bolded is a thing, the thing I am understanding less (especially as I get older) is why people would be friends with someone they also fear retribution from if they were open and honest about the nature of their (friend) relationship?
Fear of losing a friend? Not everyone hears, "Sorry but I'm just not interested in you in that way." the same way. For some people, it means exactly that. For others, it means a break from all non-necessary contact entirely.
As much as I’d just love to disengage completely, every time I make the decision to do that and actually just don’t engage with her at all, she pulls me back in. I feel like a ping-pong ball.
Anyway, I just wanted to vent. I’ll just suffer for now, it’s what I do best anyway.
This is the coworker that went with me as a date to my ex-friend/other coworker’s wedding who then tried to fuck her a couple of months later. Unfortunately I have a clusterfuck of emotion exacerbated by still having to work with him sitting behind me too.
This is way way easier for me to say than it will be for you to do - but you don't have to let her pull you back in. There are no strings on you, you are as in control as you do or do not want to be.
I say this from a place of having been there and almost having something like this (but not quite) break me up for far too long. It is not easy, it is not fun, but it is 100% the best thing you can do for yourself. There are a handful of reasons she might be acting this way but you actually don't really need to concern yourself with any of them. You gotta do you, man, and this shit is not healthy for you.
Nor is the whole "I shall suffer because it is what I am good at." Just cause you have doesn't mean that it defines you. Also, you're not getting bonus points for it. Not a soul is looking toward you and going "ya know? he suffers REALLY well...I admire it."
Live your best life, dude. And that honestly doesn't involve this person as a main player in the least.
Thanks, this...helps a lot more than I thought it would.
All I can really say from the little context we have is that if she was thoroughly interested in dating she wouldn't pull the aloofness card
There were several guys back in uni and the occasional one since in the workplace where I would very much like and want to be friends with them, but sense their romantic interest, and as a defense mechanism I'd go colder when it became very obvious that they were leaning harder into a crush, until they seemed to be over it and we could go back to being friends again
It'd be great if we could just talk openly about where things stand but women don't have as much access to that option for fear of retribution, generally
Get a new job and see if it's easier to maintain an amicable relationship from there
I get that this goes into dark places real fast but I still want to bring it up in the spirit of transparency and growth.
As a cis white man, at this point I completely understand the bolded is a thing, the thing I am understanding less (especially as I get older) is why people would be friends with someone they also fear retribution from if they were open and honest about the nature of their (friend) relationship?
I mean I was also talking about workplace relationships here, so there's levels upon which that can occur, several of which I've experienced, so! Reason to be cautious.
Otherwise, there's also social pressures at play when they're in your friend group and you're young and not comfortable broaching the subject with other friends. I'm very willing at 30 to do that and not give a fuck, but my early 20s self was petrified to do so, especially given that a lot of guys in those groups were ones I was unsure about if they'd believe me/be on my side about things or not. And yeah, given the rates of violence against women, it's generally safer to play coy than to be honest about how you feel (or don't, in this case).
As much as I’d just love to disengage completely, every time I make the decision to do that and actually just don’t engage with her at all, she pulls me back in. I feel like a ping-pong ball.
Anyway, I just wanted to vent. I’ll just suffer for now, it’s what I do best anyway.
This is the coworker that went with me as a date to my ex-friend/other coworker’s wedding who then tried to fuck her a couple of months later. Unfortunately I have a clusterfuck of emotion exacerbated by still having to work with him sitting behind me too.
This is way way easier for me to say than it will be for you to do - but you don't have to let her pull you back in. There are no strings on you, you are as in control as you do or do not want to be.
I say this from a place of having been there and almost having something like this (but not quite) break me up for far too long. It is not easy, it is not fun, but it is 100% the best thing you can do for yourself. There are a handful of reasons she might be acting this way but you actually don't really need to concern yourself with any of them. You gotta do you, man, and this shit is not healthy for you.
Nor is the whole "I shall suffer because it is what I am good at." Just cause you have doesn't mean that it defines you. Also, you're not getting bonus points for it. Not a soul is looking toward you and going "ya know? he suffers REALLY well...I admire it."
Live your best life, dude. And that honestly doesn't involve this person as a main player in the least.
Thanks, this...helps a lot more than I thought it would.
All I can really say from the little context we have is that if she was thoroughly interested in dating she wouldn't pull the aloofness card
There were several guys back in uni and the occasional one since in the workplace where I would very much like and want to be friends with them, but sense their romantic interest, and as a defense mechanism I'd go colder when it became very obvious that they were leaning harder into a crush, until they seemed to be over it and we could go back to being friends again
It'd be great if we could just talk openly about where things stand but women don't have as much access to that option for fear of retribution, generally
Get a new job and see if it's easier to maintain an amicable relationship from there
I get that this goes into dark places real fast but I still want to bring it up in the spirit of transparency and growth.
As a cis white man, at this point I completely understand the bolded is a thing, the thing I am understanding less (especially as I get older) is why people would be friends with someone they also fear retribution from if they were open and honest about the nature of their (friend) relationship?
I mean I was also talking about workplace relationships here, so there's levels upon which that can occur, several of which I've experienced, so! Reason to be cautious.
Otherwise, there's also social pressures at play when they're in your friend group and you're young and not comfortable broaching the subject with other friends. I'm very willing at 30 to do that and not give a fuck, but my early 20s self was petrified to do so, especially given that a lot of guys in those groups were ones I was unsure about if they'd believe me/be on my side about things or not. And yeah, given the rates of violence against women, it's generally safer to play coy than to be honest about how you feel (or don't, in this case).
oh yeah, workplace stuff makes it more complicated weirder/worse to respond, I get that and it sucks. Hopefully that is changing too, for doing my part I know if any of my friends talk about flirting with anyone at work I call them out immediately. I practically wack them with a newspaper and yell no.
To the second thing, I'm hoping it's combo of timing an age for us and that things have changed for people in their early 20s in 2019. The dgaf mentality I've arrived to at/after 30 is so freeing.
Skateboarding is fun but it's something you gotta learn when you're young and dumb and full of less brittle bones
Like skiing.
skateboarding is the most painful sport, it's so much less forgiving than basically every other board/action sport. Because it's all concrete everywhere.
3cl1ps3I will build a labyrinth to house the cheeseRegistered Userregular
My point was more that skiing is something where nearly everyone I know who skis learned as a kid. The vast majority of adults I know who never learned have gone "nah dawg not gonna fling myself down a hill at 40 mph, thanks."
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JedocIn the scupperswith the staggers and jagsRegistered Userregular
It has been too long since I've been skiing. I should rectify that.
+6
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DepressperadoI just wanted to see you laughingin the pizza rainRegistered Userregular
oh man my dispensary has online ordering this is so dang convenient!
a thing i was thinking of starting to do is vaping CBD flower / hemp instead just to be able to do it while cutting down on getting too high / still getting some benefit but being less KO'd
has anyone tried
like for anxiety, or pain? There's pretty good options for both. Anxiety-wise, my place usually has CBD oil (which my friend swears by. It let her go from like, panic attacks just going outside to going to concerts and stuff without panicking) or flower, and also like, tinctures or potions or whatever that you can take sublingual. They also have non-stoning topicals if it's pain.
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Satans..... hints.....
I was wondering this. I know that I can be very inconsistent with how I interact with people. I wonder what it's like from their perspective.
Very Sad Cat Ogre
Vivid Sour Clatter Orange
Voluminous Sound Carry Officer
I ran into my brother on the tram one morning and trying to get any small talk out of him about how life’s going is like pulling teeth.
Then I realized that’s probably exactly how my coworkers feel every morning when they try to small talk me and I give ambiguous non-answers to everything.
Living my best life.
I tend to send you an annoying amount of messages
I hope you're credited as St. Nickenbaker
I get told about births and deaths and that’s about it!
Here’s examples of my chat with Mori over the past couple of days:
a thing i was thinking of starting to do is vaping CBD flower / hemp instead just to be able to do it while cutting down on getting too high / still getting some benefit but being less KO'd
has anyone tried
hey! are we going to the thing tonight ??
Yes.
uh are you upset about something lol ?
No.
so are we okay
No.
I get that this goes into dark places real fast but I still want to bring it up in the spirit of transparency and growth.
As a cis white man, at this point I completely understand the bolded is a thing, the thing I am understanding less (especially as I get older) is why people would be friends with someone they also fear retribution from if they were open and honest about the nature of their (friend) relationship?
the choice basically becomes, take a gamble on some men, but still protect yourself with defensive behavoirs
or just never be friends with any man
THAT'S why your back hurts; having to carry that whole conversation
I mean I was also talking about workplace relationships here, so there's levels upon which that can occur, several of which I've experienced, so! Reason to be cautious.
Otherwise, there's also social pressures at play when they're in your friend group and you're young and not comfortable broaching the subject with other friends. I'm very willing at 30 to do that and not give a fuck, but my early 20s self was petrified to do so, especially given that a lot of guys in those groups were ones I was unsure about if they'd believe me/be on my side about things or not. And yeah, given the rates of violence against women, it's generally safer to play coy than to be honest about how you feel (or don't, in this case).
3DS Friend Code: 0216-0898-6512
Switch Friend Code: SW-7437-1538-7786
NEVER
oh yeah, workplace stuff makes it more complicated weirder/worse to respond, I get that and it sucks. Hopefully that is changing too, for doing my part I know if any of my friends talk about flirting with anyone at work I call them out immediately. I practically wack them with a newspaper and yell no.
To the second thing, I'm hoping it's combo of timing an age for us and that things have changed for people in their early 20s in 2019. The dgaf mentality I've arrived to at/after 30 is so freeing.
Do a kickflip!
D3 Steam #TeamTangent STO
D3 Steam #TeamTangent STO
Is like I'm filled with candy cigarettes.
I've never broken one though.
Like skiing.
skateboarding is the most painful sport, it's so much less forgiving than basically every other board/action sport. Because it's all concrete everywhere.
In which case yeah, pretty much the same thing
except unlike skating, with skiing 90% of the time speed is your friend because you can always slide.
like for anxiety, or pain? There's pretty good options for both. Anxiety-wise, my place usually has CBD oil (which my friend swears by. It let her go from like, panic attacks just going outside to going to concerts and stuff without panicking) or flower, and also like, tinctures or potions or whatever that you can take sublingual. They also have non-stoning topicals if it's pain.